Everlasting
by TouchMyGoldenHeart-SMWB
Summary: When Edward leaves Bella he runs to Alaska. What happens when Bella's friends decide to take her the same place? And what is wrong with Bella? And who's Damien& what's with the riddle? Pure romance. Angst. Mystery. Suspense. And HUGE SURPRISES. NO SLASH!
1. Prologue

.A/N: Ok so I've had it with "forever and never" I really really really don't want to write it, but I won't ditch it. I'll keep it on haitus for a while, I'll update it whenever I can. But Now, I really need to write this story. Ok so this is a really new kind of prologue, that I never wrote. I wrote the prologue in a form of a song or a poem or whatever you might call it. I hope you like this new way, if you don't then I'll get back to my old way again. So if you like it I'll continue. PLease tell me. Enjoy!

**…Prologue…**

_She used to know_

_Happiness and love_

_But now all she knows_

_Is heartache and pain_

_She wants to run_

_Runaway from there_

_But running would make his memory_

_Disappear into thin air_

_*****_

_Her heart keeps bleeding_

_Though it's not beating_

_Her knees fail her_

_As memories of him contain her_

_She cries over her loss_

_She tried to stop_

_But her strength fails her_

_****_

_She doesn't know_

_That he stands alone_

_Watching her pain_

_Adding on his own_

_He wants to go_

_Hold her again_

_But he knows_

_That would only pain_

_As he whispers "I'm sorry"_

_A very sincere apology_

_For the wind to carry to her_

_*****_

_His heart keeps bleeding_

_Though it's not beating_

_His knees fail him_

_As memories of her contain him_

_He cries over his loss_

_He tries to stop_

_But his strength fail him_

_*****_

_They both don't know _

_That their love is returned _

_And their pain is combined_

_As their souls_

_*****_

_Their hearts keep bleeding_

_Though they're not beating_

_Their knees fail them_

_As memories of the other contain them_

_They cry over their loss_

_They try to stop_

_But their strength fail them_

_*****_


	2. Escape

.A/N: Thank you so much guys for your awesome reviews. They just make me squeal :d. So here's first chappy. Hope I don't disappoint you. And I am making my chapters longer. Hope that's a good thing. Enjoy!

**Escape**

_Dreaming comes so easily  
Cause it's all that I've known  
True love is a fairytale  
I'm damaged, so how would I know?_

**BPOV**

Six months. Six torturous months. Meaning one hundred and eighty-three days of pain and loneliness. He left me six months ago, and he took my life with him. You could call me dead. I couldn't be counted among the living, because I wasn't really one. I barely cared about anything. I barely did anything. I would cry every once in a while. I would scream in pain. Or I would just be numb. That was my favourite. To be numb and don't feel the pain of everything that's happened to me.

As if him leaving me wasn't enough. No, all of this had to happen to. It just ruined my life more than it already was.

My friends try to stick by my side, but most of the time I just push them away. I didn't know why, maybe I just wanted to be alone, maybe I felt that I deserved all of this, maybe I just didn't want to feel their pity. Whatever the reason was, they ignored it. They talked to Charlie and convinced him to take me to Alaska. Yes, Alaska. They were so desperate to get me out of forks. I refused but they kept pleading with me. SO I told them I wanted to go to Alaska. I never thought they'd actually take me there. I just thought of a difficult country so they would just drop it. But I was surprised to see the plane tickets on my desk the next day.

Angela, Emily, Jacob, and Mike were really nice to me. But I was just too numb to really try to pretend for them. Of course after that second disaster they wouldn't leave me alone. Always worried about me. And I hated it. I wanted to just get back to normal. But I couldn't. It's like he took all of me with him. And I missed him so much. It physically hurt, and I mean that literally.

"Mike!" Angela's sharp voice snapped me out of my haze. We were in a park close to our hotel. The park, of course, was covered in snow. It was very cold, but I started loving the cold. It reminded me of what I once had.

The boys were having a snow ball fight, Emily was making sandwiches with Angela. And I, of course, was sitting in my seat, watching. I really wished that I could go help them. _Sighs. I can't._

I looked at Angela, and I noticed that her eyes were tight as her jaw. I cocked my head a little but before I could ask her, I started to be aware of two furious voices that were probably fighting for a while now but I was too occupied with my thoughts that I hadn't noticed.

I turned my head, Jacob and Mike were shouting.

"What makes you think she can one day love you??" Mike shouted.

I froze. No! it wasn't that fight again! Please please, haven't I had enough already?

"Because Bella deserves better than a short blondie like you" Jacob roared.

"Stop!" I rasped in panic.

"Jacob! Mike! Stop this instance. You know who Bella loves. Stop being jerks!" Emily growled at them.

I felt my breathing hitch and a lump rise in my throat.

"Oh Emily, shut up! He left her. Do you really think she still loves him?? He told her he doesn't." Mike shouted angrily.

My tears welded up in my eyes and gushed down my face, "Please, stop" I pleaded, barely mouthing the words. But they weren't paying any attention to me, so they couldn't see that I was trying to stop them. I wanted to scream but I couldn't.

I looked at Angela for help as I felt my chest tightening. Angela came to my side and started shouting at them to stop it but they wouldn't listen.

"Where is her dignity?" Someone roared, and I couldn't recognize the voice.

"Stop, stop, stop. Please, enough! Please" I whispered over and over as I pressed my palms against my ears and rocked myself in my seat, trying to drown their voices away.

"Bella!" I heard someone shriek but still I couldn't recognize the voice. I wasn't there. My head was filled with images of him. My ears vibrated with his silky voice repeating the same thing over and over and over again.

_I don't want you………_

_You're not good for me……_

_I don't want you……_

_You're not good for me……_

I felt someone trying to pull my hands away from my ears but I fought back. My eyes were squeezed shut and I could feel my tears falling on my shirt. The pain was too much, I Had to escape it. I _needed_ to escape it.

The cold wind that was cutting my skin as I rocked back and forth more violently than before.

Blood started to pump in my head and the pumping started spreading throughout my whole body. And I knew what would happen next. I would escape into the preciousness of unconsciousness.

"Bella! Bella! Bella!......"

But I was already drifting into the welcoming blackness, promising to numb all of my pain.

--

_Why did I ever let you slip away?_

_Can't stand another day without you_

_Without the feeling, I once knew_

**EPOV**

"Please, Edward? Please?" Carlisle pleaded with me for the hundredth time. I sighed. I was in Carlisle's office. After a lot of persuasion from my family I managed to leave my room. I never left it for any reason. I hunted once a month to keep Esme sane.

Who was I? I was Edward Cullen, a body with a lost heart. How was I? I didn't know. Sometimes I cry, and sometimes I stare. Mostly I felt the pain of losing her but there were times that I just couldn't figure out how I felt. I missed her so much more than I could comprehend but I knew she was better off without me. So I stayed in my place. Place?

I think I was in Alaska but I wasn't sure. Time and place became meaningless to me. Why would I want to know where was I? Wasn't it enough to know that she wasn't with me? Why would I care about time? Wasn't it enough to know that every passing second changed her and I couldn't witness the miracle of it?

"Edward? Would you consider it? for me? For Esme?" Carlisle tried again.

He wanted me to work with him in the hospital. He claimed that he needed _'help'_ but I knew better. He just wanted me out of my miserable state. I appreciated his effort but there just wasn't anything that could distract me now.

The thought of that made me cringe. _Distractions……_ It was the same word that I gave to Bella and she believed it! I had to swallow the lump that was in my throat and try to seem less desperate for Carlisle's sake.

"Fine, I'll consider it" I choked. It wasn't entirely a lie though. If I was going to fight against myself to stop myself from going back then I had to actually _try to do something._ So I was going to consider it. See if I could make myself concentrate enough to work with him.

I killed one of the purest souls already…….. I winced, I didn't want to do it again to someone because I just wasn't paying attention.

Carlisle smiled almost showing his relief, but it was clear in his head, "Thank you, my son. This means much" He gave my forearm a squeeze. I…think I smiled back? I have no idea how it looked like, though.

I excused myself and walked out of his small office. I walked in the hallways almost like who was in a haze. My arms brushed against the walls of the hospital. I could smell the blood filling the air. My throat was on flames but it was easily ignored. There was a worse pain covering it. I could vaguely hear the screams and cries of the people around me. I heard the creaks of the chair wheels and opening of medicine bottles.

I shook my head trying to clear it of all the panicked thoughts that filled it.

But I froze.

One thought broke through and drowned all the others.

One thought made me gulp.

One thought made me terrified.

_Oh no! Bella please, please, please stay with us. Bella! It's all my fault. Bella……_

The voice was familiar. I knew that voice. I knew who's thoughts were in panic. And I knew who the fuss was over….

No! It couldn't be. She wasn't the only Bella on earth.

But……I fought with myself with the need to see through the panicked thoughts. To take one glance at the Bella he was talking about. But I was scared.

I was scared if it was her.

_Oh please, Bella, What have I done?! Bella!_

I found myself running in an inhuman speed towards the source of the panic, not caring who could be watching. First the scent hit me hard. The smell of sweet freesia set my throat on fire, but they could never have been tamed easier than now. My chest tightened as my fears were confirmed.

It was my Bella who the panic was over. I tried to avoid bumping into people as I ran to her.

Then, I stopped dead. If I thought that seeing Bella's acceptance of the lie I told her was the most painful thing I had ever witnessed, then I was wrong.

In front of me I saw two girls crying and beside them two boys carrying the motionless body of an unconscious human girl. My eyes focused on the girl and my world crumpled. It was my girl. My human.

"Bella!"

A/N: SO what do you think guys? First chappy, good? Bad? Ok? Please tell me. I'm so worried.

BTW, when you guys review I'll give you a quote from the next chappy as a thank you.

Cya next chappy!

Love

Mai


	3. In the shadows

.A/N: Ocake everyone, new chappy!!! I just wanted to say THANK YOU FOR YOUR AWESOME REVIEWS!!!! THEY MAKE ME SQUEAL!!!!! YOU ARE THE BEST READERS EVER!!

**Recap:**

_In front of me I saw two girls crying and beside them two boys carrying the motionless body of an unconscious human girl. My eyes focused on the girl and my world crumpled. It was my girl. My human. _

_"Bella!"_

**2. In the shadows**

_Every time I leave, every time I leave_

_I keep coming back every time I leave_

EPOV

It took me a few moments to hold on to the few coherent thoughts that were present in my mind through the panic that coursed through me.

Bella was here.

In Alaska.

She's hurt.

NO!

I started following her friends anxiously. I watched as they met a nurse and she led them to a room. Once I took one glance at her room number I ran back to my only savior. I didn't care who could see me. I didn't bother to see if I was running in a human pace or not. I just forced myself to leave so I could get her help.

I rushed through the corridors blindingly. My heart aching for both, seeing my love like this, and leaving her again. I couldn't stay away from her. Not when she was right there.

I pushed the doors open and rushed into the room. Carlisle took one glance of my face and paled. In a second he was by my side.

"Edward?" he whispered. I had no time to stand here with him and discuss this calmly, I needed something to be done.

"Come with me , please" and I was shocked to fined that my voice wasn't as panicked as I felt. It was pleading.

Carlisle didn't need to be told twice. He started walking back with m, putting a hand on my shoulder as if I needed support.

"What happened?" He asked concerned.

"Bella's here" I choked.

"What? How?" He whispered appalled. I could here the same shock in his head but I was too panicked to care about the _how_ part.

_In Alaska? _ He thought

I nodded. "She's comatose. I saw her friends carrying her in the hospital. Please, please could you examine her and tell me what happened?" I pleaded in one breath.

"Of course, where is she?"

"She's in room 122" We were already there. I stopped in front of the door, not sure what to do. Should I go in with him? Would she even want me to go in? or would she not want me to?

"Edward?" Carlisle whispered squeezing my shoulder.

I swallowed back the lump that was in my throat and choked, "you go in and examine her. I'll……be outside" and I walked away quickly before I could hear his pity. I walked swiftly out of the hospital and walked around the building.

Once I spotted it, I climbed the tree that was in front of it easily. I reached her window swiftly as I stood on one of the tree branches.

"Bella" I whispered strangled. She was laid on the white bed with her friends beside her. The one that I recognized to be Angela was crying and so was the other girl that looked unfamiliar to me.

I stared at both Carlisle and Bella. I watched as Carlisle approached her bed and reassured her friends that she would be fine. When he reached her motionless form, my breath caught in anxiety.

"Bella" Carlisle called softly as he touched his hand to her cheek. I envied him. I envied him for being able to be so close to her. I envied him for having the excuse of being a doctor to be there with her. I envied him for being able to touch her.

Her face fell to the side from that small gesture. My breathing stopped and the branch that was in my hand crashed.

Carlisle's eyebrows furrowed as he took her wrist in his hand. Checking her pulse. He pursed his lips.

_Too slow, too weak. _He thought disapprovingly.

A slow strangled voice came out of my throat. It was almost like a moan of pain. _This can't be happening, this can't be happening_. I kept saying in my head. _She'll be ok, Carlisle will fix her. Bella always surprised me. She will, this time too and be as good as new. _

Carlisle's eyes flashed to my face and I realized that the strangled sound was still erupting from my chest and throat.

_Relax. Nothing to be afraid of. _He thought to me.

I barely had the control to stop my moans but I couldn't follow his order. I just gritted my teeth and tried to _appear_ patient.

He turned his attention back to Bella and reached into his pocket to get out a small bottle of ammonia, I guessed. He started moving the bottled inches away from her nose, but………she didn't react! Carlisle was wrong, there _is_ something to be afraid of.

Carlisle's crease increased. He quickly reached and pressed the button that was on her bedside.

"I need a nurse here please, in room 122. It's Dr. Cullen" Carlisle said in a calm voice that maddened me. How could he be so calm when she was motionless in front of him??

My chest tightened and the lump grew in my throat as I fought to stay in my place.

"I'll be right there, Dr. Cullen" the cool voice answered.

Carlisle turned to her sobbing friends, "Can I rely on you for some help?"

They both nodded quickly, and basically threw them selves to Bella's side.

"I just need one of you to hold both her legs up and the other to lift her hips from the bed." He instructed.

They both wasted no time. Angela took Bella's hips and the other girl took her legs, as they slowly lifted about fifty percent of her body off the bed. Carlisle tilted Bella's head backward, allowing the blood to flow from her legs to her brain.

He kept the ammonia bottle under her nose with one hand and other hand holding the back of her neck so that her head was somehow hanging.

The room was shaking and I was confused. It took me a moment or two to realize that I was the one who was shaking with fear. I could hear the sobs breaking from my chest but I didn't try to control them. I just stared helplessly at the love of my life as they tried to wake her.

There was a knock on the door and when given the permission the door was opened. A blond, pale girl in white came in and once she saw Bella she came in quickly.

"Leena, I need cold water and a small towel now" Carlisle ordered. The blond nurse nodded and quickly ran out of the room. "You could release her now, thank you" Carlisle told the two girls.

I noticed that Bella's face was redder and I felt an unbelievable amount of relief as I watched her face move slowly. Gradually regaining her conscious. Carlisle put away the ammonia and reached to open the first two buttons in Bella's white blouse that was peeking out of the collar of her sweater.

Angela went to help him. She unzipped Bella's sweater and untied her scarf from around her neck.

Bella gave a weary moan and I almost fell off the tree, relief making my knees weak.

The nurse was back with a bowl filled with water and a small towel in it. She knew what to do. She walked to Bella's side and started touching her face with the cold wet towel. Helping her regain her consciousness.

Another breathy moan left Bella's lips as she tried to come back to us. Carlisle looked up at the nurse. "You may leave the water here and leave. Her friends will do it"

_I don't know how Bella's reaction to me would be like, so better stay safe and keep out any strangers._ Carlisle thought, making me envy him again for being able to think rationally in a moment like this.

The nurse told the two girls what to do and left quietly.

"Bella" Carlisle called again softly, "Bella"

Her eyes slowly started to flutter and then opened inch by inch. When lazy eyelids were high enough for her to see. She looked confused. Like she didn't know what was going on. And then so quickly that I didn't even have time to understand it. Horror broke through Bella's face as she saw Carlisle standing in front of her. She pushed herself with her hand o sit up right. But she swayed. Angela helped her as Carlisle remained in his place. Thinking it was best not to scare her by trying to help her.

"Carlisle?" she mouthed with absolutely no hint of voice.

He gave her a small smile and said, "How are you, Bella?"

She didn't answer. She just stared at him. She turned a little to look at Angela but she winced and her hand flung up to her head.

"Bella?" Carlisle asked warily. But again, she didn't answer him.

I didn't understand. Was she mad at my father? But if she was mad at my father then………I gulped…….What about me?

"Could you please exit the room for a moment so I could examine Bella?" Carlisle directed his words politely at her two friends and I hadn't noticed that Mike and Jacob were standing in the corner of the room with their faces in their hands.

Mike and Jacob nodded and started walking out of the room. When Angela and the other girl tried to leave, Bella visibly stiffened and her hands flew to hold both of her friends to her sides.

Carlisle gaped at her hands for a moment then shifted his gaze to meet hers. I could hear the hurt that filled his head as he asked her.

"Why do you need your friends to be here while I examine you?" Carlisle asked confused, "You're not……afraid of me, are you?"

Bella gulped and I paled. She was afraid of Carlisle?? No! this couldn't be happening. If she was afraid of Carlisle then she completely hated me. I cringed.

She shook her head slowly at Carlisle but even though she didn't speak, I could tell she was lying.

"She….just feels more……comfortable …when we're around" Angela tried to explain it in a better way.

But what was she trying to save? The hurt? The pain? The agony? Bella feared Carlisle. The last vampire on earth that could ever be feared. He was so peaceful and Bella was the best to know that.

I couldn't get away from the thought that dominated my head. _You can never be better than Carlisle, if she's afraid of him and he didn't do anything to her but listen to what you said. She most definitely hated you and most probably feared you too. _

What have I done?

Carlisle nodded slowly though he was not convinced, "Do you mind staying here for a while then?" _Maybe she could remember that I'm safe, if she spent a while here. Then, maybe she could let me examine her. That wasn't a normal faint. I need to examine her to know what happened. But if she continues to refuse. Sighs. I'd just be forced to give her to another doctor._ Carlisle thought gloomily.

Bella shook her head slowly. Carlisle nodded and smiled sadly at her, "Ok, then. You rest now, and I'll come by later" then he turned to leave the room.

I was panicking again, but this time not for fear if her life, but for the fear of mine. If she hated or feared me, it would burn my existence. It will kill me and torture me senseless. What could I do?

I missed her so badly and she was right in front of me. And I couldn't go to her. I couldn't embrace her in my arm and tell her everything was going to be okay. I couldn't do anything. All I could do was watch her, in the shadows of a tree, hoping that I could be strong enough and go to her, and tell her that I'm sorry, and beg for her to take me back. But I'd have to be really strong to be able to face her rejection, her fear, her disgust and I wasn't. So I decided to just observe her from the shadows. Nevertheless, I could see her now. Something I only dreamt about for the last four months. Maybe, one day, I could be strong enough to face her.

A/N: Again thank you for your awesome reviews. They really encourage me and make me want to jump (which actually happens sometimes lol).

Still the same:

Review= quote :P

Thank you

Love

Mai


	4. Another chance

.A/N: First: I am so very sorry for not replying for your reviews, but you see the review replier wasn't working again, so I couldn't send you the quote. So I am so sorry.

Ok, just so you know, about 85 percent of this story is EPOV, there are a few surprises from Bella's side, that I won't be revealing now, so I have to keep it from Edward's point of view, but I will do my best to try to squeeze in as much BPOV as possible.

Hope you like this chappy!!

**Recap:**

_But I'd have to be really strong to be able to face her rejection, her fear, her disgust and I wasn't. So I decided to just observe her from the shadows. Nevertheless, I could see her now. Something I only dreamt about for the last four months. Maybe, one day, I could be strong enough to face her. _

**3. Another chance**

_"I'm sorry for your pain_

_I'm sorry for your tears_

_But what I still do_

_I'm still loving you"_

**EPOV**

Gradually Carlisle's hurt subsided from my head, leaving me to deal with my own. I watched as she stared wide eyed after Carlisle. I tried to explain her horrifying expression in any other way but fear. But I failed. She was afraid…..no, she was terrified. I could hear her heart pounding against her chest. I could see the blood drain from her face, leaving her almost as pale as me. I could hear her quick breathing as a sign of fear. All of them were signs of fear. And they should all be directed at me.

I watched as she started shaking. Her whole figure was vibrating. Angela and the one who was named Emily exchanged a panicked look as Bella started sobbing.

"Bella" Angela said slowly……cautiously. I didn't understand why she was so wary. But I saw why after exactly two seconds. Bella's fingers found her hair and her eyes squeezed. Her mouth opened and a deafening raspy scream erupted.

My hands flew to cover my ears as I saw what was happening. Angela and Emily quickly started to take away what was on Bella's bedside. The glass vase and the lamp.

Emily quickly ran to her purse and got her cell phone out. She called an unfamiliar number hastily.

Bella started to rock herself back and forth violently. She hit the headboard and pushed herself again and again. I just stared stunned. What was going on?

Her scream was becoming raspier and raspier.

"Damien" Emily shouted in the phone.

_"Again? Where are you?" an unrecognizable male voice answered her frantically. _

Emily quickly told him the name of the hospital.

_"Good, I'm close. Five seconds exactly" and he hung up. _

"Bella, Bella" Angela shouted so she could hear her but there was no response other than her ear piercing screams.

Suddenly the door flew open and a tall, man…………

Man? No! he wasn't a man. He was a vampire!

Pale face and golden eyes. What was a vampire doing here?

Let me rephrase that, what was another vampire doing here?

The vampire named Damien ran to Bella's bed with a calm look on his face. He sat on his knees beside Bella's bed and softly called her name.

He slowly pulled away Bella's fingers from her hair and restrained them in one hand.

"Bella" he whispered again. He stroked her hair and cheek softly.

Slowly her screams started to disappear and her heavy breathing started to appear.

He was still stroking her hair and face when her screams died, and I was too stunned to envy him.

Slowly her eyes started to open. Her eyes took their time to focus, till they did on his face. She looked pained.

"Again?" She mouthed and her eyes tightened.

"I'm sorry, but yes" he whispered. She squeezed her eyes and moaned. He wrapped his arms around her and she hugged him back as she rested her head on his shoulder. I could hear her soft sobs as she cried on his shoulder. He stroked her back, "shhh. It's ok, it's ok" he whispered.

_Worst seizure she's ever had. Wonder what happened? _He thought and I gasped.

Seizure?! No….no….it can't be. No!

BELLA DID NOT JUST HAVE A SEIZURE! I shouted in my head. See what you did to her?? See what you did you monster? They had to take away anything that could be sharp. Like the vase and the lamp, if they were broken and she reached them……….

"Would you please give me and Bella some privacy?" he asked them politely. They nodded and quietly departed.

"Okay, Bella. We're alone now. What happened?" He whispered to her. She sniffed and pulled away. She took his hand in hers and closed her eyes.

"Carlisle's here" She whispered.

_What?? The fool's father is here? No wonder it was so bad this time. _

"And……did you…see _him_?" _She would understand who I meant. _

"No" She barely mouthed.

_He'd better not show up. Because if he did, I don't know what I'd do._

He meant me. Was he and Bella that ….close? were they….? I gulped. It was possible. I stared at him and realized that he could be counted as handsome. He had dark hair that was neatly messed. He was tall and slim.

He seemed nice, but as the shock of what happened started to wear off. I started to feel the pain increase, but at the same time I started to feel some uncivilized feelings towards this Damien.

"What did it feel like? Seeing Carlisle again?" I noticed how he squeezed her hand and that caused a course of completely different emotions to stir through me. I felt fury, who was he to hold her hand that way? I felt pain, I couldn't be the one comforting her. And much to my surprise, I felt a little comforted, at least there was someone there who could make her feel better. Someone who could lessen some of the pain that I had inflicted. This strange variety of emotions made my head spin as I tried to make myself focus to hear her answer.

"I……I don't…know. I thought…it was one…of my dreams again…..I still don't know if it was or……wasn't" She whispered as she dropped her head and stared at her hand. He squeezed her hand again and the same mixed emotions increased.

"I know it must be hard and confusing. But Bella, did you forget? You're cured from that. Your mind can differentiate between dream and reality again" he told her softly.

I

Couldn't

Breathe.

Bella's mind couldn't distinguish between reality and fantasy?!

Monster!

My fault!

Monster!

I couldn't take it anymore. I had to get all of this out of me now. So what did I do? I ran away. I ran away from the site of her pain. The pain that I inflicted. The pain that I caused INTENTIONALLY.

I escaped into the forest that was close to the hospital. I could hear the sobs ripping from my chest. I could see my eyes blur from the tears that had no hope of falling. But I didn't stop till I was deep in. Once I was sure no human could see I ran directly to the tree that was in front of me. I dug my fingers in it's trunk and ripped the tree out of it's roots.

Using the tree that I ripped, I started hitting that trees that were around me violently……wildly…….uncontrollably.

What have you done to her?

Why did you do this to her?

You knew this would hurt her!

Filthy, Rotten, Monster.

To make her safe? Are you a fool?

How safe do you think she is now?

How safe do you think she was when you left?

She had a _seizure_

She suffered from her minds inability to distinguish between what was real and what wasn't!

You fool!

The loud bangs of the trees echoed as did my sobbing. Once it was no longer useful, I crushed what was left of the tree that was in my hands and threw it away.

My sobs loud and disturbing as I fell onto my knees with my face in my hands.

"Edward" I heard a broken whisper. Esme.

And suddenly, I was a child. I felt like I was no more than a silly child who did something terribly wrong and wanted nothing more than his mother to take care of it. To tell him everything will be ok. Even if it was a lie to calm me down.

"Mom?" I croaked through my sobs. "How…?"

"Carlisle told me. I thought you might be here" She whispered and I heard her come closer to me.

This was where I spent most of my time if I wasn't in my room. If there thoughts were too much for me to handle. I came here.

I felt her hand on my shoulder and her other hand under my chin. She lifted my face up slowly. She forced my eyes to meet her kind golden ones.

"What happened?" She whispered softly. I noticed that she was sitting on her knees too.

"She……she……had a seizure……because of m……me" I managed to choke out.

Her kind gaze didn't change, it gave me relief and it disappointed me. Relief was because I didn't want my only mother to hate me. Disappointed because I wanted her to be mad at me. I wanted someone to shout at me, blame me, make me suffer more than she did.

_Monster, Monster, Monster._

"Please, stop calling yourself that" Esme pleaded.

I hadn't realized that I was saying it out loud. But I stopped for her sake.

"You are not a monster Edward. You tried to do what you thought was right, but it didn't work. That doesn't make you a monster Edward. It makes you human" She whispered kindly.

I didn't want her to give me a justification for what I did. I didn't want her to make me think that I wasn't entirely wrong, because I was. So even though I knew what she meant I said, "but I'm not human"

"You know what I mean. We aren't biologically human but that doesn't mean we are angels. We are allowed to make mistakes too. _You_ are allowed to make mistakes." She touched my cheek and continued, "I know you don't believe it but we do have a soul. And yours is one of the purest I've ever seen."

I didn't answer her. She already knew I didn't believe what she was saying, but I was really trying hard to change that. I wanted to believe her. I wanted to believe that I was good, that I had a soul. That I wasn't a monster for desiring Bella. For wanting to be with her forever when she deserved to live a happy human life. But I just……couldn't.

"Edward. Human, vampire, werewolf……they all come down to two things. A heart and a mind. Your heart wants to cherish her, but your mind wants to leave her be. Am I correct?" She asked as she put her other hand on my other cheek.

Was my inner conflict so clear to them? I was stunned. But I nodded.

"You tried your mind's way, and it didn't work. Don't you think it's time you gave your heart a chance? Doesn't it deserve a chance to love after living a century of loneliness? Don't you?" I couldn't meet her eyes and I don't know why. I just knew that I couldn't object on her words because they were……mostly right.

"Esme, I know that my heart deserves love after such a long solitude, but not that love. Not her love. I do not deserve her love. I didn't deserve it before, and I most certainly don't deserve it now. Not after what I've done to her" I mumbled to the ground.

"Give yourself another chance Edward. You are so much better than who you think you are. Right now you are so clouded with self-hatred that you want nothing more than to hurt yourself. All of us are willing to give you another chance, but do you think it's fair when you deny yourself that chance? When everyone is willing to give it to you?" She whispered softly as she lifted my eyes again to meet hers. They were full with kindness, love, and understanding. There was a little hint of pain but I knew it was there due to mine.

"She won't give me another chance. She's found……someone……_else_" I choked. Esme just smiled.

"I really doubt it Edward" she struggled for a while to explain something then she said, "Maybe she got very close to this person but it wouldn't be called love. No one can ever love someone when they are in the situation she is in." She stroked my hair as if trying to take away as much pain as possible out of her words. I smiled at her attempt.

"Promise me you'll give yourself another chance, please?" she repeated.

I stared at her for a moment in silence. Her pleading eyes begged me to agree. I battled with myself. Trying as much as possible not to think of why I should not give myself a second chance as I drew in a breath and said,

"I promise, Esme. I promise"

A/N: Tada! 3 surprises in one chappy! See? Hope you liked it.

Hi Tant Rania :P hehehe, hope you liked it, too.

Love

Mai


	5. Panic

.A/N: GUYS THE REVIEWS ARE AMAZING!!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH. YOUR REVIEWS MAKE ME WANT TO HUNT YOU ALL DOWN AND GIVE YOU A BIG BEAR HUG :P . Thank you!!!!!!! Hope you like this chappy.

**Recap:**

"Promise me you'll give yourself another chance, please?" she repeated.

I stared at her for a moment in silence. Her pleading eyes begged me to agree. I battled with myself. Trying as much as possible not to think of why I should not give myself a second chance as I drew in a breath and said,

"I promise, Esme. I promise"

4. Panic

_"Seems like just yesterday_

_You were a part of me_

_I used to stand so tall_

_I used to be so strong_

_Now I can't breathe_

_No I can't see_

_I'm barely hanging on"_

I paced back to the hospital with my hands shoved in my pockets and my head bowed. Every fiber in my body was aching for me to go back to her faster but I was also cringing away from the sight of her pain. I didn't want to see it again. I couldn't see it again. I couldn't just stand and watch the consequences of my _mistake_, as Esme puts it.

I found myself thinking about going to her. Revealing myself to her. Loving her. Telling her that I am sorry. Causing her more pain…..I shook my head. I can't even think about her without knowing that I would eventually hurt her again.

"Do you have it with you?" I heard _his_ voice. So infuriatingly perfect and…._soft_. I gritted my teeth.

Without even having any control over my reflexes, I found myself back on my spot on the tree. Opposite her window.

She was still in her bed and _he_ was still holding her hand in both of his. Staring into her eyes and she in his. I clasped my hands together. I wouldn't get away with it if I crushed another branch. He had ears as sensitive as mine.

"No, I don't. But I don't want it" She mumbled and furrowed her eyebrows looking at their hands.

"Hey" he whispered as he put a hand on her cheek. I grit my teeth harder. She met his eyes again and he whispered, "You're not…sick. It's just a precaution. Please? Would you do it for me?" They stared into each others eyes for ……what seemed like a lifetime for me. Couldn't they just talk without all this staring??

She sighed, "fine" and he smiled.

"Thank you" He reached in his pockets and got out a small bottle with the word _'Diamox'_. I was momentarily distracted by that strange white bottle.

He put it on her bedside, quietly.

_There I'd feel better with her medication beside her. _ He thought.

Medication? For what? What else did I do? Was it for preventing s…seizures? I gulped.

_Better change her mood, I don't want to see her so down. _

"Hey, do you mind if I used your bathroom?" He asked casually.

She cocked her head and stared at him confused, "Bathroom?"

I watched him roll his eyes and grin at her. He pointed at his dark messy hair and said "Tada!"

She shifted her gaze to see his hair and her eyebrows flew up, "What happened to your hair?"

His grin got wider, "Well, there was this sales girl that had this new hair product. She wanted a volunteer so she could show the people how good the product is. So I volunteered" He shrugged then continued, "It's supposed to dye your hair but it could easily be removed. You only have to wash it"

"Really?" She said and there was a ghost of a smile on her lips and I just gaped at it, "hm, well I have to ask. You volunteered to show the people how the product was good, of course?" Her lips were twitching and I could see that she was fighting a smile.

"Of course" he said feigning an innocent accent and putting a hand on his heart, "What other intention would I have than to help save humanity from a bad hair day?"

"Oh, I have a few guesses" She said her smile appearing all the more now. She raised an eyebrow and he gestured for her to continue, "Was the sale's girl a blond?"

He feigned a look of hurt and said, "It had nothing to do with the sales girl, who by the way was blond and had long curly hair and blue eyes. Nothing whatsoever" He chuckled in the end.

And I was surprise to find myself fighting my own chuckle.

"Ha! I knew it. Your defenseless when it comes to blonds" She chuckled too. I watched her as she smiled at him with no hurt in her eyes and I was deeply grateful for Damien for taking her pain away.

"Hey! Everyone is. Besides, you know you're the only one on my mind even if I saw a blond" and he _wiggled his eyebrows??_

All the good feeling I had for him for taking Bella's pain away disappeared in an instance.

Bella rolled her eyes but smiled, "Go wash your hair, I don't like black on you" she said playfully.

I stared at her carefree self. Damien was able to make Bella be……Bella again. It took him only a moment to make her smile…..even laugh. I found myself wondering how good Damien would be for her.

_"I've been mended by you"_

**BPOV**

I didn't want my medication. It made me feel like I was sick. Weak. I didn't like that. I already knew I was weak and I don't medication to prove that to me. But when he pleaded me that way I couldn't tell him no. I knew he worried about me more than he should. So I agreed.

And then the whole thing with the blonds. I don't get it. What's with him and blonds? He just can't say no to them. It's pretty hilarious sometimes.

Three seconds didn't pass and he was by my side. His back on my pillow and his legs resting on the wall. Yes, he was sitting upside down. He loved it. He even had a leg crossed over the other casually.

I looked down at his hair. I smiled at the bronze brown hair that I preferred. It was still wet.

"Much better" I approved with a nod. He just grinned.

Damien looked so much like …E….Edward. His bronze hair. Perfect, long nose. Thin, pink lips. Except he had higher cheekbones and a rounder face.

The resemblance between him and Edward had nothing to do with why we were so close. He had a great personality. He always knew how to make me feel better. He was kind, nice and sweet. He's the closest friend I ever had.

Well friend might not exactly be the word but……I don't know.

"So anything interesting today?" I asked as I leaned my head against the headboard.

"You mean besides the blond?" he grinned.

I smiled back, "yes besides the blond" As I rolled my eyes again.

"Nothing much. Oh, wait. I passed a blond on the side walk of…." I smacked his arm and laughed. He laughed with me, "Hey, I can't help it."

"Whatever" I mumbled.

We were silent for a while and my mind drifted back to……Carlisle. I must've hurt him so badly. But I was just………scared. I thought I was having it again. That I was dreaming without knowing again. I was terrified. I was so happy that I was cured from that. I didn't want it again. So my mind jumped to hallucinating. And if I was, there was no way I was going to talk to someone who's not there.

But then, he was here. They saw him, and my reaction to seeing him was so hurtful. I had to………I had to……

My heart beat started to accelerate and my breathing hitched. I was panicking. Why was I panicking?

"Bella?" Damien asked warily.

"C……Could you get me……C…Carlisle?" I stuttered not meeting his eyes.

"Why? What's wrong?" He asked anxiously and quickly flipped his position.

"I need to talk to him. A…apologize" I was panicking over seeing him again. I was afraid that I might have another seizure. I hated it.

"Bella you don't have to" he whispered as he saw the panic in my eyes.

"No, I do. I must have hurt him. A…and he's a…always been n…nice to me. Not…to mention that I can't treat _his_ family that way" I tried to swallow back the lump that was in my throat but it was too big.

I felt a cold hand on mine and heard his sweet whisper, "Bella…you know…… I could always get him for you……see what his problem is…."

"No!" I said immediately, almost shouting "What do you think I want from him? His pity? His sorrow? His regret? No Damien. Of course, I do wish for him to love me again, but he doesn't and I'll just have to deal with that. Don't you ever think that way again. He's gone forever. Even for my heart" I was glad that my voice didn't falter in that last lie, but I had to appear strong.

"Ok, ok. Just calm down" he said quickly. "Do you still want me to get Carlisle?"

"Yes" I whispered breathlessly.

"Ok" he nodded but I wouldn't let go of his hand. He looked at my hand and then back to me.

"Relax, I won't give you any privacy" He said trying to lighten the mood. But for once it didn't work.

_Please, oh please. Don't let me go crazy in front of Carlisle. _

"Damien" I whispered.

"Yes?"

"If you feel that I might start doing anything……crazy. Get Carlisle as far away from here as possible. Don't let him see me that way" My wet eyes burned into his anxious golden ones.

"But……" he started.

"No Damien. I don't want him to know. Please?" I whispered.

He stared at me for a moment then sighed. "Fine, I'll drag him away if I have to"

I nodded, took a deep breath and let go of his hand. Setting him free to go get Carlisle, "Thank you, Damien"

A/N: dun dun daaa! Will Bella have a seizure in front of Carlisle?? VIP question lol. And Who the heck is Damien? Wait, I know :P . Hope you liked it guys.

Reviews are better than Damien :D

Love

Mai


	6. Hopes and apologies

.A/N: THANK YOU GUYS FOR YOUR TOTALLY AWESOME REVIEWS!!! THEY MAKE ME SQUEAL!!!!

I have the worst cold in the history of bad colds. I can barely concentrate but I have to write this chappy. It's giving me a headache and since I already have one, so I have to get it out of my poor head.

I had to give you EPOV of the last BPOV. I just had to. You could skip it if you want, but I felt that it had to be written.

Hope you like it. Enjoy!

**Recap:**

He stared at me for a moment then sighed. "Fine, I'll drag him away if I have to"

I nodded, took a deep breath and let go of his hand. Setting him free to go get Carlisle, "Thank you, Damien"

5. Hopes and Apologies

_"__I never meant to bring you to my world  
Now, you sitting in the corner crying  
And now it's my fault my fault_

_Stop crying I don't hate you. _

_The worlds not against you _

_I'm sorry"_

**EPOV**

I sat with my head bowed and my fingers fidgeting as I heard her laugh. I lifted my eyes a bit to see her smile. Her laugh filled my ears, and her smile just carved itself in my inner skull. I smiled a little sad smile, happy to see her that way and sad to know that I didn't deserve to hear her laugh or see her smile. I started to like this Damien for treating Bella like she should be treated.

I listened to their conversations, just happy to hear her voice, even though it was raspy. I figured it was from the screaming and I cringed.

I watched her intently when I noticed the change in her heart's rate and breathing. I furrowed my eyebrows and felt myself lean involuntary towards her window.

When she whispered, "C……Could you get me……C…Carlisle?" My mind jumped to the worst. Was she in pain? Did she need more medical care? Was she going to have another seizure? Should I call Carlisle now?

Thankfully Damien summed what was roaming in my head and asked her.

When she told him that she needed to apologize I felt my jaw drop. Apologize? For what? Who should be apologizing to who?

After all, all she knew was that we all left her, she had no idea that I was the one who forced my family to leave. She thought it was _our_ decision not _just mine_. So shouldn't she be expecting apology from our side?

"No, I do. I must have hurt him. A…and he's a…always been n…nice to me. Not…to mention that I can't treat _his_ family that way"

I gulped. She still loved Carlisle enough to care for his pain. And she wanted to do this for both him and………_me………_

I closed my eyes, trying to will time to take me back to the moment of my mistake.

"Bella…you know…… I could always get him for you……see what his problem is…." I heard Damien tell her quietly. I opened my eyes and stared at him. Was he really offering her that? Weren't they in love? Or did I misread the signs? I stared at his face and it only proved the sincerity of his words. He really meant them. And for one fleeting moment I wished for her approval. I needed someone to drag me to her. I was too much of a coward to go face her pain on my own. And maybe if I talked to him, he would understand.

I waited impatiently for her answer, but then I saw the flash of pain and anger that flashed in her eyes.

"No! What do you think I want from him? His pity? His sorrow? His regret? No Damien. Of course, I do wish for him to love me again, but he doesn't and I'll just have to deal with that. Don't you ever think that way again. He's gone forever. Even for my heart" I paled and flinched back from the severity of her voice.

Even for my heart. Even for my heart. Even for my heart. Her words repeated themselves in my head.

She doesn't love me anymore. She doesn't love me anymore. I _killed _her love. Just like I killed my heart. I felt my knees weaken and my hands shaking.

Suddenly I was falling. I wasn't strong enough to hold on to the branch. I wasn't even strong enough to hold myself up as I hit the floor. Once she was cut from my view I allowed my sobs to break free as I shook violently. She's gone. Her love is gone. Her warmth is gone. Everything's gone.

"Are you happy now?!!" I shouted at myself, feeling insane.

_Sighs. Sure, even for her heart! Pathetic! The lie in that rings like a stupid school bell._. I heard Damien's mental sarcasm, and I looked up at the window.

"Lie?" I whispered in a small voice. Could there actually be hope that I haven't lost everything? That I haven't lost …_her_? Was I mistaken? Or was he?

And I couldn't care less. I allowed myself to cling to the only hope I had for now. Praying that Damien was right and I was wrong. I prayed that he would knew her enough to tell if that was a lie.

I sat there just staring up at her window, helplessly. Clinging to the only hope I had, and trying not to think of how it would affect me if that was a false hope. I'd die.

I heard as he calmed her, and how she told him that she didn't want Carlisle to be aware of her……situation. I heard her plead with Damien to save Carlisle from watching the scene of her seizure. I didn't understand why, but I pursed my lips. Should Carlisle be kept in the dark when it came to something this……_significant_? I decided to think it through. Maybe I'd end up telling Carlisle myself.

When I heard Damien's footsteps departing the room to fetch Carlisle, I pushed myself up on my still shaking legs. I had to see her while she talked to Carlisle. Watch her expressions carefully.

I swiftly climbed the tree again and sat in the same spot. I watched her as she struggled to regulate her breathing. She looked so weak. So small. So fragile.

Damien came back in, he quickly to his place beside Bella. He took her hand again and tried to soothe her.

"He's coming" he told her quietly. She just nodded and leaned her head back against the headboard, releasing a small shaky sigh. I considered calling Carlisle and telling him not to come, to save her all the trouble but then I quickly pushed that thought away. She would feel rejected if Carlisle didn't come. And that would only be proving to her that she didn't matter to us anymore. I didn't want that vile thought in her head. So I just waited.

A faint knock on the door made her head snap away from the headboard.

"Come in" She whispered.

The door opened slowly and Carlisle appeared. He looked calm and serene.

Then he caught the scent before he entered.

_Vampire scent?_ He questioned in confusion. He entered the room and looked in the direction of Bella's bed. His eyes fell on Damien first and he furrowed his eyebrows. He kept staring at him for a few minutes before remembering that Bella was there. He averted his gaze and met her fear struck eyes. I now knew better than to think it was fear of Carlisle.

"You're really here" She whispered slowly, mostly to herself. Her eyes wide.

Carlisle gave her a calm smile, "Hello Bella. It's nice to see you again" he told her sincerely. He thought about extending his hand to shake hers but he decided against. Not wanting to scare her away. Damien just sat there watching the scene.

"Carlisle…" She whispered, she looked like who was in a trance. It was clear that she hasn't said his name in a while. She was trying to prove to herself that he was here. I swallowed loudly.

"Yes Bella, I am here" He told her slowly, looking into her eyes intently. Willing her to believe.

And she looked so much like a child who was given back the toy her mom had forbade her from having. She slowly extended her small weak hand to Carlisle. Her left hand. Meaning, she didn't want to shake his hand. No, she wanted to hold it.

Carlisle walked to her slowly, not wanting to frighten her. He slowly reached out his hand and took hers in his.

"I missed you" she whispered, her eyes never leaving him.

He smiled and put his other hand over theirs. "I've missed you too……my daughter" He told her kindly.

"Daughter" She whispered and closed her eyes. I smiled sadly at the simple but touching reunion. How did I ever manage to take away Carlisle from her? He was like a father to her. And she was like a daughter to him. How did I ever separate those two?

"How are you?" Carlisle whispered to her. And we all knew that the real question was _'How are you coping?'_ .

She got the meaning and opened her eyes with a small sad smile, "I'm alive" she said simply. I winced.

"I'm sorry Carlisle. I didn't mean to treat you…you know…I would never…" She struggled for words but Carlisle just squeezed her hand and said,

"You don't need to apologize Bella. I understand" He told her quietly. She smiled at him, and it was a little more than a sad smile.

I leaned my head against the hard branch and watched this heart felting scene. A reunion of a father and his daughter. I feel the love that erupted from both of them. It made my throat tight with emotion.

Why didn't I see that before? And if that was how she felt towards Carlisle then it was a lot more for Esme. She was truly a mother. And I knew Bella loved her. But seeing how she loved Carlisle. How she truly missed him. How she looked so relaxed and elated to see him again. I realized I never really understood how much she loved Carlisle. That only means that I didn't understand how she loved Esme either.

I could see how happy it made her, and it gave me a taste of happiness too. So I decided to give her what made her happy. What she wanted.

I pulled out my cell phone and dialed the number. She answered on the first ring.

"Edward?" her soft motherly voice answered. I smiled.

"Esme, could you please do me a favor?" I whispered.

"Of course Edward" she replied at once. My heart squeezed.

"Would you come meet Bella tonight?"

"Are you sure?" She said and I could hear the happiness in her voice, it made me smile.

"Yes" I said and then looked back at the scene, and my smile grew a little when I saw her smile again, "She'd like that"

"Very well then. I'll be there. And Edward…" she added before I could hang up.

"Yes?"

"Thank you" she whispered before she hung up. And I just stared at the phone in my hand. I wasn't only giving Bella what she wanted, I was giving Carlisle and Esme their daughter back. I was giving them permission to love her again.

"Oh I almost forgot" I heard Bella say. I looked at her again. She looked at Damien and gave him an apologetic smile.

"This is Damien" She introduced him simply. Damien smiled at Carlisle politely.

"Hello Dr. Cullen" He said formally.

Carlisle smiled and held back his question, "Hello Damien. Please call me Carlisle"

"Carlisle" He said with a nod.

When Bella didn't speak, Carlisle decided to ask.

And he finally asked the question that I had been itching for it's answer.

"So would you give me the privilege of knowing who you are, Damien?"

A/N: Oh no! I didn't just stop here. Sorry, looks like I did. Told ya future cliffies would be big. Hehe. I had to stop anyway, seeing that my concentration is subsiding. I hope my cold didn't mess up the chappy.

**Review reply for Anon.:**

**Rosalie123456: **Thank you, I'm so happy to hear (actually read) that. And thank you for telling me. I thought it was spelled that way :D

**Tania Nesbeth****: **Thank you so much! Hope you liked this one too.

**Alex:** :D Thank you, hope you get more computer access. But I'm glad you're enjoying it.

Note for anon. reviewers: could you please leave your email or sth so that I could send you a quote??

Thank you guys,

Love

Mai


	7. The riddle

.A/N: Ok, so I'm sorry for updating so late, but I just got my coherency back. Really baaaad cold. It's kinda epidemic around here now, that's why it's so bad. But fear not, little ones, I'm here with the chappy (cheers for the hero!!!). lol. Ok, hope you don't hate me, cause technically you won't find out anything from this chappy. I'll just give you more questions and A RIDDLE!!!yaaay! lol. Enjoy!

**Recap:**

And he finally asked the question that I had been itching for it's answer.

"So would you give me the privilege of knowing who you are, Damien?"

**6. The riddle**

**Damien's POV**

I felt the corner of my lips lift. "That's a really strange and long story" I told him honestly.

Carlisle seemed like a nice man. Every bit as kind as Bella had described. Maybe the rest of his family were as nice and caring as she told me, but I doubt that he's anywhere near the perfection she's described. He wouldn't have done this to her if he was.

"I would very much like to know, if you don't mind of course" Carlisle said with a polite smile. Even though he tried to conceal his as much curiosity from his eyes as possible. It was plain clear. I chuckled.

"No, I don't mind at all, but Bella heard the story a million times before. Do you mind hearing it again?" I asked as I looked back at her. She stared into my eyes and then smiled.

"No, I don't. Maybe when you repeat it again, I could get anything" She rolled her eyes, "even though I doubt it' She muttered.

I chuckled. Carlisle looked at us in confusion and I smiled at him, "you'll understand". He nodded.

I organized my thoughts and stared at the wall that was in front of me for a few seconds till I opened my mouth and started to retell my story again, "I was born in 1898. I had a house. I had family. I had……a life." I sighed, "sadly, that didn't last long enough. I was kidnapped when I was barely two years old."

I heard Carlisle's gasp and I turned to look at him and gave him a small smile, "I was kidnapped by a vampire. I didn't know why they kidnapped me and I still don't. They didn't kill me or torture me. All they did was keep me in a cell for twelve years." I said and I felt my memories take over me, "you may ask how I survived when they left me to rot……"

_Flash back._

_************************************_

_It was noon, and I was waiting impatiently for her to come. She always did. She always knew when I was hungry. When I needed her. When I was afraid. When I just wanted to cry. _

_I heard the loud creak of the door of my cell, indicating that it was being opened. I looked at it anxiously and instantly relaxed when I saw her emerge from behind the door. _

_"Rosalinda" I whispered with a smile. She smiled back and closed the door behind her. _

_"Hello Damien" She said as she came to sit beside me. She was the most beautiful creature I have ever seen. Her long wavy blond hair. Her pale white perfect face. Her golden eyes. Her tall beautiful figure. Everything about her was perfect. _

_She sat beside me in all her glory, putting her legs under her and brushing her hair away from her shoulders. "I got you some spaghetti today" said with a knowing smile. She knew it was my favorite. _

_"You're a miracle" I told her as I took from her the plate that was filled with pasta with sauce and meatballs. _

_"I know" She chuckled as she watched me stuff the food in my face. I was so hungry to care how I looked. _

_Once my stomach was satisfied, I put the plate aside and stared at her. _

_"How are you doing?" She whispered as she took my hand in hers. I squeezed her hand and smiled. _

_"Not so bad" I whispered. I found a strand of her hair falling in her face. I lifted my hand and pushed it away from her beautiful face gently. When it was where it's supposed to be. I let my fingers linger in her hair for a moment. Just caressing her soft waves. She sighed and closed her eyes. "I just miss you" I told her honestly. _

_"I miss you too. Terribly." She mumbled without opening her eyes. _

_"I love you" I murmured. She smiled a little. _

_"I love you too" She said in the softest whisper you could ever imagine. _

_That was how we were. We were in love. Yes she was a vampire. And yes I was a human. Yes she was supposedly eighteen. And yes I was only fifteen. But she doesn't age, and I will reach her age sometime. _

_When the ones that held me here decided to kill me she refused. And fought hard for me. Till she told them that she'd always wanted a 'pet'. That was the only thing that made them agree. They didn't know how in love we were. _

_She'd sneak some food in for me whenever she can. She'd hold me when I grieved over the family I never knew. She'd soothe me when I was scared. She did everything she could to keep me alive. _

_I didn't know why they kidnapped me in the first place. But a part of me was comforted that at least I had Rose here with me. _

_**************************************_

"I loved her dearly and she I. Eventually, Rose was able to help me escape. She hid me away from them. She didn't allow me to go back to my family, saying that it would be the first place they'd look for me.

She took care of me. And didn't leave me alone too much. Only when she had to hunt. Everything was fine……" I sighed "Till everything went wrong"

_**************************************_

_I was sitting on the couch reading a book when I suddenly felt her presence in the room. She was supposed to be hunting. I turned over to look at her and ask her why she came early but I was shocked to silence. _

_She was gasping for air, as if she had been running for hours. She looked scared and panicked. Almost on the verge of tears. _

_I let the book fall on the floor and I went to her. "What happened?" I whispered. _

_"They're coming for you" She nearly shouted. I knew why she was shouting. It was panic. "They know you're here with me. They'll kill you. I have no other choice" She was mostly speaking to herself, I sensed that. I put a hand on her shoulder and I noticed she was trembling. _

_"Calm down……"I attempted to calm her but she interrupted me. _

_"I have to do it" She whispered and her voice broke. Her trembling increased and she fell on her knees. She covered her face with her hands and sobbed loudly. I sat on my knees quickly and hugged her. Stroking her hair. Trying to calm her down and trying to ignore my own panic. _

_"I'm not strong enough to protect you from all of them. Damien, I'm sorry but……" She lifted her head from my shoulder to look into my eyes and I saw the fear in hers, "I have to change you. I can't lose you, and that's the only way I can think of to protect you. Y…you'd be a n…newborn……you'd be strong enough to at least dodge them. I'm sorry Damien. I never intended to do this to you, but…but…I don't have a choice" Her voice kept rising and falling with her panic and I just stared at her. _

_I didn't want to be a vampire. No! that was the last thing I wanted to be. I'd much rather die than be one. I knew what they lived on and I didn't want to have to live on the same thing. What if I killed one of the members of my family? I didn't who they were to tell the difference. Even if I did. I wouldn't kill a stranger. No!_

_"Rose, look. I'll run away again. Don't come with me. They won't find me……" I started to babble, but she just shook her head and sobbed harder. _

_"They will find you. They'll trace your scent. I love you Damien, but I'm sorry……" And that was the last thing I heard before she lunged at my throat and sunk her teeth in my throat. _

_*****************************_

"Oh my Goodness, that's terrible" Carlisle whispered.

Yes, it was terrible. I still do not know if I resented Rose for doing this to me, or if I forgave her because she was just trying to protect me.

I smiled, "I cope. It was hard at first when I found myself face to face with human blood, but it didn't tempt me enough to drink it." I told him honestly.

He seemed surprised and I saw a smile tug on his lips, "you resisted the blood? When you were a newborn?"

I smiled, proud of myself, "yes, like you. Bella told me that you did the same. But I had a motive. When I was about to drink from a man's throat I got a flash of my mother's eyes, and my father's smile. I have no idea how, because I didn't know how they look like. But it was enough to make me stop and turn to hunt animal blood"

"You are a remarkable man" Carlisle complemented with an impressed smile.

"He is" Bella whispered, and I felt her squeeze my hand. I smiled at her.

"Thank you" I said to both of them.

"So how did you know Bella?" Carlisle wondered after a while.

I scratched the back of my head, "Well that's were it all becomes confusing."

Carlisle just waited, intrigued. I almost chuckled again.

_***************************************_

_I was sitting in the forest after I had finished hunting. Just sitting there, trying to remember where my family lived. Maybe I could go see them. Just see if they miss me? Would they still be thinking of me? I didn't know. _

_The stillness of the night was soothing……while it lasted. I saw a bright light, suddenly, forming itself in front of me. A bright, unidentified, beautiful light. I stood up instantly. _

_"Damien" A soft voice called. It was a whisper, almost cannot be distinguished from the wind. _

_"Damien" the voice repeated. And the I saw the light forming into the shape of a lady……no, an angel. She had long white hair, and a pale face. She wore a long white dressed, that had embroiled silver stars on it, that shown with the rest of her body. Her blue eyes were almost as deep as the sea and they stunned me. _

_Then when she talked her words wrapped around me like a blanket, caressing me gently. _

_"In the dark you may have walked_

_In the dark you may have liven_

_Never seen a bright side_

_Always in the dark side_

_Thy was engulfed by evil_

_Death, and loss_

_Loss of a family_

_And death of your own_

_Drowning in crimson regret_

_But fear would always dawn_

_Fear not little pet_

_What you seek but do not know_

_Lies ten to south_

_And six and ten west the crest_

_A young lady owns what you seek_

_Hair embraced with brown_

_And cut too deep_

_Once you find your unknown desire_

_You'll combine to be_

_One so powerful_

_So exquisite_

_Yet easily displeased_

_Trust is the key_

_Not even a melody_

_Once you find what you seek_

_Troubles eased_

_Solitude concealed_

_And from all melancholy_

_You shall be freed"_

_And with that she started to disappear._

_"Wait" I cried, but she did not listen, "please, what do you mean? Is this a prophecy? A riddle?" I pleaded but got no answer as her light started to fade away with her presence. _

_********************_

"Nope, no chance of knowing" Bella sighed. I chuckled and shook my head.

"So that's how I knew Bella. I figured parts of the riddle. I followed the instructions that would lead me to _'a young lady, hair embraced with brown, cut too deep'_ " I explained to Carlisle.

He had his brows furrowed, "unknown desire?" he asked.

I shrugged.

Carlisle rubbed his forehead and sighed, "a riddle indeed"

A/N: Soooooooooo! Any thoughts about the riddle? Lol, it's my first time to write a riddle, so please tell me what you think. Hope you enjoyed that.

**Review reply for anon**

**I_heart_u_la_la_la:** OH thank you so much, I'm thrilled to read that. And lol there is a reason to that, I promise. Lol. Thank you.

**Rosalie123456:** Wow! Really your review made me speechless, I really have no idea what to tell you. Thank you so much. And I promise you that I won't abandon this story. Ever! I love it too much, and I also love to keep my head over my shoulders lol. Your threat made me shudder lol. And I am really honored to know that that's how you think of my story. Really, all I have to say to you is that your review made me cry. So thank you so much.

Love

Mai


	8. Without you noticing

.A/N: See? I can update fast lol.

**Please guys check the trailer that I made for this story on youtube. You'll find the link on my profile. Please tell me what you think. **

So here's a little fluff for you. Enjoy

**Recap:**

He had his brows furrowed, "unknown desire?" he asked.

I shrugged.

Carlisle rubbed his forehead and sighed, "a riddle indeed"

**8. Without you noticing**

_If you see my girl  
Just tell her I miss her smile  
Tell her I'm counting the minutes  
Gonna see her in a little while  
I know when she  
Holds on to me  
She's the one thing that I could never live without  
And tell her I love her_

**EPOV**

I sat there thinking about that strange riddle. I couldn't seem to figure out any part. It was very confusing.

_In the dark you may have walked_

_In the dark you may have liven_

_Never seen a bright side_

_Always in the dark side_

This could mean his past. That he was kidnapped, never seen his family, became a vampire….etc. All that could be that stanza. But what did the rest mean?

Nothing.

"I'm sorry Bella but I have to leave now" Carlisle apologized, standing up. "I will come back later?" It came out as a question. He was asking for her reassurance, that it wouldn't displease her to come back.

She smiled, "Please" She told him softly. He nodded, gave her hand a little squeeze and then unengaged his hand from hers.

"It was a pleasure meeting you Damien" Carlisle said with a polite smile.

Damien returned the smile, "No, believe me the pleasure was all mine. It was nice to meet a member of Bella's ……_family_"

Carlisle smiled and after giving Bella a kind smile, he departed.

Bella leaned her head back on the headboard and sighed, "I didn't realize how much I missed Carlisle. It feels good to have him back" She whispered and closed her eyes.

I felt my lips smile a little. She looked so relaxed. I'd have to thank Carlisle for being so kind to her.

Damien took the end of a lock of her hair and twirled it gently around his finger, "you look tired" he noted softly.

And he was right. She did look a little worn out.

"Mhmm" she sighed.

"I'll let you rest then. C'mon, I'll help you" He said as he slid his arms under the cover and carried her a little. When her head was over the pillow he laid her back on the bed. He covered her again with the blanket that had been pushed a little and started to tuck it around her.

Her eyes opened a little, "Thank you Damien. You're always so kind to me" She murmured softly.

He smiled, "It comes with the job description of being an older and…_ahem…_wiser brother" faking a cough.

She chuckled softly, "still. Thank you"

He touched her face, "anytime. Now, sleep. I'll go turn off the lights"

She lifted her hand from under the cover and held it out to him. Palm up. He extended his arm to reach the bedside and grabbed her cell phone and gave it to her. She fumbled with it, clicking on a lot of buttons till she smiled.

I was confused. What was she doing with her cell phone? And what made her smile? And why was it a sad smile?

With a last click my questions were erased. She put the cell on the pillow beside her and closed her eyes with a sigh. Erupting from the cell was the most familiar melody. Her lullaby. The one I had composed for her. She must've found the CD.

She still slept on my lullaby. She didn't hate me enough to resent the small piece of music. She still loved me. But how? How? After all I did, how could she still…….?

"I thought I heard something out here" I heard Damien's voice interrupt my thoughts, pulling me out of my haze. My head snapped to find him staring at me coldly, with his arms folded.

I stared at him for a moment, not knowing what to think or say. Should I be mad at him? But why? He's done nothing but be kind to Bella. Should I thank him? He wouldn't understand. So I settled for an easy introduction.

"Hello Damien, I'm…"

"I know. You're _him_." He said coldly and leaned his head in Bella's direction to indicate that he knew who I was, "It was easy enough to guess. Who else would be too guilty to come meet her" He glared at me.

I shifted my gaze to the branch that was in front of me and whispered, "you do not understand"

In a second he was in front of me. Sitting on a branch and glowering at me. "Oh I see, I do not understand." He said sarcastically, "How much I've wanted to meet you. To inflict as much pain on you as you had inflicted on her. How could you do this to her? Have you no heart? Have you no feelings?" he shouted at me but kept his voice low enough as not to awake Bella.

I closed my eyes and welcomed the pain of his words. I deserved it. I gritted my teeth as I felt every word he said slapping me, slamming into my heart causing it to break more than it already has been. "I'm sorry" I found myself whispering. It was a silent apology for Bella. For the wind to carry for her sleeping ears.

"Oh now you feel guilty, moron?" he snapped. I didn't shout back at him. I wanted him to make me suffer.

"Open your eyes while I'm talking to you?" He shouted and I obeyed. Finally having someone to blame me. I didn't want comfort, I wanted to suffer. And that was what he was offering.

"I want an answer now before I rip you into pieces. Why?" He said through gritted teeth.

I knew what he was talking about. Why did I hurt her? Why did I end both of our happiness? Why did I end our unendable love?

I stared right into his burning eyes and whispered, "Because I love her" and my voice cracked. His eyes widened. He was taken aback. Probably not the answer he had expected.

"Excuse me? You've never loved her. If you did you wouldn't have done this to her" He argued, but I could see the confusion in his eyes. Read it in his mind.

_His voice cracked. That answer was sincere. But…What does that mean?_.

"I'll tell you what it means. Did Bella ever tell you what happened before I …_left_?" I whispered. He stared at me and then cautiously shook his head.

I sighed and stared at Bella's sleeping form, "Bella's always been at in danger with me. Her blood calls to me more than any other. Plus the fact that I am a vampire. She shouldn't be……in love with someone like me. I do not deserve her" I mumbled.

_He certainly doesn't_. I heard him say in his mind. Even though he tried to hide it.

I sighed, "On her birthday, my family and I made her a small celebration between ourselves. When it was time to open her present, she gave herself a paper cut and there was blood……" I winced as I remembered what happened.

He gasped, "You didn't"

"No, no, I didn't attack her. But I do have a brother, it's hard for him to control himself sometimes. He tried to attack her but we stopped him. Bella had an injury in her arm because I pushed her away and sent her right into the glass table. So you see?" I said and turned to look at him, "that only solidified the fact that Bella is always in danger with me. I told myself that if I loved her I had to protect her. Even from myself" My dropped and I stared at my hands.

We were both silent for a moment. I heard him as he tried to figure out what he thought of me.

_Then what? You just left?_ He asked with his thoughts.

"I was able to convince…or rather lie to myself and say that I was doing what was best for her by hurting her. When I told her I was leaving she, of course, wouldn't let me go alone. I had no other choice, I had to make her believe that I didn't _love her anymore_. I thought it would make her move on faster" I sighed and looked at her again, "Apparently I was mistaken"

_You got that right._

"So you see, that I do love her. And I do miss her, very dearly. But I am not brave enough to go face her" I said desperately.

I heard his mental struggle and waited for him to tell me how much of a coward I was. But I was surprised to find otherwise, "She doesn't resent you" he whispered.

I stared at him wordlessly. He sighed.

"Look it won't be easy for her to see you again. You can't just waltz back into her life like that. It's going to be hard. But……" He sighed again, "I can see that you care for her so……I'll help"

I gaped at him, "you…what?"

"I'll help" he shrugged, "I don't want her to be in anymore pain and you are the cure, plus believe it or not I don't like seeing you in pain either. I'm not usually this pathetic…or wait…I am" He chuckled.

And I chuckled too, involuntary, and shook my head. "But…" I started then trailed off, not sure that wanted an answer.

"Yes?"

I took a deep breath and rushed the words in one breath, "Aren't you……together?"

He laughed, "Me and Bella? No way." He said shaking his head.

"But you two look so…." I didn't know how describe it.

"Close? Yeah, we are. Very. But it's not love." He sighed, "What's between me and Bella is a little more than friendship but not love. It's more like need. Do not get me wrong. I do love her but not in your way, more like my little sister. You don't need to worry" He assured me. I smiled as relief flooded through me.

"Thank you Damien. You really are kind" I told him sincerely.

"As I said, comes with the job description." He chuckled and I laughed a little.

I stared at Bella in her sleep, oh how I missed holding her in my arms as she slept peacefully. My arms felt so empty now that she's not here. I sighed.

"Hey, where're you going?" Damien asked and I didn't realize I was leaning towards her window. I snapped myself back against the branch.

"Nowhere" I sighed.

Damien looked at me then at Bella. Then back at me. "You really do miss her, don't you?" he whispered.

"More than you could ever imagine" I whispered as I closed my eyes.

He was silent for a moment till he said, "come with me"

My eyes snapped open and I saw him jumping back into Bella's room. "No, I can't…" I started even though my resolve was crumbling already.

"Oh just come. But quietly" he said. I stared at him for a moment, desperately, I wanted nothing than to go, but I was scared.

"Come" he urged.

I took a deep breath and jumped into her room. I filled my lunged with her sweet scent of freesia. I missed it.

I stared at her and ached to go touch her, embrace her, tell her that I loved her.

"Go" Damien said nodding towards the bed, "just don't wake her" I saw what he meant in his mind.

I gulped, I shouldn't do it, but I couldn't find it in my to prevent myself so I slowly went to her bed. Every step closer made every cell in my body awake. I started to feel the heat of her body and it revived my heart. I looked back at Damien and he nodded in encouragement as he sat on a chair and folded his arms.

I slowly sat beside her on the bed, and carefully……………..wrapped my arms around her!!!!!! The feeling that coursed in me as I embraced her again was too much to be described. She didn't seem to notice the difference in temperature, but she did sigh and murmur, "Edward" I held her tighter and stroked her hair. I was so happy, too happy. It couldn't have been normal for anyone to feel so much joy by just holding the love of their life. But I did feel that way, and I felt complete again. I felt my eyes fill with tears that would never fall as I looked over at Damien and whispered, "Thank you"

He smiled, "I'll be right outside" he whispered and jumped out of the window.

I kept stroking her hair, feeling my heard filling my chest. It would burst out of my chest if it were possible. And because I really wanted to, because I couldn't help it, because she was Bella and I was Edward, and because it was one of the things that I really missed, I leaned in and whispered in her ear,

"I love you" and I kissed her sweet, soft hair.

She turned a bit in her sleep till her face was nuzzled in my chest, just like before. And I swear I almost felt my heart beat again.

"Edward" she mumbled sleepily again. I smiled so wide that it should have hurt my face.

I carefully reached for her cell and turned it off, so that I could start humming for her, just like before. With her sleeping in my arms, murmuring my name, I couldn't have ever felt more joyful.

A/N: So? What do you think? Was it worth your time? And what do you think of Damien now??? **Don't forget to see the trailer I made for this story, the link is on my profile. **

**Rosalie123456:** lol Thank you. But you did, even if you didn't mean it. What do you think of this chappy, though? I think I messed it up.

Thank you guys for reading,

Love

Mai


	9. Dead heart

.A/N: Thank you guys for all of your awesome reviews. They make me want to hunt you all down and give you a big bear hug :). Ok, so this chappy is dedicated to ".inc" because she figured out a part of the poem. Way to go!!!!

Hope you guys like the chappy.

**Recap:**

"Edward" she mumbled sleepily again. I smiled so wide that it should have hurt my face.

I carefully reached for her cell and turned it off, so that I could start humming for her, just like before. With her sleeping in my arms, murmuring my name, I couldn't have ever felt more joyful.

9. Dead heart

_Your pull is strong_

_My resolve is weak_

_Your love might be gone_

_That makes me want to weep_

_Maybe that sent angel_

_Could stop that hate_

_From going to deep _

**EPOV**

I laid there with Bella still in my arms, completely content. She sighed my name more than once, and each time it would send a whole new wave of joy throughout my body. I kept humming her lullaby, running my fingers through her soft locks, touching my lips to her forehead. The feeling of having her back in my arms, where she belonged was……..heavenly.

She stirred a little in her sleep like she always did, but this time Damien came in. He looked up at him and found him smiling as he watched us both.

_I promise you Edward, that one day you will hold her like that with her knowledge and happiness. _He vowed.

My smile widened, "Thank you" I whispered.

He sighed, "I'm sorry, but you'll have to leave now. I have to wake her up, it's time for her medicine" His smile turned apologetic.

I winced as I tried to smile back in return. _Medicine_. If it wasn't for me, she wouldn't have took it. I nodded and looked down at Bella again.

I had stared at her for a whole three hours and I didn't seem to get enough. There was an familiar magnetic wave pulling me to her. I couldn't just pull away.

I tried to unlock my arms from around her……but I couldn't. My body wouldn't respond to my mind's order to let her go. I've let her go once before and my body shied away from the feeling of letting her slip away from me again.

I tried again but I was unsuccessful. It was almost ……no, not 'almost'….it _was_ painful to pull away.

I looked at Damien for help and he looked like he was holding back his own pain of seeing me this way. I didn't understand why I would matter to him but I appreciated his generous nature.

Damien came to me and carefully pulled my arms away from Bella. I _tried hard_ to order my body not to fight him, but my body was disconnected from my mind. Damien seemed to understand and didn't comment.

"I'll be back later'' I whispered to her, "won't I?" suddenly unsure as I looked at Damien. Now that that there was a way that I could be with Bella, I couldn't ignore it. Now that I've felt how marvelous it could be, I couldn't hold my eagerness back.

Damien stared at me for a moment of hesitation, then smiled, "yes. I promise when she sleeps again" He promised sincerely.

I smiled and whispered, "thank you" again. Because I couldn't seem to thank him enough. He had no idea what he was giving me. It was like giving a dead body it's soul back.

I jumped out of the window after one glance at Bella, then I took my place back on the tree as I watched Damien wake her up.

"Bella" he whispered.

She didn't respond.

"Bella" he repeated.

She turned her head a little and a low moan escaped her lips.

"Rise and shine, it's time for the vine" he rhymed. I smiled a little.

"No vine, more sleep" She slurred. I chuckled and so did Damien.

"Aw Bella" he whined, "must we go through this everyday? You know I always win. Don't make me go get that bucket of water again" he threatened.

Her eyes snapped open and she flipped her position to face him, "please no water bucket" she pleaded, and he smirked.

I felt myself vibrate with laughter that threatened to escape as I read that he had actually spilled a bucket of water on her when she didn't wake up. The look on her face, like a cat who thought herself to be a tiger, was so laughable.

"Then Damien give Bella medicine now" he said imitating a cave man. She huffed.

"fine" and sat up with the help of Damien.

He gave her the pills and a cup of water. She swallowed them easily and gave the cup back to Damien who put it on the bedside.

"How was your sleep?" He asked as he sat beside her on the bed. In his strange upside down form.

_Hey, remember, no jealousy, Bella sister, Damien big brother_. He thought to me, again, in his cave man accent. I smiled.

"I know" I whispered. He seemed to be fighting back his own smile as he awaited Bella's response.

It was strange how Damien and I seemed to form some kind of friendship together. I just met him a few hours ago, yet he seems to know how to get right into anyone's heart. He was so pure and carefree, it was an impossible task to not like him. He promised to help me with Bella, and I feel a bit more relaxed now that I have some help. That, of course, doesn't erase the terrible fear that's with in me, but still it gives me a little comfort. Knowing that if I was resented, he would lessen the resentment. Maybe he could make her……_not hate me_.

I know he can not help me return her love back, that's something that I'm on my own retrieving, but he could lessen the hate. That's all I need. For her not to hate me. I could live happily with the knowledge of that. That she doesn't hate me. That's all I want and that's all I wish for.

"It was strange. It was the most peaceful sleep I've had in months" She said with a smile.

My

Joy

Was

Beyond

Comprehension.

She slept peacefully because of me. I did that. I am still capable of doing that. Every cell in my body was alive again, I could even feel a little warm as I felt my heart grow in my chest. If it wasn't for my ribcage my heart would be in her room.

_Ha! I knew it. Can you hear that Mr. I-believe-that-she-resents-me??? Or do you need a translator?_

My smile was impossibly wide. She still felt safe in my arms. Even when she didn't know she was in them. Could a dead heart beat again? It felt like mine could.

"Which reminds me, I felt something yesterday……something cold" I froze, "Did you lay beside me?" She wondered.

"Say yes" I whispered to him quickly.

"yes" he said a little too quickly, but thankfully she didn't notice.

From Damien's memories with her, I found that sometimes he laid beside her, waiting for her to wake up in the night from a bad dream so that he could comfort her. So that's why she didn't acknowledge the difference in temperature yesterday. She was used to it.

She smiled, "Thank you, but don't worry, there were no dreams yesterday. It was weird but I'm not complaining" she shrugged.

And my smile that had wavered returned slightly.

"I'm not taking chances, missy" He said casually, but I could hear his brain attempting to find a way to bring up my name in their conversation. I was so nervous that my fingers started digging in the tree.

"So what are we doing today?" She asked distractedly.

"Dunno. I think Carlisle will come again today" he said slowly.

He had her attention, and her face looked hopeful, "Really? What makes you think that?"

"Well, he looked like he didn't want to leave. And he was so happy to see you. So he's definitely coming back" he said with a chuckle.

_Right?_ He added hesitantly, suddenly uncertain.

I chuckled, "Of course" I would make sure of it.

"I hope so" She whispered. They were both silent.

I could hear his resolve in his mind. He was going to ask her and I was going to either explode or die from the anticipation or fear.

"Which reminds me" he said as casually as he could, "don't freak out or anything, I'm just asking"

She looked at him cautiously.

"What…would you…do…if Edward…Showed up?" He asked hesitantly. I saw the wince that she tried to hide when he said my name, and flinched

She looked down at her fidgeting fingers and whispered, "he won't"

"I'm saying 'what if' I didn't say he was coming" He said quietly.

Bella played with her fingers and her forehead ceased, "I don't know" she mumbled after a long time of thought.

I heard the branch cracking as my fingers dug in deep. But I couldn't control myself.

"Think about it" he urged.

She shook her head quickly.

"Why not?"

"I don't want to think about it" She said her voice rising a little.

My teeth grit together as I tried hard to stay in my place and not run away from the sight of her held back pain.

"Bella, you have to be prepared, what if….." but she cut him off.

"Damien! Don't you _dare_ get my hopes up, okay? I want them crushed as they are. Those sets of 'what if…'s are bound to make me think about things that are nothing but _painful_. He's not coming back, he doesn't _care _about me anymore. End of story" She exploded and I watched, frozen, as her tears of pain gushed down her face.

I heard sobs and was surprised to find out that they were mine. I tried to hold them back to prevent her ears from hearing them. The branch turned to sand in my hands and I let it fall to the ground. I watched helplessly as Damien apologized for upsetting her. He even tried to soothe me.

_Don't lose faith. She was bound to react that way in the first time to mention you. Be patient._ I tried to will myself to think of nothing but his words. I repeated them in my head over a million times. Of course they did nothing for the pain that engulfed me, but they did trig a little of my crushed hopes. I had faith in Damien to make Bella's resentment lessen, but I didn't have faith in myself to return her love. Could a dead heart break? It felt like mine just did.

"I won't lose all my faith Damien. I have faith in you"

A/N: Nothing much in this chappy, but this had to be written. I think I bored you with it. So sorry if I did, but you had to see that reaction now, to compare it to later reactions.

Thank you for reading and hopefully reviewing,

Love

Mai


	10. Reunion and pain

.A/N: See?? Another fast update!!! Yay me!!! You're reviews are AWESOMELY AWESOME!!! They make me want to hunt down Edward and copy him and paste him in every review reply I send. Maybe then I'd feel like I thanked you enough, even though I doubt it. So here's the chappy. Enjoy!

**Recap**:

I had faith in Damien to make Bella's resentment lessen, but I didn't have faith in myself to return her love. Could a dead heart break? It felt like mine just did.

"I won't lose all my faith Damien. I have faith in you"

**10. Reunion and pain**

_I couldn't believe my eyes_

_When I saw you here_

_You looked so satisfied_

_That it made me feel_

_Like your daughter again_

_Thank you for making me heal_

**EPOV**

Damien was able to work miracles on Bella, and she was now calmed down. He stroked her hair gently and wiped her tears away as he apologized again. I didn't know why he was apologizing. _He_ didn't do anything. _He_ didn't hurt her. _He _didn't leave her. _He _wasn't the cause of this.

"I'm sorry for shouting at you like that, I didn't m…." She started but Damien stopped her by covering her mouth with his hand.

He leaned down and looked straight in her eyes, "What did we say about that?" He said with a mock-glare.

She rolled her eyes.

"Damien is Bella's big fluffy teddy bear." He said imitating a child's voice, "You could do anything with teddy. Would you apologize if you shouted at teddy?"

She nodded quickly and it looked like she was smiling.

He chuckled, "then well pardon me but……you're insane." He said lifting his hand, "everybody knows that teddy doesn't mind people yelling at him. Especially annoying little girls like you" he chuckled again and nudged her shoulder.

She smiled.

"I do not know from where did you came from, I'm just glad you did" I whispered to him because I couldn't help it. I loved how he was able to make her smile every time she was feeling low.

_Me too,_ he thought in a whisper. I saw him smile a little and that made me smile.

_Edward?_ I heard Esme's thoughts call. I looked down and found Esme standing right under the tree I was on. She had her hair down like always, and she wore a black silk dress. It had a V cut and sleeveless. She of course looked beautiful. I smiled.

_How are you?_

"I'm…not bad" I answered.

_Hold on._

"I'm doing my best" I sighed.

_Should I go in now?_ I didn't miss the edge of excitement that was in her voice.

"Just a moment" I looked back at the window and whispered, "Damien, is it ok if Esme came in now?"

_Let me check. _

"Bella?" He said quietly.

"yeah?" She looked up at him.

"I can hear someone coming, and I'm guessing it's Esme, I can hear Carlisle calling her that" he lied casually, "Do you feel ready to meet her? Or would you like me to say you're asleep or something?"

"No!" She shouted almost instantly, "I mean yes….I mean I want to meet her" she stuttered in her shock.

_There's your answer, but please warn Esme from mentioning you, she's had enough for one day. We'll try again tomorrow._ I flinched but complied.

I nodded to her, "but don't mention me please" I whispered.

She stared at me for a moment then nodded. _Damien?_ She asked _Is he the other one you told me about?_

I smiled, "yes but I was wrong"

She smiled and nodded. _I'll see you later then. _

I smiled back and watched as she went inside the hospital.

"I'll give you your privacy, then. If you need me just rub the lamp" He chuckled.

"Thanks" She seemed nervous but at lease not panicked.

Damien, in a motion to quick for her eyes to follow, in a second, was out of the window and sitting beside me.

"Mind if I join you?" He asked with a smile.

"Not at all. The branch is all yours" I smiled back.

"Thanks"

We both were both silent. Probably anxious to see Bella's reaction. Then we heard a soft _knock knock_.

Bella's heart rate hitched and her head snapped in the direction of the door. She swallowed loudly and whispered, "C…come in…n" in a shaky voice.

The door opened slowly and Esme appeared. She had the kindest smile on her loving face. She closed the door behind her.

"Bella" She said happily as she walked towards her bed. Bella followed every move Esme did with her eyes.

"E…Esme" Bella whispered in a thick voice. She looked almost like she was about to cry. Esme reached her and sat on the edge of her bed. She took both Bella's hands in hers and squeezed them.

"How are you dearest?" She whispered, "I missed you so much"

Bella just stared at her like she lost the ability to talk. I could see her eyes fill with tears as they stared at Esme.

"Poor thing" Damien whispered, "hasn't seen her own mother in four months"

This slammed me, "What?" I whispered, my head snapping in his direction.

He sighed, "Something happened between her and her mother. A fight or something. I don't know. But her mother never talked to her ever since. Like Bella wasn't her daughter" An edge of disgust in his voice as he explained.

I was to shocked to react, I just turned my head again to stare blankly at Bella who looked on the verge of tears.

Esme heard what Damien said and her heart clenched. I could hear how it pained her to know that.

Esme reached her hand and touched Bella's face softly. And once her hand made contact with Bella's skin, Bella shook and her sobs started escaping her. They sounded strangled and painful. She covered her mouth and nose with her hand as she kept staring at Esme. Her tears, now started spilling over.

Esme, at once, took Bella in her arms. Bella buried her face in the crook of Esme's neck and wrapped her arms around her back. Her hands fisted in Esme's gown tightly as she sobbed loudly. Esme kept stroking her hair and rubbing her back. Esme herself looked on the verge of tears. But she held back her own sobs to comfort Bella.

"I……I'm s…so……sorry" Bella whispered between her sobs. Her voice was muffled in Esme's hair.

"For what honey?" Esme asked softly.

Bella hugged her tighter and buried her face deeper as her sobs grew louder. "f…for never t…telling you…how…much you…mean to me" She said in voice so broken that it broke my own heart more. My heart was already clenched and I felt it in my throat.

"Oh Bella" Esme said her voice broke before she could compose it. She squeezed her tighter but made sure she didn't hurt her.

"I…love y…you so m…much, Esme" She sobbed, "And I…missed y…you so…badly"

And Bella's breathing started to hitch more. She was gasping now. This alarmed Esme.

"Bella, honey, calm down. I'm hear. I love you too" Esme said in alarm.

_Uh-oh, she's remembering,_ Damien panicked. I looked at him and he had his brows furrowed as he stood up.

"Edward, please explain to your mother my rudeness later" and he was gone. He was back in the room, running to Bella. I just stared stunned as he whispered, "excuse me" to Esme and untangled Bella from Esme's embrace. Bella's eyes were unfocused and her face was a pure mask of panic.

Esme stood up to give Damien some space and covered her mouth with her hand as she saw how Bella looked. She was shaking with the urge to sob, but Esme wouldn't break down in front of Bella.

Damien crossed Bella's hands and held them in one hand as he laid her back on the bed.

"Bella" he said sharply, "Bella"

Bella was shaking and gasping. She didn't seem to hear him, she just stared wide eyed and her face looking more panicked by the second.

What was going on? I found myself panicking. "Is she having a seizure?" I asked Damien.

"She will" He answered quickly, and suddenly I found myself trying to reach her window, but something was holding me back. No, _pulling _me back. I looked behind me to find a pained faced Alice. Holding my shoulders tightly.

"You going in there now…" She whispered strangled, "won't do her any good" And the look in her eyes told me that she's seen it. So I looked back at Bella.

"I'm sorry" I choked to her.

Bella's gasps became louder, her chest heaving up and falling back down.

"Bella" Damien repeated, then looked at Esme who was shaking from head to toe. "Could you please give me that glass of water over there" He pointed at the table in the middle of the room with his chin.

Esme brought it immediately and held it out for him. Damien reached his free hand and wet his hand. He started touching his wet cold hand to Bella's face, willing her to regain her conscious.

"Bella, you're here, you're safe. Bella." He kept repeating in a sharp voice.

"I'm s…so…scared….Damien" She gasped.

_Yes, she said my name. She's coming back._ But I couldn't be relieved by his words. I felt the hand that was gripping me loosen her grip. Maybe she was weakened but I couldn't look at her. I couldn't look at anybody. I was sitting in my own self-made hell. I was shaking with pain and hurt that I couldn't go to her. _You going to her now won't do her any good_. The words repeated in my mind.

"Bella come back. Come back and all the fear will be gone. You're safe. What you're seeing isn't real. Bella" I didn't know how he stayed calm, or even stayed standing. She looked so scared. So vulnerable. And it was my fault.

He reached for the cup again and a very shaky hand pushed it closer to him. He wet his hand again and touched it to Bella's face.

Bella flinched from his wet touched and he sighed in relief when she did. Her irises moved suddenly. She looked around the room frantically, till her eyes rested on Esme. Her eyes grew wider then she flipped her gaze quickly to Damien. He released her hands slowly and touched her hair.

She squeezed her eyes close and covered her face with her hands.

"Don't cry" Damien whispered as he stroked her face. He looked at Esme and nodded to her to come to Bella. Esme, shakily, climbed on the bed beside Bella. She touched her arm and stroked it with her thumb.

Bella flipped slowly on her side and hugged Esme and buried her face in Esme's chest. Esme wrapped her arms around her and hushed her gently. Damien picked up her medicine and pulled out a pill. He emptied the cup of water that he put his hand in, in the vase and filled it with water again.

"Bella" He whispered. She lifted her tear-streaked face from Esme's chest and took the medicine from Damien without arguments.

She buried her head back in Esme's chest and hugged her tighter.

"The medicine will make her drowsy" He explained to Esme, "When she starts to get sleepy, please let her sleep" He said politely.

Esme nodded.

"I don't want to sleep" Bella whispered shakily.

"Bella, it won't do you any good if you fight it." Damien told her softly, "please don't"

"I'll come back tomorrow" Esme whispered, tucking her hair behind her ear.

Bella's head snapped up and the pain contoured on her face, "please stay. Please" She pleaded in a whisper.

"Ok, I'll stay" Esme said quickly wanting to calm her down. Esme kissed her forehead gently and Bella sighed in relief.

"Thank you" she whispered as she buried her face in Esme's chest. Esme tucked Bella's head under her chin and kept stroking her hair.

"Anything for you my daughter" She whispered.

I felt an arm wrap around my shoulder and I looked up to see Alice's tear filled eyes. She was shaking, and so was I.

"Alice, I feel so weak" I whispered to her and then I was falling.

A/N: Intense chappy! Poor Edward! Poor Bella! Poor Esme! Poor Alice! Poor me! I cried lol. Hope you liked it.

Love

Mai


	11. Hated

.A/N: eeeeeeeek thank you guys!!!! Your reviews make me all the more eager to update. Thank you.

Btw, three of my friends figured out the riddle. Yay for them!!!

So this chappy is dedicated to two of my great friends. I never dedicated anything to them so here: THANK YOU MYRNA AND MONA!!! YOU GUYS ARE GREAT. THIS CHAPPY IS FOR YOU!!

Enjoy guys!!

**Recap:**

I felt an arm wrap around my shoulder and I looked up to see Alice's tear filled eyes. She was shaking, and so was I.

"Alice, I feel so weak" I whispered to her and then I was falling.

_Scream, pain, _

_Numbness, frail _

_All at once_

_Too much to bear_

The morning was bleak. If we were in another day I would've stared at the beauty of the sun shinning on the snow. Such an odd scene, the ice should be melting but it wasn't. The sun was strong enough to give light but not heat. But I was too occupied to spare this beauty even a mere glance.

I sat with my head on Alice's shoulder. Her arm was wrapped around my shoulders, trying to keep me in one piece. After causing the alarm yesterday, Alice wouldn't let go of me. I tried to reassure her but I was too weak to pull my strong mask together.

When I fell, Alice gasped and Esme's thoughts panicked. Alice came to my side and pushed me back on my feet but I couldn't hold myself up. She supported almost all of my weight and started towards our house before I stopped her.

"No" I whispered wearily, "can't …leave… again"

She stared at me for a few seconds, "Edward, you need to rest. Away from her" she whispered, "we'll come back. She won't go anywhere"

"No" I breathed even though the denial in my voice sounded pitiful.

She sighed, lifted me up and climbed the tree again. She sat me down carefully and rested my head against her shoulder as I watched my love sleep in the embrace of a mother. _Her_ mother.

_Edward, are you well?_ Esme thought in concern.

"Yes" I breathed trying to insert as much voice as possible.

_I'm sorry I can't come……_ She started guiltily.

"No" I said at once, "Stay with her. She needs you more than I do"

And the rest of the night went by in silence.

I do not know what the time was. I did not care. I just kept staring at her sleeping form while it laid peacefully in Esme's arms. She never got bored of holding her tight or stroking her hair or even rubbing her back. She just looked worried about her. I thanked her more than once for being so kind to her and for caring for her like one of her own, and for having the patience to comfort Bella all night long. Her answer was always that Bella was her daughter and that she loved her.

A sudden stir in Esme's mind made my attention focus on her. She felt Bella's lips smile against her.

"Good morning, honey" Esme whispered with a smile.

"Good morning, mom….I mean…" She stopped suddenly and started to correct herself before Esme interjected.

"You know that I didn't mind when you called me that, right? In fact, I love it" She said softly.

Bella sighed and squeezed Esme tighter, "I love it too" she mumbled, "but wouldn't…_he_ mind?" She breathed.

I was way past feeling pain now, I was numb. I couldn't feel the pain her words should have inflicted. I couldn't feel anything. I just resumed staring.

"Of course not! It would make him smile for once" She said at once. I think she was right. I didn't know though. It was like my mind stopped thinking or forgot how to think.

Bella sighed softly.

"You must be hungry" Esme noted, "I should fetch you some fo…"

"No" Bella almost shouted, quickly, "No, please stay. I'm not that hungry" she said in one breath.

"Sweety, I'll be back. I promise. But you need to eat" She promise brokenly.

Bella kept clutching her gown as she stared at her. As if on queue, Damien came in with a box of pizza in his hand and a big smile.

"Morning, sleepy head" he cheered as he set the box on the end of Bella's bed.

Bella turned her head to look at Damien and winced. She groaned and her hand went up to hold her head.

"Headache?" he asked.

"mhmm"

"thought so" and he pulled out a pill out of his pocket and gave it to her. She took it willingly.

She tried to sit up but couldn't on her own, so Esme helped her up. She looked at the foot of her bed and noticed the pizza box.

She chuckled, "Damien, you do realize that no one can eat pizza for breakfast, right?" She pressed her lips together trying not to laugh.

"Why? It's food isn't it?" He said with a shrug.

Bella shook her head but took it when he handed it to her. "Thank you"

"No problem" he said.

Bella ate silently and Damien started to retell his story to Esme, when she asked him. I was almost sorry for him because he had to relay it all again. But I was still numb. No feeling, whatsoever.

"Edward? Why do you look like that? You're scaring me?" Alice whispered shakily.

I stared at her without talking. I don't think I could've talked even if I wanted to. Her eyes were fearful, and a little confused. I turned my head again and watched as Bella ate.

"Edward" Alice whispered, but it was like I couldn't comprehend it. Like I couldn't understand that she was _talking. _I kept gaping.

There was a knock on the door.

"Come in" Damien said. The door opened and Carlisle appeared.

"Good day Bella" He said with a smile. She smiled back.

"Good day Carlisle" She beamed.

"Hello, Esme"

She just smiled back. Carlisle greeted Damien and stood beside Bella's bed.

"How are we today?" he asked as he listened to Bella's heart beat, of course, without a stethoscope.

"I'm better thank you" She said smiling. Carlisle sat on the edge of her bed and took her hand in his.

"Bella" he began cautiously, "what happened yesterday? Why did you faint?"

Bella stiffened. "I……I just fainted." She stuttered.

"Something caused it. This wasn't a normal faint. Please tell me" He pleaded.

She bit her lip, and looked at Damien for help. He groaned, "Bella"

Carlisle and Esme looked at him as he sighed and said,

"May I please have a moment alone with Bella" He asked politely.

Carlisle and Esme glanced at each other but stood up and were out of the room right after they promised Bella that they would come again.

"Bella, why don't you just tell him? He can fix things" Damien said as he sat beside her.

"No" she whispered and her head hung.

Damien sighed, "Bella, the doctor said that to fix this you either have to face everything or talk. You don't want to do either of them. Maybe Carlisle has another option." He threw his hands in the air.

"I don't want anyone to find out. Especially them" She mumbled.

"You can't possibly mean that you want to stay like that forever. We could handle the seizures together but that other problem, you want it that way?" he asked crossing his arms across his chest.

A lone tear ran down her cheek as she whispered, "no"

"Then help me, help you" he pleaded.

She struggled for a few moments, trying to calm her gasps. I kept staring, listening but not comprehending. I tried to make myself focus on her words to make sense out of them but I found that that would make me lose the protection of the sweet numbness. So I flinched back.

"Edward please" Alice whispered. Has she been calling for me for long? I didn't know. I was only with her by body, no mind. It was sedated.

"O…Ok" she shook, "Damien, I…I'm ready to talk"

Damien stared at her for a moment, probably in shock. He composed himself quickly and nodded slowly for her to continue.

She took a deep breath, "What should I talk about?" She whispered shakily, her voice thick with tears.

"Let's start with right now. How do you feel?" he urged slowly.

And if I could've predicted her answer I would've ran away before I heard it. Because my mind chose that exact word to comprehend.

A lone sob escaped her as she stared into Damien's eyes with her tear filled ones and whispered, "_hated_"

A loud, ear-piercing scream cut through the silence of the morning like a sharp night. It was full of hurt and pain. As it echoed I realized that _it_ belonged to me.

And her soft broken whisper, "Edward?"

A/N: GASP! Bella heard Edward! Yikes! Does that mean she'll see him?? You'll find out next chappy :P !! sorry it's short, but I had to stop here. What do you think is wrong with Bella?

**Review reply for anon:**

**Twilightlover34:** Thank you, and you'll find out next chappy. :) Thank you so much. Hope you keep liking it.

Love

Mai


	12. Tears of an Angel

**.Important A/N: Ok guys!! I will write this chappy ****twice**** once from EPOV and the other from BPOV, It have to do that. There are things that you won't understand till you read it from BPOV. **Hope I'm not boring you that way. Sorry, but it really is important.

**Disclaimer (yeah I know, I forgot it lol):** I do not own Twilight, but I do however own Damien!!! And of course I own Edward…………In my dreams sighs.

**Recap:**

A lone sob escaped her as she stared into Damien's eyes with her tear filled ones and whispered, "_hated_"

A loud, ear-piercing scream cut through the silence of the morning like a sharp night. It was full of hurt and pain. As it echoed I realized that _it_ belonged to me.

And her soft broken whisper, "Edward?"

**Tears of an Angel**

_I recommend listening to "I cry" for Shayne War and "Tears of an Angel" for RyanDan. Believe me, they set the mood :p_

**EPOV**

What have I done?! That cry was unintentional and involuntary. I couldn't control it. It was like…The pain became too much to bear, like I just……exploded. My cries were always trapped inside me. Silent and controlled. But now……Now, they were breaking free. My pain was too much to be contained in my chest anymore.

But now what? She heard me, she knows I'm here. Should I go? I wasn't ready, I was scared. Too scared. How could I face her when she was so broken? How could I look at her when I made her feel _hated_? How could I even look her in the eye after what I've done? What could I say to her? Apologize? No apology in the world could be enough. Even if I knew what to say, would I be able to stand her refusal? Her disgust? Her resentment?

I shied away from the thought of having to see and hear that. Too much……Too scared…Too ashamed…Too guilty…Too pained…

My breathing hitched as I shook. I've never felt so afraid. Never in my life. Not even when I thought that she might have been dead, I had a thread of hope then. That she might be alive. And even if she wasn't, she would be in a better place…moreover…a safer place…away from me.

But now………I was panicking. I could lose her forever, not in the way I had originally feared, but it a more painful way. She would hate me. She would go on living and forget me. She would grow up and love someone else. She would get married and have children……She would never think of me again………

"Edward" I heard a voice whisper from beside me. I felt a hand on my arm but I couldn't look at it. I had my eyes fixed on Bella's form inside the room. She was staring at the window with a blank expression. She couldn't see me, but I could see her. I always saw her. I will always see her.

"Edward" Alice whispered again, "you can come back……later"

Later? I couldn't leave, not now, not after she realized I'm here. What would she think if I didn't show myself? She'd think I didn't want to see her. I cringed.

No, I don't need to shove more dreadful thoughts in her head. I had to make myself clear. Right here and right now.

I took a deep breath and pushed my shaky figure up on my feet. Alice stood up with me, her hands hovering around me, expecting me to fall, I assumed. But even though I felt I would fall, I didn't. I was trying to gather as much strength as I could to acquire the courage to just…_talk to her._

"Damien……Is…he out…there?" she whispered shakily.

Why was everything against me? Why did she have to sound so scared? So breathless? So small? If she sounded like that……….then how would I sound like to her?

_Um……I have to tell her the truth……she heard you_ Damien thought hesitantly.

I didn't answer. I was searching for my voice. Where was it? It betrayed me, along with my courage. I had no hope of any bravery. I was stuck with my terrified self.

"Well…um…he is" Damien stuttered.

Alice helped me reach her window. Either because I looked like I was about to collapse, or because she somehow heard my silent plea to come with me. When I reached her window and she saw me, she gasped. Her hands gripped the sides of her blanket. She looked at her blanket and when her gaze met mine again, her eyes were full of so much pain that I couldn't look in.

I let my feet touch the floor and I watched them as I stood up right. My head bowed in front of her, unable to look up.

Bella's breathing sped and her heart started crashing against her chest. My head snapped up and found her eyes were already unfocused. And in a second I was beside her. Sitting n my knees on the floor. Fisting my hands in the sheets of her bed. My chest filled with panic that swelled till it blocked my throat. My eyes watering with the urge to cry.

"Bella" My voice came out strangled as I released the sheet from one of my fists and took her soft warm hand in mine. I knew I shouldn't have done that. I wasn't allowed to do that. Not now. But I couldn't help it.

Her eyes squeezed and she gasped. "No" she whispered, "you're not here" she gasped again.

_Edward give her the medicine, before she's too far gone_. Damien thought to me. I hadn't noticed his departure. But I quickly stood up, dreading the fact of leaving her hand, and ran to get her a cup of water that had her pills right by it's side. The cup shook in my hand and the water spilled out of it as I took it.

Bella was still gasping. So I carefully put the pill between her warm lips. Then, I slipped my arm under her neck, lifting her a bit off the bed. I allowed myself to enjoy that short embrace as it could be my last. I touched the glass to her lips and gently poured some water in her mouth. She gulped and then started coughing. I sat her up right to help the water run down her throat. Even her coughs were soft, like none other.

The small choke seemed to give her the push she needed to come back to reality.

She took deep breaths as she struggled to control her……seizure.

_Look at what you've done! One look at you and she's already getting sick! That's enough reason to make her resent you for eternity_! I cringed as I basked in myself-inflicted pain. Each breath she took with a struggle cut through me like sharp blade. It was maddening.

Once her breathing steadied, she was frozen. She didn't look at me. She just stared at her bag that was across the room. She closed her eyes and bit her lip. The struggle was still clear on her face, she was still trying to hold on to reality. I stared at her flawless beautiful face as if it were the last time I'd ever see it.

Her lips parted once but she closed them again. Then opened again and she mouthed, "What……are you……doing here?" I cringed. I closed my eyes and reluctantly pulled my arm away from her. What should I say now? What could I say? Could I even talk?

Couldn't I just stay in the dark? Safe and away from all of that pain? Even with my eyes closed I could feel it gnawing in my chest. I could feel it weakening my body with every passing second. I could hear it in my incoherent thinking.

"Edward?" she croaked, and when I opened my eyes I found hers. She was staring at me with tear filled eyes. Tears of pain, tears of sadness, tears of self-pity, tears of……resentment.

I collapsed onto my knees in front her, gripping her sheets again and staring intensely into her wide eyes. "Please don't cry" I pleaded. A broken plea. A plea to save my burning body, even though it didn't deserve to be saved. After doing all that to her. Why should my body be spared?

She averted her gaze and tried to hold tears back…………for my sake. I felt sick. Sick to my core. Even after what I did to her, I asked her to do things to me. And she consented. What kind of filthy monster am I?

"I……I'm sorry" I whispered even though I knew it was a worthless word to say after what I've done. I hurt her. I left her to live her pain. I made her feel hated. I caused her psychological problems. And now, I, very simply, come and tell her that _'I'm sorry'_. How idiotic was that?

She turned her head slowly back to meet my gaze, "sorry?" she whispered. Confused. "Why?"

My eyes tightened, she believed I didn't love her. Of course she wouldn't understand why I was apologizing. I struggled to keep my pain from showing, "Bella……I…I…I love you. What I said before……" But she cut me off by shaking her head, violently, back and forth.

"No!" she shouted, making me cringe back a little. Her hands covered her ears and her body shook. "No! No _lies_. Don't you realize what that could do to me? You feel guilty. I get it. But you lying for me, because you pity me, won't do any good" She shouted as she pushed against her ears tighter.

A loan sob escaped from me as I reached, testily, and pulled away one of her hands. "Please Bella" I whispered, "I'm not lying" I pulled her other hand, trying to stop my hand from shaking. She just stared at me but it was clear in her eyes that she didn't believe it. Her eyes were so full of tears that were in danger of falling. And her lips were pursed.

"I left because I wanted you safe. I never stopped loving you. What I told you before was a lie" I said as firmly as I could manage, but still it sounded broken.

Bella's eyes closed and a tear fell down her cheek, "Please" she pleaded in a breathless whisper, "please, you dunno what you're doing to me" She took a shaky breath. "If I believe what you're saying…" She shook her head sadly.

"Believe it" I pushed, "I swear to you, that what I'm saying comes from nothing but my heart. It has nothing to do with pity"

More tears ran down her face and her eyes squeezed, "please Edward. If you've ever loved me, don't make me hope" She begged. I squeezed her hand.

If I've ever loved her? All I've ever done was love her? Everything in my world was about her. All I've ever loved was her. All I've ever wanted was her. And I've never been so desperate to make her hope as I've been now.

"Bella…" And to my surprise I was sobbing. Her eyes snapped open at the sound of my sobs. Her eyes were wide as she met my gaze, "I love you devotedly. I can't live with the fact that you think I don't. Please Bella……hope, Believe,…..trust…" and I trailed off. Could I ask her to trust me? She trusted me before with more than just herself. She trusted me with her life. With her heart. And I damaged all of them.

I stared at her with an agonized gaze. Begging her to believe. Asking her to trust me but without voicing it.

"E…Edward…I c…can't" She stuttered in fear as she tried to look away from my gaze.

Her resolve was crumbling, I could see it in her eyes, she was fighting it. What could I do? What could I say that would make her believe? I was getting frustrated with myself more and more. For causing all this. For giving her a reason to doubt my undying love. And a very good reason, too.

"No" She shook her head sending another stab in my heart, "No, you already said I'm not good enough for you, and you're righ…."

And I exploded. My self-disgust and pain just blew up. And suddenly I was shouting, "Good enough for who? Me? A filthy, rotten monster like me?" I shouted, "I never deserved your love in the first place to lose it. And now, I'm selfish enough to beg for it when I don't deserve it now more than ever" I took her face in my hand and looked directly into her wet eyes.

"Please believe me" I begged.

"I…I…" She stuttered as her eyes searched mine frantically, and I could almost see it. She was already believing it. And she was about to admit it but, "No, I can't" She whispered and more tears gushed. It was like she was talking to herself more than me.

I left her face and reached in my pocket to get out what I've always wished to give her. What I've always desired to see in her possession. I took her hand in mine and opened it. Palm up. And I put it gently there. Her other hand covered her mouth as her tears fell on her opened hand. "This was my mother's ring. I wanted to give it to you ever since I laid my eyes on you. I wanted to you to wear it and know that you _own me_. That you hold my heart. And that I would be able one day to call you mine." I stared into her eyes intensely as she shook and her sobs broke free, "This ring never left my pocket ever since I left you. Just like my love for you never left my heart" I whispered honestly. It was the only way I could think of to prove to her that I loved her.

"Edward" She croaked and her sobs grew louder. She reached out and put a hand on my cheek. And I was just electrified. The sparks that shot through me at her simple touch were insane.

I slowly, giving her time to show her refusal if there was any, pulled her into my arms and buried my face in the crook of her neck. Smelling her sweet scent, and her hair. Her hair just had it's own scent. Something that had nothing to do with blood. It was just such a sweet scent that it sent waves of calmness through me.

She sobbed softly in my chest and I buried my fingers in her hair, holding her to me. Not wanting to let go of her.

"I……I love you too Edward, but…" she choked and I stilled, "This…c…can't happen…n"

My throat tightened and I gripped her tighter as I felt myself losing her again. "Why?" I barely mouthed.

"The Bella you once knew is dead"

A/N: Oh no! I did not just stop here. Sorry but I did :P. Ok, before any of you hates Bella, wait for her POV first. It clears up a lot. Hope you liked the chappy. I am very nervous. I am trying to get better at describing the emotions. You know, challenging myself. DO you think it's better? Or should I go back to my normal style?? Please tell honestly.

Love

Mai


	13. Tears of an Angel BPOV

.A/N: THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!! THE REVIEWS MADE ME SQUEAL THAT I BROKE A VASE IN JAPAN!!!! I HOPE I NEVER EVER EVER DISAPOINT YOU!!! And btw I GOT CONTACTS YAY!! LOL.

No need for a recap, it's the same chappy.

**AGAIN I REPEAT!!! THIS IS THE SAME CHAPPY BUT IN BELLA'S POV!!!!!!!! **

Tears Of An Angel (**BPOV**)

_I love you_

_But I can't do this to you_

_Your love won't leave me_

_No, not ever_

_But now I have to bear this forever_

_********_

That scream. I knew that scream. I heard that scream. I lived for the source of that scream.

"Edward?" I whispered timidly. Afraid that I might be hallucinating. But I couldn't be. How could I be hallucinating? It was too loud. Too clear. Too real. If I haven't seen Damien's head snap in the direction of my window, I would have thought that I have surely gone mad. But I wasn't and that only meant that what I heard was real. That he was here. Just a few feet away from me. I had to know or I would go crazy.

"Damien….Is…he out……there?" I was so afraid of the answer. What id he wasn't? I already fell in the trap, my heart was already beating hard. How could I crush that hope now? I didn't recover from the first tear in my heart to add another one. Couldn't I just sleep and pretend that it was all I nightmare? Why wasn't it that easy?

But what if he was? Could I see him again? Was I ready for that? Was I ready to see his eyes again? Without the look of the love he used to hold for me? Without his warm and loving gaze?

How could I see him without breaking down? How could I talk to him without remembering how close we…_were_? How could I……? I gulped.

"Well…um…he is" Damien admitted. And I wondered for how long? Damien must've known. With all his vampire senses he was bound to know if someone was out on a tree or not. So why didn't he tell me? How much did Edward see of my suffering?

And then a thought hit me. Did he know? About my……_condition_? Did Damien tell him about what happened? And if he knew? Would he care? DO I want him to care? But if he did then it would only be his pity, not love. No, I did not want him to care about this. And I was deeply hoping that he didn't know.

As I stared at my opened window. My thoughts running loose in my head. I …I …I saw him! He was right there. Sitting on my window. Looking as beautiful as ever, but still there was something wrong with him. He had his head bowed but I could see his face. I knew that face. I remember when I last saw it.

_Flash_

_"We're leaving"_

_"As long as it was what's best for you"_

_"You're not good for me"_

_"I don't want you to come with me"_

_"It will be as if I never existed"_

_"I'll make you a promise. I promise that this will be the last time you'll see me. __I won't come back. I won't put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without any more interference from me"_

_"Goodbye Bella"_

_"Take care of yourself"_

_He leaned down, and pressed his lips very lightly to my forehead for_

_the briefest instant. My eyes closed._

_My eyes flashed open. He was gone._

_He was gone._

_Gone._

---

I could feel my breathing laboring as I recalled when I last saw his face with that expression. I fought to keep my hold on reality but I couldn't. My heart ached and my chest contracted in pain. He was gone. He was gone. Why was my mind playing tricks on me now? Wasn't it enough without having to see him?

_No! You're not here! _I shouted in my head. I had to fight it. No hopes!

But the memories invaded my mind. And the pain was too much. I didn't know where I was. And I couldn't see anything. All I knew is that I was in pain. I wanted to scream. I wanted to be saved. I wanted someone to save me from the darkness. From the darkness of the memories.

My head throbbed painfully as I tried to keep the memories away, and my throat tightened with my urge to cry. Why? Why must I bear this? Why did these memories always flash in front of my eyes. Did I have to see the things that I envied my past self for having? And hating my current self for losing?

I saw his golden eyes that shown with the love that was no more. I saw his crooked smile that seeped happiness that I was the cause of. That also was no more. I heard the laugh that was my favorite music. I even smelt his amazing scent that was no more.

Then I felt something running down my throat. Liquid. I choked. Trying not to cough for the sake of my throbbing head I felt my vision return. It was a blurry but not enough to save me from the knowledge of what was happening.

I was in the hospital. In Alaska. And with……Edward. I could feel his cold arm around me and I closed my eyes as I basked in the feeling of it. I didn't want to pull away but I knew that my heart can only bear so much. So I opened my mouth to talk but nothing came out. So I closed in it again. Then opened again.

"What……are……you doing……here?" I whispered. Why did I say that?? I had no idea why I asked that stupid question, I just wanted to distract myself from the feel of his arm around me. I felt a slight movement from him before he, reluctantly, pulled his arm away. And I wanted to yell at him, and tell him that I didn't want that, but another part of me was relieved he did.

A few minutes passed in silence and I started to wonder if he wasn't on speaking terms with me so I turned a little to look at him but was shocked to find his broken face and closed eyes. It broke my heart to see it that way.

"Edward?" I croaked again, needing to hear his voice again. It has been too long. He opened his eyes and stared directly into mine. And I was relieved to find no hatred or anger in his. But was also sad to find pain in his eyes. Why was he pained? And it hit me.

I had a seizure in front of him. Smart move Bella, now imagine what he's thinking. He must think I've gone crazy and he would probably try to decipher why and he would……….blame himself. Guilt. Why? Why did he always have to blame himself? Why did he cause himself pain when he deserved to live in happiness?

Stupid Bella. All your fault.

Then he fell on his knees. I almost fainted at the site of seeing him so weak. What have I done? Couldn't I control it long enough for him to be saved?

"please don't cry" he whispered. Even though his voice sounded like broken velvet, it was still beautiful. And I still couldn't deny him anything he wanted. And it was clear that the site of my tears were increasing his pain. Why no lessen it? Even if it hurt me to keep my tears inside. So I averted my gaze and tried my best to hold them back. I wasn't successful but I had to try. For him.

"I'm sorry" he whispered strangled.

Why on earth was he apologizing? For not being able to love me back? What was he supposed to do about it? It wasn't in his hands. Then why was he even bringing it up. _Why?_

I looked again at him. I hadn't realized that I asked the question out loud. But he looked like he was struggling to answer.

I saw his eyes tighten as he whispered, " Bella……I…I…I love you. What I said before……"

_No! protect yourself!_ My brain commanded. And I obeyed. I shook my head violently and tried as much as possible to not appear defensive.

"No" And it came out a little too loud as my panic build. I saw him cringe a bit and it hurt me so I explained, "No! No _lies_. Don't you realize what that could do to me? You feel guilty. I get it. But you lying for me, because you pity me, won't do any good" My voice was still too high but my brain was fighting to protect itself.

And I heard him……sob! No! Edward shouldn't sob. It wasn't right. He shouldn't be in all that pain. And not because of me. He took my hand in his and I tried not to enjoy how that felt. No hopes!

"Please Bella. I'm not lying" He pleaded. I stared at him wordlessly. Why did he have to look so sincere? It was always clear in Edward's eyes when he wasn't lying to me, then why wasn't it clear now? Why did it look like he was saying the truth?

"I left because I wanted you safe. I never stopped loving you. What I told you before was a lie" He confessed with an edge of a plead lingering in his voice.

I closed my eyes to shield myself from the sight of his honest eyes. Why was it hard _not_ to believe him? I knew why. Because that was what _I wanted_ to hear. But his voice was so sincere as his eyes. How could I fight that? I had no other way. So I settled for begging.

"please, you dunno what you're doing to me" I took a shaky breath. "If I believe what you're saying…" I shook my head and felt the tears wet my cheeks more. I squeezed my eyes against the possibilities of what could happen from just a simple thread of belief.

"Believe it" he pushed, "I swear to you, that what I'm saying comes from nothing but my heart. It has nothing to do with pity"

How I wanted to believe him. How I felt myself already believing. No! Bella don't fall for it.

"Please Edward, If you've ever loved me, Don't let me hope" _please, please_. I was already falling and he was my only chance of saving myself. And then he said the words that I couldn't even try to ignore.

"Bella, I love you devotedly. I can't live with the fact that you think I don't. Please Bella. Hope. Believe. Trust…." My eyes snapped open on their own accord. Trying to prove to my heart that this wasn't on of my dreams.

He looked like who was caught in a battle. So weak and defenseless. SO honest and pure just like a child.

"E…Edward…I c…can't" Where was my wall? The wall that had protected me? Where was it now? I almost believed him. Just one more small push and I would be in his mercy. My only chance was for him to prevent that from him happening. To turn his back and leave. As much as it would pain me as much as it would be helpful for my condition.

My condition. I almost gasped aloud. What would he say when he finds out? What would he think? What would he do to himself? If he really did love me as he just confessed then it would kill him. I couldn't do this to him. He couldn't find out. He shouldn't have to suffer with me.

I shook my head again and tried to regain any of my lost strength to save him, "No, you already said I'm not good enough for me, and you're righ…"

He cut me off. His eyes blazed with anger and hurt as he shouted, "Good enough for who? Me? A filthy, rotten monster like me? I never deserved your love in the first place to lose it. And now, I'm selfish enough to beg for it when I don't deserve it now more than ever" I stared at him as his self-hatred exploded in front of my eyes. He took my face in his hands and his eyes burned in mine with such intensity that if it were possible to stand I would have fallen. His soul was in his eyes. Clear as an open book waiting for me to read. There was this strange magnetic feeling pulling me. That feeling was intensified by every moment longer I spent locked in his gaze.

"Please believe me" he begged.

_Don't Bella. Don't. Think about what it would do to him. _"I…I…" I tried to talk as I searched his eyes for anything that would make me _not_ believe. But nothing was there. I was on my own in this battle. I swallowed loudly as I barely mouthed, "No, I can't" I wouldn't do this to him. I wouldn't kill him with my hands.

One of his hands left my face and reached in his pocket. The intensity of his gaze never faltered. It was still tugging at me and it was getting harder to fight it. When his hand was out of his pocket I was able to free myself from his lock and look down at his hand. I gasped and my hand flew to my mouth. The most beautiful ring laid there on his hand. It had a sparkling heart that looked amazing. My tears were already falling on his opened palm and my heart was crashing against my chest when he looked back into my eyes and whispered,

""This was my mother's ring. I wanted to give it to you ever since I laid my eyes on you. I wanted to you to wear it and know that you _own me_. That you hold my heart. And that I would be able one day to call you mine. This ring never left my pocket ever since I left you. Just like my love for you never left my heart" His voice rang with honesty, and my heart as miles out of my chest in joy. The strange magnetic feeling increased and I couldn't fight it anymore, because I fell for it. I believed him. I was too weak to fight such a strong pull.

"Edward" I croaked as I put my hand gently against his cheek. Caressing the cold stone that made me feel warm. He slowly came closer, hesitantly and I didn't object. With every inch closer that magnetic feeling was lessening. He pulled me in his embrace and I felt safe again. I felt whole. I felt complete. I felt………devastated. Because I knew that this was impossible. If I really cared for him, I should spare him the pain of having to see me this way. He shouldn't suffer with me. He should be safe.

"I……I love you too, Edward……but…" I felt him still, "This can't happen" I broke my heart again. Crashing the joy it felt only seconds ago. It was too painful to hurt myself. To deprive myself from the only thing I wanted, let alone hurting Edward in the process. But it was all for him.

"Why?" and I felt him grip me tighter. I did too as I sobbed harder.

He didn't know. IF only he did. If only he realized that my heart wasn't the only thing that died when he left. If only he felt what was wrong with me while he embraced me. If only he had noticed. But he didn't and even though I was relieved he didn't, I was devastated. So I had to do this. He didn't know and he wouldn't.

"Because the Bella you once knew is dead"

A/N: Hope this wasn't boring for you since it was the same chappy. I tried to make it as different as possible. So you now see Bella's point? Hope you can sympathize with her now. Cya next chappy!

Review reply for anon:

**Twilightlover34:** Thank you so much. Glad you did. Hope you liked this one too.

Thank you all

Love

Mai


	14. Vulnerable

.A/N: I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!!!! MORE THAN PINK LOVES WHITE (and they look great together lol) Thank you so so so so so so so so so so so so so much for the AMAZINGLY AMAZING, AND AWESOMELY AWESOME REVIEWS!!! Hope you like this chappy too!

I'm sorry, I know I told you guys that this chappy would be from Edward's pov but I changed my plans completely for this chappy, so now it's Damien's pov. But no worries, the quote is still there.

**Recap:**

If only he had noticed. But he didn't and even though I was relieved he didn't, I was devastated. So I had to do this. He didn't know and he wouldn't.

"Because the Bella you once knew is dead"

Vulnerable

_What would the dark sky be_

_Without the shiny stars sparkling in glee_

_You were my stars that gave me light_

_I was the sky that held you tight_

Damien's POV

What now? Where should I go? Who should I comfort? I want to be there for both of them, but sadly there's only one of me. Bella was crying in her bed and Edward ran off into the forest. I dunno where he went but I was strangely very worried about him. So here I am, only one body. To whom should I go comfort?

I decided to go to Bella first, she would be more hurt. Or at least that was my guess. But then till I calm Bella down, who knows what state will Edward reach?

I felt a hand on my shoulder, so I looked behind me to see Edward's sister , Alice, and another blond guy. She looked sad and he looked….devastated.

"Jasper and I will go to her. You go see Edward" Alice whispered. I stared at them for a moment, debating on whether or not to trust them with Bella. The Jasper guy seemed to notice my struggle.

"Don't worry. You can trust us with Bella. Or at least Alice" He mouthed sadly. Alice's head snapped in his direction and she touched his face and forced him to meet her gaze.

"Don't say that." She said firmly but still kindly. She turned back to me and said, "she's safe with _us_" she reassured me. I nodded slowly and then took off in the direction of Edward's scent. It wasn't hard to follow and he wasn't easy to miss.

You'd think that the forest absorbed his mood. It was misty and depressing. Edward sat under a weeping willow. It's leaves fell over Edward's hair, it's shadow barely concealing his hunched figure. He sat there sat with his back rested against it's stem. His elbows on his bent knees and his dangling between them. His head was rested back against the tree and his eyes were squeezed closed. He looked so……broken. Even though he wasn't sobbing, the name of Bella that was falling from his lips was worse than sobbing.

The tree seemed to hold sympathy for him. It was bent over him, it's leaves covering him. Hugging him to it. Trying to give comfort. And _it_ too looked like it was crying with him. For him. Whichever.

"You know…" I began in a whisper but sure he could hear me, "sometimes letting the grief take over you sounds like a better way to deal with things than keeping it locked inside you…." I waited for a response but he didn't move from his place or acknowledge my presence. But I continued. "But hiding and giving up has nothing to do with all that"

I watched his lips part and the wind carried his agonized whisper to my ears, "It's too late. I was too late"

I went closer to him till I was close enough to see how pale his face was. Paler than it should be. How weak he seemed to be. "That's a lie. It's never too late" I said firmly.

He chuckled. A humorless, empty, pitiful chuckle. "I _am_ a liar after all. I lied to her. I hurt her" His voice, if was heard in the first place, was empty. Void of all emotion. He still had his eyes closed. So I slowly sat beside him under the tree.

"That's not what I meant. And you were trying to do the right thing. It turned out to be wrong. So what? If every man on earth gave up because he did something wrong, well how do you imagine the world would be like?" I said softly.

"I hurt her too much. And she's not _willing_ to take me back. What am I going to do without her? How can I survive?" His whisper broke and I looked to him to see his eyes opened. He was staring at the tree opposite us. His eyes full of nothing but pure pain. His face was strained. Like he was being strangled.

"Edward. You really need to get to know Bella more. She's not '_not willing_' she's just _not ready_ yet. She needs to figure some things out by herself. That's something neither you nor I can help her do." I told him as I shifted my position, to sit cross legged facing him.

He didn't answer me.

"Fight for her Edward. Be strong. Be patient. Wait for her to pull herself together again. Be the Edward she knows. Be the Edward she told me about"

He stared at me with an agonized expression and mouthed, "I can't"

He was so weak. Like a child afraid of the dark. Sitting in it and fearing to move and open the light. Afraid of what might still be waiting for him in the shadows. Decided to stay in the dark corner where it was safe enough.

Then I have to provoke him, "You can't? When Bella told me about you, she told me that you were strong and persistent. She told me how you struggled with the scent of her blood, and how you overcame that, just because you loved her. She was wrong I see" I said in a harsh voice, "You're weak and undeserving of her love"

His head hung sadly and he didn't say anything to protest. So I poured more fuel in the fire.

"She would be better off with someone else. Someone who would be able to fight for her" He winced and flinched back. I noticed how his arms encircled his knees. Trying to keep himself in one piece.

"Please that's enough" He whispered shakily.

"Why? You can't stand knowing that you are a coward? That your cowardice prevent you from doing whatever it takes to gain her back?" My voice was clipped and mean, I didn't like it but this has to be done. He needs to be provoked.

"I can't" His voice shook again and he hugged himself tighter.

"huh" I stood up cockily, "that's what I thought at first. I was right from the beginning when I said you didn't love her…." And that undid him. His head snapped up and a fierce growl ripped from his chest. In a second I was backed against a tree, his hand gripping my neck and his face inches from it. His fire filled eyes looked up at me and his lips pulled back revealing his sharp teeth.

"Don't you _dare_ say that I don't love her ever gain or I'll rip you into pieces." He growled. He was panting and his fire light eyes looked mad.

"Then fight for her" I said staring into his crazed eyes. Willing him to do it.

He stared back at me, still panting. Slowly his fire dimmed and his panting slowed. Realization lit his eyes and horror replaced them. He released my neck and pushed himself away from me. I fell on my feet easily and fought for unneeded breath. He took a few unbalanced steps backward, a pure look of horror on his face.

"I was going to kill you" His whispered. He looked at me again, still staggering backwards.

"It's ok Edward. You didn't, and I wasn't fighting. If I was, you would've been the one backed against the tree" I tried to calm him. He fell on his knees and gripped his knees.

"I'm losing my mind, Damien" He almost sobbed. I went and sat in front of him on my knees.

"Wait for her. Be her Edward again" I said the words as firmly as I could.

Edward stared at me with a lost look on his face. I've never seen anyone look so vulnerable. "Be what she needs" I urged and that was what it took to bring him back. The lost look on his face was replaced with a look of determination. His jaw locked and I heard his teeth click as he nodded firmly.

I sighed in relief and smiled.

"Thank you, Damien" He whispered.

I just shrugged and stood up. I offered him my hand and he lifted his to take mine. But once our palms touched an electric current through my whole body, it was such a shock that I yanked my hand away in the same time Edward yanked his. I stared at my hand with my brows furrowed and looked to Edward to find him doing the same thing.

"D…did you feel that?" He asked hesitantly. I nodded slowly.

"Did you do that?" I asked him in confusion.

"No, at least I don't think I did" he said as he looked back at his hand. "You?" he asked.

"No" I said as I touched my palm that was still tingling. "No, I don't think I did"

A/N: I know you guys probably hate me for stopping here but it was such a tempting ending, I couldn't say no. Sorry it was a short chappy but I have to go study now. Sorry. Hope you liked it.

Love

Mai


	15. Secrets

.A/N: So, so, so sorry for the late update guys. But I've been studying like I've never seen books before. I've been studying my novel since 12:05 PM on Saturday till 6:13 AM SUNDAY! So I think I lost my mind lol. I'm so exhausted but I had to update. I promised you guys I wouldn't take long to update. So I hope you like it!

**This chappy is dedicated to my best friend Yaya. I love you so much and you love Jasper so much. So here is a so much more Jasper than you've ever seen me write. :D hope you likey my view on Jasper. **

**Recap:**

"No, at least I don't think I did" he said as he looked back at his hand. "You?" he asked.

"No" I said as I touched my palm that was still tingling. "No, I don't think I did"

Secrets

**BPOV**

_Edward, Edward, Edward. Come back! Don't leave. I'm sorry…_

_No, you'll get hurt. Don't come. Stay away, you don't know…_

_Edward, Edward, Edward. Come back! Don't leave. I'm sorry…_

I braced my head with my hands and buried my finger in my hair. I felt my head was going to explode from the conflict between my heart and my mind. My good side and my selfish side. It was maddening. I sobbed loudly and hysterically. Losing him twice was too much. And this time I was the reason for losing him. My heart scolded me and wanted to kill me for what I did. It wasn't ready for a new break, a new wound, a new pain. It couldn't bear it, just like I couldn't.

He's probably hurt right now, and I hate it. I wanted to take back my words but I knew if I had the chance I wouldn't. I saw the pain in his eyes when he saw my seizure. It was torture, and to think that could be nothing at all in comparison to what it could be if he finds out the rest. I shied away from the thought. No, I wouldn't do that to him. I'd rather suffer from this unbearable pain than do this to him.

_I love you Edward. Come to me._

_No! Stay away. I'm not good for you. _

_Come Edward, you will be happy to see that I still want you._

_But you would be more pained when you find out the truth._

I rocked myself back and forth, trying to stop the conflict. My head throbbed and if it weren't for the pills that I just shortly took, I would have surely had a seizure.

Suddenly, I felt myself calm down and the conflict subsided. It was so sudden that it made me dizzy. My sobs were hiccups and my hands left my hair and covered my face.

Then I felt a cold hand on my forearm. My first thought was Damien. But this hand was too small to be his. I felt it's thumb stroke my arm gently.

"Bella" I heard a soft whisper that I wouldn't have heard if the source wasn't just inches away from me. Even though the whisper was so low, it rang loud and clear in my ear.

My hands fell from my face to meet two golden eyes. Two very pained golden eyes. Once my mind comprehended who it was, I found my arms locked around her neck. Holding her tightly and she hugged me back.

"Alice" I breathed as I tightened my grip on her.

"I missed you so much" She said as she rocked me. Her voice was muffled against my hair, but it was her. I took in her scent and smiled. I squeezed her tighter to let her know that I felt the same.

"I miss you so much more"

I opened my eyes and found Jasper standing on the edge of my bed, staring at me with guilt-filled eyes. That explained the strange calmness.

"Jasper!" I held out my hand to him and in a second he was behind Alice and his hands were around mine.

"I missed you" he said strangled. I wondered if my scent bothered him. To make things easier for him I started to withdraw my hand from his, but he held mine tightly. Refusing to let it go. I smiled and buried my face in Alice's shoulder. Feeling happiness and relaxation flood through me. I missed them so much. Especially Jasper. I had regretted not knowing him better. I had memories of all the family, except him (well if you don't count Rosalie). But I could fix that now. I could get to know Jasper more. I felt my smile widen and the wave of calmness was started to make me dizzy.

--

I woke up later in Alice's arms. I wrapped my arms around her and squeezed her tight.

"Should I say good night?" Alice chuckled and I glanced out the window and found it already dark.

"Wow, I didn't realize I slept that long" I whispered my voice a little raspy, "Thanks Jasper" I grinned at him and he smiled back.

Just as I was about to talk I felt and heard my ignored stomach growl. I heard Alice chuckle again.

"Damien said that you were going to be hungry when you wake up. Are you sure he's not a psychic? He knows so much about you" Alice said with a smile.

I laughed, "He does creep me out sometimes. He knows me better that I know myself." I haven't felt this carefree in a while. I guessed it was Jasper's doing.

"Here, Damien said you liked this stuff" Alice said as she handed me a big box of pizza. A new one? I didn't even finish the first slice in the first box.

Alice helped me sit up and laid the box on my lap. I opened it and started eating slowly. I wondered where Edward was but quickly shoved that thought out of my head before I suffered from it.

"So how have you been Bella?" Alice asked softly, squeezing me tenderly.

I tried to appear focusing on my food so she would miss the lie, "I've been…good"

She laughed, "And here I thought that humans changed. You haven't changed a bit. Still attempting to lie……and failing miserably, may I add" I felt my cheeks burn but I didn't meet her gaze. I paid too much attention, more than needed, to chew my food.

"Oh" I heard Alice breathe, I looked up at her and found her staring at Jasper. I looked at him and then back at her, trying to understand what was going on.

I kind smile appeared on Alice's lips and she nodded in Jasper's way, "What?" I asked confused.

Alice broke their eye contact and looked at me with a soft expression. "I'll leave now" and she cocked her head in Jasper's direction and said, "Someone wants to talk with ……his sister" she said the last two words firmly. As if she was trying to let me see that Jasper did accept me, even if it was too late.

"Ok" I said with a smile, "but come back" I added quickly.

She smiled, "I promise"

My wince didn't escape her notice. I was done with promises. Every promise this family gave me was broken. The wince was just a knee jerk reaction, I couldn't control my mind's actions to protect me.

Her smile fell a little though she tried to keep it in place. With a little effort if I might add. "I _will_ come back" She said and after she had given me a quick hug, she disappeared.

I sighed and looked at Jasper, giving him the most reassuring smile I could manage. He seemed so torn, so agonized, so……weak.

"Hi" he breathed as he fidgeted with his clothes. I had never seen a vampire fidget before, so this looked a bit…odd.

"Hi" I whispered back. I waited patiently as I watched him straggle to talk. He opened his mouth to talk. Then closed. Opened. Closed. Opened. Closed. Opened….and sighed. He ran his fingers through his honey-colored hair, some of the locks fell back on his eyes but he smoothed them back.

"I…" and he stopped again.

"Yes?" I urged him, but he only seemed to get more lost by the second.

"You…" and trailed of again. I laid my head against the headboard, anticipating that this would take a while. I'm no Alice, but I could see that this won't be fast. I was patient. I didn't mind waiting for Jasper, I was already so happy that he had accepted me.

I heard him laugh, a frustrated laugh, "here I am, having the power to calm anyone down but myself" he shook his head and I smiled. Note to self: Jasper had a good sense of humor. I liked that. I liked that I could know more about Jasper, and it wasn't just how he could jump on me and kill me in any second.

I pushed myself off the headboard and patted the spot next to me, hesitantly. I didn't know if it would be too much for him, but he came and sat beside me anyway. I put a hand on his shoulder and whispered, "what is it?"

His gaze met mine and I finally saw Jasper. I saw the real Jasper, the honest, pure, almost child-like Jasper. I was almost stunned to see how vulnerable he looked. Even his featured changed in my eyes. Turning into that honest little guy who would do anything to be normal.

"I ruined your life" he whispered, his eyes burning in mine. And when he said that, he said it with a lot of conviction that his eyes were like an open book. I could see how sure he was of his words. How regretful he was. How dreadful he felt. How much anger he kept in his self.

"No!" I said quickly, squeezing his shoulder, "no, no, no. Don't ever say that. What happened between me and…_him_." I winced, "has nothing to do with you Jasper." I tried to reassure him, "what you almost did was an accident. I know you didn't mean it, and I'm not mad at you"

"I am'' he whispered, so low that I wasn't sure if he said it, "Bella, these last four months has been torture for me just like Edward. I was best to know how he felt, and that only increased my own pain. I did this to both of you" he turned a little so that his legs were under him and his body was facing me.

"Don't try to justify what I did, because it was horrid. I wanted to tell you how much I loved and respected you. How much I was proud that you were my sister, even if you are just human. You did so much to my brother that I can not find where to begin. You brought life to our family. And the same to him. I killed all that" He said all in one breath that I couldn't interject.

"Jasper, please don't blame yourself. You……you don't understand……you're b…brother and I c…can't b…be t…together" I whispered shakily.

His eyes turned pleading, "Bella, I can feel it. You still love him. Just as dearly as you did before. Even more. Is it me? I know I can not ask you to trust me, but I could ask you to trust my brother to keep you safe. He wouldn't let me harm you" His whispers were getting shaky by the minute. And I didn't know how to calm him.

"Jasper, it's not you. I…it's m…me. I'm not how I used t…to b…be" I stammered, fighting back tears, "I do trust you. And I do trust him"

"Then come back to us" he pleaded, taking my hand and holding it tightly, "give us our brother and take your love back. Give us our beloved sister and daughter. We need you, and you need him"

I closed my eyes closed and tried to block away the image of his pleading golden eyes. His broken face. His tearless pain.

"I do need him" I whispered honestly, opening up for the very first time, and to the last person that would have come to my mind. "Even more than he needs me"

"Then come back" he repeated. "Don't you love him?"

"I do" I whispered painfully, my mind/heart conflict coming back. My mind's side was being overcome.

"And don't you desire reunion?" He urged.

"More than anything" I felt my eyes wet again behind my closed lids.

"Then why?"

"Because I love him" I confessed.

He was silent for a moment. Probably struggling to find sense in what I said. I knew he wouldn't find any, because he didn't know.

Seconds ticked by, one by one and when I was staring to doubt that he was even here I opened my eyes and found his golden ones staring at me.

"I do not understand" he murmured.

I smiled sadly, "I know"

"Bella…" he started warily, "what happened when we departed?"

I looked the other way, stared at the empty wall and fighting back tears, "A lot" my voice thick and almost incomprehensible.

"Bella?" I felt his hand on my shoulder, cold and reassuring. I felt his calm waves and it didn't do much. I averted my gaze to meet his again, his eyes were full of understanding and care, "trust me" he whispered in an almost plea.

And I did, and I felt like I wanted to tell him. I trusted jasper. I don't know why I wanted him to know. Maybe because I wanted to talk? Maybe because I knew that Jasper and only Jasper would understand? Maybe it was because of that. Because he, of all people, would understand.

"Can you keep a secret?"

"For you" he assured me, and I knew what he meant. For me, he would keep a secret from Alice. I knew how hard that was for him but Alice wasn't my concern.

"And Edward?" I whispered.

"Easy to block" he said squeezing my hand for reassurance. I stared into his eyes and I knew he was telling the truth.

So I took a deep breath, "Is any of your family in earshot?"

He waited for a few seconds to make sure then said, "No one's near"

He felt my panic and calmed me further, "you must never tell anyone Jasper, please. I'm trusting you, not to give away my secret" My voice was already broken and I felt my tears run down my face.

He squeezed my hand tighter and whispered, "I promise no one will know"

I closed my eyes and hiccupped. With all the courage I had left in me, I mouthed.

"Jasper…" I swallowed loudly and squeezed my eyes tighter, "I'm leg paralyzed"

A/N: GASP! No! she's not! Lol, yes she is, and I know. A CLIFFY! Yay! Lol. Hope you guys aren't mad at me for updating late. Love you all. And sorry, that the quote wasn't here, I was going to continue but I had this tempting ending lol.

Love

Mai xxx


	16. Memories

.A/N: Ok guys, first I apologize for taking so long but I am currently not at my place, I'm at one of my relative's. So my access on their computer is limited. I will do my best to keep updating. I also have finals next week so…..pray for me, please :) . And also thank you for the amazing reviews, they really made me smile when there was no hope for me to feel good. These last few days were so hard, so thank you for making them better, even if you didn't know it.

**This chappy is dedicated to my grandmother "Nana Nabila" Who passed away a few days ago. She was the greatest most amazing person you could ever meet. She was kind, caring, sweet, and funny. I will always love you Nanna. May you rest in peace. And may you be as happy as you made us. You will always be in my heart. I love you Nanna. **

**Recap:**

"I'm leg paralyzed"

**Memories**

_I'm sorry for this_

_I'm sorry for that_

_I'm sorry for everything_

_That I made you lack_

**Jasper's POV**

"Y…you have………l…leg paralysis?" I stammered while I gaped at her motionless legs that were under the cover. Bella was paralyzed?? I couldn't comprehend it. I couldn't believe it. I didn't want to believe it. My throat tightened and my eyes shifted to meet hers again. Her eyes were full of tears of pain and hurt. My throat flexed and I covered my face with my hands.

"I'm so sorry" I whispered. She knew not how sorry I was. I could never be able to tell anyone how horrid I felt. I was always afraid of hurting her when I realized she was Edward's soul mate. A part of me was relieved when they pulled me away from her that day on her birthday. But now…

"Jasper" She whispered and I felt her small hot hand on mine. It was only a small touch but I knew she was doing her best to pull my hands away from my face. So I let them fall. "It's not your fault. Whatever happens to me is neither your fault nor his. It's just how life is for me." And shrugged. I felt my heart squeeze with pain for her acceptance. How could she accept this? How could she sit there and soothe her torturer? How could she be so kind and caring? How could I have harmed something so pure?

I plastered a smile on my face and nodded. I didn't want her compassion, so I gave her what she wanted. Self forgiveness, or at least that's how it seemed to her. I could never forgive and forget what happened.

She sighed and relaxed back against the headboard, "So how's Alice?" I sensed how she wanted to change the subject so I went along. I sent her some more calming waves because she was feeling a little uncomfortable.

"She missed you so much. I started to think that she loves you more than she loves me. I have a tough competition" I joked and she laughed.

"Aw, don't be jealous. I'm sure she loves you more" She giggled but it was wrong. I felt how she forced that giggle. I felt how broken she was. She was hiding, she was doing her best to forget how hurt she was. I sighed internally.

"I know. At least I thought I did" trying to keep the light atmosphere.

I had felt Carlisle's presence before his footsteps or his knock.

"Come in" She said with the fakest smile I had ever laid eyes on. Carlisle opened the door and entered with his own sincere smile. When he saw her, he had to hold his smile from falling. He could see her pain clearly on her plastered features. I calmed him too.

He came next to Bella and took her hand. "How's my lovely daughter this morning?" he said kindly. I felt her mood shift once he said that. Her own happiness flooded through both of us. If I hadn't felt it, I would've never believed how happy she could feel from being called the word "daughter" by Carlisle.

I smiled and stopped my, now, unneeded calming waves.

"Better, thank you" She said.

"You're heart beats are getting more regular. That's a good sign." He approved. She just nodded, still happy from being called his daughter.

Carlisle noticed the small medicine jar that was beside her bed. He took it in his hand and his brows furrowed.

"Bella?" He whispered. He was cautious and confused.

She looked at him and once she spotted the medication in his hands, she gulped and held her breath. "y…yes?"

"Was this prescribed to you or did a friend recommend it?" He asked and I knew he was hoping that it would be a recommendation that made her take it.

"A…a friend recommended…i…it" She whispered.

"Lie" I said as I felt it. Her emotions were panicking, I couldn't calm them down.

Carlisle looked at me then back to Bella, "Bella? You have epilepsy?" It came out as a question. Bella averted her gaze and stared at the wall opposite her bed. She didn't answer. She just kept staring ahead. She was going to break down and cry. I could feel it. I could also feel her desire to hide.

"You….you have seizures??" He whispered appalled.

Bella's eyes fell closed with her tears. She still didn't answer.

Carlisle's feelings started to get more horrified by the second. He stood up and his eyes examined her from head to toe, "Epilepsy….seizures….then…." he mumbled to himself and then his eyes fell on her stretched legs and stayed there.

"M…move your legs Bella" He whispered strangled. I knew he wasn't expecting a movement. I shook my head to him and his eyes widened.

"I can't" Bella barely whispered and I touched her hand. Her tears fell silently as Carlisle took all that in.

She opened her wet, pain-filled eyes and looked at Carlisle's shocked face. "Edward doesn't know" She croaked and he understood what that meant. That Edward shouldn't know.

Carlisle gulped and nodded slowly, "W…why didn't you tell me?" I could feel how hurt he was that she didn't trust him with something as big as this.

"I…I w…wasn't looking for your sympathy or compassion Carlisle. I didn't want you to consider me as your daughter just because you feel bad for me" She mumbled as she stared at her hand.

"No Bella, I've always considered you as my daughter. How could you think that way?" he whispered, "but that doesn't matter now. What matters is that you need to be cured. I'm no expert in these fields. Psychological diseases weren't my passion but I need to learn about them now" He mostly talked to himself.

Bella closed her eyes and sob escaped her, "There's no need for all that Carlisle. Nothing can be done"

"hush, so not say that. Could you just give me the number of your doctor. I need to be fully aware of your situation" He said quickly.

I felt her doubt but she wasn't shying away from the help. "Just as long as Edward is kept in the dark about this" She whispered firmly.

Carlisle took his time to think this through. He didn't want Edward hurt and in the same time he felt like this was too important to hide it from him. After a few moments of feeling his struggle he consented to her wish.

She gave him the number and he departed.

"Why did you tell him that it was a lie?" she asked once Carlisle was out.

"I promised that I wouldn't tell Edward. Not Carlisle. Besides, I don't trust and doctor apart from Carlisle. So whatever your doctor says, means nothing to me if wasn't confirmed by Carlisle." I said honestly. I left out the part where I felt that it was my duty to fix her since I was the one who broke her.

**Damien's POV**

After I had left Edward I went to my place. I needed some time to rest from all the drama. Edward and Bella's situation was……_annoying._ I mean, they both love each other, why do they have to complicate things??

I hated Edward at first. From the first moment Bella told me about him. But now, I realize that I've never been more mistaken in my life. Edward was a good guy and he deserved Bella, just like she deserved him. He just happens to think in an odd, half-crazy, too-sacrificing kind of way.

When I saw him, he looked familiar. I tried to remember where I had seen him before but couldn't. I've seen billions pf faces in my hundred years. But it was strange that my vampire memory couldn't recall him. But I jus shrugged it off.

_********_

_"momma, momma" a baby boy giggled as he rolled on the floor in his diaper. _

_A tall lady came and picked up the boy from the floor, as she laughed, "yes dear? I'm here" Her face was somewhat blurry and wasn't as clear as he boy's face or the surrounding furniture. _

_"Momma, pwetty. Momma, pwetty" The young boy chanted between his giggles, as he pulled a strand of her smooth hair. _

_I didn't understand what was going on. Was this a vision? _

_I stared at the baby boy in the woman's arms and gasped. The baby was me._

_**************_

What was that? A flashback? From my human life? When I was two?? But how?

I've spent years trying to remember anything. I tried to pull back the flashback, tried to see the woman's……I mean, my mother's face. My heart ached to do so. But I couldn't. She was so unclear. There was no hope of seeing her face. But even though I couldn't see her face, I felt the warmth of her presence. Her presence in my memory. That alone, was enough to make me smile in hell.

A/N: Ok so I'm starting to go back to the riddle. :D any ideas???

Review Reply for anon.:

**Abby**: Thank you for both your reviews. I'm glad you are enjoying this. And don't worry, this is not a slash story lol, I know the Damien/Edward tingling appeared so but you'll understand it later on. Thank you!

Love

Mai


	17. Enough!

.A/N: Thank you guys for your awesome reviews!!!!!!!! Well, hopefully I won't ruin this chappy. I have a bad case of flu…..yup….AGAIN!! but it's worse this time. I lost my voice too. And can you imagine? My first exam is in two days and I'm in bed because I'm sick. I have some great luck! Anyway, Let's hope I don't mess neither this chappy nor my finals. Well, let's pray for that lol.

**Recap:**

I felt the warmth of her presence. Her presence in my memory. That alone, was enough to make me smile in hell.

Enough!

_One, two, three, four_

_What do you think I am?_

_An empty whole?_

_You throw your words_

_And he his_

_An empty whole that needs to be filled_

_Filled with pain, suffering, and gruff_

_The whole is filled._

_Enough is enough!_

**BPOV**

"Hey there, Beautiful" I heard a voice call from the window. I smiled and found Damien. He jumped in from the window and in a second he was by my side.

"What's with vampires and windows?" I chuckled, "Don't you guys know the function of the door?"

Damien and Jasper glanced at each other then back at me. "No" they both said and shrugged together.

They both laughed and I joined.

"How's Edward?" I heard Jasper ask quietly. My laugh stuck in my throat and I stared at Damien.

"He's……fine" Damien mumbled to Jasper with a meaningful glance. I knew it was a lie. A very big lie. He was refusing to talk in front of me. A part of me was grateful but the other was infuriated. I wanted to know how he was. I needed that. But at the same time I didn't.

"Oh…ok…good" Jasper stammered.  
I sighed and closed my eyes. It was silent for a while.

Did I really want to know how Edward was? Was I ready to figure out exactly how much pain I caused him? But…maybe…maybe he stopped caring as much as before. Maybe his love for me lessened by the passing of the months. If that were the case……then he wouldn't be in too much pain. That would be a good thing……wouldn't it?

I don't understand. I don't want him to be in pain, then why was that possibility killing me? I want him safe, I want him happy, I want him whole. Not broken like me.

If that was my desire, then why wasn't I hoping that he loved me less than before?

I knew why. I wanted him to love me, just as much as before, if not more. I wanted him to force me. To take me back against my better judgment. To accept what happened to me without letting it come between us. To just……make me be _Bella _again. That person that I had lost months ago and can't retrieve.

I need to know right now, if he still cared as much as before. A strong urge that I can't ignore.

"How is he, Damien?" I murmured with my eyes still closed and my breath caught.

I heard Damien's hesitation, and I guessed that he was feeling worried because I felt Jasper's calming waves.

"I want to know Damien. I mean it" I whispered.

I heard Damien's soft sigh and whisper, "He's horrible"

I winced but did not interrupt.

"He…He was so…weak. He needs you Bella" His whisper was almost pleading.

My eyes squeezed tighter and my heart stammered, "Jasper" I whispered, and his response was at once. The calm waves stopped the seizure before it came. "Thank you"

"Anytime" he muttered.

"Damien….d…does he think that I…don't l…love him?" This scared me. If he thought I didn't love him……

"It's hard to tell. I don't think he's thinking of anything but how much he hates himself"

A whimper escaped my lips and I felt two cold hands on my arm.

"Bella" One of them whispered but I couldn't distinguish.

"T-tell him that I love him-m. Tell h-him that I'm s-sorry I c-can't be there for him. Tell h-h-him-m…" and the sobs broke free. Two cold arms encircled me and I knew very well that they were Damien's. I buried my face in his shoulder. "I love him s-so much D-Damien-n" I whimpered.

"I know, I know." He said as he rocked me back and forth and rubbed my back, "everything will be ok. Everything will be ok"

Damien held me close as I cried and Jasper followed soon after. Both of them trying to soothe my pain. Hours passed as I wet Damien's shirt. Jasper kept my hand in his. Caressing my arm and palm. Soon my sobs turned into whimpers, then to silent tears. Till it became just a quiet numbness.

I kept staring at nothing as they tried to make me feel better. I pulled away from them and relaxed back against the headboard.

"Will you tell him for me , Damien?" I said and my voice sounded empty. I wanted to cry more but I had to hold myself together. No one deserved to suffer with me. Least of all Damien and Jasper.

"I will" He promised.

"Thank you. Now could you please call Angela and Emily for me?" I was in a serious need of a bath. It always stung me when I realized that I couldn't go take a bath by myself.

"Ok" Damien was out of the door in a second.

"You go to Alice now Jasper. I don't want her to worry too much. Or…" I looked at him and tried to smile, "get jealous"

He grinned, "We wouldn't want that now, would we?" he shook his head and chuckled, "and I would very much like my sister to not talk to me formally" He said seriously but there was still a smile on his face.

"What do you mean by 'formally' exactly?"

His smile softened and so did his voice, "I'd very much prefer my sister to call me as my other siblings do."

My eyes widened and I gaped at him. I started to feel my insides warm with happiness, "you…you want me to call you Jazz? Really?" I said in a small voice.

"Yes, really." He said as he rubbed the hand that was in his. I squeezed his hand and I felt the smile on my face.

"Thank you…Jazz" I felt a thrill at saying it, and I was sure he felt it too because his smile widened. I felt like I was treated like I belonged with them. It felt so amazingly good.

"Anytime. Now I have to go hunt Alice down" He gave me a wicked smile. I smiled back and nodded, "see you later"

"See you" and he disappeared.

Just before I could rest my head back against the bed I heard a very warm voice, "Bella" Angela cheered as she ran inside the room followed by a smiling Emily.

"Hey girls" I said smiling as they both hugged me.

"How are you today?" Emily asked as she smoothed my hair back.

"better, thanks" I said sincerely. _Jazz_ made me feel better. I smiled at the name.

"You need a haircut" Emily said taking a lock of my hair between her fingers. I rolled my eyes, she was like the human Alice.

"And I think it's time for your bath" Angela said.

I sighed, How would I ever repay those two. They've done so much. If only I could walk again….I winced internally, because I knew something like that wasn't possible for me.

"Girls…" I started.

"Uh-oh, I know that look" Emily started.

"Yeah, the You-do-so-much-and-I-do-so-little look" Angela giggled. I rolled my eyes again.

"Before the shower……. Mike and Jacob want to talk to you" Emily said warily.

I sighed.

"They actually want to apologize" Angela corrected.

"Apology number…?" I asked with a small smile.

Emily grinned and said, "that would be thirty-two"

I chuckled and shook my head. "Let them in"

"Mike! Jake!" Emily called. And they both stumbled in as if they were standing behind the door for hours.

I raised an eyebrow and stared at them. They both stood up and started fidgeting.

"Um would sorry cover?" Jake asked.

"Yeah?" Mike mumbled, "would it?"

I sighed, as much as I wanted to be mad at them I had to remind myself that it wasn't their fault that I had seizures. That's my problem.

"Guys, if you can't stop it, then I'll have to ask you two to leave. I can't take anymore" I whispered.

"You saw him again, didn't you?" Jacob asked, his eyes were cold.

I winced but nodded slowly.

"So do I hear wedding bells?" He asked sarcastically.

"Because the only reason you would throw us away would be because he was back" Mike's voice was cold and it cut me. It looked like they thought that through together.

I gasped, "what? Do you think I'm using you two?!" I realized I was shouting, but I couldn't help it, his assumption hurt me, "I was clear and told both of you that we are _friends_. You don't believe it, that's your problem not mine! And for your information, he's not back. I've just had enough pain. I don't need anymore" My eyes were wet again.

They both gaped at me silently.

"I didn't know that that was the way you thought of me. Please this is enough. Thank you for bringing me here, and trying to make me feel better. But I can't be friends with people who think that I'm a hypocrite" As I talked I pushed myself to the end of the bed. Emily got my wheelchair from outside and with both her help and Angela's, I sat on the damn chair.

"B…Bella we didn't mean it that way……" Jacob started but I cut them off.

"Save it! And please excuse us. I need some private time with my _friends_" I said formally. They both winced and looked at Angela for help. She nodded to them, and I knew she would try to fix this later. Their heads hung as they walked out of the room. The whispered apologies that meant nothing to me. When the door was closed, I rubbed my eyes from the tears that hadn't fell and started to push my chair to the bathroom.

"Bella…" Angela started

"Please Angela. Not now" I whispered. Enough pain for today. Enough!

A/N: I messed it up. I'm so sorry, I promise next chappy will be better. This was horrible, please forgive me. Stupid flu!

**Abby:** Thank you! You will know in later chapters :D . Thanks for reading and reviewing. It means a lot to me.

Love

Mai


	18. Illusion?

.A/N: See? Fast update! Yay! I'm still sick but slightly more coherent, so I promise this chapter will be better than the last. Ok guys we reached 264 reviews!!!!!!!!!!! So awesome!!!!! Can we break a 300?????? Let's try. Thank you for your awesomeness!!!

**Recap:**

"Bella…" Angela started

"Please Angela. Not now" I whispered. Enough pain for today. Enough!

Illusion?

_What is that I hear?_

_It was too real, too near_

_An illusion, may it be_

_Or did my sanity finally flee?_

**EPOV**

It was getting darker in the forest. The cold wind of the night caressed my face, carrying the scent of wet mud and mixed leaves. The scents mixed in the air creating a calming atmosphere. I was leaning against a tree as I watched twilight.

Twilight was when the sun touched the earth. A soft touch as it said it's goodbye. A short farewell till the next day dawns. You could see the orange and blue sky and you could see the dark earth. Two very different scenes, yet they were combined in one vision.

It was the same for me. I wanted Bella back and Damien was right. I should fight for her. And I will. But I didn't know how. How could I win her back? She doesn't even wish to see me. If she did she would have asked any of my brothers or sisters. She could've called me. But she did neither.

So here I am now. I have two choices. Either let her be. Let her go. Leave her to live her human life, grow up, love some one else. Get married, have children….forget about me. I cringed……That was my mind's opinion

Or I could try again. Show her that she could trust me again. Earn it again. Show her that I could make her happy again. Be her Edward and have her as my Bella again. I sighed hopefully……That was my heart's opinion.

So there it was. The twilight of my decision. Where my mind meets my heart. But my mind decided to bid my heart farewell, giving my heart another chance. Maybe, just maybe…I could fix things again.

I stood up and started running back to the hospital, with a new hope. A new mission. My mission was to win Bella back. Something that I would not rest till I have achieved.

--

"Aw, Emily! You could be a little more gentle" Bella whined as Emily combed her hair. Her hair was wet and shiny. It dripped on her bed but Angela was trying to dry it from the water.

I smiled at the sight of her. She looked so beautiful with her hair clinging to her that way.

"Well, if you stopped moving your head it won't hurt you so much" Emily said hiding a smile. She kept assaulting her hair with a brush. Bella huffed.

"You know, I am perfectly capable of combing myself"

"Do you call what you do to your hair _combing_? Honey, when we're done with you, you'll look like a princess" To my astonishment, it was Alice who said this. Her voice came from the bathroom on the right of the room.

She came out, actually _skipped_ out holding a small mirror and scissors. She seemed to sense my presence, she looked my way quickly and smiled. I did my best to smile back but I don't think it came out the appropriate way.

She hopped onto Bella's bed, "excuse me girls. She's all mine now"

Bella feigned a look of fear, "should I be afraid?"

"Definitely" Alice grinned wickedly and all the girls laughed, surprisingly I joined them. I settled more comfortably on the branch, preparing to be entertained.

Emily and Angela left Bella's bed and stood beside each other, inspecting. "What do you think, girls? Should we go for _degradez_, or _uneven parted_?" Alice mused cocking her head as she stared at Bella. Of course, for me, it was like she was speaking a foreign language. I had no idea, whatsoever, about female haircuts.

"oooh definitely uneven parted" Emily said jumping.

"oh and how about a side bang?" Angela suggested.

The three of them stared at her seriously, and Bella seemed to not understand a word they were saying.

"Definitely" the three of them said at once. Bella rolled her eyes. I smiled, _that's my Bella._

"Look, do whatever you want just as long as you keep it long." She instructed.

"Show me a limit" Alice said.

Bella lifted her hand and looked down at her hair that was almost on her lap. She put her index finger just in the middle of her forearm. "No shorter than that"

"Cool with me" Alice shrugged.

_At least she's not like before. She listens now. _

I froze. It couldn't be. How could it have been….. No. I can not hear Bella's mind. But that certainly wasn't Angela, Emily, or Alice's mind. It was her! Her voice even. But how? Since when? I gaped at Bella with my mouth hanging open. I tried to push against the barrier of her mind like I have done a million times before. But I couldn't get past it. Then how come I……?

I shook my head violently. Was I imagining this? Was this an illusion? Was my mind trying to give me one of the things I craved?

I tried again to pass through her shield but there was no success. She was silent as always.

I ran my hand through my hair and blinked several times. Was I finally cracking? Did her love actually drove me to the point of madness I have feared?

I watched as Alice hovered over her and started clipping her hair from different sides that made no sense. But I was barely registering what was happening in front of me. I was lost in my own train of thought. My mind was racing. I tried again, and again, and again. Trying hopelessly to hear her again but there was nothing.

"What's going on?" I found myself whispering out loud to myself.

"Alice" Bella warned when Alice was nearing her limit.

_She'd better not pass that_. Again! I heard it again! I can't be mental…_Can I?_

"Don't worry" Alice mumbled.

I was losing my mind. I tuned out everyone around me and concentrated on nothing but Bella's hidden thoughts. My hands clenched into fists and my body stilled completely. Every ounce of my concentration was on her. I felt my body shake slightly from the effort but I didn't care. I had to mae sure, if I was really mental or if I could actually hear her.

"Almost done" Alice said as she moved to Bella's bang.

_Finally_

Aha! I heard it!

No illusion!

I did hear her, and I couldn't question it. It rang clear in my head. As clear as Debussy in the silence. But how? And why now?

"How thick do you want it?" Alice asked as she picked up some of Bella's hair for her bang.

"um not too thick" She mused. Alice nodded and started dividing her upper hair.

I was still too amazed to pay them any attention. I could hear her! Now I could know exactly how to make her happy and………

I felt ashamed for being happy over her inability to have any privacy. I shouldn't try again. I should leave her what she likes. I sighed, Couldn't I enjoy one thing, just _one _thing without any conflicts?? Was that too much to ask?

"Done" Alice squealed and she shoved the mirror in Bella's hands who held it in front her face. I couldn't see her yet. The mirror blocked her face from my view.

"Oh my God. Girls you're amazing. Thank you so much" Bella gasped.

"Show us!" Emily and Angela said excitedly.

Slowly Bella let the mirror down, revealing the most stunning thing I have ever seen. My mind went blank and I lost all coherency once I saw her.

I couldn't tell what made her look more beautiful but she certainly did. Her hair locks were cut in uneven lengths. The longest was the limit Bella gave. Some of the locks were too short that they weren't tangled with the rest of her hair, but standing out with a slight curl in the end. The bang was just above her eyelashes. Falling on one side of her face. It made her face look rounder and her eyes looked wider.

She looked _statuesque_. I was sure that if she were in my time, she wouldn't have needed a ball to find a husband. She would have had ever man in the country asking for her hand just by looking out of her window.

_You can thank me later_ Alice thought proudly.

I couldn't concentrate enough to answer her, I was still lost in my sea of unintelligible thoughts.

Only one thing could break through my haze right now.

_What would've Edward thought?_ She thought sadly and I saw her small wince.

My flinch wasn't small.

One disadvantage came from being able to get into her beautiful mind. Yes, I could know exactly what made her happy, and see exactly how happy she would be when I did it. But I could also see exactly how hurt she was. And I was too weak to handle that.

A/N: surprise surprise, Edward reads Bella's mind. How? Is that permanent? Will he find out about Bella? All that will be revealed…….yes, you said it. LATER lol. Hope I made up for last chappy.

**Abby: **I liked writing that part too lol. Thank you!

Love

Mai


	19. The Parchment

.A/N: Fast upate! So I had my Computer exam today and let me tell you it was HYSTERICAL lol. No one understood a thing and we all answered the exam by luck loooool. I mean, COME ON! Who like "visual basic"??? lol, I won't babble about that now cuz I know that it's not the computer exam you want to hear about, it's the chappy lol. So if you wanna know what happened just ask lol. Hope you likey!

**Ocake! So back to the riddle!!!!!!**

**Recap:**

Yes, I could know exactly what made her happy, and see exactly how happy she would be when I did it. But I could also see exactly how hurt she was. And I was too weak to handle that.

The Parchment

_Notice this_

_And notice that_

_Once small click_

_Can mend all cracks_

"Hey can I come up?" I heard Damien call from under the tree. I looked down at him and smiled.

"Of course" I whispered and in a quarter of a second he was up sitting beside me.

Bella was sleeping now. Her friends had wished her a good night and departed for their own night sleep. It didn't take her time to play the lullaby on her cell and fall into a deep slumber, allowing me to think peacefully without the distraction of her beauty.

So now I could hear her mind. Now what? Should I block her? To save myself the pain? But……….. I've been always craving this. Now that I have it, would I really block it? I highly doubted that. But the question that ran in my mind was _why?_ Why now? Why not before? What could have caused this odd change? Surely my gift cannot develop. But her mind could…….deteriorate. Was that it? Was her mind deteriorated? _That_ deteriorated? But why? What could have happened to cause that? I sighed. I was going to drive myself insane. Why couldn't I just be happy that I could finally read her mind and get over it??

_Where's the paper?_ I heard Damien think.

"What are you searching for?" I asked trying to distract myself from the maddening unanswered questions. I wondered if I was being inquisitive by asking that but Damien's smile assured me.

"I was just thinking about that stupid riddle. I have it on paper" He said as he searched in his pockets.

"Oh, I was meaning to ask you about that. I got really interested in that riddle. Could you please recite it again?" I could recall it but I wanted to see it through his memory. Maybe the lady that passed it to him had left a clue anywhere.

"I have it here" He said once he found _………a parchment?_ and got it out of his back pocket, "after she had disappeared I found this parchment in her place on the ground. I picked it up and found that it had the riddle written" he handed it to me.

I took it and opened it slowly, afraid of tearing it apart. It was a yellowish color and it had bits and pieces torn from the edges. The riddle was written in the most elegant handwriting I have ever encountered. So elegant that it had to be a lady's penmanship.

I started reading it again (**A/N: sorry guys, I have to write it again. Hope it won't be boring for you**)

_In the dark you may have walked_

_In the dark you may have liven_

_Never seen a b__r__ight side_

_Always in the dark side_

_Thy was engulfed by evil_

_De__a__th, and loss_

_Loss of a family_

_And dea__t__h of your own_

_Drowning in crimson regret_

_But fear would always dawn_

_F__ear not little pet_

_What you seek but do not know_

_Lies ten to south_

_And six and ten west the crest_

_A young lady owns what you seek_

_Hair embraced with brown_

_And cut too deep_

_Once you find your unknown desire_

_You'll combine to be_

_One so powerful_

_So exquisit__e_

_Yet easily displeased_

_Trust is the key_

_Not even a melody_

_Once you find what you seek_

_Troubles eased_

_Solitude concealed_

_And from all melancholy_

_You shall be freed"_

"Damien" I whispered as I noticed something.

"Yes" he said as he leaned towards me to see what caught my attention in the riddle.

"Did you notice these?" I said as I pointed at some smudges that were on the parchment.

"Yes, I did." He shrugged, "it's old"

He was missing the point, "Yes I know that. But I wasn't referring to all the smudges. Some of them are under certain letters" I said as I pointed at the letters: R, E, F, A, T.

His eyebrows furrowed, "I noticed them before but thought that it might have been a coincidence." He said but now he started thinking about it not being so.

"I don't think it was a coincidence. They are exactly under the letters" I looked at each letter that had a smudge under it. No, certainly not a coincidence. It was too measured to be a coincidence.

He took the parchment from my hand and leaned against the tree more comfortably as he stared at it. "So what are these supposed to mean? Do they stand for something? Or are we supposed to make a word out of them?" he wondered aloud.

I settled back beside him so I could see the parchment in his hand. "hm, go for the easiest I guess. Make a word?" I suggested.

"Rat?" He said at once then added, "fe" laughing, "Rat-fe"

I chuckled, "Re-fat?"

"Feat?"

"Eat?"

"Reat?"

I laughed, "I think we're doing it wrong. I think we should include all the letters"

"But that's even harder" he whined but conceded. "Feart?" he said suddenly as if it was a real word.

I raised an eyebrow, "and that is?"

"Something very smelly" he said wrinkling his nose and nodding.

I couldn't help the hysteric laugh that escaped me, "What you mean ………doesn't contain ……an '_e_'" I laughed.

I could see him fighting his own laugh as he tried to glare at me, "I say it has an '_e_'. Dare you contradict me?" He said in a very firm voice but I could hear it in his head. He was having hysterics.

"N…No, sir" I said trying to hold my laughter as I held my hands up, a sign of surrender, "I wouldn't dare"

"That's what I thought" He coughed and reassembled his collar.

I was finally able to stop my laughter and concentrate again on the riddle. My mind kept struggling, trying to find a fit word.

Fraet, treaf, reaft, traef,………It was an endless circle of unintelligible words.

"Any luck?" Damien asked.

"Nope" I sighed.

I kept trying again. But no luck. I just couldn't find a sensible word that had all five letters.

"Hey what's that?" I heard Damien say. I turned to see him holding the paper to me and pointing at the very end of the parchment. Something was their. Emblazoned with silver. The moonlight showed it, made it glimmer.

Two letters. _L_ and _D_. Only those two letters were there. I ran my hand through my hair. Why were things getting more complex rather than just ease into an answer?

"Should we add those on the letters or what?" Damien asked as he scratched the back of his head.

"I know not" I mumbled, "Were those here before?" I wondered.

"No, I just saw them. I think it was because of the moon light"

I tried covering it with my hand. Shielding it away from the moon's beam. Damien was right, once the beam was shield I couldn't see the letters. Like they were never there. I lifted my hand and they appeared again.

"This is ……" I started and trailed off. Caught in the dilemma of finding a word that fit.

"hard?" he suggested. I chuckled at his use of a simple word that certainly didn't fit the complex of the situation.

"yes. Hard. Very hard" I mumbled. I kept staring at the parchment, trying to decipher it's hidden clues. I put my hand on the branch that was beside me and traced mindless circles on it.

Damien's cell rang. He pulled it out of his pocket and answered, "Hello Carlisle" he said cheerfully.

I smiled, it seemed like they were getting along. I liked that. Damien deserved someone like Carlisle. He would make him feel like he hadn't lost his family, just like Carlisle made me feel.

"Hello Damien" His voice was grave, "I talked to Bella's doctor……"

The branch that was in my hand snapped and I paled, "Bella's WHAT?!"

A/N: You probably wanna kill me. :D But I know you love me :p . SO what do you think???

**Abby:** Yay! Lol. I love it when you can't figure out where I'm taking this. What do you think of this?

Love

Mai


	20. Trust

.A/N: OME! Guys we reached 299 reviews!!!! Only one more review and we reach 300!!!!!!!!!!! You guys are the best! I love you all so much!

**Recap:**

"Hello Damien" His voice was grave, "I talked to Bella's doctor……"

The branch that was in my hand snapped and I paled, "Bella's WHAT?!"

**Trust**

_She doesn't know_

_That he stands alone_

_Watching her pain_

_Adding on his own_

I stared at Damien with my eyes wide and my breath caught. My heart threatened to jump out of my throat and my throat threatened to push it out from how tight it was. Carlisle was silent on the other end and Damien just stared at me wordlessly, his mind giving away nothing.

Carlisle called Bella's doctor? Why was I so alarmed? Of course she had a doctor, after what I've done to her. She had to have one. She had seizures……I should've expected that. But… but…

What scared me was …Carlisle talking to him. Why would he need to? Carlisle was the best doctor in this universe. He wouldn't need to talk to another doctor about any ……_case_. I flinched. Unless………

My eyes grew wider and I heard my silent as the breeze "no". Fear started to build in my chest and so was rejection.

Unless it was something Carlisle had never encountered. Did Bella have something that ……serious? I swallowed loudly.

"D…Damien" There was no voice. I tried again but my words would only be mouthed. I knew he understood so I continued, "What's wrong with her?"

Various and terrifying scenarios ran through my mind in the few seconds that Damien needed to answer me. _Cancer, AIDS, Legionnaires, Heart failure………_ Oh no! What would I do if she really had any of those horrible diseases? What would I do if I caused any of these………

No! I could not cause any of these.

Then what was wrong with her? I was going to lose my mind if I wasn't told the truth in right now.

"Carlisle, I'll talk to you later, ok?" Damien whispered slowly. Deliberating. Why was he deliberating? Didn't he know that be each passing second the diseases multiplied in my mind? Getting more worse? Didn't he know that each fraction of a second he took more, he increased my pain? It felt like my stomach was coiling and I was close to the feeling of vomiting. I knew I couldn't, but it felt like it.

"Alright" Carlisle whispered. I watched as he shoved the phone in his pocket. I watched as he lifted his head back up again and stared at her window. I watched as took his time to arrange his thoughts while I burned beside him.

And that was when I realized that that was all I did. I watched. Nothing else. Ever since I found her again, I've been hiding in a tree. Watching her. Watching her joy. Watching her smiles. Watching her _pretence_. Watching her pain………and adding on my own.

Was I really that hopeless? To sit there and watch her life just pass by without trying to be a part of it? Watch her pain without trying to soothe it? Watching her pretenses and not trying to kill it? Watching her walls fall and not trying to build it back up for her? Watching her weakness and not trying to strengthen her?

Was that really what I was? A useless observer? I killed every pure joy that was inside her, and now I was just living in my own joy of observing her. How more disgusting could I become?

I used to call myself a monster but now………What word could describe what I was? Monster was just too small.

I shifted my gaze to stare at her sleeping form. What wouldn't I give right now to alter from that useless observer to the slave of her love? I would do anything for her. And that wasn't just a sentence that a hero in a romantic movie would say to the heroine then just go back on it when she asked for something far from attainable. No. It was real. If she asked for the stars I would find a way to get them to her. Maybe some vampire on this earth had the ability of moving the stars. I would hunt him down and get them for her.

If she had asked me to look for her for a _husband_. I would. Even if it killed me. She wanted it. How could I ever deny her that?

She could ask for anything. Anything.

Anything but………asking me to _not_ love her. That would be the only thing I wouldn't be able to comply her. When she'd told me that we can't be…I knew what she wanted. She wanted me to stop loving her. She wanted me to lose faith in ever having her love again. She wanted me to lose hope in her ever being _my_ Bella again.

But she was never more mistaken. She would always be my Bella in my heart. And I would always love her unconditionally. And each day I would love her more than the other, because by the beginning of every new morning she grew a day. That day made a difference in her. That day makes a difference in the beauty of her spirit**, **the beauty of her heart, and the beauty of her mind.

How could I not love her? How could she expect me to stop?

"Edward" I heard her sigh in her sleep. My heart tightened and I snapped back to reality. I looked back at Damien and found him still staring at Bella, his mind completely blocked. I couldn't guess what he was thinking about.

"Damien" I repeated in a small voice. "Won't you tell me?" I asked timidly. A part of me didn't want to know. I knew I could never handle any more pain. If any amount of pain, regardless to how slight, was added on the already burning ache in my body………I can not begin to explain what it would do to me. I have reached my limit.

"I…" Damien hesitated in a whisper. I kept silent, giving him his time to kill me, "I…I can't. I'm sorry" He whispered as his eyes met mine again. His golden ones were full of a plea for my understanding. I was sure mine were full of my own pleas.

"Please Damien? I need to know" I breathed. Still incapable of finding all of my voice.

His eye looked torn but determined. He ran a hand through his bronze hair and then rubbed his face. "You love her" It wasn't a question. Just a statement but I felt the need to confirm it.

"irrationally" I mouthed.

"You'd do whatever she desires" He stated again. And again I felt the need to confirm.

"Without second thoughts"

He stared into my eyes intently as he said clearly, "Your knowledge of this wasn't her desire" He said each word separately. Emphasizing.

"Oh" Was all I said. That wasn't her desire…… But it was important.

She wasn't willing to tell me…… But I need to know.

I would do whatever she desires……But that rule doesn't apply here.

It applies on any situation………but this one.

Two voices battling in my head driving me insane. Which is right and which is wrong?

"Do you still want me to tell you?" He asked quietly.

Why was he asking me a trick question? Why did that question seem so hard when in reality it holds no difficulty?

"No" I sighed in defeat. "I'm just……scared Damien. I can't be there for her right now. And now she was suffering from something…and I don't know how bad that something is. It's maddening" I confessed.

We were both silent for another eternity, till he broke it suddenly, "Will you trust me? Please Edward" He whispered.

_Will you trust me to be there for her? Will you trust me to keep her safe till you can take that role?_ He thought to me.

I stared at him. Was there a reason not to trust him? I asked myself. I couldn't find any. He's done nothing but be kind to both of us.

"Yes. I do trust you Damien. I will." I mumbled.

Suddenly, I felt that electric shock that had ran in my veins before when I held his hand. I gasped in surprise. It was a quick spark that shocked me and disappeared as quickly as it had come.

I noticed that Damien gasped as well. "Did you feel that too?" I asked.

"I did" He said as his eyebrows furrowed, "I don't understand what's going on" He said frankly.

"Neither do I" These days, it seems like the world has decided to flip up side down. Leaving everything incomprehensible.

My gaze shifted to Bella and I found my words running away without passing through the filter of my mind, "Can I hold her?" My voice was just a small crack. Like that of a young child, full of fear.

"Go Edward, she won't notice now" He said quietly. Some how his words hurt a part of me. Because a part of me wanted her to notice. Wanted her to know that I've been holding her tight and keeping her safe. That I didn't go back on _all_ the promises I gave her.

Her room was full of the scent that made my throat burn. That burn was pleasurable to me. That burn meant that she was still alive. I would always worship that burn.

I walked to her bed just like I once did. I didn't stop her playing lullaby. Tonight I wanted to talk to her. Yes, She was asleep. But she was here.

I sat beside her on the bed and wrapped my arms around her, gently. I buried my face in her soft hair and inhaled as much of her scent as I could. She twisted a little in her sleep until her face was buried in my chest. One of my hands buried itself in her hair, keeping her close to my dead heart. The other was pushing the hair away from her face.

I sighed in contentment. "I miss you" I whispered softly so she wouldn't wake up. "You can't imagine how hard it is to stay away from you" I mumbled in her hair. I hugged her tighter to me. A part of me, an insane part, expected her to answer. She always did. But that part was disappointed.

"What wouldn't I give to erase everything that has happened" She twitched again and her small warm hand was on my chest, just beside her face. "But I can't. So I just want you to know…" I touched my lips to her forehead as I whispered, "that I will never stop loving you. And I will do whatever I can to win you back, love" I laid a kiss there and stroked her hair. "You will always be mine, as I'll always be yours"

I felt something wet on my shirt. Tears! She was awake. I froze! Bella was awake. What would she say? Would she reject me? Would she be disgusted? Would she be mad at me?

I started to pull away but I felt her hand fist in my shirt. "Stay" was all she whispered. How could I not oblige? I sat back in my place and pulled her closer to me. She wrapped her arms around me but didn't say anything else.

My heart swelled with hope that I quickly crushed. She hadn't entirely approved of me yet. I had to be patient. I had to be her strength till she finds her own. Only then could I start to ask for her forgiveness again. Only then could I start to hope again. But now, she was broken. And my job was to fix her. And I will do whatever it takes to make her happy again.

"Sleep now, my love. Know that you're safe, and loved. Know that I would never give up until I make you as happy as you have made my whole eternity" I whispered and hesitantly I kissed her hair and hummed along with her lullaby. A smile on my face as I lulled my love to sleep with her knowledge and will.

A/N: so…? What do you think? Sorry if it was too much for you. I was just feeling a little more romance than I should lol. Hope it was good enough for you.

**Abby: :D** eeeeeeek! Yay! Thank yoooooooooouuuuuuu!!! Hope you like this one too!

Love

Mai


	21. Hide

.A/N: OME! Guys the reviews were AWESOME!!!! You are AWESOME. I kept jumping up and down till I reached the center of the earth!!!! Lol. Thank you for being so…….AWESOME lol.

**Recap:**

"Sleep now, my love. Know that you're safe, and loved. Know that I would never give up until I make you as happy as you have made my whole eternity" I whispered and hesitantly I kissed her hair and hummed along with her lullaby. A smile on my face as I lulled my love to sleep with her knowledge and will.

**Hide **

_I see your pain_

_I see your plastered smile_

_I'm here for you_

_You don't have to hide_

**BPOV**

"Bella" I heard the sweetest of sounds whisper in my ear. I hugged the cold, comforting stone that my arms clung to, tighter. I inhaled in his scent and let it out as a hum. I wasn't completely coherent yet. I just knew that I was sleeping comfortably in his arm. For a few seconds I was four months back. For a few seconds I was back when we were together without any pain or problems. For a few seconds I was Bella, the normal human girl who fell head over heals for the amazing vampire called Edward. For a few seconds I was way before all this had ever happened. And I was happy.

"It's time for your….um _medicine_" I heard his velvet voice whisper. His voice was even but not enough for me to miss the strain. Reality started to dawn on me. And I remembered. I remembered last night when I had heard his perfect voice shout my name in shock. _Bella's what?_ He had shouted. I remembered considering to look from the window and see him. I also remembered to stay quiet, maybe I would have been able to hear his voice again.

The time ticked by and I didn't hear his voice………that was until I felt his presence. I felt his arms around me and I knew very well that these pair of cold arms weren't Damien's. They held me in a too desperate embrace to be Damien's. They made my heart beat and my blood flow in a way Damien's arms couldn't. I had considered showing him that I was awake but I wanted to enjoy his embrace for a little while longer. I wanted to feel safe and whole for a little more. _A little more couldn't hurt_ I had thought to myself. Because I knew that if I told him that I was awake I would have to push him away. And that was too painful at that moment. Not while he was holding me that way, and making me feel that way.

I was all but fighting with myself till I heard him talk. He'd told me that he missed me and that it was hard for him to stay away from me.

His words tugged on a memory. One of the memories that I had promised myself to cherish for as long as I live.

_"I'm tired of trying to stay away from you"_

These words were the beginning of _us_. Of our love. Of everything. It made my closed eyes fill a little with tears but I kept silent, needing to stay in his embrace.

"What wouldn't I give to erase everything that had happened?" he had said. What wouldn't I give for the same thing? I had felt his nose in my hair, almost touching my ear. I had tried to get closer to him as inconspicuously as possible. And he only seemed to hold me tighter.

"But I can't. I just want you to know…" I had felt his lips on my forehead and I stifled the urge to shiver. From both the contact and the butterflies in my stomach. "That I will never stop loving you. I will do whatever I can to win you back, love"

When he called me _love _like he used to, that made my heart clench and the tears pool in my eyes. How I had missed him calling me that. How I had missed feeling _loved_. By the one that I loved more than anything in this world all together.

"You will always be mine, as I'll always be yours" That was all it took for my tears to gush down my cheeks. _I will always be his_ I wasn't dreaming. That was what he had said. I knew that it was too late to try concealing the fact that I was awake. My tears had already fallen and I knew when he felt them because he stiffened under my hands.

I knew what was next. He would pull away, thinking that was my wish. But I couldn't, I _needed_ his embrace. I needed to feel safe. I needed his love and care. I needed him.

My fists made the decision for me as they fisted in his shirt. I whispered my plea for him to stay. A part of me was afraid that he would leave. But he didn't, for my extreme joy, he sat back down and took me in his arms. There was no point in pretending that I was asleep anymore. So I wrapped my arms around him too. Holding him tightly. Not wanting to ever let him go.

_Sleep now, my love. Know that you're safe, and loved. Know that I would never give up until I make you as happy as you have made my whole eternity_ his words repeated in my head over and over. Playing along with his humming, like a second lullaby, lulling me happily to sleep.

"Bella" Edward repeated softly as he stroked my hair. I smiled a little and opened my eyes to meet his golden ones. His eyes were full of the love I always dreamt about. They were full of care and kindness. But there was and edge of cautiousness in them.

"'Morning" I breathed.

He smiled. Even though it was small, it made my heart melt. "Good morning, love" he murmured. "How was your sleep?"

"Nice" I smiled, his smile grew a little. I tried to sit up, and that was when I panicked. How was I going to hide the fact that my legs didn't move? It wasn't the most unnoticeable thing. My eyes looked up at the headboard. Well I could hold that bar and pull myself up, but what would he say?

Thankfully he ended my panic attack by saying, "let me help you up" And he helped me sit up and I rested my back against the headboard.

I stared at him warily, how did he know that I needed help? And to think of it, how did he know that I should take my medicine now?

He seemed to read the questions in my eyes because his eyes dropped and he whispered, "Damien told me that it's time for your medication"

I didn't answer. He took the cup-filled water from the bedside and the medication and handed them to me. I sighed and swallowed them. I could feel his gaze on my while I took it. I tried to ignore it and I handed him the empty cup.

My new bang fell on my eye, I needed to get used to it. I was about to lift it from my face but I felt his cold hand on my cheek. My eyes closed and I leaned in his hand. I felt a finger push the hair away from my eye. His thumb stroked my cheek and I could feel my blush creeping up my neck to my cheeks. It has been such a long time since I last blushed. It felt so strange now.

"I'm very fond of that hair cut on you" I heard him whisper. I opened my eyes to find his full of awe and admiration. I smiled and made a mental note to thank Alice and the rest of the girls.

I lifted my hand hesitantly and while staring into his eyes, I let my fingers linger on his cheekbones. He neither moved nor spoke. He just stared at me. My fingers moved from his cheeks to his forehead. My index finger eased the little frown line between his eyebrows, then slowly traced the shape of his long nose. The emotion in his eyes were intensifying by each movement I made.

"I missed you too" I whispered without thought. I watched as a ghost of a smile formed on his lips and his eyes closed. A sigh blew his scent in my face. He caught my hand and pressed his lips to my palm. A shiver ran down my spine.

I bent closer and rested my head on his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around me stroked my hair. "Can I come see you?" He requested. His desperation wasn't very well hidden from his voice.

I hesitated, what if he came and caught the thoughts of my friends and found out? I didn't want that. He shouldn't know. But I couldn't tell him no.

He sensed my hesitation, "please?" He whispered and his desperation was getting clearer.

Why did he plead? He knew I can't say no to him? Especially when he pleads. So now what? I couldn't tell him no. and I want to keep him safe.

I sighed. What a mess. "But you have to promise me something first" I barely whispered, but I knew he could hear me clearly.

"Whatever you desire" he vowed.

I craned my neck upwards to meet his eyes as I whispered firmly, "When I tell you that you should leave and come back later. You have to do so without question. And really leave. Don't stay outside the window. Please Edward. You know I want you here too. This is the only way. Do you promise to do that?" I knew it was being selfish, and I knew that this must hurt him. But that was the only possible way for us. And this would be less hurtful for him than me telling him that I don't want to see him again.

I saw his eyes tighten in pain but the rest of his face gave nothing away. He didn't answer right away. But in the end he whispered, "Alright. I promise" and he gave me one small, slow nod.

I sighed in relief, at least now I get to see him more. _Thank you for giving me yourself back. I love you so much_. I silently thought. I couldn't tell him that. He might ask me why I was pushing him away since I still loved him and that was a question I wouldn't answer.

I saw his eyes lit up and he was fighting a smile. Almost as if he had heart my silent thank you. And I thought I heard him whisper "No, thank you" but it was too low for me to be sure of.

"So, breakfast time for the human?" he asked with his crooked smile I so loved. I missed that question.

I smiled and nodded, "please"

"Well, today there is a surprise breakfast" He said happily. I stared at him questioningly. But he only cocked his head towards the door. I looked over at the door, and once I did the door was thrown open and a very huge and smiling vampire was standing there.

"Emmet!" I cried in surprise. In a second he was beside me. His big goofy smile on his face and his arms outstretched for me. I hugged him and laughed as he gave me a small tickle.

"Fall-down-Bells. I missed you" He said laughingly. I laughed too but raised an eyebrow at the nickname.

"fall-down-Bells?" I asked.

"hey! You can't say it's not true" He defended and then messed with my hair.

I shrugged, "I guess you're right" and chuckled as he winked at me.

I heard a small knock on the door and I looked over to find a very awkward looking blond standing by the door.

"Rosalie?" I asked astonished. She hated me.

She looked at the floor and fidgeted with the plastic bag that was in her hands. She lifted it up a bit and mumbled, "I made omelets for breakfast" but didn't meet my gaze. I gaped at her for moment. I knew what this was. It was an apology. An apology for hating me without giving me a chance. An apology that I would gladly accept.

I felt a smile on my lips as I said, "With cheese?" I cocked my head a little and smiled widely.

She lifted her head up and met my gaze. When she saw my smile she smiled back and nodded, "Edward told me your favorite kind" She said excitedly.

"Well, I can't refuse a good cheese omelet for breakfast now can I?" She smiled widely and entered. She put the food in front of me and then sat on the edge of my bed beside Emmet.

"Thank you" I whispered to her kindly.

She smiled, "no, thank you for accepting it" I knew she wasn't talking about the omelets.

I looked at Edward and found him smiling and Rosalie and nodding to her. And I could swear I heard him whisper his own thanks to her.

I looked at the bag in front of me and a thought had me laughing. They looked at me curiously.

"What's the reason behind the beautiful laugh?" Edward asked smiling.

I laughed and shook my head, "I'm just imagining the look on Damien's face when he sees her. If I were you, I'd die my hair" Edward laughed with me but Rosalie cocked her head confused. "He just happens to go a little crazy when he sees a blonde" I said still laughing. She smiled and just when she was about to answer…

"I'm hurt" I heard Damien's voice. I looked over to see him leaning in from outside the window. "I could be the perfect gentlemen. More than that perfect-Mr- I'm-nothing-if-not-a-gentleman that's sitting beside you right there." He pointed at Edward who couldn't hold back his laughter. Coming to think of it, none of us could.

He jumped in and then stood in front of Rosalie. He fisted his left hand behind his back and held out his right. She gave him her hand and bit her lip to keep from laughing. "It's an honor to meet a beautiful lady like yourself, ma'm. And please, take no notice of what they said about me. Surely you have the most handsome locks I have ever seen. Gold and shiny, but that doesn't mean that I'm crazy about them" he said it in such a formal way, with an accent to his voice that it sent us all laughing. Even Emmet was roaring.

Rosalie decided to play along, "oh thank you kind sir. Would you like a picture of how my hair looks like in the morning?" She imitated his accent. We all laughed again at her pretence to be human. Only humans would have bad hair in the morning because of their sleep.

He pretended to shudder and left her hand immediately, "that's very kind of you, but…I'll pass" She giggled.

A few moments later we were all able to stop laughing. My stomach almost hurt from all the laughing, but it was a nice change. I missed laughing so hard. Even though Damien made me laugh a lot, but this was different. I was laughing with the ones I loved around me.

"This is Damien everyone. He's my _bestest_ friend" They chuckled at my use of a none existent word.

"Yeah we know. Carlisle told us about him" Emmet said.

Damien faked a cough, "I'm famous"

I rolled my eyes, "anyway, this is Emmet" I gestured towards Emmet.

"Call me Em" Emmet told him.

"Em" Damien smiled and nodded.

"And this is Rosalie" I gestured.

I saw his smile waver but he held it and I knew it was with effort.

"you could call me Rose" she smiled.

I noticed his fingers twitch, but he kept his smile plastered and nodded. I also noticed that he didn't say the name.

And that's when it hit me. Rosalie was so close to Rosalinda. And short for Rosalinda is also Rose. It must be hard for him. I turned to look at Edward to find him looking at Damien in concern too. He felt my gaze on him and looked at me.

"Rosalinda?" I mouthed to him with absolutely no voice, so no one could catch. Edward read it on my lips and nodded. So Damien was thinking of Rosalinda as I guessed.

"Hey, Damien. Why don't you sit down?" I forcing my voice to be cheerful. I patted the spot next to me.

He kept his smile in place and I saw how his teeth were gritted. These things, only I would notice because I knew him very well. And Edward would notice because he could hear it. But other than that no one would see the difference.

Damien came and sat next to me. I took his hand in mine and squeezed it from under the sheets. I felt him hold my hand tighter. He needed to talk. I knew him well enough to know that his control won't last long.  
Rosalinda was the only subject he'd never talked about. He'd told me that he couldn't talk about her. That it was too hard. But now, I could sense that he needed it and that he would if I offered to listen.

I looked at Edward and tried to tell him with my eyes that Damien needs me now. He seemed to understand because he nodded and then turned to Rosalie and Emmet, "Carlisle wants the three of us" He announced calmly.

"Now? Why?" Emmet asked.

"I don't know. He just told me that he wants us" Edward lied easily.

Rosalie and Emmet looked at each other then back at Edward. He sent them a meaningful look and the nodded. Understanding lit their faces and the both nodded.

"Ok, see you later Bella" Emmet said smiling.

"Enjoy your omelet" Rosalie said as she stood up.

"Thanks" I smiled to both of them.

Edward leaned in and hugged me. "I won't be far. Just call my name when you want me" he whispered. I nodded to him. Once I'm sure Damien's ok, I would call Edward back.

They all disappeared, leaving me and Damien alone. Once they were gone, Damien let the pretence fall. He stared forward and I could see that his eyes were full of tears. Tears that can never fall and I knew that he wished they could. I put a hand on his face and he met my gaze. His eyes sad and pained.

"Damien. It's me, Bella. You're little loving sister. I'm here to listen, if you're ready to talk" I whispered.

He closed his eyed and leaned the side of his head against the headboard. He took a deep breath and then breathed, "I miss her…"

A/N: Emotional cliffy! Lol. Well this chapter was getting ridiculously long in comparison to the rest of the chappies. So even if I wanted to continue, I had to stop. Hope you liked it. I finished school, so expect fast updates now lol. My birthday is almost here! I will be 15 on the 11th of June. Yay! Lol

**Review replies for anon:**

**BriM458:** lol, I won't tell you if that's true or not lol. If I did then I'd be spoiling the story hehehe. Thank you so much. I hope you stay that way lol

**Amanda:** Thank you! I'm glad you think that. I try to keep my stories different, I'm a big fan of originals :D

**Abby:** :D Yup! She finally knows! :D I liked the ending too lol. Thank you

**Giggler:** :D Thank yooooouuu! Well, both questions are hard to answer lol. All I could tell you for the first question is that they are gradually getting back together but they won't be fully together as long as Edward doesn't know that Bella's paralyzed. So……Later! Lol. Thanks


	22. Forgive me

..A/N: THANK YOU GUYS FOR THE REVIEWS!!!!!!

**Recap:**

"Damien. It's me, Bella. You're little loving sister. I'm here to listen, if you're ready to talk" I whispered.

He closed his eyed and leaned the side of his head against the headboard. He took a deep breath and then breathed, "I miss her…"

**Forgive me**

_I did this, love_

_Please forgive me_

_I promise you tonight_

_That you'll always be_

_In my heart, in my thoughts_

_Just give me a reason to live and be_

**Damien's POV**

"Damien" Bella whispered and I felt her hand squeeze mine. I knew she was worried because I had been silent for a while now. The truth is that after I told her that I missed Rose. I felt two opposite emotions, that I didn't understand how they combined. I felt a little relieved to finally talk to someone about her, but I also felt the ache of her absence.

To say that I miss her, that would be the biggest understatement of my life. Every moment I spent away from her I wondered how she was doing. And if she missed me as much as I missed her. If she thought about me as much as I her. If she ever wondered if I thought about her or not.

"Yes" I whispered. I tried to keep as much pain as possible out of my voice, but I knew it was still clear.

"Where is she?" I squeezed my eyes and covered my face with my hands.

"It was all my fault" I whimpered. I lifted my feet off the ground and put them on the bed. I bent my knees and rested my forehead against them. Curling into a ball that I spent years hiding in. I felt her hand on my hair and the other on my arm. I didn't know if she was trying to pry me free or if she was trying to soothe me, but I didn't move.

"What happened?" She whispered.

***********

_The pain was finally over. Never in my life would I have been able to imagine such an intense pain. Had I had the chance to die, I would've taken it without a second thought. But now it was over and I was free to open my eyes to see the world through them. But I didn't want to, afraid of what I might see. _

_What if all this was a nightmare? Surely it would disappear by just waking up. So that's what I did. I opened my eyes. I gasped once I did. Everything looked so different. So sharp, so clear. That shouldn't be a bad thing, but…it scared me. _

_My gasp allowed the air to pass through to my lungs, making me take in scents that I have never noticed. The scent of wet mud……dust……leaves…and……_

_My head snapped behind me as I caught the scent of something familiar but still not so. And that was when I realized that there was someone sobbing. I was so distracted to notice the voice before. But now, I didn't know how I missed it. It was so loud and heartbreaking. _

_I realized that the source of the scent was the source of the sobbing. Behind me, sitting under a tree, was Rosalinda. She had her back against the tree, her hand covering her mouth as she sobbed and her arm around her torso. Her legs were tucked under her as she shook. I stared at her for a moment, not really comprehending why she was so. My first instinct was to comfort her, till my mind caught up………_

_I suddenly realized what had happened. Why I was in that pain. Why she looked so guilty and scared. _

_"What have you done?" I found myself whispering. Appalled. _

_She didn't answer me, her sobs just grew louder and more pronounced as she stared at me. _

_I looked down at my body……No! this was not my body. This body was pale, too pale. It was muscular, but not in a way that would make me feel proud. _

_"What have you done?" I repeated but this time my voice was louder. I looked up at her and I moved my leg to go to her and suddenly I was in front of her. It frightened me. How did I reach her so fast? _

_I held her from her upper arms and burned my eyes into hers. Her eyes were full of fear and sorrow but they didn't move me. Not now. _

_"Why? Why did you do this to me?" And I realized I was shouting. Her black eyes tightened with guilt and pain._

_"I'm sorry" was all she whispered. And I certainly did NOT care about apologies right now. _

_"Answer me!" I shouted she squeezed her eyes closed and looked the other way. _

_"They were going to kill you. I told you, there was no other way'' She croaked between her sobs. _

_"No! I told you no. I refused. And you did it anyway. Do you realize what you've done to me?" I shouted and she just squeezed her eyes further and didn't turn her face to meet mine. _

_"Look at me!" I shouted and I didn't realize I was shaking her till I slammed her body against the tree. It didn't seem to hurt her but the tree croaked and started to fall backwards, till it hit the ground with a loud bang!_

_I pushed myself away from her instantly. I stared at my pale hands in disbelief. What have I done? How did I do it? How could I?_

_"D…Damien. It's ok…you don't kn…know you're strength…yet" She stuttered in a broken whisper. _

_"Strength?" I looked up at her and she flinched from my glare. "You turned me into a monster and you're telling me…STRENGHT?" I bellowed. "Do you have any idea what this coasts me?" _

_She was still on the ground as she stared up at me in fear. Her hand still covering her mouth as she shook her head slowly. _

_I gritted my teeth and was surprised to hear myself …growl? "My only hope of EVER seeing my family again was to DIE! You took that away form me! Now I can't die, and I will never see them again! Does that make you happy? Are you satisfied now? Your friends can't reach me now but I will have to live till God knows how long wondering how my parents were like and if I ever had a brother or a sister?" Her eyes were wide and the pain in them increased. _

_The sight of her pain stopped me in track. I was panting. I rubbed my face with my hands then ran my fingers through my hair. "Now, I will never know how it would feel like to have mother that loved me or a father that praised me, or a brother or a sister that looked up to me" I mumbled mostly to myself as I stared at a rock on the ground. Grief over my lost family twisted in my chest and I closed my eyes. _

_Was I that bad of a person? Was I so bad that I did not deserve to have a family and live happily with them? Was I so bad that I wouldn't be allowed to ever have even one glance at them? At first, when I was human, I would have answered that I wasn't so bad. And that I did deserve to have one like every other person. But now, I most certainly did not. Now that I'm a monster. Something that lived to kill, and lived on killing. How could I deserve anything?_

_"I…I'm s…sorry, Damien" She repeated honestly. I almost chuckled. What could I do with an apology? My only hope was to see them in the afterlife. Now that hope was gone…forever. _

_My heart was torn and I was on the verge of breaking down. I didn't want her to see exactly what she had done. I didn't want her to see how weak I really was. I didn't want her to know that she _killed_ me. I just wanted to grieve over my loss. Alone. _

_"Leave" I whispered almost mutely. Her sobbing stopped all together and she stared at me, and I could actually see her heart break on her face._

_"What?" She mouthed. Her blonde hair almost covering her face, but her black eyes were as clear as a candle in the dark. They were full of denial and ache. I knew she wanted me to take the words back, and she was giving me a chance to take them back. And I was a fool for not taking that chance. _

_I was too full of anger, too full of pain and hurt, too full of self disgust to notice what I was actually doing. _

_"Leave!" I repeated, louder and clearer this time. I noticed there was a strange ache in my throat, almost as if a burn. It added to all that I was feeling and it made things worse. _

_"D…D…Damien…p…please…" She started as she tried to stand up without shaking. _

_I felt my fury rise with the burn in my throat and every other feeling was intensifying. "Leave!" I shouted and she took a step back and clutched her fists to her chest. She had stared at me with tearful eyes before she looked down at he fists. She took her left fist in her right hand and loosened it. _

_"C…can…I…at l…least keep the…r…ring?" She whispered shakily. Her fingers lingering on the ring on her left hand. That ring was made of wood. When I had decided to propose to propose, I could not buy her a ring. I had no money and I had to hide. So I made her one. It took me a month to make it, I thought it was bad and cheap but she was ecstatic. _

_I looked from the ring to her and felt the burning in the back of my throat increase in a way that infuriated me, and my urge to break down was demanding. "Keep it. Just leave" I said as I turned my back on her._

_"Goodbye Damien. I love you so much. I will never forget you" She whispered and I knew the instant she left that she wasn't there. _

_I fell on my knees then, and allowed the grief that I had held back to break free. I curled there on the ground, sobbing, for hours. I didn't want to get up but the burn in my throat started to take control over my senses and I needed to put it off. So I decided that once the fire was put off, I could continue grieving over the family that I will never see. _

_**************_

"A…and when I realized w…what I had done, it was…t…too late to fix it. S…She was gone" I whispered between my sobs. All she wanted to do was to protect me. She was scared for me , she wanted me safe, and that was how I told her that I loved her too. That I wanted her with me forever, even if she was the cause of this.

"Oh Damien" I heard Bella's voice break and my head snapped up. She was crying. I tried to stifle my sobs to calm her down but she stopped me.

"No! no. Cry Damien. You have to let it out." She whispered as she wiped her tears but it was no use. Others ran down. She wrapped her arms around me and stroked my hair as I sobbed on her shoulder.

"The last memory she has of me, is me telling her to leave. She must think that I hate her. How could I have done something like that? How could I have hurt her that way?" I thought out loud.

"Listen Damien. You were under so much pressure. You were angry and hurt. Plus Edward told me that when you are a new born you don't have control on anything, least of all emotions and conversations. You did not really know what you were doing" She spoke slowly. She kept stroking my hair.

"Justifications don't matter now" I whispered as I wrapped my arms around Bella tightly. It was as if she was giving me the strength I needed right now. I buried my face further in her shoulder as one more sob escaped me. She tightened her arms around me as I whispered, "She's gone!"

A/N: sooooooooo what do you think of Damien's story?? Hate it? Dislike it? Like it? Love it? Lol. Please tell me. I have butterflies in my stomach.

**Review Reply for anon:**

**Abby: **:D eeeeeeek!!!! Yay! I'm so excited. And don't worry, as long as I'm still writing you'll find something new. I don't repeat story lines. Thank you!

**Nikkiscraps: **:D Thank you! And yes, I'm almost 15!!! Thank you, but you should see me with my friends lol I'm the farthest thing from mature lol. I will update faster than this chappy. I just had computer problems so I couldn't upload it earlier. Hope you still like it. Thanks!

Love

Mai


	23. Request

.A/N: Hm guys! Ok, I want you to imagine with me a big party. With drinks, foor, and cake lol. The coolest music is playing and a big poster written on it "THANK YOU FOR THE WORLD'S BEST READERS!!!" This virtual party is for you! Enjoy it! :P

**Recap:**

"Justifications don't matter now" I whispered as I wrapped my arms around Bella tightly. It was as if she was giving me the strength I needed right now. I buried my face further in her shoulder as one more sob escaped me. She tightened her arms around me as I whispered, "She's gone!"

**Request**

_Why do you offer…_

_What I long for_

_Why do you offer…_

_What I can't go for_

**Damien's POV**

Bella kept me in her embrace for quite a while. I wondered if she got bored of soothing me but she never showed any sign of annoyance. I sighed gratefully, "Thank you, Bella" I whispered.

"For what?" she mumbled as she inhaled my hair while she twisted it around. "You know, you kinda smell like Edward" She inhaled again.

I chuckled, "Is that a bad thing?"

"Nope. I like it" She said and I could hear the smile in her voice. I pulled away and gave her my most honest smile.

"Thank you for being there for me when I needed it" I whispered.

She rolled her eyes, "you're thanking me? Then what should I do to you. Build you a statue. You've done so much for me" She smiled and took my hand in hers.

I smiled, "You don't need to do me anything. I love ya, B" I said softly.

She smiled widely, "I love ya too, D" and gave me a big hug. That was what was nice in our relationship. There was no awkwardness and no misunderstanding. We love each other but in a different way that what everyone means. I pulled away.

"So? What do you want to eat?" I asked.

"Well, Rosalie's omelets are about to freeze but I should eat them. It was an apology breakfast, I don't want her to get the wrong idea" She said as she pulled out a wrapped plate from the plastic bag. I was getting up to get her a fork when I stopped in track.

**********

_"eeeee" The baby squealed as he struggled to stand up on his small feet. He was looking at a lady standing not so far away from him. She had her arms open for him. Inviting him to come. _

_"Come on Damy. Come on sweety." She cooed as the baby tried to stand up, "come to mamma" The lady's face wasn't clear, but from her voice she seemed kind. _

_The baby managed to stand up and stumbled on his way to her. He fell more than once, but his mother's voice encouraged him to stand up again. _

_"That's it baby, come on" And when the baby reached his mother, she sat down on her knees and hugged him. She gave him a kiss on his cheek and turned him around to face a tall man. _

_His face was no clearer than the lady's but from his stance he seemed to be looking at the mother. "Our son's growing up. Already learning how to walk" He whispered. _

_"I know" She whispered. The father opened his arms for the baby, revealing a lollipop in his right hand._

_The baby squealed and clapped in joy, "Pop! Pop!" And he started to stumble in his father's direction with his hands reached out and his hands clenching and unclenching. As if trying to hold the air. _

_"Come here, my son" The father said. The baby squealed again and tripped. The parents laughed and went to him. The mother carried the baby and the father wrapped his arms around both of them. _

_"hm, what do you think he'll become when he grows up?" The father wondered out loud. _

_"He would be an outstanding artist" She said and there was a smile in her voice. _

_"You want the boy to draw like you?" The father said doubtfully. "I think he would be a lawyer, like father like son" He said proudly. _

_The baby screamed with a smile and both parents flinched while laughing. _

_"I guess we will see, my love" The father said while kissing her forehead. _

_"Yes, I guess so, my dear"_

_*******************_

I sunk back on the bed with nothing but blankness on my face. Another memory. Another gift to cherish. But how? And why couldn't I just see their faces? Their voices were so beautiful, so soothing. I could spend an eternity listening to it.

The memory played before my eyes like a scene from a movie. So clear and real except for their features which I can't fight the urge to see.

"Damien? Are you ok?" I looked at her and stared for a moment. Not comprehending.

"I just had a flashback. Of me and my parents" I mumbled, still stunned. Bella gasped.

"How?" She whispered.

"I don't know" I met her eyes and continued, "It happened once before, but I never thought it would happen again"

Bella's gaze turned warm and she put a hand in my arm, "How was it?"

"My mother was right…" I mouthed and I felt my heart clench, "I did become an artist"

"And a very good one too" She agreed with a smile.

I felt a smile on my face, "Bella, my mother was an artist" I said almost cheerfully, but there was an edge of desperation in my voice. "She thought I'd be like her. She was right" I could almost feel joy of this new found knowledge. I knew something about my parents, and not only that, but I related to them in it.

"That is so great Damien. I bet she was as good as you" Bella said sincerely, her smile was, however, was sad. I knew it was due to the desperation, the longing in my expression.

"She must've been tons better. She sounds so gentle" I replayed her voice in my head again and smiled.

"Sounds?" She asked, "didn't you see her?"

That's when my smile wavered a bit, "no. I couldn't see any of their faces. It's not clear" I sighed.

"I'm sorry" She whispered and I smiled again

"Don't be. I'm happy with whatever I can get. At least they're in my memory" I took another look at the memory and kept repeating it. I loved how the love and adoration in their voices made me feel. It's made me feel warmer than I've felt in years.

Bella smiled and patted my arm.

I sighed and decided to think about this later, "eat. Do you want me to get you Edward?"

"Yes please" Was all she said before she shoved some food in her mouth.

Before I got the chance to call him, he was in the room. He probably had been waiting for her to call him ever since he left.

"Hello Damien" He said with a smile. I smiled back.

"Hey!" I stood up, "Can you take care of Bell for a while? I need to hunt" The burning in the back of my throat wasn't so demanding but I wasn't going to wait for it to be so.

"Of course" He said and in a second he was beside Bella.

**BPOV**

These omelets were delicious. _I_ didn't do them as well as these, and _I_ am human.

"Hello, love" Edward said once Damien departed.

"Hey" I whispered in between bites. I was starving, and if it wasn't for Damien, I would have eaten an hour ago. Not that I mind soothing him.

"I see you like the omelets. Rosalie would be pleased" He smiled crookedly.

I smiled and nodded. After a few minutes of silence and chewing, I was able to finish the rather large plate and put it in the bag.

"Please tell Rosalie that I thank her and that it was very tasty" I was too focused on food to notice that Edward was uncomfortable. I cocked my head as he gave me a smile that looked totally wrong.

"What's wrong Edward?" I asked.

He struggled for a moment and I didn't know what to make of his anxious state. Maybe he was going to apologize? But he did that already. Was there a problem of some sort? I held my breath and expected the worse.

"Edward?" I urged him.

"Well, you see…" he started and then trailed off.

I sighed, already feeling panic for whatever I might hear, "Edward, you know you can tell me anything"

"I know, it's not that" he mumbled staring at his fingers. His eyebrows furrowed and I saw his lashes cast shadows across his cheek. His stance worried me and I had to know right now what was going on!

"Then what is it?" I kept my voice as calm as possible.

"I…I'm afraid you'll reject me" He whispered as he lifted his eyes to meet mine. I stared into them for an eternity of time. They were full of his pain, fear, but there was something else. A little spark that I knew, was in my hands to make it light up his eyes. Hope.

"Don't be. I can't reject you Edward. I love you" I whispered softly. That little spark of hope that was in his eyes grew a little and I felt his hands take mine.

"A few days ago, I found some place…that reminded me of our meadow…" he started looking at my hand in his. Avoiding my gaze. And it was a good thing he did.

I could feel my eyes go wide and my lips part in shock. My heart raced in my chest, threatening to break out and the blood left my face.

"And I was wondering…… if you'd like to…"

Oh no! He isn't going to…

"…come with me"

A/N: DUN DUN DA!!!!!!!! Bella can't walk and Edward just asked her out! She promised she won't reject him. Would she agree? Would she hurt him? Would she tell him? Would she give an excuse? All the answers will be revealed in the next chappy! Yay! Lol.

**Abby:**  Maybe he is, maybe he isn't. You've got to wait to find out. Thank you!!!

Love

Mai


	24. Denial

.A/N: OME! I CAN'T FREAKING BELIEVE IT! FOUR HUNDRED REVIEWS??!!!!!!!! I'VE NEVER EVEN DREAMT ABOUT THAT NUMBER! THANK YOU SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO MUCH LOL! I will think of sth to make for all you amazing readers for making me THIS….well happy doesn't cover it but let's just say happy but know that I'm so much more than happy!

**Recap:**

"And I was wondering…… if you'd like to…"

Oh no! He isn't going to…

"…come with me"

**Denial**

_No, this couldn't be_

_What have I done to thee?_

_I love you and I promise_

_From my faulty, _

_to let you flee_

**EPOV**

As I traced the shape of her frail fingers, I noticed her heart beat hoist. The fear that was filling me started to stir, but I tried to ignore it by reminding myself how her heart used to do the same thing when I had asked her out before. I felt the temperature of her hand drop a few degrees and this scared me, so I forced myself to meet her eyes.

I froze. She was staring at the window with so much pain in her eyes that I flinched. She had both her lips between her teeth and tears threatened to fall from her face.

"Bella" I whispered shocked from her expression. She neither answered nor met my concerned gaze. I lifted my hand and pushed her hair away from her cheek softly. She exhaled and closed her eyes.

"I wish I could" She whispered, and then pain was dripping from her voice like the rain in winter.

I winced and took my hand back, "Then what prevents you?" I mumbled pathetically, "Do you…do you not want to?"

_Please say do, please say you do, please. _ I wished internally. And waiting for her to answer that question was unbearable. Whatever was left of my heart counted on the answer to that question. If she said that she didn't want to go with me then I'd get the message. She didn't want to _be _with me. Could I stand hearing her say that? Could I be able to _pretend_ like I accept her rejection and walk away? Could I live with the memory of Bella telling me that she didn't want me? Or didn't love me?

I doubted that I could. I didn't notice that I had held my breath till I felt the absence of her scent.

"No, Believe me. I want to…more than anything" And I exhaled the amount of oxygen I had locked within me. Her voice broke when she spoke and a tear slid slowly down her cheek. She lifted her hand and rubbed her tears away from her wet eyes and sniffed.

"Then please come with me" I pleaded.

"I c…can't" She whispered unsteadily.

"Why so?" She wanted to come. She said that. Then why can't she?

She finally turned her face to meet my gaze, "I …j..just can't, okay?" She almost shouted. I could see panic and pain in her eyes. I could see self-pity and anger. I could see weakness and plead. I could also see hidden secrets. Secrets that would always stay hidden from me.

I didn't know why wasn't her mind giving me any hints now.

"Please, Bella? I'm not saying that by this we'll be …Together again" I couldn't help the wince. It was just painful to admit out loud that me and Bella weren't one. Like we used to be. "Just …give me a chance to make you happy"

She stared at me for what felt like years. Just staring into my eyes with her wet ones. "Edward, I can't" She said each word separately and firmly. I could see how the words cut her as much as they cut me.

"Could…you g…go get me um…uh…" She quickly started and I knew once she started that it was an excuse. I dropped my head and stood up.

"I'll leave" I whispered and tried to keep my pain from creeping in my voice.

I saw from my peripheral vision that her hand reached to comfort me, but then she pulled it back and closed her eyes. It stung me but I didn't let her see that. I ran away before my pain could betray me and show on my face.

"I love you" I heard her whisper when I was out pf her room.

"I love you more than ever" I whispered back but I knew this could never reach her ears. I kept running and I don't know exactly where I was going. I was just running.

I stopped somewhere and I didn't care. Why? Why does it have to be this way? Why do I insist on inflicting more pain on both her and myself? I shouldn't have said anything from the beginning.

I remember being so afraid and nervous. I had spent most of the time conflicting with myself. Ask her to come, or just stay silent. I wasn't going to ask but I knew it would drive me insane. I wouldn't be able to do anything but wonder if she would have agreed or not. So that's why I decided to ask.

Now, I was regretting me ever deciding that. Didn't I have enough? Couldn't I control my desires a little more? Or do I have to ruin everything? Everything will be awkward again. She would be more guarded around me, afraid that I might ask her again.

_Are you satisfied now?_ A voice shouted in my head.

I buried my face in my hands and sat down on wherever ground beneath me.

"I miss you Bella." I found myself whispering to her absence. I knew it made no sense. But her scent still surrounded me, it felt like she was here. I couldn't help the temptation of telling her everything without her actually hearing it.

"I want us to be like before again…even more" My voice broke. I inhaled more of her scent, it clung to my shirt so strongly.

"What's wrong with you?" And that was the question that had been twirling in my mind ever since I found out that she was ill with…something. It was driving me out of my head. What could she possibly have that she needs to keep a secret from me…….

I gasped. That was it! It had something to do with her illness. She said she _couldn't_ not that _she didn't want to_. The only thing that could stop her was something physical. Her illness and her need to keep it a secret from me prevented her.

"Could that be?" I mouthed in shock. Could she be _that_ ill? I shook my head, trying to push away the thoughts that threatened to kill me.

But…why wouldn't she tell me if she was ill? Why wouldn't confide in me in something like this? Maybe…Maybe Carlisle knows…but no, no of course he doesn't. I would have caught it in his thoughts. But then again, Carlisle can hide some things from me, just as well as Alice and Jasper could. So does that mean that Carlisle knows? Would she trust me father and not me?

Carlisle never gave her a reason to _not _trust him, me on the other hand……I winced. I wouldn't blame her. How could I? I knew she was right. She shouldn't trust me. Not after what I did. But…Why was I so hurt that she didn't when I knew that was the right thing? Why did I wish that I was brave enough to face her and demand to know what was going on? Why?

I couldn't face her, but I could face Carlisle……

Once that thought came to my mind I was running. Maybe Carlisle knew, and if he did, he would tell me, wouldn't he?

I shook the doubt from my head and focused on the run.

_"Your knowledge of this wasn't her desire" _

I stopped as I remembered Damien's words. She didn't want this. Would I do it behind her back? When she had little trust in me that I wanted to increase?

I sighed as I knew I wouldn't. _Now what?_ I shouted in my head.

But then I started to hear a far away voice. I was so far from the hospital but my vampire senses allowed me to barely hear the voices in Bella's room.

"You need to come with me now Bella. Please, let me try to do what I can" That was Carlisle's voice, it sounded like he had been asking her something for more than once.

"Don't worry Bella. After what had happened, I doubt he'll come anytime close" That was Jasper. They were talking about me, I took a few steps closer so my mind reading could work.

And I saw her through Jasper's eyes. Her eyes still filled with tears and she had her bottom lip between her teeth. Looking scared and anxious.

What was going on?

"Are you sure?" She whispered as she held her blanket tighter.

"Yes I'm sure" Jasper assured her.

She fidgeted for a few seconds then nodded slowly. "Could you help me up Carlisle?" She mumbled.

"Of course" He said quickly. He pushed away her blanket and …carried her? Why did he carry her? What was wrong?

And then, I saw it, and even though I saw it through Jasper's eyes, I couldn't believe it. Jasper pushed a …_wheel chair_ to them as Carlisle gently sat her on it.

No, no, no, no, This could NOT be happening. I ran as fast as I could to her room. Somehow I didn't believe what I saw when I saw it through Jasper's eyes. I was hoping that it was all an illusion, that it was just Jasper imagining this.

"Carlisle" Jasper hissed in alarm. And I heard Carlisle gasp.

"What?" Bella whispered.

"Edward's here" and just as the words out of Jasper's mouth, I was in the room.

Bella gasped. _She was sitting on a wheel chair_.

"Edward" she said but I couldn't comprehend. I couldn't comprehend anything at that moment.

"No" I mumbled as I staggered back, my head shaking with denial.

"Edward, calm down" Carlisle said slowly but I kept shaking my head.

My vision blurred with the tears that would never fall. And you know why? Because I was a monster!

"No" I repeated and I hit the window.

What have I done?! WHAT HAVE I DONE? I DID NOT DESERVE TO LIVE! What did I put her through?

"Please Edward" She croaked.

"Edward" Jasper warned.

"NO!" I shouted and jumped out of the window. I did not deserve to live after what I had done. I would take her revenge from myself. I would end forever the source of her suffering. Me. I was going to commit suicide.

A/N: GASP! Edward found out! And he's going to end his existence! DUN DUN DUN DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! Lol! I know I told you he won't find out in this chappy but I wanted to surprise you. See ya next chappy! And you don't need to tell me, I can feel your love already before I even post this lol.

**Nikkiscraps: **OME! Thank you for all of your reviews on all the stories you've read! Thank you!! I'm so thrilled that you like all of them. Hope you don't hate me too much after all this.

**Abby:** Tada! Surprise surprise. Was that what you expected? Thank you

**Giggler:** Yay!!! Thank you!! And here's your update.

**LOuise: **eeeekk! Thank you so much! For all your reviews :D Hope this one was a surprise for you.

Love

Mai


	25. Fading

.A/N: HA! I finally know what I will do to show you how grateful I am!!! Yaaaaaaay! Lol. But I'll do it after I finish this story, so wait for your surprise!!!

**For "iole01" Here's a short Jasper POV for you. I know when you asked for it you were expecting something longer than this, but I am doing what I can to put what you want without ruining the story. **

**Recap:**

_"NO!" I shouted and jumped out of the window. I did not deserve to live after what I had done. I would take her revenge from myself. I would end forever the source of her suffering. Me. I was going to commit suicide._

**Fading**

_Everything was shattered_

_Nothing else mattered_

_Too many to put back together_

_Kidnapped by my body_

_Nothing found to burry_

**JPOV**

"Edward!" Bella screamed after him, but he was already gone. The room was full of tension and panic, fear and despair, sadness and….rejection?

"No, Bella" I whispered as I forced my eyes away from the window. She was staring at the place where Edward was standing. Her eyes filled with tears of her pain, both her lips between her teeth and her hands holding the arms of the wheel chair tightly, as if trying to get up. "No Bella. He isn't rejecting you. He's just…pained to see you this way. He loves you" I whispered as soothingly as I could. I wanted to calm her but the problem was that there was too much panic in the room that I couldn't separate mine from the others.

"I d-don't think h-he does a-after this-s" She stuttered, mostly mouthing the words.

"Hush. Do not say that Bella. My son loves you more than you give him credit for." Carlisle said as he put a hand on her shoulder. Somehow, Carlisle could make the words sound caring and soft, though if said by someone else would sound harsh.

"Where is he g-going n-now?" That was the question that I wanted answer for. I wanted so badly to go after him, but I couldn't leave Bella alone. I was best to know how she would feel about this. She needed me, just as much. And Carlisle thought that Edward would need to be alone. He wouldn't want someone to be with him to watch his pain.

"I-I'm w…worried" Bella mumbled. That was an understatement to her true feelings. It was like a human was hit by a bus and says that it stings.

I heard clicking of a cell phone. She was dialing a number.

"Hey Bella!" The voice answered at once. That was Damien's voice. I could hear a growling sound in the background. He was hunting.

"D…Damien. C…could you go see Edward?" She sniffed weakly.

"What happened?" Anxious at once.

"He knows, and now he ran and I'm worried" She said all in one breath, I was starting to think that Alice wasn't a very good influence. I pushed that thought aside, this wasn't the time to be distracted.

"He knows?! Don't worry, I'll track his scent. Just stay calm till I come back" He said urgently.

Bella was about to answer when Suddenly Alice was in the room. Of course I felt her before she came. One look at her face and I panicked, because she looked so. I opened my arms to her and she ran in them.

"What's wrong?" I said as I sent my calming waves all around her. Wrapping them like a blanket to protect her.

"I see Edward……burning himself" She hiccupped.

"WHAT?!" Bella shouted and the cell from her hands on the floor.

"Bella! Bella! Calm down!" Damien shouted in the phone like he knew something bad will happen.

I could feel Bella's emotions jumping from one thing to another without any sense, from shock, to fear, to panic, to despair, to……_unconsciousness? _How could that be. I didn't know what to calm. All of her emotions mixed together as one. I pulled away from Alice to ask Bella how could she feel all this at once to find her head leaning back against the chair and her eyes rolling back. Her breathing was labored and her heart beat was racing.

"Bella!" Carlisle shouted alarmed.

She was having a seizure! I tried to control her emotions to stop this, but I couldn't. They were too strong.

Then Bella pushed herself off the chair and was falling but I caught her.. Her whole body was shaking and her eyes were white; her irises in the back of her head. Then, a scream fell from her lips and broke through the oxygen in the room.

Carlisle held her hands and ordered Alice to get her, her medicine. I carefully laid her on the bed.

I could feel the panic and the conflict that was filling the room. Conflict because we all wanted to catch Edward before he did something foolish, and panic because we couldn't leave and it could be too late when we could.

But Damien was our savior.

"Carlisle, can you hear me?" Damien shouted.

"Yes, Damien" Carlisle said strangled as he tried to stop Bella's writhes to give her the medicine she needs.

"Take care of Bella. Leave Edward to me"

--

**DPOV**

I was almost there. I could smell his scent getting stronger, almost a few feet away. Then, I caught the scent of something else. Burn….Fire. I pushed myself to run faster. _I am NOT going to be too late_. I shouted in my head. The scent was stronger. Burning leaves and wood. The scent was so repulsive and almost choking, but I couldn't care less as I ran to my destination.

When I was too far in the forest and the tears were thicker, I saw it. A huge tree, concealed in the orange and yellow flames. The smoke was almost blinding, causing the trees beside it to be rather than the brown and green colors, to black. Dust black. Burnt black.

And there, beside it was a small figure, compared to the big fire, throwing more wood in it. Fueling it more.

"Don't even think about stopping me" Edward said in the harshest voice I've ever heard. His voice was bleak and full of anger and self-hatred.

"Edward…" I started slowly as I stopped running.

"No! Nothing you could say or do this time that could make me go back" He glared at me.

"What's gotten into you? You're hurting her this way!" I said as calmly as I could.

"Like I haven't done that already" He growled and when he met my eyes I could see his eyes, I could see it. This wasn't Edward, this was Edward the vampire. The one that wouldn't listen or register anything when he's angered. The one that lived to kill, and killed to live. Usually we try to control that side of us. And usually it isn't so hard, since we hunt animals not humans. Human blood provoke that side more. But it seems like that side of Edward broke free in this moment and there was nothing to stop it.

His eyes were hard and full of anger, even though I only knew Edward for a few days, I couldn't believe that his pure soul was capable of such anger.

"Edward this is going to be the end of her" I said firmly, trying to help the true Edward find his way back.

"What is left in her to die? I killed _everything_" he snarled from between his gritted teeth.

"You could fix things again. But not this way" I almost shouted.

"This can not be fixed. I killed her" He snarled as he dug his fingers in the trunk of a tree and pulled it out of it's roots, so he cold add it to his fire. "Can you see me? I'm a killer"

"The one who I'm talking to right now is not you. That's just the monster in you. You gave him a way to escape. Rein him again" I said through my own gritted teeth.

And suddenly, he flung the tree that he had just pulled out at me. I ducked out of it's way and heard it's _crash_ on the ground.

"How do _you _know?!" He shouted furiously, "I've been nothing but a monster!"

He dug his hands in a new tree so he could pull it out.

"If you were such a monster and never good then how come she loved you?!"

The trunk in between his hands suddenly bent and crushed. His hands met in the middle as the tree started to fall. "Don't say that! She doesn't love me! It was just the charms that this body could put on his prey. She fell for it. She was my victim. But in a different way than vampire victims should be" He lifted the tree from the ground and threw it into the ever growing fire.

"She wasn't your victim because you weren't doing a number on her. You loved her too. You still do!" I was almost growling like him but I did my best to hold on to my calm.

"That was a mistake! I'm fixing it now! If my life is all about loving her, then I will fix that. I will end it" the snarls rumbled in his chest and his body was almost shaking in anger.

"Edward…" and I trailed off, because I met his gaze again. His eyes were changing, from their golden butterscotch honesty, to the contaminated blood red. The monster was winning and Edward was fading. "Edward fight it! Fight it! She doesn't resent you. She loves you" I shouted helplessly. I knew if I tried to attack and pull him back he would jump in before I reached him.

Another loud snarl, "There is no time for fights. I have an appointment in hell"

"No Edward! Don't kill both of you! Listen to me Edward. You can fight him. Just think of her! Damn it, fight it! For her"

He growled at me, "Stay out of it" and he turned to face the fire.

There was a shuffle behind me, and I saw Edward's head snap in it's direction. I looked behind me to find all of the Cullens standing. Jasper had Bella in his arms. She was unconscious.

"She needs you" was all he whispered.

No one even dared to breathe as Edward stared at the motionless body in Jasper's arms.

Jasper walked forward slowly and went as close as he dared to Edward. Then stopped and slowly sat down on the floor and laid Bella's body on the ground. Her face was pale and sweat had her hair clinging to it. She was mumbling some incomprehensible words that tangled around Edward's name.

He didn't lift his eyes off her and I could see them changing more than once. He was battling, but couldn't win. Every time they changed to golden they turned back to red.

Jasper lifted his eyes off Bella and met his brother's changeable eyes as he whispered, "Bella needs you"

A/N: Sorry!! Had to stop here. Felt like the perfect place to stop. So what do you think? I know I went against the book in some things but hey, it's called fan fiction. I'm a fan lol! Hey, could you please tell me something honestly? Do you think that the Edward povs ok or do I need to make them a little more older??? Just so I could fix it if it needs anything.

LOuise: OMG! You left two reviews?!!! Yay! Thank you so much!! And I'm mega happy that you like my story that much! Hope this chappy doesn't disappoint.

Abby: :D lol, yup! Love is complicated lol. Is it clearer now why Edward acted that way? Hope it is. Thank you

Terry: Thank you so much. SO happy that you like it!! Addicted? Yay! Lol. I'll open a rehab center after this story, don't worry lol. Thank you

Michelle: And here's your request :D Thank you.

Giggler: lol! Thank you! Hope you liked this one too

Love

Mai xx


	26. New Born

.A/N: OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! FIVE HUNDRED REVIEWS???!!!!!!!!! OMG! What have I ever done to deserve great readers as yourselves?????? Stands up and gives the amazing readers a big round of applause I love you!!!!!

**Recap:**

_He didn't lift his eyes off her and I could see them changing more than once. He was battling, but couldn't win. Every time they changed to golden they turned back to red. _

_Jasper lifted his eyes off Bella and met his brother's changeable eyes as he whispered, "Bella needs you"_

**New born**

_I couldn't see him this way_

_Felt like I just wanted to runaway_

_His pain was too much to see_

_Knowing that it was caused by me_

**BPOV**

What was this smell? I was surrounded by a dark cloud, choking me. I tried to escape the darkness, but it was everywhere. The smell of it burnt my throat and I tried not to breathe, but that task proved itself to be impossible. I couldn't take the smell, and a hysteric coughs started to escape my chest.

"Bella!" I heard a voice whisper softly. The voice wasn't far away and I felt something cold on my face. "Carlisle, we forgot about the smoke. Humans can't inhale smoke" The voice said but farther away from me.

Suddenly, I felt the presence of someone else beside me. I felt another cold hand under my neck, lifting it up. "Breathe Bella" A calm voice ordered softly. I felt something cold and wet cover both my mouth and nose, and it was easier to breathe then.

"Bella?" the first voice called. "Can you hear us?"

I felt my head spinning a little and the hand on the back of my neck move, or was I the one who was moving?

"Hm" I exhaled. That was all I was able to say. I was still trying to find my eyes to open them.

Once I found them I opened them a little. My lids were heavy and I was exhausted. I saw to blond handsome men hovering over me.

"How is she feeling?" The older one asked the younger, even though it was hard to tell which was which.

"She's confused, still not comprehending. She's also very weak" The younger one said as he looked at me in concern. What was going on?

I moved my head slowly trying to stop the spinning when I caught sight of the most terrifying thing. A huge fire, burning and eating the wood of the tree.

I gasped, I realized there was a wet towel covering my mouth and nose, so I could breathe. Beside the fire was a boy that I could never ignore.

Then it all clicked. Edward knew…Alice's vision…the fire…"Edward!" I meant to shout but it came out as a shaky breathe. When I met his eyes I cringed away. They were….they were…red!

"She's scared" Jasper said and touched my hand. I couldn't pay him any attention right now. His red eyes were almost glaring, was this his way of showing me that I was rejected? I felt my eyes fill with tears.

"Bella" I forced my eyes away from his glare. I mean if looks could kill, this one would definitely be the end of me. I met Damien's gaze, and that's when I realized everyone was here. Carlisle and Jasper were by my side and Damien was standing beside them. Esme, Alice and Rosalie were almost on the verge of tears behind Damien. Emmet looked like he was about to attack.

Damien continued, "He's not himself Bella. His vampire side is taking over. We have to bring Edward back" He explained. My head was still spinning when I took the towel from Carlisle's hands and held it for myself as I pushed myself to sit up. I had to lean on Jasper for support, I was too weak to sit on my own. I was about to fall again and I felt my vision blur but not with tears. Carlisle caught my back.

"Are you ok?" His doctor hormones kicking in.

"I'm not sure" I whispered truthfully as I narrowed my eyes and tried to see Edward clearly. He was still staring at me with a torn look on his face. "Edward…" I started in a whisper and I saw his eyes change from red to golden then back to red again. This was strange, my mind must be playing tricks on me. But I tried not to be distracted, "Please Edward. Please, don't jump in." I started pleading and I felt a tear slid down my cheek slowly. At the sight of my tears and pleading his eyes tightened and I saw the switch in color again. "I won't stay in this world without you in it"

"No!" He shouted at once and I saw his eyes turn golden. "No, Bella please. Stay. Stay for me" He was shaking and I could almost see his fight in his eyes.

"Then would you do the same for me?" I whispered. Edward shouldn't die. That's just wrong. There shouldn't be a world without him, How could there be one? If someone deserved to die, then it should be me, for causing all his pain.

He was silent but his eyes never left mine. I could see his struggle, his body shook with it. His fingers twitched and his eyes changed more than once. They settled on red.

"Why should I stay?" he hissed and I flinched from his harsh tone.

I guessed that my pain showed on my face because his eyes were back and he whispered, "I'm sorry Bella. I didn't mean that" I could see he was in so much pain and I didn't like it.

"Edward, please come back." I said my voice thick with motion. He started at me with nothing but longing in his eyes. If I were able to walk, I would have ran in his arms and dragged him back.

"Do you remember what you told me before?" I started as he continued to stare at me.

"You told me that you couldn't live in a world where I don't exist" I saw him nod slowly, keeping our eye contact, "well it's the same for me. I love you Edward. So much. And I will not live when you're not here"

I saw him gulp and as he closed his eyes. He didn't reply, but I saw him wince and his hands buried themselves in his hands.

"Stop talking to me like that! You're making it worse" he snarled, and I guessed his eyes would have been red. His teeth grit and his fingers held his hair tighter I was afraid that he might pull it out.

"Carlisle" His voice was strained, "I don't know what to do" he started panting, "It's like being a newborn again" He shook hard and fell on his knees. It was hard to watch his pain. I wanted to tell them to take me away from here. But I knew he needed me. So I stayed.

"Argh!" he groaned.

"Edward concentrate on anything other than what you're fighting." Carlisle instructed.

I saw Damien and Jasper give each other a meaningful glance and then they gave it to Emmet. It was all to fast but suddenly, Damien was pinning Edward to the ground and Jasper and Emmet were putting off the fire with dust.

I saw both Edward and Damien freeze, as if they've been electrified and that caused Damien to leave Edward at once. They stared at each other for a moment before Jasper interjected,

"What was that?" Jasper asked. The fire was put off, one of the advantages of having vampire speed. He looked at both of them questioningly, probably feeling what they had felt.

"I don't know" Damien answered, but Edward had eyes only for me. I reached a hand for him and in a second he was in front of me. He took my hand, before lifting me off the ground and setting me on his lap. He touched his forehead to mine and his eyes burned into mine. "I'm sorry" was what he whispered.

Now that the distraction was gone I was aware that my head was still spinning and that I could barely hold my head up.

"D…Don't b-be" I mouthed, my eyes almost dropping.

"Bella, what's wrong?" He asked, starting to get alarmed. I was starting to feel a little numb. The forest turned upside down and I felt my head leave Edward's.

"Bella!" was the last thing I heard before the darkness took me again.

A/N: Short! Sorry, but next chappy I'm going to tell you what happened to Bella, so I can't start here. Hope it wasn't a disappointment. MY BIRTHDAY IS TOMORROW!!!! EEEEEEEEEEKKK!!!! TOMORROW I'LL BE 15!!!

**Abby: **:D Yay! Thank you!

**LOuise: **:D I squeal too whenever I see your reviews. Hope you enjoy my other stories too :D Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Michelle: **:D Thank you ! and me? Amazing? That's auch a big complement :D Thank you

**Amanda:** Uh-Oh lol hope you don't get in trouble with you boss because of me. :D Thank you so much!!!!

**Giggler: And **here's another update :D Thank you!!!

**Terry:** :D lol I already booked you a room lol. Thank you!!!!

**Twilight_5308:** :D Thank you! Here's more :D

**Kristenc812: **I couldn't send you a reply, because you have the PM property disabled. I just wanted to say thank you for the kind words you said :D


	27. Shock!

.A/N: YOU GUYS ARE THE BEST OF THE BEST!!!! THANK YOU FOR BEING SO AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!

**Recap:**

"Bella, what's wrong?" He asked, starting to get alarmed. I was starting to feel a little numb. The forest turned upside down and I felt my head leave Edward's.

"Bella!" was the last thing I heard before the darkness took me again.

**Shock!**

_Would she be _

_Like the one I see?_

_Could I have been_

_The cause of this?_

**Damien's POV **(A/N: Sorry, I feel more comfortable writing from his POV)

"Edward! Calm down!" I said for about the millionth time in the last fifty seconds. We were back in the hospital and Bella was in her bed, still unconscious to his madness. He'd been pacing up and down the room in anxiousness ever since we came back.

"I can't. She's comatose!" He panicked.

"Edward! She's human! Carlisle told you that was normal for her case." I groaned when he shook his head and kept pacing faster. I've seen her faint before, many times. It was really normal for her case, so I wasn't panicking; I knew she would wake up after a few minutes.

Edward stopped suddenly and turned to stare at me. I furrowed my eyebrows and cocked my head questioningly. His face became unreadable and I knew he was trying to put a mask to his pain.

"What was it like?" he whispered finally. I didn't understand what he meant by that. He looked at Bella and whispered, "What was _she_ like?"

And I blocked my thoughts. I started singing the chicken dance in my head in different languages, so he wouldn't know the answer to that question.

He turned back to me, his eyes narrowed in pain, "Please?"

I chewed on the inside of my cheek, not knowing if I should let him see. I mean, he does have the right to know, but wouldn't that hurt him? Wouldn't that provoke the vampire in him to show again? Wouldn't I be increasing his pain? I cringed from the last one.

"No, please. I really need to know," he pleaded.

I still wasn't sure.

He sighed and came to sit on the chair next to mine. He spread his legs and leaned his elbows on his knees. He intertwined his fingers in front him as he hunched forward. "Don't you think…" he spoke as he stared at is fingers, "that I should know how much damage I inflicted, so that I can mend it?" He had me there. He glared at his fingers as he talked. I knew it would be hard for him, but I was also aware that he should know. He had the right to. Plus, he was right… he should know exactly what had happened so he could fix it.

I sighed in defeat. "Thank you, Damien," he whispered as he closed his eyes to prepare himself.

"Don't mention it," I mumbled, _and __I mean it!_

I started to search through my memories to recall what had exactly happened.

_**************_

_I was walking in the woods of Forks. Yes, that was where I had reached after going ten miles south of where I had been, and then going sixteen miles west. These were the instructions in the riddle, and may I tell you there was NOTHING here. The town was boring and I was thinking of leaving it. _

_I had just finished hunting when I heard something. A murmur, maybe? But it was tangled with the wind, that it was almost silent. Then I caught the scent. A vampire scent. My curiosity got the best of me and I started going to the source of the voice. It wasn't far but even when I got closer, the voice stayed low, as low as the wind. _

_There on the cold wet ground of the forest, was a young lady. Tangled and wet. She was the one who was murmuring. _

_"He's gone," was what she kept saying over and over. He's gone? He? Someone had left her. A father maybe? A brother? A lover? …_

_I gulped. A lover? What if who left her was a lover? Would she really be _this_ broken if someone she loved left her? I took a step back and my hands fisted. Would Rosalinda be like her…? I closed my eyes and forced the thought of her away from my head. _

_"Miss?" I whispered almost inaudibly. She didn't seem to notice. I cleared my throat a little and said with more volume, "Miss?" But she did not respond. She just kept mumbling the same words over and over. _

_The sight of her pain disturbed me and I would never leave a lady broken on the floor. That was most unrespectable. Moreover, she looked so hurt…I couldn't not help her. _

_I bent down on one knee and slowly touched her arm. And that was when I heard it. The wind swirled around me and her, the scent of the forest surrounding us. Then her voice ran loud and clear._

_A young lady owns what you seek_

_Hair embraced with brown_

_And cut too deep_

_She was the one! She was that I came here for. She was the one with answer to what I seek……whatever that was. _

_She didn't react in anyway to my touch or the wind and that scared me. I gave her a small nudge but again she did not respond. She just kept starring ahead and mumbling. _

_I looked around trying to look for someone who would recognize her, but I found no one. _

_"Well, please pardon me," I mumbled to her as I faced my only choice. I slowly and carefully took her in my arms and carried her. I stood up and looked at her. She still felt no difference. So I ran. I ran with her in my arms, as far away from my body as possible, to the closest hospital I could reach. _

_When we reached one, I took her inside and ran for the man standing behind the white desk. "Excuse me," I said politely. The man looked up and his eyes widened on the lady in my arms. He stood up at once, his red hair jumping. _

_"What's wrong?" He said urgently as he reached for the phone to call a doctor. _

_"I found her in the forest. I do not know what is wrong with her though," I said honestly, hoping he wouldn't think I harmed her in any way. _

_He nodded and told the doctor on the phone. He hung up the phone and pointed at the door on the very right of the door way, "Please take her to that room. Dr. Sandler will be with you." _

_I nodded and took her to the room at once. I was no expert when it came to humans, I did think her heart beats were a little slow. I pushed the door open with my leg. There was a doctor behind a desk. The room was small. Just a small bed on the right. The desk, and a water stand. _

_The doctor stood up at once and put wore his glasses. "What happened?" he asked and gestured to me to put her on the bed. _

_I laid her gently as I talked, "I do not know. I found her this way." I stepped back to give the doctor some place to see what was wrong. _

_"She's in shock," he whispered after a few minutes. _

_Would Rosalinda be? I shook my head. That's not the time for wallowing in pain. _

_"I should go order a room for her," The doctor mumbled and exited. I stared at her motionless form. Could my Rose have suffered like that? Could I have done that to her? If I were to ever find her, would she forgive me? _

_My hands fisted tighter and my teeth gritted against the pain that I knew so well. I looked for a distraction. The girl must have identification of some sort. I approached her again and looked in the pockets of her jacket. Aha!_

_A cell phone. Lucky that I knew how it worked. Just because I'm ancient doesn't mean my knowledge should be the same. I searched in her cell till I found a number labeled "__**Dad**__" So I pressed call. _

_"Hello? Bella? Where are you honey? Bella?" A frantic voice answered. I guessed that Bella was the girls name. _

_"Um, Hello. Are you Miss Bella's father?" I asked politely. _

_He was silent for a moment before he answered, "Yes I am. Who are you and what are you doing with her phone? Is she with you? Did you harm her?" He almost shouted all in one breath. _

_I kept silent till he finished his attack. Then I said, "My name is Damien, sir. I found your daughter in the forest. She's ill. I took her to the hospital. We are there now." I informed him. _

_"Hospital? What's wrong with her? Where are you? Is she hurt?" His voice was almost gone in fear. _

_I didn't know how to answer him the last question. It stood to more than one thing. I gave him the name of the hospital and continued, "The doctor says she's in shock. I didn't steal her or anything. I just thought that you should be informed." _

_"Ok, Thank you. Ten minutes and I'll be there,'' And he hung up. I returned the phone in her pocket and stepped back. Waiting for her father to come and see her. I stayed there watching, wondering what my Rose might be going through._

_**********_

"And when she was out of shock, she found that she couldn't…you know." I didn't want to say 'paralyzed;' she didn't like it and I doubted that he would.

"And that was how you knew each other?" He said. His voice was strangled and he kept his eyes firmly on his fisted hands.

"Yes, but because of her I had to change some of my traits." I tried to lighten the mood a bit.

"How so?" He welcomed the effort.

But then I remembered that this would lead the wrong way again, "She didn't like it when I talked in the way I used to talk with in my time. I think it reminded her of you. So I started to learn how to talk in the 21st century way." I chuckled. "It took her weeks to teach me."

He chuckled. We were both silent for a while but Edward broke it and whispered, "Thank you."

"For what?" I asked, distracted. My mind had wandered back to the time when she was teaching me how to talk. It was laughable.

"For taking care of her. For being there for her. She needed you" he whispered and when he looked back at me I could see the sincerity in his eyes. Sincerity wasn't the only thing I could see though. I could also see his struggle. His eyes. The red trying to dominate the golden again. But he forced it back.

It hurt me to see him in so much pain, and my head hung. "I wish I could have been there for you too," I whispered.

"That's very kind of you. But you see, we can't all be lucky enough to have a Damien to help us get through the hard times. Besides I deserved the pain. She didn't." When I looked back up he had a sad smile on his face.

"Don't say that. Neither of you deserved that," I whispered firmly, trying to will him to believe the words.

He was about to answer when we heard Bella moan wearily. His head snapped. And I looked at her. Her head was moving slowly and her eyes were fluttering.

Bella was coming back!

A/N: Soooooo hope you liked the chappy. Thank you so much for reading. **Guess what guys?! I got a new Beta for my grammar and typing mistakes! All of you thank her for helping me. She was the one who offered so THANK YOU SO MUCH! **

LOuise: THANK YOU SO MUCH. YOU ARE AWESOME. I LOVE ALL YOUR REVIEWS! ON ALL THE STORIES. Sorry about "I can't be in love" it was the second story I wrote, so it wasn't that good. BUT THANK YOU SO MUCH. And I hope your friends enjoy it too. THANKS

Abby: Thank you for your birthday wish. And hope you like that chappy. :D

Erin: OMG! Your mom and friends?? Wow! Thank you so much! And your guess is CORRECT CONGRATS!!

Michelle: Awh! Thank you for the birthday song! Thank you so much

Nikkiscraps: :D yup your lucky. But don't worry, bigger cliffies are soon to come :D . And I booked you a room lol. Thank you!

Terry: Thank you so much eeekkk! I hope I don't disappoint.


	28. I saw her

.A/N: Ok so I was sleeping and I suddenly woke up, why? Because I felt guilty for not updating. I was so busy and I'm so sorry. So here I am, up early in my holiday. Really early, like I doubt that anyone else in the country is awake. Lol. I made myself some cereal and here I am writing this A/N hoping you'd forgive me.

**"iole01" I'm sorry to say that I can't seem to find a place for more Jasper POVs in this story. So I will have a one-shot up for you soon. I already have it written on paper. Hope you're not upset with that. **

**Recap:**

_He was about to answer when we heard Bella moan wearily. His head snapped. And I looked at her. Her head was moving slowly and her eyes were fluttering. _

_Bella was coming back!_

**I saw her**

_I do not understand_

_How could she see_

_The one that is maybe on land_

_Or in the sea_

**EPOV**

"Bella," I breathed as I watched her eyes struggle to open. She wearily pulled her arm out of the covers and wiped her forehead lazily from the sweat that I had just noticed. She pushed her hair out of her face and half opened her eyes.

"D…Damien," She mouthed tiredly. He was at her side at once. It hurt me a little that I wasn't the one she asked for once she opened her eyes, but I knew she would need her time. So I kept silent.

"I'm here." He whispered to her and took her hand. "How are you feeling?"

She stared at him at first, her face confused as if trying to understand what he meant. "I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?" Her voice was a little weak but her voice was honest.

I furrowed my eyebrows. Didn't she faint? Didn't she know that she fainted?

"Bella…" Damien started looking at her strangely, "You fainted"

She pulled her eyebrows together, "No, I was asleep"

Asleep? No, she definitely wasn't asleep. I carried her and she didn't wake up, I called her name more than once and she didn't wake up, I ran with her in the cold weather and she still didn't wake up. How could that pass for sleep?

"Bella…You weren't," Damien told her in confusion.

She sighed and pursed her lips, "Help me up, please?"

I let my eyes drop to the floor at once. I did not want to witness her inability to sit up on her own. Something caused by me and only me. But I had to. Won't I help her get through this? Then I'll have to face some of these painful moments.

I forced my eyes to look at her but Damien had already sat her up. I had to stifle a sigh of relief. She was still struggling to find a comfortable position, when she met my eyes.

"Edward!" She gasped.

Why did she look so stunned to see me? Was I that unwanted? I held back the pain, I didn't want it to show on my face and stared at her as evenly as I could.

She looked at Damien with her, still, stunned expression, "Is…is he really t…there?" She whispered in fear. I swallowed loudly.

Damien pulled his eyebrows together, "Yes Bella. What is it?" He touched her forehead, checking her temperature I presumed, then let his hand fall.

She met my gaze again her eyes wide, "Why did you come?" She whispered almost on the verge of tears.

Pain mingled with confusion and I almost didn't know how I was feeling, "Y…You told me…" I barely whispered in fear of rejection.

"What?" She laced fingers in her hair and tears started running down her face, "You haven't spoken to me in four months, Edward. How did I tell you anything?"

And it was the first time in my existence to actually feel my heart stop. It was like I just realized it wasn't beating. Four months? I just talked to her about an hour ago.

"Bella what do you mean four months? You just talked to Edward today!" Damien said anxiously, standing up.

"What? No. He left me four months ago. That was the last time I saw him," she argued in confusion.

Damien looked up at me. _That's not normal for her,_ he informed me, and that made me all the more anxious. How could she have memory loss? I met her eyes and tried to decipher her thoughts. It was hard and didn't always work, but I wouldn't lose anything if I tried.

_How could Damien bring him here without telling me? Does he know that I can't walk? And what does he think Damien is?_ I found her panicking thoughts. While staring at her I reached in my pocket and pulled out my cell phone. I needed Carlisle before I made any wild assumptions.

"Did she wake up?" was his first sentence once he answered.

"Uh… Yes… but I think you should come."

"Is there something wrong?" Anxiously.

"Maybe you should see for yourself, because I do not know what is going on." I said while still staring at her.

"All right then. Give me five seconds," and he hung up.

I put the cell phone back in my pocket and Bella followed my hand with her eyes. "Carlisle's coming." I told her quietly. She gasped again.

"Carlisle!" She breathed as if it had been a century since she last saw him. Her heart beat was faster than normal and she looked so confused, almost as confused as I was.

The door was opened and Carlisle entered the room. "Hello Bella," he said in a friendly tone. Bella just stared at him with eyes wide. "What is the problem?" he asked as he walked to her bed.

"Bella…" Damien started, "When was the last time you saw Carlisle?"

"Four months ago" She answered at once and Carlisle froze.

"Excuse me?" Carlisle thought he had heard her mistakenly. He looked at me with his forehead ceased. I nodded at him. He turned back to Bella. "Bella? Are you sure that the last time you saw me was that long?" he asked as he, too, checked her temperature.

"I'm not positive, but I can't remember any closer time," she admitted, leaving Carlisle's eyes to meet mine. "Please come," she whispered to me and held out her hand. I automatically went to her and took her hand, as if I was under a spell. How could she not remember what had just happened? How could she have forgotten the past week that swiftly? I knew human memories weren't strong but I doubted that they were that weak.

"Did she hit her head while she was passed out or anything of that sort?" Carlisle asked in confusion.

"No." Damien answered since I seemed to have lost my voice.

Bella took my hand and almost cried. She squeezed it and whispered, "why did you leave?"

Not that question again! Please, this usually brings a whole round of pain that there was no more room for. I looked at Carlisle for help and his mind was racing with possibilities of what could be wrong with Bella.

Suddenly Bella's hand left mine. "Ouch." She winced and her palms pressed against her temples.

"Bella?" the three of us said at once. She pressed her hands tighter and squeezed her eyes closed. She moaned in pain and bit her lip.

"Bella, what do you feel?" Carlisle inquired quickly.

"Bad. Head. Ache." She strained. Carlisle ran out of the room to get her some Tylenol. Her breathing hitched and she bit down hard on her bottom lip.

I felt so helpless watching her suffer like that without being able to take away her pain. What more could I have done to her? Why couldn't she remember us? Why was she in pain now? Why wasn't I the one enduring the suffering instead of her? She did not deserve what I put her through. She deserves to be cherished, not to suffer!

Will I ever be able to show her how sorry I was? Will I ever deserve to be forgiven? Will she ever forgive me?

_Focus Edward!_ I growled in my head. Yes, I had to focus. I could worry about all that later. Right now she was in pain.

Carlisle was back in the room with Tylenol. "When was the last time she ate?" Carlisle asked in a rush.

"Breakfast," Damien replied.

Tears started running down Bella's scrunched face. I was about to go insane, "Carlisle!" I strained from between my gritted teeth.

"I can't give her a pain killer unless she's eaten!" He said desperately.

Damien pulled out a small bar of chocolate from the drawer of her bedside, he had kept it there because she sometimes got hungry at night. "Here," he said as he opened it and tried to shove a piece in Bella's mouth, "Bella, you have to eat it so Carlisle could give you a pain killer," He said firmly.

"Please Bella!" I pleaded.

"Come on Bella. One bite is all I need," Carlisle said desperately.

"W…wait…" She strained between gritted teeth.

Wait? How could I wait? Wait for what? For her torture to increase? For my brain to explode? "Please, just eat for the sake of my sanity!" My voice broke.

Her eyes squeezed tighter than before and she nodded hesitantly. "B…but just…o…one."

I nodded to Damien and was thankful to whatever made her still value my sanity. He put the chocolate bar on the tip of her lips and she was barely able to nibble.

But suddenly she gasped and her hands fell from her. Her eyes opened and she burned her eyes in mine. "The headache……it's gone…" she whispered in confusion.

"So suddenly?" Carlisle asked stunned.

"As suddenly as it came I guess." She shrugged then she stiffened, "I remember now," she whispered. She looked from me to Carlisle then her eyes fell on Damien. Her eyes were wider and she quickly clutched his shirt tightly in her hands. "Damien!" She gasped.

"What's wrong, Bella?" He asked worriedly.

I felt my forehead cease and I leaned back. What was going on? Why was she so confusing today?

"I just saw her!" she whispered.

"Saw who?" He asked her eyes searching hers frantically.

"Rosalinda."

A/N: Dun Dun Daaaa!!!! Cliffie :P! again sorry for the late update. Ok, can I ask you guys something and please really tell me what you want. I wanted to take you a few months back to Damien and Bella's relationship and how she struggled with her paralysis and all the stuff you didn't see. SO do you think that's a good idea to do or should I put it in a separate story as an outtake??

Erin: Here is is :D Thank you.

Amanda: Shock. That's how she got it. Thank you!

Cheryl: Thank you so much! Glad you likey!

Abby: I like that lol Thanks

Terry: Thank you so much! I was so happy to read your review. Thank you!

RavenGirl2468: :D eeeeeeeeeeek!!! Thank you!!!!

LOuisex: LOL YAAY!!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH. And I don't mind that you repeat your awesome words! Thank you!!!!!!!!!!

Michelle: :D I'm glad you still do. Thank you!

Love

Mai


	29. The Dream

.A/N: Ocake everyone. So Damien/Bella relationship will be in a separate story as an outtake. A lot of ppl wanted that. So hopefully it will be up soon!

**Recap:**

"I just saw her!" she whispered.

"Saw who?" He asked his eyes searching hers frantically.

"Rosalinda."

**The Dream**

_Please tell me_

_SO I could help_

_Hear my plea_

_Don't make me yelp_

_He needs you there_

_I know he cares_

**BPOV**

"Wh…What do you m…mean you s…saw Rosalinda?" Damien whispered as he slowly sat down on the bed. His face was shocked and… and… _hopeful_? That was what it looked like. If he were human I would have gave him a cup of water.

"I…it was a dream..." I stuttered, "Well sort of…"

"Sort of?" he whispered, his voice almost gone.

"She… She kinda came to me…" His eyes grew wider.

"How… was she…?" I put a hand on his and squeezed it. I knew it was hard for him. I had forgotten everyone else in the room. The only thing that was on my mind was the dream. The dream was so clear now, I could almost see it again…

_FLASH_

_Where was I?I looked around me to find myself in the most beautiful place. The place was all green, full of grass and trees. There were flowers scattered everywhere adding a lot of colors. Butterflies flew from one flower to the other… from one color to another. There was a small waterfall between all these wonderful colors. The light blue of the water shined in the place as the sun rays fell on it. The water reflected the sun rays back as a beautiful rainbow. I smiled at the sight. I could hear the chirping of the birds and wind ruffling with the leaves. I could hear the soft sound of the water falling from a higher level to a lower one. It was all just so…breathtaking._

_"Hello Bella," a soft voice murmured. I looked around to find a stunning vampire leaning against the wood of the tall tree. _

_I gasped. She was beautiful. She was tall and thin but not too thin, and had perfect curves in just the right places. Her hair was blond and long, nearly to her elbows. Her pale white neck was traced with a hem of a dress that was held up by a circle around her neck. The dress was long and drifted smoothly till her ankles. It wasn't tight. The waist of the white dress was tied with a thin golden strap. (__**A/N: pic of dress in my profile)**_

_She had high cheekbones and wide eyes. Her lashes were long and defined, and her nose was just right. Her golden eyes met mine and I noticed fear in them. _

_"Hello," I said politely, still a little stunned by her beauty. _

_"My name is Rosalinda… Damien." She hesitated. _

_ROSALINDA DAMIEN!_

_"Oh my…" I mouthed in shock, "I know you…" I whispered, "you're Damien's wife…" _

_I saw her eyes tighten in pain and I almost heard her swallow hard, "I was his wife. I do still keep his name though," She admitted in a whisper. _

_"No, no…" I said quickly. "No, he told me about you. He didn't mean what he said bef-"_

_"You were told about me?" She interrupted in a whisper, stunned. She pushed herself from the tree and walked towards me, but slowly. She sat on a small rock while keeping our eye contact. "He… he mentioned m…me?" her eyes filled with tears that had no hope of falling. _

_I smiled kindly at her and sat down on the grass. "Yes. He misses you a lot." _

_"Misses me?" She mouthed and the shock was evident in her eyes, "but I thought…"_

_"He regrets every word he had said, back when you changed him. He didn't mean them, and he wants nothing more than to see you again," I told her honestly. She slid down the rock slowly, staring at me. When she hit the ground she wrapped her arms around her legs and pulled them against her chest. Her eyes left mine and she seemed to be staring at a butterfly that had landed on her knee. I gave her a moment to take that in before I whispered to her, "He still loves you."_

_Her eyes fell closed and her lips were slightly parted. Her face and bare arms sparkled as the sun hit them, making her look all the more stunning. "How long have I wished for his love to return?" She mumbled softly. _

_"It won't need to return because it never left," I smiled. _

_"How I wish that I could believe your words," she whispered as she opened her eyes to meet mine again. "Damien is a great man that I did not deserve. I tried to show him how dear he was to me, but panic and fear forced me to make the worst mistake of my life. I should have listened to him when he had told me that he did not want to be changed," her voice broke, "But then……I would have lost him forever. I was much too afraid to think rationally as I should have. But even after all these years, I can not find it in myself to regret changing him. A part of me does but… he would have died." Her voice broke again at the last word. She covered her face with her hand and her voice was muffled, "I'm so baffled. I do not know if what I did was right or wrong…" She started sobbing and I didn't realize till they had fallen that I had tears in my eyes. _

_I stood up and went to her, sitting on my knees in front of her and putingt a hand on her arm. "Rosalinda," I whispered, and she looked up at me letting her hands fall back on her knees, "Whatever it was… right or wrong… it doesn't matter because Damien doesn't resent you. He wants you back. He needs you back," I said firmly as I stared into her eyes. _

_There was an extended silence except for the sound of the water and the birds. I counted to a hundred in my head and still she didn't talk. _

_A hundred and one_

_A hundred and two_

_A hundred and thr-_

_"You know…" She started in a whisper, "You and Damien are very close. That's the reason behind my coming to you…"_

_She must've seen the confused expression on my face because she said,_

_"Yes, I've been watching Damien. I couldn't just leave like he told me. It was much too difficult. I was afraid at first that he loved you. I was the one who lead him to you. I was…"_

_What did she just say? "You lead him to me?" Then that means… "you were the one who told him the strange riddle?"_

_"Yes, that was me…" She whispered. "You see, my power is that I can send my soul to wherever I want, to do whatever I want," she explained. "There is someone I know that her gift is to see tell the future in prophecies. She told me about Damien's prophecy and I knew he had to find out about it. And I wasn't allowed to see him…" She whispered, "My soul could shape-shift, so I sent it. But not in my picture…"_

_"Oh!" I said as things started to fit, "so do you know what it means?"_

_She stiffened and looked away, "yes, but I can not tell." _

_How strange? Why can't she tell? I mean, she was the only one who could help. "Hints at least?" I said desperately. I really wanted to help Damien out. _

_She was hesitant. She kept opening and closing her mouth, several times. Her eyes were full of fear that I didn't know the cause of. But then that fear was replaced with determination she looked at me, "What do you own Bella?" She asked firmly. _

_"Nothing" I whispered as I ran my mind through it. I owned nothing! Heck I couldn't even walk!_

_"Help me Bella. Please. I can not talk, you need to think, you need to guess. I do not mean material things," she said in a plea. _

_What do I own? Damn it! Think Bella think! _

_She moved her hand and rested it against my heart, "In here, Bella. What do you have in your heart?"_

_I stared in her eyes and suddenly understood what she meant, "Love," I whispered and then it slammed home., "Edward!" I gasped. _

_She kept silent. _

_"Am I right?" I asked suddenly unsure. _

_"Did I deny you?"_

_"No."_

_She kept silent again. Oh! Right! She couldn't talk. That means I'm right. "But… what does Edward have to do with anything?" _

_Suddenly she gasped, "I have to go," She whispered, "You won't remember anything that has recently happened once you wake up, it may take you a while. I'm not sure what happens after that but I can assure you that you will get your memory back soon enough. Could you please send my love to Damien?" Her eyes started to fill with tears again. _

_"I will, but can't you send your soul again? He really needs to see you," I pleaded for him. _

_She closed her eyes, "Dreams are safer. You can not be captured in a dream," she whispered painfully. _

_"Be captured? By whom?"_

_"I can not talk" She said firmly as she stood up looking around. I stood up too. _

_"Please Rosalinda. Isn't there a way for him to see you in a dream?" I pleaded. _

_Her frantic searching eyes froze and she slowly met my desperate gaze, "Well…" she started slowly as she pulled both her lips between her teeth, "there is one way…"_

_"What is it?" I asked at once. Anything. I would do anything, to have the chance to give Damien something he wants. He's done so much for me. _

_Her eyes were full of longing and pain, "Bella…" she whispered and I noticed that she was trembling, "Are you s…sure that h…he w…won't reject me? Please tell m…me the t…truth." She shook and her tears looked like they were about to fall, "I d…don't think…I…I'll survive t…this time if…he…d…does"_

_I put a hand on her shoulder and smiled, "Trust me, he wants to see you just as badly as you want to see him." _

_She took a deep breath and nodded, "All right then. Just let him close his eyes and hold your hand while you're sleeping. When you start dreaming, he'll be in the dream as well." _

_I nodded, "Ok. Thank you."_

_"No, Bella. Thank you."_

_FLASH_

Damien had his face in his hands and was shaking. I knew he wanted to sob but he held them back, "Damien. You have a chance to see her." I whispered to him. He pulled his tormented face from his hands and stared at me.

"I'm scared," he admitted shakily.

I put a hand on his face and stroked it. "Don't be. She really loves you Damien. I saw her love in her eyes. I heard it in her voice. She wants you back."

He closed his eyes and the pain stayed on his face.

I looked at Edward who had taken a seat beside Carlisle. They both looked in deep thought, probably thinking about how Edward ended up in this mess.

I mouthed to Edward, "Thinking," as I cocked my head towards Damien. I wanted to know what was going on in Damien's mind.

"Confused," he mouthed back .

I sighed and looked back at Damien.

"Would you hurt her again?" Edward asked in a low voice.

"No!" Damien answered at once. Snapping his eyes open. "No! I would never."

"Then why give in to cowardice?" Edward challenged.

Damien opened his mouth to answer him but nothing came out. He closed it again and looked back at me. He swallowed loudly and whispered, "When are you going to sleep?"

A/N: Tada! What do you think guys! I am so very sorry, for not replying to all reviews, but the review replier was being stupid and I don't know who got a reply and who wasn't. Please don't be mad at me! Hope you liked it. My wrist is sprained so typing wasn't an option but I did for you!

RavenGirl2468: lol well I'm happy that you love my cliffies, that's good cause the only chappy left without a cliffie is the epilogue lol

Abby: Lol! Nope! I'm out of control when it comes to cliffies lol. Don't worry, after they reach 34567890786544567890 questions, I will start answering lol

Nikkiscraps: You're most welcome and thanks for the review :D I will do that don't worry. But in an outtake.

Terry: lol don't worry I was confused too lol. And they will talk lol later. THANK YOU

LOuise x: THANK YOU lol. I have no idea what to say lol.

Random fan: Thank you so much!! And welcome aboard


	30. Warmth

.A/N: A new update and guess what?? FLUFF!! Yup, just for you. I wanted to put some smiles in this tearful story lol. Just a little in the end, but all the next chappy will be nothing but fluff. Hope you enjoy it.

**Recap:**

Damien opened his mouth to answer him but nothing came out. He closed it again and looked back at me. He swallowed loudly and whispered, "When are you going to sleep?"

**Warm**

_Finally_

_Happily_

_I could see_

_Your love for me_

_No more concealed_

**EPOV**

"Well… She'll make me feel… um, kind of dizzy when she's there, but I'm guessing that it's no where near now." Bella said slowly. Almost unsure, but it sounded like her words were true. Why else did she pass out??

_Just hold her hand and close your eyes, and she'll be with you again. Why is that so hard?!_ I heard Damien's thoughts as he tried to fight his fear. I felt bad for him. I understood how hard it was for him to see her again, knowing that _he _was the one who caused her pain. No one could understand that more than me. I almost offered to be there with him, because I remembered wanting someone to be there with me when I faced Bella's pain. But then I decided that I shouldn't offer that. Damien's case was different. She was his wife.

"All right then, I guess I'll come by later," he mumbled, "thank you, Bella." He gave her hand one more squeeze and then met my gaze.

_Take care of her until I come back. I need some time alone, _he thought to me before he disappeared.

Bella stared after him, a look of concern dominating her face. "Is he ok?" she whispered. I stood up and in a second I was sitting in Damien's place next to Bella.

"He just needs some time unaccompanied," I whispered soothingly.

She chewed on the inside of her cheek and nodded. She eased back against the headboard and sighed. Her sigh blew more of her warmth and scent in my face, like a soft whisper. I shivered.

"What's today?" She asked.

"Friday" I answered at once. Why would she ask?

She sighed and looked at Carlisle, "Are my friends still out there?"

"Actually, after they had asked me about your well being, they decided to go have lunch then come back for you. They just left," Carlisle answered. He checked his watch and looked at Bella apologetically, "I seems like I have to depart as well. I'm sorry Bella. I will be back as soon as I can."

"It's ok. Thank you." Carlisle just smiled and walked out of the door, shutting it behind him.

"They shouldn't come again, it's Friday!" Bella mumbled to herself. She pursed her lips, appearing to be in deep thought. "Edward," She started, "could you please grab my cell for me? It's over there on the table." She looked like she was distracted, like she was caught in another train of thought. I did not interrupt. In less than a second I was back with her phone. I handed it to her and my fingers brushed hers lightly; a small touch that a human wouldn't notice, but it made my fingers tingle.

She dialed a number and pressed the cell against her right ear. Whoever it was answered after the fifth ring. "Hey, Bella!" an enthusiastic voice answered.

"Hey Ben, How are you?" Bella greeted politely. I watched and listened to them, wondering why Bella would call Ben Cheney.

"Bored," he answered with a chuckle.

Bella chuckled too, "Listen Ben, It's Friday, and I don't want Angela to spend it by my bed. Could you please take her and go out together? Have fun?" She asked politely.

I gaped at her. I thought Bella couldn't be more beautiful than she already is, but here she is, thinking of her friend while she can't walk… I cringed internally.

"Sure, I'd love to. Anyway, we haven't spent a lot of time together lately."

"Yeah, sorry about that," she mumbled as she fidgeted with her blanket.

"Bella, I didn't mean…" Ben started.

But she cut him off quickly, "No worries. Just tell Sam to do the same with Emily. And call Quil and Embry to take Mike and Jacob for a guys night out."

"I'm on it."

"Thank you Ben," she said before she hung up. She stretched her arm and set the phone on her bedside. She sat back up and sighed with a small smile on her lips. She must've noticed my stare because she met my gaze.

"What?" she whispered confused.

"That was… very, very nice of you," I said honestly.

"Um… Thanks…" she said, as if not sure what I meant. I chuckled. I wanted to do something for this angel. Her friends had the right to enjoy a Friday night and so did she. Was I brave enough to offer her anything? Could I…?

I would try, for her. Now that I knew everything, if she refused… then it would be because she didn't want me. That would be hard. But she really did deserve to go out, to do something. I'm willing to bet that it's been a while since she last went out and had fun like a normal teenager.

"Bella…" I whispered as I prepared myself for the second try; hopefully it won't be like the first one.

"Yes?" she whispered, noticing my apprehension.

"Well, If you do not mind… I would very much like to… to take you out for lunch. If that is not against your desire…" I added quickly on the end.

I stared at my hands, motionless on my knees, feeling every second she took to consider pass by me like an eternity. I gritted my teeth to will myself to be patient and keep my hopes down.

Another moment of impatience passed and I was wondering if she took more than she should to consider, or if all that had passed was merely seconds to her. It was hard to tell.

Then I felt her warmth approach me. My cheek tingled before her palm touched it. I felt myself, involuntary, lean in her small, warm hand. I lifted my eyes to meet hers. They were filled with longing, twisted with pain and indecision.

"You know I want to but I can't." Her voice was filled with strangled pain that held the meaning of her words. Yes, she truly did want to come with me, but her motionless legs held her back. Did she think I would mind that she couldn't walk on her own?

"I'll carry you," I said at once, "I won't let you go." I bore my eyes into hers, trying to convey my feelings to her. She had to know that she shouldn't be held back because of what was my doing.

"I can't let you do that. I don't like being a burden." She looked away and I saw her tears fill her eyes before she hid them. I reached out and cradled her face between my hands, forcing her eyes to meet mine.

"Isabella Swan. I do not care that you can not walk. That is something I did, and I will fix. It does not change anything. I still love you just as intensely, if not more so," I said firmly. I felt the need to say that out loud to her. I did not want her to doubt that. Her insecurities were maddening, but I wouldn't let her believe them.

She closed her eyes and her hand held mine tight to her face as she leaned into it. She sighed and one lone tear slid slowly down her face. My thumb brushed it lightly. The look on her face, both painful and peaceful, made me wish once again that I could go back in time and stop all this from ever happening. But I couldn't, and here I was, trying to erase the doubts that I had caused, the doubts that had contaminated her pure heart.

"Will you go out with me?" I whispered again. She had not refused yet.

She opened her eyes and met my love-filled ones. Her eyes were still filled with tears, but clear of pain. A small smile on her lips made her look all the more angelic. She turned her face and held my hand in place, so that her whole face was in my palm, her eyes closed. She leaned in and laid the lightest and sweetest of kisses on my palm. Warmth spread through my fingers, creeping up my arm, flooding through my whole body; all of this radiating from the point where her lips touched.

"Yes," she mouthed against my palm and I shivered again. I did not notice that my eyes had closed, so I opened them and very unwillingly, pulled my hand away.

She looked up at me as I stood up. "I will step out to give you a chance to change. When you're done just call my name. I won't be far," I promised.

She smiled and nodded, and I smiled back just before I jumped out of the window. I ran in the direction of my house. Finally, my poor car would see the light after spending so long in the dark garage.

Someone passed me while running.

_Don't worry Edward, She'll look amazing. I'll make sure of that_. I rolled my eyes. Even if I couldn't recognize her scent, her thoughts would have tipped me off. Alice was going to torture Bella. I rolled my eyes… as if Bella needs someone to make her look amazing. She already looked amazing, every day.

My palm tingled, where her touch still lingered. I closed my hand in a fist and smiled, anticipation building up in my stomach. Finally, I'd get some time with Bella. Just Bella. I smiled.

--

I was standing in front of the hospital, leaning against the door of the Volvo. My mind-reading tuned out so Bella could have some privacy.

"Edward!" I heard her soft whisper from above. I pushed myself away from the car and ran to the tree outside her window; in a second, I was up and in her room.

She was sitting on the edge of the bed, wearing a huge sweater that hid her clothes from me. I had almost forgotten that the weather outside was much too cold for Bella to go outside in normal clothes. I did, however, see the skirt, or the bottom of the dress, whichever it was. It was a light shade of brown, and the material was long and seemed soft. I smiled; only Bella could wear something simple and make it look stunning.

She smiled at me. "You look very handsome," she complemented softly.

I grinned. I was only wearing a black tux, nothing much. "Do you own a mirror?" I asked sarcastically, since she can't see herself like I do. A moment later I asked "where's Alice?"

"She gave me the clothes and left. Jasper called her and told her he needed her for something important," she explained quietly.

Alice left Bella to dress by herself? I had to fight the urge to grit my teeth in front of her. I didn't want to frighten her before we even went out.

"Are you ready to go?" I asked.

"Almost, I just need to get my shoes…" She looked around the room with her brows furrowed. It was obvious that she couldn't find them. I searched for them and found them under the bed; they were simple brown high-heels. Since I would carry Bella the whole night, we won't need to worry about her falling because of the heels.

"I found them!" I declared as I came around the bed to her. I went down on both my knees, not caring that the tux might be ruined, and took her ankle in my hand. Slowly, I slid the shoe on her, trying to be as gentle as possible. I left her foot and went to the other, repeating the same action. I looked up at her to find her staring at me.

"Thank you," She whispered. I could see that what I just did had touched her, but I failed to see how.

I stood up, my eyes never leaving hers, and took her right hand in my left one. I lifted it slightly and bent down, laying a tender kiss on her hand with my gaze still locked on hers, just like I would have done if I were to see her in my time. She turned her hand pressed her palm against my cheek. I straightened up slightly, but she lifted her other hand and put against my other cheek, keeping my face in her hands. Stroking it tenderly.

The emotion in her eyes was so intense that it nearly made me fall on my knees. Keeping my eyes on hers I whispered,

"I love you,"

She seemed like someone who was under a spell. She kept her eyes locked on mine as she slowly leaned in. I closed my eyes as her scent caressed my face, filling me with a sense of warm happiness. I was almost gone but I heard and felt her whisper, "I love you too…forever," against my lips.

A/N: Yay! They're together again. Hope you enjoyed this one. I enjoyed writing, but my sprained wrist certainly didn't lol. Thank you guys!

**Aj:** lol Thank you so much! Hope you enjoy it till the end.

**Abby: **I AM! Lol. Thank you

**Terry:** Yay! Lol Thank you so much. And I'm happy that you're happy for Damien (if that maked sense :P) Don't worry, that will be revealed soon. :D Thanks again

**RavenGirl2468:** Thank you! Lol, and since you like cliffies you'll see nothing but them. Thank you! And nope, my wrist isn't getting anywhere near better. Stuppid wrist

**LOuise x:** Wow girl, you recover fast lol. Thank you so much


	31. Bliss

.A/N: Thank you guys so much for the awesome, awesome, awesome reviews!!! SEVEN HUNDRED IS SOMETHING I NEVER EVEN TRIED TO DREAM ABOUT!!! THANK YOU FOR GIVING ME THIS NUMBER!!!!! THAT BREAKS MY RECORD BY FAR LOL. Here's some fluff as a Thank you! :D Enjoy!

**Recap:**

She seemed like someone who was under a spell. She kept her eyes locked on mine as she slowly leaned in. I closed my eyes as her scent caressed my face, filling me with a sense of warm happiness. I was almost gone but I heard and felt her whisper, "I love you too…forever," against my lips.

**Bliss**

(No short poem here, you'll see why)

**EPOV**

"Edward? Are you okay?" Bella asked as a small giggle escaped her lips. We were in the car. I was driving one handed while holding Bella's hand tightly in my other. Our fingers were intertwined as they could possibly could.

I looked at her and she was watching me, I knew what she meant. Ever since we left the hospital I had the widest, unwavering smile on my face. I couldn't seem to hold my happiness back. I'd been broken for too long to contain my smiles now. I squeezed her hand and if possible smiled wider than I already was. "I'm just… happy." I shrugged. Well, that was the biggest understatement of the century. The joy that filled me was just too much to put in words.

Her answering smile was dazzling. "Me too," she whispered, returning my squeeze. I snapped myself out of the gaze of her endless brown eyes to focus on driving. I could drive without even glancing at the road, but Bella was a distraction. And not an easy one to resist.

I parked in front of the restaurant and turned off the heater. I quickly ran out of the car to open her side of the door before anyone else did, as I didn't want her to be embarrassed. I leaned in and slipped my arms under her knees and behind her back. I gave her a smile and she blushed, which caused my smile to widen.

I couldn't feel her in my arms, she was much too light. But I could feel the heat of her blood, the pulsing, the rapid beating of her heart. I also felt the light shiver that through her as I pulled her out of the car. Even with the large sweater she had on, she could still feel the difference in temperature of the car and outside. I figured that my body temperature did nothing to help that, so I hurried to get her into the warm restaurant.

"Hmm, light as a feather and warm as fire," I murmured in her hair. She tightened her arms around my neck and I felt her smile against my neck.

I pushed the door with my foot and entered the large restaurant. There was a small desk with a man standing behind it. The man was tall and balding. His eyes were black and his face had a serene smile.

"Hello," he said politely, and as his eyes fell on Bella in my arms his smile widened.

_Newly weds? No, he looks too young. Maybe in love. _

I smiled at his thoughts, how I wished his first assumption would be correct. "Hello, reservation for Mr. Cullen, please?" Having a psychic sister had its advantages.

He looked at the long list in front of him for a few seconds and then looked up with the smile still on his face, "yes, sir. A private booth I presume,"

I love Alice. I smiled and nodded.

"Follow me, please" He opened the door and held it for us. The place was huge and was in different shades of brown and green. I passed tables which were filled with all different kinds of people. Family tables with laughing and cheering. Tables for only two who did nothing but gaze lovingly at each other. People who sat alone, reading a book or listening to their Ipods or just eating. A lot of people stared at us and I felt Bella blush and burry her face in the crook of my neck. Her warmth almost made me shiver.

_Aw, I can almost feel his love for her. Now why won't John do that to me? _a random female thought. I chuckled and held Bella tighter to me.

"What?" Bella asked for the reason of my short laugh.

"I think we are going to be the reason behind some break ups tonight. A lady is jealous of our love and wondered why her fiancée isn't giving her your same treatment." I whispered in her ear. She laughed quietly with me and reached up to give me a quick peck on my cheek. I smiled widely.

_See how happy she is? Why isn't he making me that happy?_ another lady thought.

I chuckled again, "Definitely the reason behind break ups tonight," I mumbled.

We had reached the booths at the very back of the restaurant. The man led us to one at the very corner of the room. Bella and I had complete privacy. I liked that.

_Thank you, Alice,_ I thought.

"Here you are. A waiter will be with you in a minute." The man gave a tiny bow and departed silently.

"Thank you," I told him just before he left. I sat Bella down carefully. When she I was sure she was comfortable, I sat opposite her. She struggled to get free from her many layers of clothes. First she untied the scarf from around her neck, then she pulled off her ice-cap, revealing her soft hair, standing out in different places but curled in the end of each lock. Shining and mesmerizing; I couldn't help but wonder where she came from.

But then, she unzipped her sweater and my smile fell, my expression turning from happiness to blankness. She took off the sweater and pulled out her bare arms. I couldn't help but to gape at her. She had one of the most stunning dresses on. The hem of the neck was traced exactly around her neck in a circle. There were shimmering shapes on the hem that attracted my eye at once. Then, from the center of the circle, the dress started. It was soft and flowed straightly till her waist, where it wrapped with the same circle that was around her neck. The glistening shapes were a little more around her waist but still amazing. The dress's color was ranging between the shades of brown and beige. Stunning!

"Edward!" Bella's voice snapped me out of my utter gapping. I noticed that her blush stained her cheek and arms. Her hair that was almost elbow-length now, covered her bare shoulders, and flowed softly with the rest of the dress.

"Wow," I whispered, "you look so…" I struggled to find a word that fit but their simply wasn't any that would. "Wow," I repeated, at loss for words.

She smiled and ducked her head a little, "thank you," she whispered self-consciously.

_Focus Edward!_ I shouted in my head. Yes, yes, I had to focus.

"Hello," A male voice said from beside me. I looked up to find a waiter standing with two menus in his hands. He set them in front of us and said, "I'm Garry and I will be your waiter for tonight,"

Bella looked up and smiled politely when he set the menu in front of her.

_Whoa! That's some chic. _The man thought.

I gritted my teeth, was I _that _invisible?! "When _we__'re_ ready to order, I'll tell you," I said with the most polite smile I could manage as I tried to stop my eyes from glaring at him.

_Huh, possessive. _"All right, then," he said as he walked back.

"What's wrong?" Bella whispered. Apparently my efforts to tame the glare were useless.

"Nothing, just looks like we have another Mike Newton on our hands." I took a deep breath to calm myself and forced myself to stop glaring at the back of the waiter. Bella laughed lightly and shrugged it off.

"Where are we anyway?"

"Zytuna." (A/N: For all you Egyptians out there, yup! I do mean Zytuna. Lol. You can laugh hehehe) I said casually.

"You're kidding!" she said with eyes wide, "the best pasta restaurant?"

"That's the one." I nodded with a sheepish grin as I anticipated her next words.

"But it's too expensive!" she groaned. My grin widened; Bella didn't disappoint.

"And the problem is…?"

She rolled her eyes and opened the menu. I smirked.

"Hm, the Fettuccini Fungi sounds nice," she mumbled after a few minutes. I didn't find the need to comment. She was silent for a few minutes as she looked through the menu then she nodded, "Ok, then. I'm ready to order."

"Did you pick your dessert?" I asked with an innocent smile.

She glared at me, "Lunch is enough Edward," her voice was firm but I knew she wasn't really mad at me.

I put my elbow on the table and rested my chin on my fist, "Well, if you do not pick, I will. And mind you, I will pick by the picture so you will be the one who will suffer the consequences." I raised an eyebrow and dared her to refuse.

"You are mean." She pouted adorably.

"That face won't work. Not tonight." I chuckled as I pushed the menu towards her again.

She sighed and opened it again. "Fine, I picked one, happy?"

"A little," I grinned.

"Are you ready to order?" The irritating male came again.

"Yes," I said as politely as I could manage. I looked at Bella.

"I'll take the Fettuccini Fungi, please." She said calmly.

The waiter wrote down that and looked at me for my order, I half glared at Bella, with a smirk on my face, "And for your dessert?"

I could see that she was fighting a smile, trying to look angry, "Chocolate chips."

I smiled triumphantly. The waiter looked at me again. "Nothing for me, Thank you."

And he left. I extended my hand and opened my palm up for her. She slipped her hand in mine and smiled. "You know…" she started, "this kinda reminds me of the first time you took me out for dinner," she said thoughtfully.

I smiled, "the difference is that the waiter is fantasizing about _you_. I'm safe." I mocked a look of relief. She smacked my arm with her free hand and I chuckled.

We were silent for a few moments and I was wishing that the waiter would be late so I would have a reason to complain about him. However, all evil plans flew right out of my head once I met Bella's eyes. They were full of love and kindness. How I had missed this.

"I missed you so much…" she whispered as if she had read my mind.

"I missed you too, terribly. More so than I could ever tell you."

She hesitated a little, "I think I can…guess." There was a little cease between her eyebrows that I did not understand.

"What do you mean?"

The look in her eyes turned a little to concern and wariness, "I don't want to bring back painful… memories… but…" She bit her lip.

"You can talk about whatever you desire Bella. I do not have secrets from you," I vowed.

She chewed on her lip for a few moments more, making me edgier by the second. Then she decided to just ask, "What happened to you? When you were trying to… kill yourself, I mean. You weren't… " She struggled for words and I remembered that I had treated her improperly when she was trying to stop me. I felt ashamed from how weak I was.

"Oh," I breathed, how could I explain it to her? How could I tell her in a way that she wouldn't think I was crazy?

"You don't have to tell me," she assured me when she saw my struggle.

I shook my head, "I told you, I have no secrets from you. I just fail to find a way to explain," I admitted.

She waited silently.

I took a deep breath and stared at out intertwined hands as I talked, "you see… when I left…" I tried to hold back the wince but I guess that it showed since her hand tightened around mine, "I left a part of me with you. That part was my humanity. The part that you had brought back in me…" I whispered, "I was left with my pain, my anger, my self-disgust. All these feelings provoked the vampire in me. It was like being a new born all over again. I had no control over my thoughts, feelings, doings. Nothing. It was always a battle in which my pain won." I paused, before continuing.

"I did not allow my family to see that side of me… It was bad enough that they had to live with my pain. So I locked myself in my room. Hiding from the world and protecting it at the same time. I would only come out after hours of Esme's begging to go hunt…" I smiled sadly as I remembered the sound of her motherly concerned pleas, "and even then, I didn't get out unless I was absolutely sure that _that_ side of me was firmly controlled. And that was a task not easily done. Only achieved by…" I lifted my eyes to meet her concerned ones, "thinking of you…" I whispered.

"Me?" She whispered astonished.

"Yes, you." I smiled sadly, I reached across the table and pressed my hand to her cheek, "Somehow the thought of your smile, your eyes, your love… it brought me back. It was always a fight that I willingly lost. But… when I badly wanted to win, all I had to do was think of you." My smile was happier now that I saw hers. I also saw her tears and I knew that they weren't tears of pain, but tears of love. I smiled as I wiped them with my thumbs.

"I love you, Isabella. And there's nothing that could ever change that. Just like the sun can't shine at night, my love can't stop growing." Her free held mine to her face as she smiled widely.

World war three could have started in this restaurant and I wouldn't have noticed. I was too lost in her eyes to notice anything but the emotion in them and what they caused in the pit of my stomach.

I heard someone clear their throat. The waiter was here with Bella's food, but Bella didn't seem to care. "Leave it anywhere, please," She whispered without even looking at him. I smiled almost smug when I heard the annoyance in his head. _Take that!_ I had to fight to not say it out loud.

He struggled to find a place to put the plate, with our hands intertwined on the table and my hand on her cheek. He set the plate carefully between out arms and left quietly.

There was something I wanted to do. I gave her hand a light squeeze as I pulled it away reluctantly.

"Excuse me?" I said to a man that was standing a few feet away. He was wearing the same uniform of the waiters. Green pants and a brown shirt. He turned my way.

"Can I help you, sir?" he asked.

I looked at the large black piano in the middle of the restaurant and asked, "May I use the piano?" I felt Bella's questioning gaze on me but I just smiled at her.

"Of course, sir. If that is what you want." He sounded a little surprised. I realized that that wasn't a common request.

"Thank you," I said as I stood up, Bella still looked at me in a confused manner. I just ducked to carry her without a word.

I walked with her in my arms to the piano, barely noticing the people who stared at us. I was in my own world with Bella. No one else was there. I sat down on the small bench and tried to fill it all, so the only place Bella would have would be on my lap. I could feel her blush, she didn't like the attention. I opened the piano as I stared into her eyes, and could see that she wanted to hide. It was clear, the people where making her uncomfortable. My arms reached for the keys from both sides of her and I didn't even look at them. Just her.

"When I am with you…"

I started in a whisper as my fingers started to drift over the keys slowly,

"It's like the whole world doesn't exist…"

I touched other keys, playing with the notes a little before starting her lullaby. Something in her eyes changed. Like she was mesmerized, I did not see how that was possible because she mesmerized me.

"Your love feels so true…"

I touched my lips to her hair,

"So powerful, so impossible to resist…"

I felt her warm hand run through my hair softly,

"It makes me wonder…What are you…?"

My fingers almost tripped on the keys as I felt her breathe quicken against my neck. Warm and scented…

"A wondrous mist...?

Would that fit?"

I touched my forehead to hers and pushed it back gently, staring into her intense, tearful, love-filled eyes.

"An angel from heaven…?

Would that assist?"

I smiled a little at her amazed expression, taking the tones to a lower note,

"But that would not do…

Why would you be dismissed…?"

Her tears shook a little in her eyes and started to fall down her cheek,

"A shinning star…?

Not easily missed…"

I played one handed as I lifted my hand to wipe her tear from her cheek as I continues to take the notes to a softer tone,

"A crystal drop of rain…?

That would pass unkissed?"

I pushed her hair out of her face, stroking it softly,

"What comes out of this endless list?

What are you, I must insist?

But then…I concluded it…"

I was too lost in her eyes and she in mine that I forgot about playing and took her face in my hands as I whispered fiercely,

"You are neither an angel nor a mist

Neither you are a star nor a drop of rain unkissed,

You are something more beautiful, more wondrous

That continue to subsist,

You fill me with love

That would never amiss

You are unique

Too wonderful to actually exist,

So let me tell you this

Before this mesmerizing dream ends

I love you so much

And I hope that causes you what it causes me…

…Bliss…"

Bella's face was wet with tears. She had my face in her hands just as I had hers in mine. The room erupted in applause that I barely noticed as I lost all coherent thought from the emotion that filled her eyes. I leaned in to meet her lips with mine.

"Bella," I whispered as I felt her tear on my cheek. A small smile appeared on my lips. Bliss…

A/N: So nervous! I hope you like it. I just wrote this stupid poem and I hope it didn't ruin everything. I wanted something unique for both of them. Please don't be too mad at me. I do the best I can, I'm no professional writer so please don't be disappointed. And I really hope that you didn't feel it was pointless fluff.

Oh, and please vote in my poll, I need your help in next chappy.

Reply:

**Terry:** Well there you go they discussed what happened in the later chappy, I know you were waiting for that one. I really hope you like this one too, I'm so scared. Thank you so much for the amazing review. I loved it

**RavenGirl2468:** Thank you so much! Here's the chappy! Hope you like!

Please tell me everyone!

Love

Mai


	32. Confessions

.A/N: People there is a MAJOR problem! I asked you to vote on my poll on which POV you would prefer for Damien and Rosalinda's reunion. Well it seems that we have a tied between Damien's POV and Both POVs. What do I do??? Please if you haven't voted yet, vote. You may be the one who'll solve this. Please?

Oh and thank you so much for the amazing reviews, did I mention how much I love you guys?? I probably did but –shrugs- oh well, I guess I'll just repeat. I LOVE YOU!! Hope you enjoy!

**Recap:**

"Bella," I whispered as I felt her tear on my cheek. A small smile appeared on my lips. Bliss…

**Confessions**

_Please understand_

_I am not me_

_Do not stand_

_And ask me to be_

_The one you love so fiercely_

**EPOV**

"Sweetheart?" I whispered in her hair as I ended another loving melody. She had her arms wrapped tightly around me and her face buried in my chest as I continued playing a few more melodies for her. It seems that I did something right with the poem because ever since I said it she'd been like she was in a daze. Even all the other ladies in the place paid attention to us, ignoring whoever it was who sat with them. Even the men in the room were amazed by our apparent affection. It made me wonder…

Isn't this the beauty of love? Isn't this normal for any two people who were in love? I knew that my love for Bella was more than any other love in the world but I thought that the display of my affection to her would be something normal and expected. I thought that that was what men did when they found a woman that had altered them completely. Wasn't this the case? From the thoughts around me I figured that it wasn't. I smiled. At least Bella now knew that she wasn't like everyone else. Maybe that would show her even a small proportion of my complete insane feelings about her.

"Mhmm?" she breathed against my chest. If possible, my smile widened. I barely registered the applause. It was hard to concentrate on anything but her, and I wasn't willing to concentrate on anything but Bella.

"I'm willing to bet that your food will be frozen by now…" I said against her hair. My lips were resting on her head. And every inhale I took, brought in the scent of her hair. Sweet freesia mixed with strawberry shampoo. What an utterly distracting scent…

Her arms tightened around me, holding me impossibly closer, "I don't care," she mumbled.

I chuckled as I ducked a little to lay a kiss on her forehead. "I do," I said as I lifted my hands off the keys. The atmosphere was quiet and I was willing to bet my existence that they were quiet because they wanted to listen to our short conversation. And I was sure that they had heard. It was so quiet that even a whisper would sound loud.

I heard a mixture of "aw's" and sighs from all around me. Have they ever heard of privacy? I also heard some mental protest about me leaving the piano. They wanted more, but I wasn't playing to entertain them; I did it for Bella.

I carried Bella back to our table and I stared at nothing but her eyes. Her strong loving gaze made me lightheaded and almost made my knees weak. Was it possible for a vampire to collapse? It felt like I would. How could one look affect me so much?

I sat back in my place, but with her on my lap this time. She was going to turn for her food but I stopped her hand from reaching the plate. She looked at me, confused, amd I just smiled and called for our waiter.

He came and I mentally patted myself on the back because he seemed to find no competition between me and him. I almost smirked. "Could you please get her a new plate?" His eyebrows flew up at my request but did not disagree.

"Edward! You're doing that on purpose!" she accused.

"Doing what?"

"Spending more money. What's wrong with this dish?" she challenged.

I shrugged, "It's cold. I know that food's better when it's hot," I stated simply. I remembered that from my human days.

I heard a few quiet chuckles that I doubted Bella heard.

"You know, you could have just asked for him to put it in the oven to heat it a little. Plus I didn't complain about it being cold!" she clarified with a raised eyebrow.

"But fresh is always the best. And I want the best for you. Moreover, if I wait for you to complain about something so I could do it, well forever won't be long enough. You never complain, and that's oddly irritating," I said honestly as I raised my own eyebrow. This time the laughs were a little more noticeable. I hoped Bella wouldn't notice that the laugh was over our conversation.

"So you are telling me that you _want_ me to complain?" She crossed her arms and fought a smile. She was losing the fight.

I leaned in and wrapped my arms around her and buried my face in the crook of her neck. I could feel her blood flow increase and her scent become more concentrated. I guessed that she was blushing. "No," I murmured, "what I'm saying is that I want you to be honest with me." I tightened my arms around her waist and buried my face deeper, "I want you to be able to talk to me about anything like you used to…" By now people were starting to engage themselves into their own small talks. Finally, they felt the need to give us our privacy. I took a deep breath as I finally said the words that have been screaming in my head for six months now, "I want you back, Bella…"

I waited for her response as a thirsty man in a desert awaited the rain. I felt her body tense and my heart reacted immediately, catching in my throat. Causing an inability for the air to pass. I stayed in her hair, hiding from whatever expression was on her face. I did not want to see how her face would look like if she rejected me. I would rather hear it. At least the last memory of her would be the smile she was trying to fight.

After a few torturously slow passing seconds Bella's arms, hesitantly, wrapped around me. I felt her hand stroke my hair and her head rest on my shoulder. Was this a good sign or a bad sign?

"Edward…" She started in a whisper, "I do want you back too…"

"But…?" I said as I pulled away to read her face. Her face was torn. Heartbreakingly torn.

She hesitated but did not answer me.

"Is this about your legs, Bella?" I asked. If it was, then that was easy. I would find a way to prove to her that this did not matter to me.

"A… a part of it…" she stuttered.

"And what's the other part?"

She hesitated again, but then sighed in what looked like defeat. "You asked me to be honest… and I don't want to lie to you…" she whispered as she looked down at her fumbling hands.

I lifted her chin up with my finger, meeting her eyes with mine, "You don't have to lie. Tell me."

"I…" Her eyes searched mine frantically, what for? "I don't know if I could explain it right…" she admitted.

"Please try," I pressed. I had to know what prevented her from being with me again. I had to erase whatever it was.

She chewed on her lip for a few seconds as she thought it through. I was afraid that she would bite her lip too hard and bleed. I could protect her from anything and everything but herself. The seconds ticked by and I started to wonder if she was even planning on answering.

"Bella…" I whispered, not wanting to press her, but needing to know.

Her eyes closed and she took both her lips between her teeth just before she let them go to breathe, "I'm not so sure if I'm Bella anymore,"

I froze. What did that mean? My mind churned over her words, but I couldn't find sense in them.

She opened her eyes and saw my confusion. She sighed again and this time it was with sadness. "Do you remember when I heard you scream and you came to talk to me?"

I nodded apprehensively.

"I told you that _the Bella you once knew was dead_… What did you understand from that?"

"Nothing…" I mumbled as I remembered being more concerned with the fact that she had said that we couldn't be together.

She looked down at her hands as she opened up to me for the first time in so long. Bella was finally telling me, herself, what had happened to her. I braced myself for the worst. "When you left… I kinda went into shock…" She glanced up at me from under her lashes, she was down playing it. "I just… my mind couldn't wrap itself around it… that you had actually left. It wasn't something I could handle easily."

I winced mentally.

"I was in shock for three days, when I came back to reality I was struck by the fact that you were really… not there…" her voice faltered a little and I had to clench my teeth to keep my pain from showing on my face. I wanted her honesty, and if she saw how hard this was for me she would stop. "When my dad came to take me from the hospital so I could go back home… that was when I realized it. My legs didn't move. I tried to get off the bed several times, but I couldn't. Charlie panicked and called a doctor…" she paused again, taking a deep breath.

"The doctor said that what happened to me was an emotional shock and paralysis was its side effect. They took me to a therapist but that was when the whole problem started… I wouldn't talk about myself…" She met my tortured gaze and whispered, "I closed up. I morphed into a wall. A wall that would prevent the real Bella from getting attached to anyone so she wouldn't get hurt again…" My hands fisted and I tried to hide them from her but she noticed. She took my hand and unclenched it, tracing mindless lines on it softly. "Damien was able to get past some of those walls but not all of them… My mind's mission was to keep me safe and that's what it did… I spent months standing behind that wall, pretending to be happy or normal or whatever the situation I was in demanded. I created my reactions to everything, so that very soon…" she swallowed loudly as she met my eyes again, "I forgot how my real reactions would be like…" Her eyes were full of pleading for my understanding.

I touched her cheek with my hand, "Bella…" I whispered.

Her hands held mine tightly as her eyes burnt into mine, "I do not know who I am anymore, Edward…"she confessed fiercely, "I don't know if I'm Bella, the girl that you fell in love with or if I'm the wall that prevented Bella from ever showing for six months. I'm not even sure if every word I say is a lie or not. I lost myself, Edward…" Her eyes filled with tears and her voice was thick with tears.

I took her face a little too roughly in my hands and burned my eyes into hers, "You listen to me Isabella Swan. _You_ are the one I love. The one I see in front of me. You have not lost yourself. You are still my Bella. That wall that you had built didn't kill you. It hid you. There's a big difference. If you are willing to let that wall fall, it will crumple to the ground. Do you want me back?"

"Yes, I do. More than anything," she whispered truthfully.

"Do you believe that I love you as fiercely as I try so hard to show you?"

"Yes, I believe you," she vowed, still searching my eyes.

"Do you trust me to never hurt you again?"

"Yes…" she mouthed now and her eyes grew wider as my gaze intensified.

"Then let it fall!" I said fiercely, willing her with my eyes to do it. "I will never leave you again. I'll always be with you. Never again will I make that kind of mistake again. That's not a promise, that's a vow… A swear. I swear to you, Isabella Swan, with my entire existence, that I shall never leave your side unless it was your desire. Can you hear me?" I was speaking through my teeth as I tried to get through to her.

"Yes," she said in a small voice. Her eyes were wide as they stared back into mine. I'd never been this intense with her but it had to be done that way. I had to show her that every fiber in my being regretted my mistake.

"Do you believe me?!" I pressed again.

She held my hands tighter to her face and I saw her eyes flash. A look of determination replaced her desperation. "I do believe you," she said, her voice stronger than before.

"Then let the wall fall!" I repeated.

She intertwined her fingers with mine and took a deep breath. She held it for a few seconds before letting it out with a loud sigh, "I will," she said as she leaned forward to rest her head against my chest, "I will," she repeated.

I relaxed and guided her hands to my back, then left them to wrap my arms around her again. I kissed her hair softly and embraced her tighter.

Of course the waiter would choose that exact moment to interrupt with her food. I pulled away from Bella so she could eat. I watched her eat, a smile playing at my lips. I had missed watching her eat. I knew that I had seen her eat in the past few days but this was different. We were alone and she was more beautiful than normal.

She seemed to like whatever it was she was eating. I smiled a little wider, satisfied that she approved. Her meal wasn't silent. I would comment every now and then about how I loved to watch her eat and she would answer, saying how it made it awkward for her. I just chuckled and continued gaping at her like the gentleman that I wasn't. Not at that moment.

Then when desert came the tension had all but faded, leaving us happy again. She glared at me most of the time because of the dessert and I would just laugh. She was surprised to find that she liked the dessert and when I'd asked about the reason, she answered.

"I mean, it's chocolate chips for crying out loud. How could they make it better than any other place? It's not something complicated…"

"See? Now aren't you happy that I didn't let you have it your way? Then you wouldn't have tasted them…" I teased with a grin.

"Nope, it's still too much," she contradicted stubbornly, but I could see her smile. The edges of her lips were trying to turn up but she wasn't having that.

I paid the bill, trying to hide from Bella the amount of money I pulled out of my wallet. After I'd paid and given the waiter a generous tip (even though he didn't deserve it), I carried Bella outside and into the car.

I sat in the car for a few minutes before turning the key and starting the car. I did not know if we were back together again or not. Really back. I hesitated as I struggled to look calm while I asked her.

"So…" I started without meeting her eyes, "are you back?"

She did not answer right away so I looked up, only to find her watching me.

"Edward, come here…" she said nonchalantly and I didn't understand if that meant yes or no.

I leaned forward to see what it was that she wanted but was surprised when she captured my lips with hers. It was only for a brief moment.

Then she pulled away and whispered, "Yes, I am."  
I'm sure the smile that broke on my face was ludicrous. It should have hurt my cheeks but it didn't. I leaned back again in my seat and took her hand in mine after I had turned the key, and drove us back to the hospital.

We drove in silence. But it was a comfortable silence. I could almost _see_ my joy lingering in the air. We were together again… finally. No more pain; no more wait; no more separation. Just Bella and I… forever.

I was still in my joy high when I felt Bella's hand shake a little. "Edward," she whispered and I looked to find her face paler. Her eyes heavy lidded and her face swaying a little.

"Bella!" I said in alarm, but just before my mind could take it too far, she whispered "don't worry, it's Rosalinda. Call Damien and tell him that I have to sleep now," she instructed in a slurry tone, "Rosalinda is here."

A/N: Dun Dun Da!!!!!!! Ocake so no more pain between Edward and Bella. Yay. They're officially back! So again I repeat, if you did not vote on my poll please do. I really need your help. Hope you enjoyed that.

**Terry: **Of course there is need to thank you for your reviews. I know that I don't say much in my replies but I really have no idea what to say. I really appreciate everything. You reading it, then taking the time to write a review, then write stuff that makes me speechless. Really. You might not believe it but each and every review that is sent to me is cherished no matter how small or long it is. If it is a simple "update soon" or a long page length review…it is cherished. I have my readers memorized by heart and I wait for everyone's reviews. That's why I worry so much, because you guys matter to me the most. I never seem to be able to thank you enough. So here I am, after reading your lovely review, replying with a lame "Thank you" when you deserve much more that I don't have. So I hope you understand how your reviews mean to me. Thank you :)

**RavenGirl1468:** :D Thank you so much! And I really do want to become a professional writer when I grow up. So let's hope I become a popular one! :D and so glad that you liked my poem :D yay! Thank you!!

Love

Mai xx


	33. MineYours DPOV

.A/N: I'm back everyone! Thank you Maryam for explaining my situation, and I'm sorry everyone for taking so long but believe me, that was the fastest way. To make it up to you, here are two chappies :D

So the votes were mostly supporting **BOTH POVS, **So this chappy is Damien and the other is Rosalinda. If you did not support both, you could always read only the POV that you wanted :)

SO hope you enjoy! Sorry again!

**Recap:**

"Bella!" I said in alarm, but just before my mind could take it too far, she whispered, "don't worry, it's Rosalinda. Call Damien and tell him that I have to sleep now," she instructed in a slurry tone, "Rosalinda is here."

**Mine…Yours**

_I missed your eyes_

_I missed your smiles_

_I missed you how talk_

_I missed how in my arms _

_you would walk_

_I guess what I'm trying to do_

_Is hug you tight and whisper_

_"I miss you"_

**Damien's POV**

_Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! Relax, it's just Rose. Relax! Breathe!_

I had my hands folded behind my back as I paced up and down Bella's hotel room. It was closer to the restaurant so they told me to meet them here. To say that I was losing my mind would be an understatement. I was going to see Rosalinda again. My only love. My wife. I missed her and I was apprehensive of meeting her again. What would she look like?

_The same of course, you moron! She can't change!_

I gritted my teeth, trying to stop my panicking mind from infuriating me. I knew she wouldn't reject me, she was much too kind to do so, but if she did not desire a reunion, would she tell me? Or would she just seal her lips together and accept the fact that I _need_ her to live and go on with me pretending to still loved me? I would notice, wouldn't I?

_Of course you will notice if her smile, her touch, her eyes were different or the same. _

What would I do if they were different? If she confessed to me that all that time that had passed allowed her feelings to change? What would I do then?

But… no… Bella had said that she wanted to see me again. She kept my ring… she kept my name… that has got to mean something. Absentmindedly I touched the ring on my left hand. I had promised her that these two rings would stay on our fingers no matter what. Nothing could ever pull them off. They were sealed to our fingers, just like our love was sealed to our heart. I had promised and made good on my promise. Even when I was ruthlessly pushing her away, I didn't – not even once - consider taking off the precious connection to her; the small element that solidified the fact that I was hers.

I remember clearly how I had argued with her when we got married. I had wanted to work even though she had enough money to supply us both for the next few centuries. I had wanted her to feel that I was a man that she could lean on, that I was capable of doing anything for her. I had wanted her to feel somewhat safe with me, even though she was much stronger than I was. I would go to work everyday, even though I had to change my job every few weeks, since we moved so frequently so that the other vampires wouldn't find me. And I would come back home to find her waiting for me with a smile on her face and her arms open for me to make me feel better after a hard day at work. She had even taken cooking lessons so she could cook for me. She didn't like me cooking for myself, though I didn't mind that. But I had to admit, her cooking was far better than mine and it felt nice to come back and find some decent food already made and ready for me to eat.

I smiled as memories of our happy times consumed me and I couldn't help but hope that these days would come back, or that we could be like that again. She made me feel more than I could have ever thought was possible. Even though she was a vampire, she never made me feel fragile or insignificant. She made me feel like the man I doubted myself to be and she never hesitated to show me that.

"Damien!" I heard Edward's voice call. I whipped around to see him carrying Bella into the room, she looked almost passed out. I was so engrossed in my thoughts that I didn't even notice that they were in the same building. Edward struggled to take her quickly to the bed and lay her as gently as he could without reviving her from her half unconscious state. "Take her hand, I think I can hear Rosalinda already." He instructed as he tucked her in.

This was it. I was finally going to see my wife again. No more hiding… no more second thoughts… no more panic… just me and her and the truth…

I took a deep breath and sat down beside Bella's motionless body. I exhaled the breath I took and slowly took Bella's hand in mine. It was like there was a magnet in her hand that forced mine to close tightly on hers. My eyes fell closed without my permission and I was suddenly in another place.

I was in the place were it all ended. In the woods where I killed everything between us. Where I had hurt her… hurt me… where I had pushed her away and made her think I did not love her anymore. I swallowed loudly against the lump in my throat that refused to move.

"Y-you promised Bella. Y…You s…said he wanted t…to come…" It was Rosalinda! How her voice, even though it was broken and heart-wrenching, filled me with a sweet sensation that has been missing for too long.

"He is coming. He said he will," Bella pleaded with her to calm down.

I turned around to the direction of the sound and there she was…

Rosalinda was sitting on a rock, one arm around her torso with her figure hunched over it. She had her free hand covering her mouth and nose as she sobbed painfully in it. Bella was stroking her hair, trying to soothe her as her eyes searched the woods frantically… probably searching for me. Her eyes found mine and a small smile tugged on her lips as the crease between her brows faded. She stood up and lifted her hands of Rosalinda as she took a few steps backwards.

"She loves you," was what she mouthed to me just before she turned her back on me and walked away.

_She loves me!_

I absentmindedly took a step forward…

_She loves me!_

Rosalinda's sobs came to a sudden stop as I took a few more steps towards her…

_She loves me!_

I knelt down before her… my face inches away from her face…

_She loves me!_

I reached my hand forward to touch the silky blonde hair that I missed…

_She loves me!_

She froze under my touch. I tucked my hand under her chin and slowly lifted her face… meeting her golden eyes…

_She…loves…me…_

Our eyes locked in a gaze that could never be interrupted. I cradled her face in my hands, taking in ever small feature that I missed, every curve in her face, every strand falling on it, every line… everything…

I lost myself in her eyes, the eyes that pierced right through my soul. Her beauty stunned my mind and killed any chances of speech. I could almost taste the sweetness of our reunion in the air. I stroked her face gently with my thumbs, trying to will myself to believe that she was really there.

Her shaky hands slowly inched up to my face, trailing her fingers over my shoulders, neck, and cheek in the process. Her touch burned my skin and I had to fight the urge to close my ease and enjoy the sensation. It's been too long, I can't afford to close my eyes now, not when I could see her again. Feel her again. Have her again.

She breathed my name softly at the same time I whispered hers. A small smile tugged on her lips as one of hour old habits returned. We were of one mind. Whatever thought crossed one of our minds, it also crossed the mind of the other.

"You came…" she whispered in awe. I could feel on of her palms leaving my face and inching backwards towards my hair. I reveled in the feeling of her fingers in my hair.

I pulled her face forward and leaned in at the same time. She came willingly as I rested my forehead against hers. Her breathing was hard and her scent brushed against my face. My gaze never left hers as I whispered "I'm sorry…" I pushed a few strands away from her beautiful face, tucking them gently behind her ear. She sighed and closed her eyes at the feeling. "I never meant anything of what I said that day. I was just too hurt and angry to notice what I saying. I love you and I'm sorry I made you think otherwise–"

Suddenly my lips had another job to fulfill other than my apologies and confessions. Her lips crashed down on mine and she was kissing me in a way that made me dizzy. I poured all my love and regret in the kiss and I felt all of her love and longing. Suddenly everything was forgotten. My mind was so dazed that all I remembered was me and her. Damien and Rosalinda… She was mine and I was hers… She was my wife and I was her husband. Forever...

Her fingers that were tangled in my hair loosened as I reluctantly pulled away. I kept the back of her neck in my hand though, stroking it gently.

"You're a fool," she whispered shakily, her breathing just as labored as mine, "but you're my fool and I love you." Her eyes were full of tears that I wished I could wipe away. Her smile made mine appear and I pulled her in for the embrace I've been longing for. She slid down the rock she was on and sunk in my arms as she hugged me back tightly.

"I missed you so painfully…" I whispered into her hair as I inhaled as much of her scent as I could. If she were human, she would have been crushed in my embrace. They way I held her was too tight, as if I held for dear life. In reality, I was.

She shook her head against me chest as she mumbled, "not as much as I did. Do not try to convince me other wise." Her arms tightened around me.

"But you were there. At least you could see me. I had no idea, I couldn't see..."

She pulled away a little and stared into my eyes, "yes, I could see you… but… it wasn't the same…" she said softly. She stood up slowly and pulled me up with her, "I missed how you would come back from work and I would care for you, like the loving wife I am, awaiting her wonderful husband…" Her gaze became intense as she walked around me till she was behind me, "I would help you take off your suit jacket…" She whispered as her hands came to the shoulders of my leather black jacket. She started taking it off me slowly, just like she used to do. She tucked it on her arm as she came back around to face me. "I would release you from the hold of your tie and open the first two buttons of your shirt for you…" She breathed as she opened the second button since the first was already opened. I closed my eyes as I remembered what she was recalling clearly. Her hands ran down my arms, "I would push the sleeve up on your elbow…" She did exactly as she said on both arms. I smiled as I recalled what would be next. "Then I would take you to the couch and sit down as you lay down comfortably with your head in my lap, relaxing after a long day and telling me all about it…" She murmured as she sat down on the grass and pulled me down with her. I laid on the grass as she took my head in her lap. She ran her fingers through my hair and I closed my eyes, feeling nothing but pure bliss.

"Rosalinda…" I whispered with a smile on my face. How beautiful she was. How lucky I was. I opened my eyes after a few minutes again to find her staring at me, her eyes holding nothing but love and joy. I was sure mine reflected the same emotions. "Rosalinda Damien." I said proudly. She was still mine as I was still hers.

Her smile widened and she bent down to hug my face, her hair covering both of us, "Yes. I was always yours. No matter what you do, I will always be yours, whether you wish it or not." She hugged my face tighter and I lifted my hands to cradle her face. I pushed it away only enough to touch my lips to hers again.

She pulled away with a wide smile as I said, "I will always wish it."

I sat up a little so I could move her legs from under my head and pulled her down to lay with me. We turned us to our sides so we faced one another. I brushed her wavy locks away, pushing them behind her shoulder.

"I recognized your signature." I whispered.

"Signature?" she asked confused.

I met her eyes again and smiled, "_L D_…Linda Damien. Sorry it took me so long to figure out." My smile turned sheepish.

She smiled back, "I would have signed _R D_ but I thought it would be too obvious and I wasn't sure if you would take it if you knew it was from me."

I wound my arm around her and hugged her tightly to me, "I would have. You must know that the moment you left I regretted everything I said."

She touched my cheek and whispered, "I know. We don't have to talk about what has passed now. What is done is done. There are more important matters to come," she said seriously.

"What kind of matters?"

"The prophecy, Damien. You have to decipher the prophecy. It is of high importance. You mustn't ignore it." Her gaze was stronger as if for emphasis, "I am sorry that I am incapable of informing you about the meaning of it but you have to promise me to make it a priority."

The urgency that was in her eyes could not be denied. It was like she needed me to solve it, "I promise to do my best. I can not promise to solve it though. It's not easy."

She bit her lip as if contemplating on whether or not to tell me something, I could see the indecision in her eyes but she pushed it away and whispered, "The key to solving this is to give in to what happens between you and Edward."

My eyes grew wide, "How do you know about that?"

"I just do Damien. Please, you need to just trust me and do as I say." She pleaded desperately.

I nodded. "I trust you and would anything you would say blindly."

She smiled briefly despite her urgency, "Thank you. All you have to do is hold on to each other while _it_ happens and you'll see for yourself. Please Damien it's the only way everything that is broken could be fixed. It's the only way we could be together again and it's the only way for you to be really happy." She pleaded.

I stared at her blankly. I have to hold on to Edward while what happened? And what was broken to be fixed? Why did she think I wasn't happy? I am joyful now that she's with me again. And what did she mean that it's the only way for us to be together again? Too many questions …too little answers.

"You're not coming back?" Was what I concluded from the last question.

She swallowed loudly as she hugged me tighter, "I want to. Trust me, I want to. But I can't, please don't ask why. But if you want me to come back again, you _have _to solve that riddle. Please Damien. I want to be with you again."

My arms tightened around her. So it all came down to that stupid riddle or prophecy or whatever it was. If that was what I had to do to get her back, then I would do it.

"Don't worry. You will be. I will figure it out. For you, I would do find a way to do it."

A/N: Ocake, I want you guys to know that this story isn't ending. When the riddle is solved something else will begin. And I would also like you to know that Edward and Bella aren't done, they will still have their stuff lol. Hope you liked it

**Anonymous review replies are in next chappy!**


	34. MineYours RPOV

.A/N: THIS IS THE SAME AS LAST CHAPPY, ONLY DIFFERENCE IN POV. Hope you like!

**Mine…Yours**

_I missed your eyes_

_I missed your smiles_

_I missed you how talk_

_I missed how in my arms _

_you would walk_

_I guess what I'm trying to do_

_Is hug you tight and whisper_

_"I miss you"_

**Rosalinda's POV**

"Rosalinda, Stop!" Lolita shouted for the millionth time as she ran after me. I rolled my eyes and turned around.

"What?!" I said as ran my hands through my hair making sure it looked alright. I was nervous and happy at the same time. I would see my Damien again.

She ran her fingers through her own red hair that matched her red eyes as she whispered, "this dangerous. You mustn't…"

"I must. It is not dangerous. It is what I want." I said distractedly as I turned around walked down the long hallway swiftly. I found the mirror and fixed my hair.

"No, Rose. This is wrong." She insisted.

"It's the only thing that's right." I argued as I walked swiftly again till I was outside.

She grabbed my arm and stopped me from walking away, "no, I won't let you. If they find out, you'll die." She whispered in fear.

"They won't find out because you'll warn me before hand." I said as I tried to pull my hand away.

"What if I'm too late?" She argued and shook her head violently, "no, I can't let you do this."

I sighed and turned to face her, "Lolita, please. It's been years, and I miss him so much. He _wants _to see me. I've been waiting too long for that to come. I won't let the chance pass me by now." My voice was desperate, "please Lolita. I need to go see him."

She stared at me for a few moments, considering the two decisions painfully. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes as she set my arm free, "Don't take too long." She sighed.

"Thank you!" I whispered as I gave her a tight hug. I would owe her forever for this favor. Once I pulled away I ran away to hide.

I found the small hut that hid in the last two times and entered it. It was dark but I minded not. I closed the door behind me and settled on the floor. I leaned my body back against the wall and closed my eyes. I concentrated on dividing my soul from my body, I had to see them in my mind as two separate things so I could do this. Slowly I felt my feet numbing… then from my feet to my knees… my thighs… my stomach… my chest… until I felt it at my neck.

_Isabella Swan's dream…_

I whispered my destination to my soul just before it left my body.

Everything around me turned white as usual, a bright light that would make a human close their eyes. The light started to dim, showing the edges of the forest. I stepped onto the ground, leaving the blinding white light behind me.

Bella was already there…alone…

I felt my throat tighten and all the happiness that was in my before evaporated. I felt the slice of pain across my torso, from my heart to the right of my waist. I swallowed loudly and felt myself shake. He didn't come. He didn't come. That only confirmed that he did not want me at all. I already knew that but it was hard to have it confirmed in my face. I had been so happy, I actually thought I had a chance to see him again. I let myself fall in the trap of believing that he forgave me, that he loved me, that he still wanted me.

I felt my eyes blur with tears as I stared at Bella's empty side. I did not see how I would survive the pain this time. I wouldn't.

"Rosalinda. Calm down, he's just late." Bella whispered when she saw my face.

More fake hopes! No, I would not accept them. She was a kind lady, she did not want me to face the reality of Damien's resentment. I tried to breathe in enough oxygen so I could speak but my voice only came out strangled, "Y-you promised Bella. Y…You s…said he wanted t…to come…" I took a step back and hit something. I fell on it since my legs could no longer carry me. My left arm wound itself around my stomach and my hand covered my mouth as I tried to control the sobs until I was alone. He didn't want me. It was really over. I waited all these years for nothing. I thought that maybe time would make the wound I gave him heal. Maybe he would forgive and forget. But I was mistaken. No matter how long the time had passed between us, he still held me responsible for taking his family away from him. If only he knew…

"He is coming. He said he will." She said. I felt her stroke my hair and touch my arm but there was no way I could be soothed. That was it. I could see the end of my long eternity. He did not want me and never will. Still I can not bring myself to regret saving him. I can not imagine him dead. I'm just incapable of imagining something that horrid.

I felt Bella's hands leave me and I couldn't care less. I heard her footsteps…retreating? Maybe she decided that I needed to be alone. I would be grateful for that. I did not want a witness for my pain.

But there was something else. I heard other footsteps. Lighter ones. More graceful ones. Ones that I would recognize even in a crowd. _His _footsteps.

My sobs stopped along with my breathing. I was afraid to look up. Enough crushed hopes. But then the wind passed and I smelled his scent. It had to be him, no one has the same sweet soothing scent. Then, I felt his fingers in my hair and I froze completely. I watched as his finger came to my chin and lifted my face up. The first thing I saw were his eyes. It was Damien! It was Damien!

I stared into his deep golden eyes, joyous that he was looking at me again. Really looking at me. He put his hands on either sides of my face and the sensation it caused me along with the devotion in his eyes almost caused me to faint.

"Damien…" I whispered at the same time he whispered my name. I could not fight the small smile that tugged on my lips at that. We were _we _again.

"You came…" I whispered in wonder. I had lost hope that he would. Even though his smile was small, it still mesmerized me. The sun shone on his bronze hair, making it appear a little close to mine. It looked so smooth and if I remembered correctly, it felt as it looked. I couldn't resist. I moved my fingers from his cheek to his hair, I had to feel it again. I smiled a little, happy to see that I remembered correctly.

"I'm sorry…" he whispered and my attention was back on him. His eyes were full of regret and love. A mixture that overwhelmed me by its intensity. He tucked a strand behind my ear so gently that my breath hitched. "I never meant anything of what I said that day. I was just too hurt and angry to notice what I saying. I love you and I'm sorry I made you think otherwise–"

I didn't care about what he made me think, or whether or not he regretted doing this to us. All I cared about was one thing. He loves me!

And I couldn't stop myself. He was my husband, he made me feel loved, I had to show him as he had showed me. So I kissed him, gently and passionately. I conveyed all my loved for him through this kiss that felt very much like our first and in a way, it was. It was our first kiss after the pain and hurt. It was our first after the parting and solitude. It was our first after the black clouds. What elated me was the fact that he kissed me back with the same intensity. _He loves me!_

I loosened my grip on his hair and pulled away. We were both breathing hard and I couldn't control it, I had to tell him. "You're a fool. But you're my fool and I love you," I whispered shakily. His eyes brightened at my confession and his smile widened.

He pulled me in his arms, the embrace that I missed so badly. He always made me feel safe when he held me this way. I fell from whatever it was that I had been sitting on and hit the floor. I hugged him to me tightly, willing myself to believe that he was still mine.

"I missed you so painfully…" He whispered in my hair.

I shook my head against his chest, "not as much as I did. Do not try to convince me other wise." I tightened my grip on him and buried my face further in his chest. Inhaling the scent of him deeply.

"But you were there. At least you could see me. I had no idea, I couldn't see..." I pulled away a little and stared into his eyes, "yes, I could see you… but… it wasn't the same…" I stood up and straightened him with me, "I missed how you would come back from work and I would care for you, like the loving wife I am, awaiting her wonderful husband…" I walked around him, feeling the anticipation of doing something I day dreamt about being able to do again, "I would help you take off your suit jacket…" He was wearing a black leathered jacket that made him look all the more handsome.

_Sorry, but it has to go_ I thought as I pulled it off his shoulders and down his arms. I faced him again as I whispered, "I would release you from the hold of your tie and open the first two buttons of your shirt for you…" He wasn't wearing a tie and he had one button open, so I opened the second one and watched as his eyes closed in satisfaction. I smiled as I ran my hands down his arms, "I would push the sleeve up on your elbow…" I pushed his sleeves upwards and stroked his bare arm ever so gently as I breathed, "Then I would take you to the couch and sit down as you lay down comfortably with your head in my lap, relaxing after a long day and telling me all about it…" I sat down on the grass and stretched my legs as I pulled him with me, setting his head on my lap and playing with his hair.

"Rosalinda…"He sighed my name in contentment as he smiled. I smiled back, happy to see him peaceful because of me and reveling the feeling of hearing my name falling from his lips with such emotion. He opened his eyes and I could see everything that he couldn't say in them. I could see love, joy, regret… I only wanted him to feel two of those. "Rosalinda Damien." The possessive way in which he said my married name made my heart swell and my smile widen. The happiness that coursed through me was mind boggling, could one burst from utter joy?

I leaned down and hugged his face to me, whispering fiercely, "Yes. I was always yours. No matter what you do, I will always be yours, whether you wish it or not."

I felt his hands on my face as he pushed it slightly away, but only to pull me down again to touch my lips softly to his.

My smile must have seemed giddy as I pulled away. But I wasn't going to hide it.

"I will always wish it." The way his eyes burned into mine when he said that made the words come out as a promise… a promise that I wasn't going to forget.

He sat up and changed my position, until I was laying down beside him. We were facing each other. He pushed my hair behind my shoulder and I was sure if I had a pulse, it would've been racing by now.

"I recognized your signature." He whispered.

"Signature?" I asked in confusion. What did he mean?

He met my eyes again and smiled, "_L D_…Linda Damien. Sorry it took me so long to figure out." His smile turned sheepish.

I smiled back, "I would have signed _R D_ but I thought it would be too obvious and I wasn't sure if you would take it if you knew it was from me."

He wrapped an arm around me and pulled me against him tightly as he murmured, "I would have. You must know, that the moment you left I regretted everything I said."

I touched his cheek, trying to ease as much of his guilt as possible. "I know. We don't have to talk about what has passed now. What is done is done. There are more important matters to come."

"What kind of matters?"

"The prophecy, Damien. You have to decipher the prophecy. It is of high importance. You mustn't ignore it." He had to know. It had to be done. That's the only way we would be free of them, "I am sorry that I am incapable of informing you about the meaning of it but you have to promise me to make it a priority."

He stared at me for a moment before promising, "I promise to do my best. I can not promise to solve it though. It's not easy." How I know it's not easy.

I had to try to help him. I couldn't tell him what it meant but I could always give him a small push towards the right path. That wouldn't hurt would it?

"The key to solving this is to give in to what happens between you and Edward." That was as much as I could do. Any more than that and I would be killed and I refused to be separated from Damien, not after I had just found him.

His eyes were wide, "how do you know about that?"

"I just do, Damien. Please, you need to just trust me and do as I say." It's all I can ask for. If he trusted me, we could make this work.

He nodded. "I trust you and would anything you would say blindly."

I smiled in relief but still… I wasn't too relieved. He still didn't know. Should I tell him? Maybe I should just show him that it is not something small so he could realize how important this is. Maybe that would stop him from ever giving up on this.

"Thank you. All you have to do is hold on to each other while _it_ happens and you'll see for yourself. Please Damien it's the only way everything that is broken could be fixed. It's the only way we could be together again and it's the only way for you to be really happy."

I watched his eyes as he absorbed what I said and I could tell you exactly when he understood what his failure could mean.

His eyes tightened and I saw him struggle to look normal, "You're not coming back?" His voice was small and choked and it pained me.

I swallowed the lump in my throat and hugged him tighter, trying to show him that it wasn't about me not wanting him, "I want to. Trust me, I want to. But I can't, please don't ask why. But if you want me to come back again, you _have to_ solve that riddle. Please Damien. I want to be with you again."

I knew that when I put it that way, I was pressuring him. But that was what he needed. He needed to see how important this is and I wanted to be with him so badly. He had to do it, if not for us then for him. I wanted him happy again. I didn't want to feel guilty anymore.

I felt his arms tighten around me as he whispered with conviction, "don't worry. You will be. I will figure it out. For you, I would do find a way to do it."

A/N: Thank you everyone for bearing with me. And MEGA THANKS FOR MY BETA for being a hero as to edit two chapters at once. THANK YOU MEGHAN! Hope you enjoyed that everyone! Please tell me what you think.

**And Oh, I replied to some reviews but not all of them, I can not remember who I did not reply to. So if I did not reply to you then thank you so much for reviewing. It was really appreciated and I promise to not do that mistake again. I will write down who I replied to and who I did not. Thank you again!**

**LOuise x:** :D Thank you so much! I'm glad that that explained to you some of your questions, hope later chappies do the same. Thank you!

**Terry:** Thank you so much! I'm so glad to know that I put a smile on your face. And I hope I do become as good as you say I would be or at least half. :D THANK YOU!!!

**RavenGirl2468:** :D Yay! You cried lol. I know I shouldn't be happy but I am lol. And I will remember that promise you gave me the day I publish my first book lol. Thank you

**Nikkiscraps:** Congrats for being that happy lol. Thank you. And yes, that's what happens after you're programmed. Glad you understand. Thanks

THANK YOU EVERYONE!

Love

Mai


	35. Frate

.A/N: SO SO SO SO SO SORRY EVERYONE! If I told you that I was too busy to write then I would be lying. The truth is …I was stalling…yes, stalling. I am too scared of writing this chappy. More than I should. So please tell me honestly, be harsh! But not too harsh. Lol. Sorry, it must be the nerves lol. See? I'm stalling again. Ugh. Here's the chapter before I change my mind. Hope you don't hate!

**Thank you to Megan! You're the best!**

**Recap:**

"don't worry. You will be. I will figure it out. For you, I would do find a way to do it."

**Frate**

**EPOV**

My unshed tears filled my eyes. Damien's happiness and love was so overwhelming in his mind, I can not begin to think how that would affect Jasper had he been here. His joy over having his wife back was so indescribable. I watched through his eyes and felt his pain… relief… joy… panic… determination… and utter love. He truly deserved what he got.

But once she mentioned how important the prophecy was and how it would be deciphered my mind was distracted. What could it possibly mean? How could she know what happens between me and Damien? What could be holding her back? What could possibly come out of this mess?

The answer of all these questions could be given if we only give in to that strange current? Just like that? It's not completely unbelievable but…

but what? It was confusing. She never said it was easy. If we fail, bad things could happen? She never said it wasn't tricky.

I sighed, shaking my head slowly; such a mess that could only be solved when Damien and Bella were back in the real world. I watched their motionless forms and I saw Damien's face contour a little.

_"Please Linda, can't you stay a little longer?" _Damien asked her as he tightened his arms around her. I could hear his fear… that once she was gone she would prove to be a fantasy that would never return.

She touched his face, her eyes full of her own pain as she whispered, _"I'm sorry but I have to. I'll come again, when I can. Just tell me that you love me again, please," _she pleaded painfully.

As Damien leaned in and gave her a not-so-very-chaste kiss, I tried to think of baseball to give them their privacy, but it was no use. He pulled away and whispered to her, _"I love you. That's all what I've done for the last few years and that's what I'll always do till the rest of forever"_

She closed her eyes and touched her forehead to his, _"I love you too… until the end of time…"_

And everything turned black. I saw Damien's eyes flutter, and when they opened I could see how he had already started missing her. But he looked different. His eyes were lighter, a slight smile on his lips. A serene look. He looked at me and smiled, and I returned the smile feeling happiness for his own. His smile grew wider, his teeth showing as he announced, "She loves me!"

I had to laugh. He's been with her for over an hour and a half and the realization just hit him. "You really are something, Damien." I chuckled as I shook my head.

He shrugged and leaned his head back against the headboard. He stared at the ceiling, but I knew best that he wasn't really here. He replayed everything that has passed between them again in his head. From the moment that he first laid eyes on her, till the reunion a few seconds ago. He marveled in the fact that their love really was unbreakable. Years has passed, pain tripling every second and still it didn't make them love each other any less. If anything, it only brought them closer.

I stared at Bella's sleeping form, wondering if it was the same for us. A lot had passed between us, but did it really strengthen our love, or did it build a gap between us? We were starting to be truly honest with each other, breaking all barriers that were ever present. Did that mean that we were getting closer? Or did that mean that when these barriers would fall she would see me for what I really am and leave me? I could not imagine so. Too painful.

I dismissed these thoughts from my head with a slight shake and welcomed Damien's distraction.

"So what do you think of what Rosalinda said? About giving in?" he mused out loud.

I shrugged, "I think that there would be no harm in trying."

He nodded distractedly, "I think so too."

_So when do you want to do it?_ He asked mentally.

I sighed and looked at Bella, "We'd better try it while she's asleep. We do not know if there would be any consequences that might hurt humans."

He nodded again, "You're right. Should I call Emily or will you call one of your family?" I did not miss the slight longing in his head when he said the word _family_.

I smiled sadly at him, and said "I will call Carlisle and Esme. She sent her friends out for the night."

I pulled the cell phone out of my pocket and dialed Carlisle's number. After explaining that Bella would have the same headache and memory loss so it would be better that he was present with her, he agreed willingly and told me that he would bring Esme for comforting her when she gets confused. I thanked him and hung up.

"Alright, so where do we try this _thing_?" he said as he stood up.

"The forest, I presume; the farther, the safer," I shrugged and jumped out of her hotel window.

We ran quietly to the forest, each of us lost in our own thoughts. What should I expect? Why do I feel excited about something I do not know? It was like my body was reacting in a way that my mind couldn't comprehend. It was as if it recognized the truth that was away from my mind and Damien's. Whatever it was, it should be revealed.

When we were deep enough in the forest I stopped running and Damien followed in track. I turned around to face him, a little apprehensive of what might happen. He was staring at me.

"I just remembered something, Edward. Did you get a side effect after the first time we touched? Did something unusual happen to you?"

I stared at him quietly for a few moments, trying to remember if that was the case. The last few days ran clearly in my mind, with both their love and pain. I did not think that something odd happened… At least not to me… I gasped as it slammed in my face, "I read Bella's mind."

His eyes widened but said nothing.

"You?"

"I've been having memories of my human life with my parents. Just small bits but I'm happy to have them." He whispered honestly.

Enough confusion and mysteries, this needed to be done now! I held out my hand for Damien who looked at it nervously. He took a deep breath and said, "Remember what Rose said. We have to keep holding on to each other while whatever it is that happens."

I nodded and his hand inched forward to meet mine. Our palms met as we wrapped our hands firmly around each others. And it struck hard. We both jumped a little as the current ran through our bodies. But we determinedly kept our hands connected. It ran through our veins, spreading strongly and forcefully causing me to grit my teeth and Damien to tighten his hand on mine. Something changed, as the wind swirled around us both and only us both. The leaves, dust, twigs rotated around us. It was like being inside a hurricane. The difference was that the dust was not brown and the leaves were not green; their color was shifting. Silver, shining silver. The current was getting stronger as was the silver hurricane, making it harder on us to stay connected. So instantly we both lifted out other hands to hold them together, to make sure we did not part.

Damien's face was filled with panic, and I assumed it must have been a reflection of my own. What was going on?

"I don't know." Damien said distraught.

My eyes widened. I did not say the question out loud. He was in my head, just like I was in his. We were of one mind now. His eyes met mine, confusion filling them as the wind pushed his hair on his face.

Suddenly, our eyes fell closed, against our will. And a sound so beautiful and peaceful filled the silver hurricane around us. But it was the only thing we could hear, the rustling and whistling of the wind were drowned by the voice.

_**In the dark you may have walked**_

_**In the dark you may have liven**_

_**Never seen a bright side**_

_**Always in the dark side**_

_Even though our eyes were closed, I knew we could see the same thing. We saw a young boy, locked up in a cell, shivering from the cold. Hugging himself and seeking warmth. The boy looked so scared and frail, he was no older than nine. _

_He was crying silently, tears running down his face, his bronze hair messed and dirty, his teeth rattling because of the cold and his stomach growling in hunger. That boy was Damien._

_**Thy was engulfed by evil**_

_**Death, and loss**_

_**Loss of a family**_

_**And death of your own**_

_The young boy was gone and now there was an older one. He was holding a gown tightly in his hands. He was shaking, I did not know whether it was in fear, anger, or merely the urge to cry. _

_"A mixture of all"_ Damien answered my thoughts, _"This was my mother's dress."_ It was hard for him to see his pain. Living it was one thing, reliving it was another.

_The boy turned a little and I caught his desperate eyes, and they were red. He was a newborn. _

_**Drowning in crimson regret**_

_**But fear would always dawn**_

_Again the vision shifted and I saw the vampire attacking a tiger. It drained it from all its blood and pulled away. He wiped his lips with the back of his arm, his face a mask of pure disgust. He buried the dead animal sadly but stopped in the middle of the process when he smelt a more potent flavor than the one he had just endeavored. His eyes widened and fear was clear in them. He left the dead animal and ran away. He kept running, never stopping. Fearing that if he stopped, it would be an end of a life. _

_"Antarctica was where I stopped," _he whispered in my head painfully. I tightened my hands around his but not in need to hold on, but to comfort him.

_**Fear not little pet**_

_**What you seek but do not know**_

_**Lies ten to south**_

_**And six and ten west the crest**_

_I saw Forks and I saw Bella, but strangely I saw myself. We were sitting in her living room watching Romeo and Juliet, it was the day when I had decided to end everything. I had my arms wrapped around her and she was leaning her head against my chest as her tears over Romeo and Juliet's death flowed freely. _

_**A young lady owns what you seek**_

_Another memory. Me sitting on Bella's bed with a wicked grin on my face as I held her wrists in my hands. "Bring on the shackles, I'm _your_ prisoner," I said lightly. It was from our very first days together. After the meadow. I smiled sadly._

_**Hair embraced with brown**_

_**And cut too deep**_

_I saw a vision of Bella lying on the ground of the wet forest, her eyes open but not seeing. Whispering the same two words over and over. I swallowed difficulty as I saw how she was when I left her. _

_"You do not need to register that, she's been happier ever since you came back,"_ Damien comforted me. I did not answer, I would leave that for later to think.

_**Once you find your unknown desire**_

_**You'll combine to be**_

_**One so powerful**_

_**So exquisite**_

_**Yet easily displeased**_

_I saw me and Damien sitting together on the tree, we were laughing at something and we both looked so different. So carefree… So boyish. It was like we were two kids. I noticed the paper in his hand and remembered that it must've been when we were trying to figure out the prophecy. _

_"What does this mean?" _I wondered, Damien had no answer for me.

_**Trust is the key**_

_**Not even a melody**_

_We were still on the tree but we weren't laughing anymore. Damien was staring at me intensely and I the same. We were having some kind of internal conversation that I could not remember it. But once my past self mumbled "Yes, I do trust you Damien. I will." I remembered. We had both felt that strange spark without even touching each other. _

The voice was stronger now, closer and I could almost feel the source of the voice right beside my ear.

_**Once you find what you seek**_

_**Troubles eased**_

_**Solitude concealed**_

_**And from all melancholy**_

_**You shall be freed"**_

These last words did not have a memory of their own, but I could feel the wind ripping against our hard skin and we grasped our hands tighter. I felt something on my face the same time Damien felt something on his. It was soft and almost unfelt. Like being stroked with a hair. Our eyes flew open at once and we saw the most beautiful thing.

In the silver hurricane with us was the most beautiful woman. She was tall and slim. Her bronze hair was tied up in an elegant style. Her eyes were piercing green and kind. She looked so kind and reassuring except for one thing. She was white and transparent. Something like a ghost. Like? ... She was a ghost! The image of her made my breath stop and I almost dropped Damien's hand in shock.

"Mother…" I whispered.

Her kind smile widened and she nodded at me slowly. "I missed you my sons." She said in her beautiful melodic voice.

I could feel my eyes widen at what she said. Damien met my shocked gaze with his own. "Sons?" He mouthed his eyes filling with tears, "but…" he stammered unbelievably, "You're my m…mother too?" He whispered his eyes seeking hers desperately. I was in utter shock, I could not find coherent words let alone make a full sentence.

"Yes, Damien Masen. You were my first child," she said softly as she touched his arm, "and you grew up to be a man that I am proud to call my son." Damien was stunned to silence and I could feel him shaking and griped his hands impossibly tighter. Mothers eyes turned to me as she said, "And you stayed the gentle man I raised you to be. Your father and I are so proud of you." I could feel my own eyes blur with tears that I desperately wanted to fall.

Damien seemed to not be able to take his eyes off of my… _our_ mother. He mused loudly, "So… Edward… is… m… my brother?" His voice broke and I could feel my own heart clench for his pain and almost jumped in our joy. It was a joy that only my body registered but not my mind. I was still stunned.

"Yes my dears. You are brothers, same flesh, same blood. The bond between you two is _everlasting_. Neither time nor place could ever break that." She touched both our cheeks with her hands as she said, "You arranged the word mistakenly. You should have taken every letter with it's same order in the word and put it in it's place. The word was _Frate._" Her eyes met mine, and she knew I would understand it.

"Brother." I mouthed. Frate was brother in Romanian. She had told me that when I was young, but I barely remembered that.

"I wish I had the chance to know you, mother." I could here how warm it made him feel to say the last word.

She smiled, "I'm always with you my son. In your heart. We are watching over you both. We can see how wonderful you are. And trust me when I say that no one has ever made us more proud than both of you. And we love you so dearly." I could see her own tears in her almost transparent eyes.

"We love you too, mother." We both mouthed at once. Our eyes snapped to meet the other's gaze again.

"Farewell, my children." We heard the faint whisper of her melodic voice as the hurricane dimmed and the silver light disappeared. We were so lost in our gaze that we barely noticed our surroundings turning back to normal.

"I have a brother?" Damien whispered slowly and I saw a small smile tug on his lips. The endings of his mouth turning upwards.

I could feel my own smile creeping it's way on my face as I whispered back, "Yes, a brother…"

A/N: Phew! Finally! I've been stressing over that chapter since I started the story. Lol. I've been stalling it for long enough. Now please tell me honestly. I am ridiculously worried. Please I don't think I'll ever be able to really breathe till you tell me. I really really really hope it wasn't a very big disappointment.

**Terry: ** THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!! I hope you are not disappointed by this one.


	36. Painful Happiness

.A/N.: Ok Guys, if you want to kill me, you have every right too. I'm sorry, It's just that I started reading this new series and I got too hooked for my own good. Whenever I had free time I would read instead of write. But today I put my foot down! Or rather….I put the book down! Lol yay me! Please for give me???

BTW, to those of you who have read "Vampire diaries" which do you prefer? Edward or Stefan? I'm having a hard time deciding :P

**Recap:**

"I have a brother?" Damien whispered slowly and I saw a small smile tug on his lips. The endings of his mouth turning upwards.

I could feel my own smile creeping it's way on my face as I whispered back, "Yes, a brother…"

**Painful happiness**

_Pain makes me smile_

_Happiness makes me cry_

_Looking back I could see_

_What could have been…_

_How you missed me…_

**Damien's POV**

"Really? Mom actually painted a baby that looked like me?" I asked in childish enthusiasm. My grin was wide and my happiness was beyond words. I did not lose my family. I had a member left. Not just any member! A brother! I have a brother! This was the nine thousand, four hundred and seventy fifth time I though about these words. _I have a brother!!!_ It never got old.

Edward was sitting crossed legged opposite me on the hardly grassy ground and I mirrored his position. Our knees almost touching whenever I jumped a little at a new piece of information about my… _our_ family. Could my smile get any wider?

"Yes, I remember seeing the picture and asking her who the baby was. Her answer to me was _'a lost angel,'_" he answered in a tone full of wonder and joy, "that was the name of the painting. It was beautiful and some of the ladies that came to her tea parties tried to persuade her to either offer it to them as a gift or sell it, but mother never consented." His smile widened as he now understood the reason behind it.

I could almost feel my tears fall, if such thing were possible. My mother did love me. I really did have a mother that loved me as her son. And according to what happened tonight, she still did. According to tonight's events, she and my father were _proud of me_. If I were to need happiness to live instead of blood, I would have exploded from the amount of joy that filled my body, clenched at my heart, blurred my mind and burned my eyes.

_Show me, please._ I thought to Edward in a small voice.

He smiled kindly and nodded. Our minds were still connected, I could not read his thoughts but I could sense it. Feel it. But once he granted me permission into his memories I could see them as clearly as my own. I could sense his thoughts but not his memories. For memories, he needed to be willing to show me, and Edward was very kind; he never hid a memory from me when I asked for it. It was something we discovered while we were talking.

I felt Edward concentrate on dragging the memory that had been buried in the back of his mind for decades. I clenched my teeth in excitement and tried to persuade myself to sit still as I waited very impatiently to be ambushed by the unclear (because human eyes weren't as sharp as ours) but very much desired memories.

_********_

_"Mother?" I said as I lifted my eyes off the piano keys to ask her if that new tune was good enough to play in the next party. I did not like the parties mother hosted in our house but I was forced to be present. Mother's hope was for a lady to catch my eyes in one of her parties but that was the farthest thing from my desire. And I surely did not understand hers. Didn't she want to be proud of her son who had died fighting for his country? Wouldn't it shame her if I stayed behind like every other coward? Shouldn't it be every mother's dream to see her son remembered as someone who made a difference? Then why wasn't she supportive of my intentions? That was the part that I did not understand. _

_But mother was not present in the room with me. She was here merely minutes ago. I stood up and left the wonderful instrument behind as I searched for her. _

_Of course I found her in the drawing chamber. She was sitting on a wooden chair in front of her newest painting. The window behind her profile allowed the sunlight to cast down on her small figure. Her bronze, wrapped up curls almost seemed blonde in the light. Her green eyes that were focused on the painting almost looked like they were wet with tears. She licked her thin lips slowly in concentration as she moved her hand away from the painting to acquire some more paint. She looked so beautiful sitting that way that you could have mistaken her for a wondrous portray. _

_I averted my gaze to the painting and saw a child. Its skin was a little pale and it had the same grey eyes of my father's. The child was folded in a blue blanket covering its legs and stomach. His small hands were stretched upwards as if trying to catch something. He had a very big smile on its face that if it were a real child it would be laughing. The picture made me smile though it did not cause so to my mother. _

_"Mother?" I whispered and her hand stopped on the painting. She turned her face to meet my gaze and my eyes went wide. Her eyes really were wet. She had been crying. "What is wrong?" I asked alarmed at her pained face. _

_She forced a smile on her face and I didn't miss the amount of effort it took. "Nothing, my dear son," she whispered in an irritatingly controlled way. "I might be a little under the weather."_

_I had to suppress the urge to roll my eyes, it would not be a polite thing to do. "Please forgive me, but I am not capable of believing that," I said as politely as I could. _

_I saw her eyes tighten but her smile was kinder than before, if such thing were possible. She set down the painting brush and the color pallet on the small table next to her and opened her arms for me. I willingly walked to her and sank in her warm embrace. She smoothed back my hair with her fingers and laid a kiss on my forehead. "Do not worry about me. I am all right. It's just that… Do you remember how some of my paintings touch my heart in ways? Reflects some of my hidden thoughts?" _

_I nodded and waited for her to continue. _

_"This one is one of them," she whispered a little shakily. _

_I tightened my arms around her for support and she understood the gesture because she patted the back of my head. _

_"I will be fine," she promised. _

_I looked at the painting again. This child surely wasn't me. I do not recall ever seeing him before. "Who is this child mother?"_

_My ear was on her chest so I could hear both her quick heart beats and her hard gulp. "It is a lost angel, my dear." Her voice was faltering even more than before. _

_I stared at the painting, noticing fore the first time the small, white wings that the child had. There was a Halo drawn too but my mother did not yet come to paint it. "And what does it stand for?" I asked a little timidly. Obviously it meant something to her and I was afraid of causing her pain. _

_"It is…" I felt her take a deep breath because her voice broke and I tightened my arms around her again. "A… a tribute… A tribute to every mother who had l-lost a child in some w-way…" _

_What did that mean? Did she lose a child? Did she witness someone losing a child? Was she a lost child herself? Questions raced in my mind that I did not have a single answer for. I pushed them aside and focused all my thoughts on one thing. My mother was in pain. She was suffering and I should try to make her feel better. _

_So, I pulled away reluctantly but only enough to look in her wet eyes, which tried so hard not to meet mine. "Would you like to talk about it mother?" I mumbled quietly, telling her with my eyes that I would listen. _

_She closed her eyes and slowly shook her head. She was hiding from my gaze. My anxiousness was stirring madly inside of me. I bit the inside of my cheek and asked, "isn't there something I can do to help?"_ _My voice was so desperate that it made her open her eyes. _

_She averted her gaze to the floor as if ashamed of what she was about to say and whispered hesitantly, "I know it's too much to ask of you, my son… But c-could you please a-allow me to w-weep while h-holding you?" Her voice was small, as of a child in fear. _

_At once I pulled her in my arms. Mother was always the strong one in the house. She never showed weakness in front of me and I was old enough to know why. She did not want to burden me. She did not want to put too much on my shoulders. This was the first time she showed me her weakness, and she needed me. So I hugged her tightly to my chest as she wrapped her arms around my waist and buried her face in the crook of my neck. I could feel her tears on my neck and shoulder and I stroked her hair silently as I let her weep over whatever it was that gave her an unhealing wound. She held on to me as if holding on for dear life and I said nothing to stop her. I stared at the painting of the angelic child that had caused her so much pain. _

_Some of the lines were shaky, and I knew it was due to her pain of drawing it. I studied it carefully and when my eyes fell to the very end of the blue blanket, I saw two initials written in black. _

_D. M._

_************_

"Damien Masen…" Edward whispered after the memory was over.

I was silent. If I had seen this memory sooner my grief would have been too much to bear. The knowledge that I had lost a mother that loved me so much, even when all I'd spent with her were two years that I could not even speak in. I would have found a way to commit suicide just to be with her again and tell her that she had not lost me and to feel that I had not lost her.

But seeing this now, after meeting her merely hours ago, I could actually smile at that memory. She's not broken now. She had been watching over me and she knew that I was alive. She was proud of me. Even knowing that I am what I am, she did not resent me. She did not regret having me. She loved me.

I remembered the saying of _'I never knew looking back at the laughs would make me cry, and looking back at the pain would make me smile'_. At first I did not understand what it meant, but I did now. The pain only proved her love for me and that she never forgot about me. Just like me.

"Hey, are you all right?" I felt his hand on my shoulder and I shifted my gaze back to him. I must've stared off for a long time because his thoughts were full of nothing but worry that I was in pain.

I smiled and put a hand on his, "I'm fine. Thank you for sharing your memories with me… _little_ brother…" I half teased him.

He smiled, "I actually like the sound of that. When Emmet says it, it irritates the hell out of me…" he said chuckling.

"And I like the sound of it too. More than you can ever imagine," I said honestly. "I'm happy that you're my brother Edward."

"As I am. You are truly the brother I would have wanted if I had the choice of having one."

I grinned and stood up, pulling him with me. "So since I'm your older and wiser brother…" I teased as we walked back to the hospital. He could hear where this is going and saw his eyes go wide. "Then I should give you advice about girls since you and Bella are back," I grinned wickedly.

"Never!" He said in mock horror, shaking his head violently.

"Aw come on Ed! I have to play my role as your big brother well. Just one tiny advice… or ten," I said stepping in front of him to block his path.

"I do not think you're advice would work, since your experience isn't in her type." His lips were twitching and I'm sure mine were too. "Bella is definitely not a blonde!"

I lunged forward and pushed him off his feet. His back hit the ground hard but I knew he wouldn't feel it so I stayed on top of him as I mocked fury, "are you making fun of my fondness for blondes, Edward Masen?!"

He turned us both around such that my back was against the ground, "Maybe I am… maybe not… what are you going to do about it, Damien Masen?!" His voice was challenging but still light.

My eyes met his and mine narrowed, "You do not want to fight me. You're too young to be destroyed!" I warned lightly.

"I could say the same to you!" His eyes narrowed too.

"That's it! Whoever surrenders first doesn't get to tell the others the big news. And gets to make a fool out of himself in front of them," I challenged him, naming my terms.

He was almost laughing, as if he could ever win against me. "And whoever wins will name exactly what the loser does to make a fool out of himself. Are you in?" His grin was wild and his eyes amused. I'm sure I looked the same as I pushed him off of me and threw him across the field. I stood up swiftly, crouching a little as I smirked at him.

"Bring it on, little bro!"

A/N: So nothing astonishing here, but well, I just had to put a brotherly moment between them. Plus, I really wanted to write the memory. So who do you think will win??? Hope you liked this chappy. :D

**Yara k: **Thank you so much Yaya! I was surprised when I saw your review lol! THANK YOU. BFFE!!!

**Twilighter:** :D Thank you so much! I'm so happy to know that you thought it was _Perfect!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

**Jennifer:** :D Well, sorry I didn't surprise you but I'm still happy you liked it!!! Thank you so much! :D

**Terry:** Thank you so much!!!! Lol, sorry I scared you there but I was terrified myself. Believe me when I tell you I was in total shock when I read in the reviews that ppl actually liked the chappy and I was like "Did I post the wrong chapter?" lol, so thank you so much for your awesome review. It made my smile toothy lol.

**Mish:** :D eeeeekkk! Thank you so much! And yay! Another _perfect!_ :D THANK YOU!

**LOuise x:** :D Genius? Wow! Lol thank you so very much!!! You're great and so are your reviews :D


	37. Combined?

.A/N: No justification to my late update. I feel guilty. Sorry 

Beta's Note: It's totally my fault. I was late in getting the story back to Mai… blame me!! - dragonangeleyes

**Recap:**

"And whoever wins will name exactly what the loser does to make a fool out of himself. Are you in?" His grin was wild and his eyes amused. I'm sure I looked the same as I pushed him off of me and threw him across the field. I stood up swiftly, crouching a little as I smirked at him.

"Bring it on, little bro!"

**Combined?**

_Love Happiness_

_Joy softness_

_All so true_

_Because we are one_

_Me and you_

**DPOV**

"Edward… are you… ok?" Bella asked confusedly. She had her eyebrows pulled and her face was a frown. I had to bite my lips to keep from laughing.

"S'ti neimad…" He said through gritted teeth. Edward was standing on his hands and his legs were stretched in the air. His shirt was falling over his head and some of his back was visible. He was straining to see Bella.

_You're dead for this, _he thought to me, a warning in his tone.

_Your own fault brother,_ I chuckled mentally.

Our fight had taken hours, neither of us surrendering. We nearly had the same strengths and no weaknesses. But I knew a weakness of his and I used it. He had started to worry about being away from Bella for so long. But I gave him no way of stopping. If he wanted to see her he had to surrender or beat me. When he found no hope in beating me any time soon, he decided to give up so he could see Bella.

Of course we had agreed on some rules for the loser. Edward is to walk on his hands and talk backwards till I say enough. _The things my brother does for love_, I chuckled.

"Edward?" Carlisle asked coming closer to see him, nothing but concern on his face.

Edward had quite an audience for his idiocy show. Bella was on her wheel chair with Esme standing beside her, looking at her son strangely. Jasper and Alice were sitting cross legged on the bed; Alice did not look confused, she was just smiling. I assumed she had a vision about this. Jasper on the other hand could feel my smugness, so he probably guessed I had something to do with this.

Emmet of course roared with laughter whenever Edward tried to talk. He was practically rolling on the floor. Rosalie was leaning against the wall trying to comprehend everything.

"Damien?" Carlisle asked looking at me for explanation.

I put on my innocent mask and shrugged, "I have no idea what's got into him. He just told me that he wanted to be… unique. He didn't want to walk and talk like everybody else. He wanted to do something new. So…" I trailed off and shrugged again. Carlisle stood back up and his eyebrows flew up. I had to fight the urge to laugh again.

"That doesn't sound like Edward…" Bella said doubtfully, "I smell a Damien in this." Her gaze shifted to meet mine, hers were accusing.

_I love this woman!_ Edward sang in his head triumphantly.

"Me? How so?" I acted startled.

"Damien, that innocent façade won't work with me. I know you too well to get away with that act," she said, raising an eyebrow and crossing her arms, "what did you do to Edward?"

Emmet was laughing even harder and said, "ooooh Damien's in trouble and Edward's signing up for the circus."

Esme was fighting her own smile now as she tried to glare at Emmet. "Emmet Cullen, if you do not you stop you will be in trouble as well."

That made Emmet laugh harder for a moment but he put a hand on his mouth and lifted his other hand as a sign of surrender.

"Well?" Bella urged.

I was already shaking with the urge to tell her everything, I was going to explode, so I didn't need any more persuasion. "Okay Edward, drop it. I can't hold it any more!" I said with the biggest smile ever. Edward sighed in relief and in an instant he was standing up right.

"So what was that?" she asked.

"A stupid bet, but that's not important now," Edward answered quickly.

"I have major news Bella!!!" I cried as I ran to her. In a second I was across the hotel room and on my knees in front of her.

She smiled and cocked her head, "I've never seen you this happy before! What is it?" I could sense her excitement creeping in due to mine.

"I saw my mother!" I blurted quickly.

Her eyes widened and she gasped, "Oh my God! You did?"

"Yes, It wasn't really her but her ghost. Anyway, what's important is that it was _Her!_" I was shaking with excitement when I felt a hand on my shoulder, I didn't need to look behind me to know who, I felt the tingling.

"Calm down. You're driving Jasper crazy," he said with a laugh.

I took his hand from my shoulder and pulled him to sit on his knees beside me.

"I'm so happy for you, Damien. That's awesome." Bella's eyes filled a little with her happiness for me. I couldn't wait to see how those eyes would look like when I tell her.

I put an arm around Edward's shoulders and looked at him, he grinned back at me, "Do you know who this is?" I asked her.

"Uh… Edward?" She said confusedly.

"Yes, but do you know _who_ he is?" I asked again. Edward rolled his eyes because there was no difference in the question.

"Damien?"

I averted my gaze from Edward's face to Bella's, I could feel my own eyes fill with tears as I said, "Edward Anthony Masen is my brother, Bella. My mother was Elizabeth Masen. My father was Sr. Edward Anthony Masen. My name is Damien Anthony Masen." I felt Edward's arm wrap around my shoulder as gasps were heard from around the room.

Bella's eyes were wide and her mouth fell open.

"Edward?" I heard Esme and Carlisle whisper together. I looked back with Edward. Esme was in shock, Carlisle's face was filled with awe.

Edward's grin was impossibly big as he said proudly, "it's true. I have a brother. To quote our mother, _'Same flesh, same blood'_." He patted my shoulder proudly and I felt even more joyous, if such thing were possible, "He's my older and _wiser_ brother." He laughed, and surprisingly the shock in the room broke and they chuckled along.

Suddenly Bella's arms were around me. I turned my head back to see that she had fell off her chair and was hugging me tightly. I laughed as I saw that she had her arm around Edward as well, trying to hug us both together. We squeezed her while laughing. "I'm sorry," she said as she pulled away, "I'm just so happy for both of you."

Edward grinned as he wrapped his arms around her and stood up, carrying her back to the chair. "We appreciate being happy but we'd also appreciate being careful," he said with a smile as he kissed her forehead.

"Could you do something about his over protectiveness, since you're his older brother?" she asked in a mocking desperate tone. Edward rolled his eyes as he fell on the bed and pulled Bella's chair beside him.

I laughed, "I promise you that that will be our next bet."

He ignored me and leaned in to whisper in her ear even though we could all hear him. "No one can do anything about it. I love you, you'll have to learn to live with it because I'm sticking here." Bella feigned fear.

"You're sticking here? Aw man! Way to kill a buzz." We laughed with Edward and Bella.

"Are you sure about that?" he asked in a soft voice as he kissed her temple. He gazed into her eyes and Bella's face went blank.

"Sure about what?" She whispered.

He chuckled. "That's what I thought, too."

"Hey, lovebirds. Break it. I'm too crazy right now to have things calm down!" I shouted jumping to my feet. That sent them laughing again, even Bella and Edward.

"Okay, I want details." Bella demanded sitting back in her chair.

I flopped down on the bed and told them everything, stopping at places to give Edward a chance to express his point of view on things. My grin was a never fading grin. It never wavered, it only grew. We told them about our connected mind and that intrigued Carlisle but when we told them about the fight Emmet and Jasper were the ones intrigued.

"Aw, Bella. You made Edward lose. But I like that," Emmet commented. Bella just laughed.

When we finished, there were smiled all over the room. The first to break the comfortable silence was Carlisle.

"So… it looks like we have a new addition to our family," he said happily and Esme was mirroring his expression.

My eyes widened and I stared at Carlisle. I haven't thought about that, so I didn't expect it. From the corner of my eye I saw Edward mouth his thanks to Carlisle. He just smiled and shook his head as he said, "it would be an honor to have another Masen. That's, of course, if you do not mind being a Cullen, Damien."

And I heard sounds of agreement and encouragement from around the room. "If _I_ don't mind??? Of course I don't. I didn't even dream of that!" I blurted at once. I felt dazed with joy. Such an odd feeling but that was the way it was for me. Carlisle and Esme just gave me their kind smiles and patted my back.

I've always wondered how it would feel like to have a family. Would I feel happy?... Safe?... Loved?... Brave?.... I never thought that I would feel everything. And by everything I mean _EVERYTHING!_ If I had to write a list with my feelings it would be full of words like: Happy, Belong, Safe, Loved, Brave, Lucky, Incredible, Grateful, Crazy…and so much more.

Could one feel so much at once and not explode? It felt physically impossible. Everything looked different to me now. Before this amazing discovery I saw everything as desperate and sad as I was. Everything and anything. When I would see the twilight it would seem to me as if the night sky was pushing away the beautiful, shining sun away, because it did not belong between the small sparkling stars. But now, as I gazed at the same twilight outside the window, I sensed a whole other meaning from the scenery. I saw the white ground welcoming the sun, as if it was welcoming it back home. And I saw the fading oranges as if the night sky was clinging to its best friend, not wanting to let it go. It's odd how things looked differently to me now.

"So what's your combined power?" Bella's odd question brought me out of my reverie.

"What?" I said at the same time Edward said "Excuse me?"

She looked at us with a strange look, "Your combined power. Oh come on, that was about the only thing that was clear in the riddle."

When neither of us answered she clarified.

"The prophecy said that when you find what you're looking for, which is Edward. You will both combine to be something powerful. That's got to mean that you two together have a different power than each of you separately."

We stared at her for a few moments then Edward met my eyes. It was strange how she put it in a way that sounded right. But was she? "A combined power?"

A/N: Tada! So what do you think it is??? Hope you liked this chappy! Big thanks to my Beta Megan!! Thank you!!

**Terry: **Ok, I seriously don't have any idea what to tell you. So THANK YOU! Sorry, it's all I've got.

**Mish:** :D THANK yOU!

**Brim 458:** Glad you were right  Thanks


	38. Strong for you

**A/N: Forgive me?**

**Recap: **

We stared at her for a few moments then Edward met my eyes. It was strange how she put it in a way that sounded right. But was she? "A combined power?"

**Strong for you**

_Be my candle in the dark_

_Light my way with your heart_

_Be my strength in my sores_

_And I promise you_

_I'll be your strength in yours_

**EPOV**

"Flying?"

"No."

"Mind-reading?"

"Already have it."

"Shrinking?"

"Oh please," I said as I rolled my eyes at Emmett. It had been hours since our discovery, and we still haven't figured out what our combined power was. Suggestions were thrown at us from everywhere in the room, and it was starting to become _just a bit_ irritating.

"Any more ideas?" Bella yawned and stretched her arms in front of her.

I chuckled. "I have one. Sleep. How does that sound?"

She gave me a small smile and rested her head against the arm of the chair. "That sounds nice." She breathed and let her eyes close. My family excused themselves and said their soft goodnights to Bella who I doubted heard them. Except Damien.

"Bed would be a good idea by the way," I heard Damien whisper. I hadn't noticed that I had been staring at Bella. Her arms folded on her lap, her head on the arm of her chair, her hair cascading on the side, almost touching the ground. Her face was so peaceful; eye lashes casting shadows across her cheek, lips drawn in a small smile, strands of her hair falling across her nose. I smiled. A sleeping angel. _My_ sleeping angel.

_Ho! Ho! Edward, I did not know that you were that possessive_. Damien thought to me.

I chuckled, I would have to get used of having Damien in my head.

_Yes you will. I will make it easier for you. I'm never getting out of your head!_

I rolled my eyes but smiled. I lifted Bella carefully off the chair, trying not to disturb her slumber. Gently, I laid her in her bed with the help of Damien. She rolled on her side and tucked her hands under her head as her petite body curled. Damien and I covered her with two heavy blankets and I tucked her in. After I was sure that she was warm and comfortably covered I retreated to my seat beside Damien on the small couch.

_I like watching you two. Reminds me of me and Rose. _He mused.

I smiled, _Soon you won't need to remember, you should b back together soon. Just be patient. _

_I know. I know…It's just that…She…I…_ I kept silent, waiting for him while he hesitated. _I'm tired of waiting Edward. I want her. I want to hold her again. And not in a dream. _

I put my hand on his shoulder and squeezed lightly, in his eyes were a lot of pain that I knew too well and it pained me to see him pained. _I understand. But you have to 'fight for her'_

He grinned as I used his own words against him.

_I guess you're right. I'll just have to wait…_

The silence engulfed us after that. Nothing disturbed this silence except for Bella's heartbeat and soft breathing. I mostly stared at her as she slept quietly, and I noticed that she did not stir. If I remembered correctly Bella used to be all over the bed, providing she had a nightmare or not. But now she stayed on the same side I laid her on.

_She can't move Edward. Stirring needs legs. _He thought quietly.

Oh. Yes. Of course. Bella couldn't ….couldn't move her legs. I knew that. Nothing new.

I swallowed the lump in my throat loudly trying to show myself that it's something normal. I felt Damien's hand on mine and that was when I noticed that my hands were shaking. I fisted my hands trying to keep calm but nothing seemed to work. Damien kept his hand on my fisted one as he turned his torso a little to face me more directly. I kept my eyes on Bella. I was afraid to meet his understanding eyes.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he whispered in concern.

Did I? Was I ready to talk? Did I want to? Could I talk? My head churned with too many questions and too little answers. I was confused and I did not know what I wanted and what I needed. I let my eyes meet Damien's and let him see the confusion and the desperation in them. His eyes searched mine for a moment, and then his filled with understanding. He unclenched my hand and took it in his as he stood up and pulled me with him.

_Come with me. I'll show you something… _was his only thought to me as we jumped outside the window.

We ran north and continued for a long time. The cold breeze was hitting us but we never felt it. We crossed places with heavy snow and light snow but it never stopped us or even halted us for a minute. We were invisible to human eyes; too fast to be seen. And we were too strong to be stopped by any storm.

_Damien, where are we going?_ I asked after a few minutes of running.

_I want to show you something,_ was his only answer to my unspoken question. It was clear that he wasn't going to answer so I did not ask again.

After about a half an hour of running he started to slow. I did not understand why he brought us here. Nowhere. There was nothing except for the white snow and the black, star filled sky.

"Damien-" and I stopped. There in the very corner, almost hidden in the snow, was a cottage.

"Don't worry. No one lives here," he assured me, but his voice had a ring of melancholy in it that I did not understand.

"Are you all right?" I whispered, putting a hand on his arm, but it did not stop him. He put his hand on mine and pulled me with him as he started towards the house.

As we walked there was no sound but the whistling of the wind and the sound of our feet on the snow. We weren't running but I felt Damien's battling desire to. A part of him wanted to run to the house but the other wanted him to run away.

When we were in front of the door, I saw his fingers twitch when they slowly touched the white door knob. He brushed away the snow and gripped my hand tighter, needing support. I squeezed his hand back; telling him without words that I'll always be by his side.

He took a deep breath and turned the knob. The door opened slowly with a creak that echoed throughout the empty place. I felt the memories trying to flood through Damien's head but he pushed against them, refusing to give in to the crushing grief. He took a step forward and his body shivered a little when the scent of the place filled him. He pulled me along with him as he reached out his hand to turn on the lights.

And the light turned on…

The room was circular and medium sized. On my right was a small kitchen that opened on the small living room on my right. There was a small couch and two armchairs. In front of the couch was a rectangular glass table that had a round and short crystal vase on top of it. Opposite the couch there was also a library with a television. Nothing fancy, just a small Panasonic. The library was stocked with books that were as old as myself. One other thing I noticed, this house was covered in cobwebs and dust, like it had been years since someone had lived in.

When I saw the small framed pictures on the wall, I gasped, and that was when Damien decided to talk.

"This was mine and Rosalinda's house. Our house as husband and wife." His voice was quiet and void of any emotion but the emotions were right there in his head. I felt and heard how hard this was for him.

"Damien…" I breathed as I tried to meet his eyes but he avoided mine, keeping his eyes on the pictures of him and Rosalinda.

"It's been so long. I haven't been in this house since I was changed," he whispered as he walked forward slowly, touching the furniture with his fingertips, keeping his eyes fixed on the pictures. "When I tried to come back here, thinking that living in a place where her scent still lingers…" he breathed in her distant scent, "would make things better. Easier. But I was wrong." He stopped in front of the flight of stairs. He stared at the first step as if he was trying to comprehend what it was. Then slowly he lifted his right foot and started to climb slowly, while I trailed behind him. "I couldn't bring myself to enter the house… the pain was too much to bear." His voice faltered, "What I needed was _her_. Not a piece of her." His steps were starting to become hesitant and I helped him forward by taking his elbows from behind, trying to support his weight. He stopped in front of the door of a room. It was hard to tell that we were in the second floor not the first. I refused to let myself be distracted to look around me and focused my eyes on Damien's hands as they shook towards the dusty door knob.

It was a bedroom. Their bedroom. It was small and round. Just a large bed and a vanity mirror. There were double doors that I guessed led to a normal sized closet.

"For years I fought hard against the memories. Always watching the house from outside…" he walked inside the room with my help that he now needed more than before. He touched the pink sheets of the bed as we passed it and then he faced the closet. "She used to sit in front of that mirror…" he pointed at the small vanity mirror on the side, "and brush her hair as she laughed or smiled at my comment of her being beautiful and not needing to brush her hair…" he chuckled sadly, "She thought I was humoring her…" He pushed the doors of the closet open and stared at the stocked closet. It was full of colorful dresses and different shades of blue jeans. Damien walked inside and touched different dresses as he whispered, "she would wear this when she was happy… and this one when she was sad… this one when she was bored… this one when she was troubled… and this _one_-" his voice broke and I felt the sobs shake him. He held on to the yellow dress tightly, he was shaking so hard now and the sobs were loud and painful.

"Damien!" I said, alarmed as I felt him suddenly fall on his knees. I wrapped my arms around him and tried to calm him but he kept holding on to the yellow dress as if his life depended on it.

"She was-s wearing this-s dress w-when she f-first t-told me that-t she l-l-l-loved m-me…" He gasped as he buried his face in the dress. I squeezed him tighter and tried to soothe-rock him.

"It's ok Damien. Take deep breaths. It's ok," I said over and over. His grief felt like mine. I could feel it coil inside me as if it were my own. I couldn't see him this way. I couldn't.

"She- she was-s wearing the s-same d-dress the d-day that I p-proposed. She said-d y-yes. She cried-d and said y-yes…" He sobbed painfully. He turned, slowly leaving the dress, and buried his face in my arm as he hunched over it and sobbed restlessly. I kept my other arm around him, trying to pull him back together.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry…" he repeated more than once.

"It's ok. I understand. Cry. I'll stay as long as you want," I shushed him softly.

As I held him there, sobbing in my arms, I found out why he brought me here. Damien was trying to be strong for me, but he couldn't. He tried to tell me that if he could face his fears so can I. He showed me what he showed no one else, to show me that he trusted me completely. He was accepting me as his brother in ways I did not know until now. Damien brought me here to show me that if he could do it, I could. But instead of showing me his strength he showed me his weakness.

"I'm sorry. I tried…" he croaked and I shushed him softly again. _I tried to help._

"You did help." I breathed gently. "You tried to be strong for me Damien. Now, I want to do the same for you."

He squeezed my arm tighter, "I c-can't tell you-u how w-wonderful-l it is-s to have you as-s my brother-r." _I couldn't have entered the house without you, let alone hold her dress, _he continued in his head when his voice failed him.

I patted his head lightly and whispered, "I love you Damien. I truly do."

He tried to say it back but his sobs came in the way.

"I know Damien, I know," I assured him that he doesn't have to say it back.

I do not know for how long I held my sobbing brother in that closet. All I know is that I was content to see all his pain out when he was done. His eyes were clear again but for the first time you could see a spark of life in it. He had thrown out of his system all of his pain. And he was waiting for me to throw out my own.

I took a deep breath as I prepared myself to open up for the very first time and I was happy that it was Damien who I was opening up to. He showed me his now it was my turn to show him mine. "Her birthday was the day I died…"

A/N: Hate it? Love it? Hate me? Love me? Lol. Please tell me. Can't wait!!! Btw guys, the review replier wasn't working, so please please please don't get disappointed that I didn't reply. I really appreciate your reviews, Thank you to all of you!!!

**Terry:** -tears- Thank you.

**Mish:** Sorry about that. I have a lot going on in my life right now. Thank you so much.


	39. Heaven must subsist pt1

.A/N: ONE-THOUSAND-FREAKING-AWESOME-REVIEWS!!!!! I'm going to go INSANE!!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL OF YOU!!!! YOU ARE THE BEST READERS ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH!!!

**Important Note for "****Katya_Malia****": Thank you so much first for your lovely review. I kinda gawked at the words when I read that you wanted to make me a trailer lol, It would be more than my pleasure, Thank you so much. You did not log in while writing the review so I could not PM you. So you PM me when you can if you want to know any details about the story that would help in your trailer. Thank you so much again, this offer touched me so much!!! :D**

**Recap:**

I took a deep breath as I prepared myself to open up for the very first time and I was happy that it was Damien who I was opening up to. He showed me his now it was my turn to show him mine. "Her birthday was the day I died…"

**Heaven must subsist (part 1)**

_How could the night love the sun…_

_Without being it's poison?_

_How could a devil love an angel…_

_Without putting it in danger?_

_How could I love you.._

_Without hurting you?_

**EPOV**

"Edward… take deep breaths…" Damien whispered and took my shaking hand in his.

I was much too aware of the pressure around my throat, squeezing and making the air too thick to breathe. My heart squeezed with the memories that filled my head and my body wasn't strong enough to keep still. I swallowed loudly and tried to take my recommended deep breaths.

_You can do it Edward. Show me that you're stronger. Prove to me that you're stronger._

_I never said I was stronger!_ I panicked.

As my breathing hitched I felt Damien's hands on both my shoulders, holding me still. And it was so odd, it seemed like Damien's love and comfort transferred to me through that simple touch. We were so connected, not only by mind but by heart and feelings too. His calming emotions calmed mine. It was something entirely different from what Jasper does, this was stronger and deeper. Jasper's power feels like a surface that merely covers your real emotions, but what was between Damien and me was something else. His emotions mingled with mine, spreading through my body slowly, calmingly, touching my heart and wrapping it safely warm.

My shaking stopped and the air seemed to flow easier. My eyes met Damien's and I didn't have to ask, he understood my question.

"You could feel what I feel, right?" He asked staring knowingly into my eyes. "You felt it when I broke down, didn't you?"

I nodded.

"When you were trying to calm me, you did the same thing to me that I did to you right now. Unintentionally, I know, but I thought maybe it would work with you if I tried it." He shrugged, lifting his hands off my shoulders but taking my hand, keeping contact.

"So you can feel what I feel too?" I wondered.

"Yep." He smiled. "And let me tell you. You don't joke. When you panic, you _panic!_" He emphasized chuckling while shaking his head. I chuckled too.

"Yeah, sorry about that."

"No, don't apologize. That's good, now I can help keep you somewhat collected so you can finish throwing everything out." He said quickly.

I smiled and nodded. I let my mind drift back to the misplaced dark days, and I say misplaced because nothing in my life should be dark after meeting Bella. Too many memories and so much pain.

"How about we start slow? I ask questions?" he asked softly.

I nodded and breathed in.

"All right." He whispered and settled more comfortably on the floor of his closet, crossing his legs and straightening his back. Running through his head was a variety of questions that I silently thanked him for choosing to leave for later.

Until he found one.

"How did you decide to leave?" he asked quietly.

"It wasn't easy," I whispered, "I tried to make her leave me. I ignored her for days. I did not show any interest in her or anything she did. I knew humans didn't have a lot of patience and I hoped that if I kept this up for a few days she would have enough and tell me to… go…" My voice shook and I closed my eyes to keep control, "She never did. Days passed and I knew that she wouldn't. So it was in my hands to make her safe…" My closed lids didn't help my control because they allowed memories to flow more easily. Especially the memory of the day I made up my mind…

_***********_

_"Edward, please…" Bella mumbled painfully. I watched her twitch in her bed achingly, having a nightmare…about me. Why wouldn't she? I've been nothing but a nightmare lately. _

_I shouldn't have come here tonight. I told her I wouldn't. It was the second time I'd told her that. But I didn't want her to know that I loved her to the extent that I couldn't keep away. No, I didn't want her to know that. Not now. I was trying to make her irritated. I wanted her mad. I wanted her fury to rise enough to tell me that if that was the way I wanted it then she would leave. Because I was too weak to do so on my own. _

_"…I… love… you" She whispered and I gulped. It wasn't working. Now what? Take matters in my own hands? No! I can't! I won't!_

_My breathing was faster and when it was loud I ran out of the window, I kept running but my mind was else where. _

_**Leave Bella? Could I? **_

_**No! I can't! Bella is the best thing that's ever happened to me, what are you thinking Edward Masen?**_

_**What if it was what was best for her?**_

_**No! She'll get hurt. She'll cry. She'll be in pain. **_

_I tripped and fell on the ground without bothering to stop the fall. I pictured Bella's beautiful face with crystal tears falling from her eyes, her face twisted in pain…_

_"No!" I shouted in the silence. The echoes of my denial rang through the forest. It even filled my insides, slamming against my heart. _

_I couldn't bear the thought of her tears being shed, let alone her being in pain and because of me. No, it was too much! I couldn't. I wouldn't._

_**Think about it. She'll hurt for a little while then forget. **__My rational side thought painfully._

_**But she'll be in pain. No matter how long or short the duration would be, she will be in pain. I can't allow that**__. _

_I curled on the ground of the deserted forest. I hugged my knees and rocked myself back and forth in fear. In fear of the triumph of my rational side. I did not want it to win. I wanted to be selfish and careless like I had been ever since I met her. Why not now too? Why?_

_**Because you love her. Do it for her.**_

_I shook my head hard and I heard sobs start to rip from my chest, "No!" I shouted , "I can't hurt her." I can't make a fire that would burn us both, her more than myself. She trusted me with her everything, how could I so simply betray that trust that I fought so hard to gain??_

_**You wouldn't be betraying her trust. She trusts with her life, you're saving it.**_

_But she trusted me with her heart too. How could I break something so precious? _

_**Humans forget.**_

_Vampires don't! I can never forget her. How?? I love her too much. I could never leave. The pain of thinking of that was too much to bear. _

_**You must. You're not right for her.**_

_"I know that!" I screamed, my sobs cutting through the scream pitifully. How well I knew that I wasn't right for her. But I was fortunate enough to have her return my love. How can you turn your back on heaven when it's offered to you? _

_**But what if heaven were to perish if you set foot in it?**_

_My sobs were louder and my fingers dug in my hair. Who was I to let heaven perish? Heaven should exist to those who deserve it. Bella should exist to those who deserve her. I did not. _

_My eyes burned with tears that would never fall. Tears of a monster. My body shook with weakness that I'd never felt before. My body was refusing the next step. Making me feel weak as to not be able to stand and go do what I should. My body was refusing, my heart was refusing, even my voice was refusing. _

_**Stand up Edward. Go do what's right for her. **_

_I shakily pushed myself up onto my weak feet. I took a deep breath and willed myself to hush my sobs. I had to seem strong in front of my family. I had to be strong for her. _

_I ran to my house, house because it couldn't be called home anymore. Every step I took made fear build stronger in my chest. Every step I took was taking me closer to my decision. Every step I took, took me closer to the reality of what it would do to both of us. Every step I took, took me closer to my death…_

_"Family meeting, now!" I said as harshly as I could once I was through the door. Only Jasper would know how wrecked I truly felt. _

_Once I reached the dining room I found them all seated and awaiting; all except for Alice who was standing with her arms crossed and her eyes glaring. _

_**You wouldn't… **__Alice mentally whispered in anger. I flinched._

_"What's the matter Edward?" Carlisle aske,d concerned. _

_"Bella is in danger…"But they did not let me continue. _

_"What is it? Another vampire?" Emmet asked quickly. Other's started throwing in suggestions but I decided to ignore them and continued quietly. _

_"…As long as we're here…"  
Suddenly there was nothing but silence in the room. No one seemed to comprehend at first and when they did they did not dare to breathe. _

_"What are you suggesting?" Esme whispered in a thick voice. She knew very well what I meant but she did not want to believe._

_**Edward stop this madness now! **__Alice screeched in my head. _

_"Alice!" I shouted as I held my head. _

_"What? Don't like the ache of my voice in your head? Imagine the ache you'll feel when you le…"_

_"I did not ask your opinion!" I snapped quickly before she could continue. _

_"You don't need to because I'll say it loud and clear." In a second she was in front of me face inches away from mine, "Leaving will do nothing but kill both of you," she hissed. _

_"She's human, she'll learn to forget," I hissed back. It was easier to hide my pain with fury than with calmness. _

_"You're the only thing she can't forget. You'll hurt her forever!" she almost growled. _

_Her words sliced my heart open and made my knees weak, but I kept hold on my anger. "Forever does not apply on her. She has a life that we tend to ruin." _

_"You're the one who's going to ruin it." She pushed my shoulder. _

_I caught her wrist and was about to respond but…_

_"Enough," Carlisle's whisper was clear and it made us both quiet. When I looked at him I saw how painful this was for him, his eyes were full of his own pain. Esme had her back to me, probably trying to hide her face but I could hear her sobbing in her thoughts. Jasper was as guilty as ever, he had even departed without me noticing. Emmet had his face in his hands and Rosalie was… neutral. _

_"If that is what Edward desires, then it's only fair to consent to his wishes, after all he'd traveled with us for too long without complaints." His voice was quiet. Controlled. His thoughts were…not. _

_**Please?**__ was his and Esme's only thought to me. I closed my eyes and willed myself to shake my head. _

_Too much. Too much. Too much. I felt myself breaking, falling as my decision was finally made. I was to leave Bella alone. I was falling apart, my chest was burning, my breath had stopped, my mind was incoherent with pain…Nothing made sense. _

_I heard a distant, "Edward." And I knew it was from Jasper. He was the only one who could feel what was going inside me. _

_I was falling…breaking…dying…_

_Their thoughts of Bella and how much they would miss her burned in my head. And I knew I wouldn't be able to live with them again. There was one when Bella first came here, Emmet remembered when they had come in on us with her wrapped in my arms and on my lap. He remembered how very in love we were. _

_And that was it for my control. "I have to go," I strangled out and I knew that they all recognized that there was something very wrong with me but I did not stop to be questions, I ran outside the house, I ran away from their thoughts, their memories, their witness of our love…_

_I was sobbing again but this time it wasn't in conflict. I was afraid to live without her. I was crying for what was to come. I would leave, I would hurt her and I would die. I did not see where my life would go when she was not in it. _

_I hadn't realized that I had stopped running, but I did and I was hunched with my hands bracing my knees. I was panting as if I'd spent years without air. I was shaking as if I'd spent days without food. And I was sobbing as if I was being tortured. And truly, I was. _

_"Bella," I sobbed as I squeezed my eyes closed, trying to keep the pain away, "Bella. I need you. I love you too much to leave you." _

_**I love you**_

_Her voice whispered in my head. Even though she wasn't here, I felt the warmth of the words as if she were next to me. _

_**I know you love me. That's why I must hurt you.**_

_I cried and cried that night. I had fallen and the side of my face had hit the ground but it never made me stop. I was crying out the weakness in me, to be strong for her. To leave her. To hurt her. To die._

_**********_

A/N: Await part 2! So what do you think? I thought it would be better to have a glimpse on Edward's state when he made the decision than have him say it. If you don't like it I could always change it. Please tell me, I'm so nervous!

**Terry:** You are amazing! Nothing else I can think of. Thank you for being amazing! :D

**Mish:** :D Thank you so much!! Hope I don't disappoint in the end.

**Harry Albus Potter Dumbledore: **Glad you did. Thank you!

**Bethnessxoxo: **Ok, So I really dunno what to say. Your review made me smile, laugh and cry. All at once. I was really touched. More than Eclipse???? I would have never dreamed. I always dream being half of what Stephenie Meyer is, so imagine what your words did to me. Yes, the poems are all mine except for the ones from chapter one till eight, these are lyrics. But the prologue, the riddle and poems from 8 till now are all mine. :D Literary Genius?? Wow! Lol, I swear I'm crying and I dunno what to say. Thank you so much for this amazing, heartfelt review. I hope I never fall off your standards. I love Tears of an angel too :)

**Janey:** Is this fast enough? Lol. Thank you so much, I'm so glad that you loved it that much.

**mEGANaLICE:** Awh, so happy that I touched your heart. Thank you!

**Katya_Malia:** I wrote you a note over the recap if you haven't noticed. Thank you so much, and I would very much appreciate a new trailer. Thank you so much.

Thanks everyone!!!

Love

Mai xx


	40. Heaven must subsist pt2

.A/N: Happy Ramadan for all you Muslims out there. Sorry for taking my time but if you've ever been in Egypt during Ramadan you'd understand why lol. No time for babble, I know you want the chappy. So…Enjoy!

**Recap:**

_I cried and cried that night. I had fallen and the side of my face had hit the ground but it never made me stop. I was crying out the weakness in me, to be strong for her. To leave her. To hurt her. To die._

_**********_

**Fight**

_I promise to take away_

_All the pain that made you fade_

_I promise to stay_

_And make up for every mistake I ever made _

**EPOV**

"Edward…" I heard a whisper pull me out of my head. I was shaking from head to toe. But I would have been worse if it wasn't for Damien's help. I didn't feel like I was going to break down, I just felt very tired. I was… sad… that was what I could say of what I was feeling, even if it was an understatement… it was true.

"Yes, Damien." I answered quietly staring at my hands that were lifelessly lying on my crossed legs.

"What you did was hard… but… _wrong_…" he whispered cautiously.

I lifted my eyes slowly to meet his, feeling confused and a little hurt. He wasn't the first to tell me this, but didn't anyone see it from my side?

"Edward, you can't make decisions for the both of you. Even if you meant well, Bella has her own mind and she knows what she wants. She has the right to think, say and do what she desires. It won't do you any good to control her decisions that way."

"Control?!" I picked the word in surprise. Control? Me? I was her slave! She could do whatever she wished with me. And he says I control?

His gaze turned pleading as he whispered softly, "please don't get me wrong. But… tell me something… what does it mean to control someone?"

"To take their will away or force them to do something they do not want," I answered automatically.

He nodded slowly, not breaking my gaze. "Okay. Do you really think that you _didn't_ force Bella to do what _you_ thought was right?"

"Oh," was all I said. The silence seemed never-ending as I thought over what he had said. He was right. I did not give Bella a choice. I forced her into my version of right.

"So you see. All you had to do was talk to her. Tell her how you felt and she would have found a way to make you feel better. Talk with her Edward. You need to learn how to talk."

He was right again. I needed to learn to talk to Bella. Maybe if I learned how to do that it would stop all this useless pain... but there was one question.

"How?" I whispered helplessly.

He smiled sadly, and said, "by being honest. Tell her everything and trust me, when she sees that kind of courage from you she'll do the same. That's her cure, you know," he added.

"Really?"

"Yes. She's not really paralyzed. It's just that her subconscious doesn't want her to walk. All she needs is to talk honestly and to be happy."

"I'm trying to make her happy," I mumbled pathetically.

"And it's working. Some of her walls are starting to fall. I can see that. But she's still scared." He leaned in a little and his golden eyes met my almost black ones, "she won't admit it, but she's still afraid you will leave again. It's not in her hands. It's a normal human reaction."

"You're right," I whispered as I closed my eyes and rested my head against the wall of the wooden closet.

"What do you feel like doing now?" he whispered, sounding concerned.

"I do not know. I just want to sit like this and think about her. I've been in pain for too long…" I breathed without opening my eyes.

"Would you like me to leave you alone?"

"No!" I said almost at once. No, I did not want to be alone. I've had enough of feeling lonely.

"I'll stay," he whispered, and put a hand on mine as emphasis.

--

After two hours of silence and comforting, I ended up in the protective embrace of my older brother. I felt so small in his embrace and I liked it. He was almost like a father to me.

"How are you feeling now?" he whispered.

I smiled, "much better. Thank you."

"You're most welcome, bro," he said with a short chuckle.

_Dingling…dingling…_

I heard and felt his cell phone ring. I pulled away from Damien as he reached in his pocked to pull out his cell phone. He glanced at the caller ID and nodded absentmindedly.

"Hey Char!" he said casually.

_Charlie!_

_"Hello Damien. How are you?"_ I heard him say.

"Fine, fine," he said with a small smile.

_"And how's Bella?" _

"Better than ever," he assured him.

I heard some arguing on the other side of the phone and it sounded like there was a female.

_"Damien! Damien! I want to talk to Bella. Please!"_ the woman said, her voice almost pleading.

"Renee, calm down. She's sleeping now and I'm not beside her," he said but his voice was firmer than before when he talked to her.

_"Can I talk to her when she wakes up?"_

"I don't think that's a good idea Renee. You know that," his voice was getting stronger and I was getting more and more confused. He looked at me and the look in his eyes said that he would explain later.

Charlie then took control of the phone.

_"Damien, tell me the truth. Is he treating her right or is he making things worse?"_

"He knows I'm here?" I mouthed to Damien in shock.

Damien nodded. "On the contrary Char. She's progressing. She hasn't had a seizure in two days."

_"Well that's good, I guess…"_ Charlie sighed in what sounded like relief.

"Don't worry Char. If anything happens I'll tell you."

_"Thank you Damien."_

"You're welcome. Goodbye."

_"Bye."_

Damien clicked off and put the phone back in his pocket. He met my confused eyes and didn't need me to tell him to explain.

"Charlie calls me every two days to make sure Bella's alright," he explained.

I was shocked. I knew that underneath the awkward police officer was a real father who loved his daughter and worried about her but I did not think that he would have that kind of reaction.

"But what happened with her mother?" I've been wondering about that for a while now.

"Promise me you won't tell her I told you."

"I promise." I vowed.

--

"Hmmm," Bella hummed as I wrapped my arms around her sleeping self. She hugged me tighter and buried her face in my chest as she mumbled sleepily, "I was wondering when you'd come back."

I smiled sadly as I kissed her forehead. "Sorry I'm late, love."

She yawned, "no worries. Just don't go again, I miss you too much."

I chuckled, "sleep now, love. We can talk tomorrow."

I pushed her hair away from her face and stroked it lovingly.

" 'Kay…" She sighed as I started humming her lullaby for her.

Tomorrow we would talk and sort what needed to be sorted. Tomorrow I'd try to make her forget the vile things her mother told her. Tomorrow I'd erase the mistakes her mother had made but before erasing hers, I'd erase mine.

I spent the night staring at her peaceful form; touching her hair, playing with it, stroking her cheek, tucking her in… I found the need to prove to myself that this angel really did love me and really did want me.

I thought back to the words between me and Damien as I stared at Bella. What was ironic is that when I decided to talk to Bella, I had decided to let her make all the decisions; to always give her a choice, but then I ended up doing the other way round. How she took me back after all that, I did not know.

But now, I needed to talk to her. Talking to her would help me get rid of all the pain inside me once and for all. But how? What could I say? _I'm sorry I deceived you_????

I sighed aloud. "How are you bearing being with me, Bella? I'm so annoying!" I groaned aloud.

"You're not that bad," she whispered. I looked at her startled.

"Do you always wake up whenever I talk?" I wondered since she did that once before.

She smiled, "you move a lot when you think. It wakes me up."

"Oh," I breathed, "sorry about that."

"Don't worry about it," she assured as she pushed herself up with her arms before I could help. "What's this about?" she sighed and folded her arms over her chest.

"We could talk tomorrow," I said, half concerned of sleep deprivation and half delaying. But then I remembered, give her choices! "If you'd rather sleep," I added quickly.

She raised an eyebrow at my hesitant tone. "Nope. Vampires don't sleep and vampires are not better than humans. So I'm not sleeping too!" and she stuck her tongue out.

I laughed, "Damien's a bad influence on you."

She smirked, "Emmet is worse."

I mocked horror, "oh no. Not Emmet!"

"Oh yes, and if you do not talk now you'll be the laughing stock of the century," she glared mockingly.

I smiled, leaned in and kissed her on the cheek. "Am I forgiven now?"

She smiled and nodded, "Yes you are. Now tell me."

I wrapped an arm around her and tucked her to my side as I started, "I talked with Damien today."

"Really? Let me guess, he opened up to you about Rosalinda." She said softly.

"You're good." I said with a chuckle, "yes he did but that's not the only thing that happened."

She cocked her head to the side a little.

"We talked about you and me. What I did wrong and how I could fix things."

"What you did wrong?" she repeated in a whisper. "What did you do?"

"I left you."

She rolled her eyes, "I thought we were over that. You were trying to keep me safe."

"That's the problem."

"Huh?"

I sighed. "I should've talked with you first. I should've told you my perspective and heard yours so we could discuss it. If I had done that I would have saved us both the pain."

Bella opened her to protest but then closed it again. _Now what can I say when he puts it that way?_ She thought.

I chuckled, "I can hear your thoughts by the way." Damien had said honesty was required.

Her eyes were wide. "You can?!" _Oh my God! Now he's going to hear exactly how incoherent he makes me. How embarrassing is that?!_

I smiled kindly, "yes. It's one of the things I gained after touching Damien for the first time."

_Great, he gets a brother and a way into my mind. Perfect!_

I held back another chuckle and hugged her tightly to me. "We need to talk Bella. I need to be honest with you and you need to be honest with me."

"I am honest with you. You know everything about me now," she said with a startle.

"No, not everything. There's still one thing." One thing that I already knew, but from Damien, and I wanted her to tell me. I wanted to help her get over it.

"What's that?" she asked, confused.

"What happened with your mother, Bella?" I asked softly, hugging her tighter to keep her together because I knew the question was hard.

"No." She whispered at once but did not look at me.

"Bella, please…"

"No." But I realized something. She wasn't refusing. She was fighting. Memories were flooding in her head and she was fighting their pain.

"Bella, calm down. I…." But I never made it till the end of the sentence.

"No!" She screamed as her hands flew up to the sides of her head.

And then… Her seizure overtook her…

A/N: Dun Dun Daaaaa! What happened with her mother???? You'll soon know :P:P:P:P:P BIG THANKS TO MY BETA MEGHAN (dragonangeleyes)!!

**Terry:** THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU lol, I'll make it a song for you.

**Harry Albus Potter Dumbldore:** so glad you do. Thank you!


	41. Stay Safe

.A/N: Didn't take too long, right? Right?

**Recap:**

"Bella, calm down. I…." But I never made it till the end of the sentence.

"No!" She screamed as her hands flew up to the sides of her head.

And then… Her seizure overtook her…

**Stay Safe**

_Cover my ears_

_Leave all my tears_

_Tell me all this is a lie_

_I loved you for years_

_I thought you were near_

_But all you say makes me cry_

**BPOV**

_No! No! No! _

_Fight the memories!_

_Don't remember!_

_Fight Bella!_

_Don't remember!_

But who was I kidding, I wasn't strong enough to fight this. I held Edward tightly to me, hoping that his scent would somehow drive these dark thoughts away but for once it didn't work. The pain of this memory was too much to be driven away by Edward's soothing scent. This memory was demanding to be played back. And it did…

_********_

_I was sitting in my bed. Just sitting, waiting for Damien to come back from hunting. I'd thought that having his habits be so close to…Edward's…habits would cause memories to run wild through my brain, but I was wrong. Damien made everything seem easy and happy. _

_I stared at my books, proper up on my shelves in the most unorganized way. How I loved these books. How I hated these books. _

_Yes, that was the case. I hated and loved them. They were all classics. Romeo and Juliet, Wuthering Heights, Pride and Prejudice, Emma, Jane, Sense and sensibility…and so many more. They were all books based on one theme. Love. _

_That's why I loved them._

_And that's why I hated them. _

_Love is a two edged weapon. It can make the happiest person alive, and yet it can make you loathe the thought of being alive. I used to be the first case but now…I am the second. _

_All books talk about how wondrous love is, how precious love is, how important love is…All great writers have tried very hard to put into words how amazing it is and how good it makes you feel but as hard as they tried, they were never able to do it. _

_What they also failed to write was how broken and lifeless it could leave you. I've read a lot of descriptions like 'heart wrenching' and 'agony' and 'lonely'…but none of them described the… the…the emptiness you feel once that loved one is gone. This emptiness that acts like a hole that engulfs you slowly, so that you feel every part of you departing, like feelings, heart, sanity…everything. _

_"Renee, stop now!" I heard a voice bellow from downstairs. My eyes snapped to my closed door. This was Damien's voice. What was he doing back so early? And…was he shouting at my mother??_

_I heard mom answer but her voice was too low for me to catch what she said. _

_"No!" This time it was Charlie who shouted and I heard a loud **Bang** on my door. Like someone hit it. And hit it hard. _

_"Dad?" I said my voice was still rough from crying. _

_"Bella, go to sleep, this is nothing you should hear," Dad said harshly and I felt my brows furrow. But if there's one thing I've learnt from all this, is to protect myself first then try to understand later. So…_

_"Okay," I croaked and pushed myself down to a sleeping position and tried to ignore the shouting outside my room. I did not want to hear anything else, I did not want to get hurt more. So I easily shut the sounds out of my mind and turned on the lullaby as I closed my eyes and tucked my blanket under my chin. _Stay safe, stay safe, stay safe…_ my mind chanted with the melody. _

_But I never got what I wished for. Everything just had to be against me. _

_My door flew open and before I could open my eyes, I felt Renee standing beside my bed. _

_"Renee, get out of her room this instant!" I heard Charlie order firmly. Damien's face was furious and exact replica of Charlie's. _

_"Why? She's just being silly. I'll take the silliness out of her," her voice was slurred and the words she said would never come out of my mom's mouth. Not in this kind of situation. _

_"Mom?" I whispered, confused and a little scared. _

_She fell down on the bed beside me, making me jump a little. My small jump made her giggle and that's when I smelt it. Alcohol. I flinched back from the smell. "Mom, you don't drink." _

_"Phil's been a bad influence, as it seems," Damien noted with gritted teeth. _

_"Oh pish posh. Phil's lovely. Better than that cop's ever been," she threw casually._

_"Mom!" I gasped. Drunk or not, mom would never hurt Charlie that way. I looked at him to see the pain held back in his eyes, "Char- Dad, it's not true. She doesn't know what she's saying."_

_"No, she does," he said fiercely, "she's saying exactly what's on her mind."_

_Oh. So that's why they were all angry with her. They were scared of what she might say to me in the absence of the filter of her mind. That thought made me flinch back. I'd rather be lied to than have the hurtful truth thrown in my face. I wouldn't bare it. _

_"Oh…um…Renee…I uh think I want to sleep now. Please." _Stay safe, stay safe, stay safe.

_"Sleep? You're going to the doctor with me," she said in a very high pitched voice. _

_"Doctor? What doctor?" I asked startled. _

_"That's enough, Renee!" Charlie's voice was sharp, and even I feared him now. Damien was at Renee's side in a second and was holding her arm, pulling her back. _

_"Leave me alone!" she shouted at Damien but he wasn't listening. He kept struggling with her, trying to pull her with enough force to make her move but at the same time without taking her arm off. _

_"Bella, don't listen to whatever she says," Charlie warned me while glaring daggers at Renee. _

_"Why?" she shouted in a strange slur, "Because you don't want me to _brainwash her_!" and everything was silent. Damien was still as was Charlie. No one dared to breathe or move. _

_"Brainwash?" I barely mouthed shakily. _

_"No, Bella. She doesn't mean it," Charlie started quickly but Renee cut him off. _

_"Oh to Hell. I do mean it!" Hiccup, "You're acting like this is the end of the world. He left you, he doesn't love you. To hell with him. If you don't want to get over him, I'll make you!" _

_"Renee, that's enough out of you!" Damien shouted, holding her back from walking to me. _

_My eyes blurred with tears as I stared disbelievingly at what was supposed to be my mother. My own mother wanted to brainwash me? Was I that unbearable? That unwanted? I drove her to the extent of brainwashing. I felt my tears slide down my cheek, and I still couldn't talk. _

_"Bella, Bella she's drunk. She doesn't know what she's saying," Damien said softly, trying to comfort me._

_"But she thought about it," my barely audible voice said. Being drunk made you say what you thought about without any filtering process. My mom thought about this. "You knew," I whispered, my gaze shifting to Charlie. "That's why you were trying to stop her. You knew." I wished that my voice sounded accusing and strong but it wasn't. It sounded weak and pitiful. _

_"She doesn't mean it that way. She-" he started to justify, his gaze turning pleading. But I barely saw his eyes. I was shaking and my tears fell like drops of rain, but the difference is…they didn't wash away the pain. Only increased it. _

_"You knew. She talked about this before, didn't she?" My voice broke as I tried to push myself away from them._

Protect yourself, stay safe, protect yourself, stay safe.

_"Bella be caref-" Damien started, pushing away Renee and running to me. _

_Before I knew it, I had fallen from my bed and onto the floor. Damien was right beside me in a second._

_"Bella," he whispered gently. _

_"She thought about brainwashing me!" I croaked as I fell into Damien's arms and sobbed uncontrollably. _

_"Of course I did. What else can a mother do?" she shouted. _

_Charlie was about to respond but I found myself screaming painfully, "What kind of a mother would brainwash her own daughter?!" _

_"You're just a silly girl that-" but she was cut off by a slap on the face from Charlie. _

_"Do not call my daughter silly. We've had enough of your drunken thoughts, now leave." His voice was so firm and held so much authority that I wondered if he was putting on his badge. But there was no mistaking his tone. It said that if she did not do what he said, bad consequences will happen. _

_"Fine. She's not-"_

_"Out! Now!" And he slammed my door in her face. He came back running to me, I was still sobbing in Damien's arms. I couldn't and I didn't want to believe that she would think of such a thing. _

_"Bella, your mom…" Charlie started but I never got to hear the end of that sentence because my broken voice was loud and clear in the silence._

_"From this moment forward, I do not have a mom."_

_***********_

"Bella! Bella!" I heard a distant voice call my name. At first I couldn't comprehend that it was my name, but then it got clearer as did my mind. I tried to breathe in but there was something in my throat. I coughed and coughed trying to breathe. Water. I coughed again and again.

And my eyes flew open. The first thing I saw was a pair of concerned onyx eyes. Edward. He sighed in relief and put back something on my bedside.

Where was Renee? Where was Damien? Where was my room? Where was everything?

Edward seemed to see the questions in my eyes because his eyes tightened and he took me in his arms quicker than I could have imagined. His scent did soothe my now acquired headache and after a few minutes my head started to get clearer and I understood what happened.

"I had a seizure," I stated, wiping my eyes with my sleeve.

"I'm sorry," he whispered in my hair.

I buried my face in his chest and took deep breaths.

_Did you see what happened?_ I thought to him. Not able to use my own voice just yet.

"I did." His voice was tight with pain. "I'm sorry. We don't have to talk about it now. We will when you're ready," he promised, kissing my hair.

I sighed in relief and closed my eyes.

_It was just a memory, I'm not there. I'm here with Edward. _I chanted in my head, soothing my now panicked self after a very difficult seizure.

"You're safe with me. You'll always be safe with me," he said in his sweet velvet voice.

Nothing else was said after. He just held me as my tears fell silently down my face. I had a mom that loved me, but that same mom wanted to brainwash me. It hurt me to know that she thought about doing that to me, and it hurt me more that she even talked about it with Charlie and that it was Charlie who had refused. If it wasn't for Charlie and Damien, maybe I would have been brainwashed after all.

I was lost in my thoughts for hours and my tears never stopped falling. Edward never left my side either. He just held me quietly because he knew I needed it. And I did. His arms made me feel safe. I felt calm, safe, protected. Even from my mom.

A/N: Soooooooo what d'ya think? Bad? Ok? Wasn't worth your time? New? Good? Anything at all? Please tell me. Nervous is an understatement to what I feel right now.

BIG THANKS TO MY BETA MEGHAN (dragonangeleyes)!!!!

**Terry:** Glad you liked your song cuz you'll hear it. A LOT!!! THANK YOU

**Mish**: thank you so much. Hope u like this one as much.


	42. Taboo

.A/N: Wow Guys! I got some of the most amazing reviews ever. I really wasn't at all sure of last chappy, but you guys gave me a boast of confidence that I certainly needed. Thank you so much, I'm really touched.

**My friend Yaya (IWantMyOwnJasperWhitlock) had finally decided to post her lovely poems on fanfiction. To those of you who have read my story "Never again" she was the one who wrote Bella's Poem in the end. So check them out! **

**Recap:**

I was lost in my thoughts for hours and my tears never stopped falling. Edward never left my side either. He just held me quietly because he knew I needed it. And I did. His arms made me feel safe. I felt calm, safe, protected. Even from my mom.

**Taboo**

_It never hurt to know what's true_

_But what did hurt was knowing that you_

_Sacrificed your life and everything you do_

_To protect only two_

_Me and you_

**Damien's POV**

"Don't worry. Go. I'll stay," I pushed. Edward was being over protective again. He _really_ needed to hunt. His eyes were pitch black by now and he didn't want to leave Bella's side. She was asleep now and she wouldn't notice, and even if she did, she would understand his vampire cravings can overpower him if he doesn't satisfy them.

I saw Edward stare at her face and debate. I groaned, "You can't actually consider staying. You'll have to go eventually. Or do you want her to be in danger of hugging you while you're _very _thirsty." I glared at him knowingly.

He sighed and met my gaze. _Will you take care of her for me?_

I rolled my eyes. _No, I'll take advantage of your absence and feast on her blood. _

His eyes started to widen and I groaned mentally. _I was kidding. _He relaxed._ Really, you need to learn to lighten up. I wouldn't tell you if I was going to feast on her now, would I?_ He sighed again, _not that I would_. I added quickly. He was already panicky enough about leaving for a few hours…

_A few hours??!! I won't take more than ONE hour._

"Okay, fine! Sheesh. Someone's nervous," I said, covering my ears from the loudness of his thoughts in my head.

_Sorry_, he mumbled mentally. _Promise to call me if something happens. _

"Edward Masen. We are in Alaska. The worst that could happen is that the heater would break down and she'd get a cold," I said, exasperated.

"Well if that happens call me. I'll install a new one. I don't want her to get sick." What drove me insane was that his tone was serious.

"Edward! She's human. She's bound to get sick. If not today then tomorrow. And that's good, you know, building a better immunity system too. God. How did she put up with you all these months. You're irritating."

"That's what brothers usually think of one another."

"No, this is more. If you keep that up, I'm firing you as my brother." I chuckled and shook my head.

He laughed. Finally! "I doubt that. I'll see you in an hour." he stressed. and was gone.

I sighed and stood up. He was insane but I guessed insanity was one of the reasons why Bella loved him so much. I know that his insanity drives _me_ into insanity. That wasn't normal. I mean, sure he should worry about her. But not to the extent of being afraid of a stupid cold. _A cold_. I almost thought of finding a way to have Bella catch a cold just so I could let him see that it's nothing at all.

I searched in her bags and the small fridge for food so she could eat when she woke up, as I thought about Edward's overreaction to everything. I found some grapes and juice. Well, that will have to do till Edward comes back. I could go buy her something when he's back. I checked the wheels of her chair, that was my routine every week. To make sure it's good enough for her clumsiness, because believe it or not. Bella was _more_ clumsy with her chair then without it. I was lost in concentration on the chair when I heard Bella's soft whisper that made me freeze in place.

"What, Rosalinda?" That soft murmur stopped my world. I felt the wheel slip from my fingers and I felt the room turning till Bella's bed was in front of me. Some part of my mind registered that my feet were what turned, not the room.

I stared at her without even breathing. Could she really be with my Linda again?

"Damien…" She whispered. And that was it for my shock and my rational thinking. I was in a second beside Bella and had her hand immediately in mine.

***********

_"Would you please calm down and tell me what's going on?" I heard Bella's voice echo through the nearly dark forest. I turned to the source of the voice and found them. Found her._

_Bella was sitting crossed legged on the leafy ground, her eyes following my pacing angel. My angel's long, blonde, wavy hair was tide up in a silver bun, leaving her long neck bare and showing her off-the-shoulder dress. It was pink and knee length with a thin white ribbon at the waist. Lovely. _

_"I'm debating Bella. It's not easy being in my shoes." Which by the way were lovely pink flats. She paced back and forth with a slight frown on her beautiful face. _

_"Linda!" I beamed. She turned and her dress flowed with her. Once her eyes met mine her frown disappeared and a smile broke through her face.  
"Damien!" she squealed and in a second she was in my arms. I laughed and wrapped my arms around her tiny waist, lifted her up and twirled with her. _

_"I missed you so much, lovely love!" I murmured in her neck as I set her down on her feet. She kept her arms around my neck tightly and I could feel her smile widen. I pressed my lips against my lovely wife's neck. _

_"I missed you calling me that!" She sighed as she pulled awa,y giving me a chaste kiss on the lips. I grinned wider feeling myself going incoherent. _

_"Lovely love," I murmured again for her. Her eyes brightened and her grin became toothy._

_"Hey there, love birds. I'm still here!" Bella said rolling her eyes. _

_We laughed as we intertwined our fingers together. She wrapped her free hand around my arm as we went back to Bella._

_"Seeing you too makes me miss Edward. Can't he join the party?" Bella whined mockingly. _

_I laughed, "he'd love to but he's currently hunting."_

_"Darn!" She acted disappointed. _

_I sat down and pulled Linda on my lap. "So what's the reason behind this lovely visit?" I mumbled as I kissed her temple. _

_She sighed, "well, I'm still debating. Not positive yet if I should fulfill what I came here for or not. I'm calculating the consequences." She rested her head against my shoulder. _

_I felt my eyebrows pull together and I played with her hair as I said, "All right. Any decision made up?" _

_"No," She sighed. "It's not effortless."_

_I lifted her chin up with my finger, making her meet my gaze. "I don't like seeing you troubled," I whispered honestly. I liked that one of our old habits was returning on its own. We used to be completely honest with each other. What's on our minds is on our tongues, we never edited. I missed that. _

_Her eyes looked torn a little and she bit her lips, "I'm sorry. But…all right look, I'll _try_ to explain the situation to you as much as I can so you can help with the decision. But you're going to have to bear with me, it's not easy to explain without giving too much away," she pleaded. _

_I nodded slowly as Bella agreed. _

_Linda took a moment to rearrange her thoughts and then took a deep breath before she started, "Do you remember the…people who kidnapped you?" _

_"I do."_

_"Well, they are still looking for you but this time they're looking for Edward too." _

_"What?" Bella gasped. I kept silent waiting for her to continue. _

_"When they kidnapped you, their purpose was to keep you and Edward away from each other." She stood up and paced again. She usually did that when she was in deep thought. _

_"They knew the prophecy and they knew that you two together would become very strong. So they wanted to stop the rest of the prophecy from coming true. They did not kill you because they were hoping that maybe they could one day influence you to be on their side and that way you would be able to influence your…Edward." I did not understand why she added his name hastily before continuing, but I did not interrupt. "That way they would have your power in their hands."_

_"Which is what?" I asked suddenly, "What makes us so special together? What combined power could make us that desirable?" I couldn't imagine something that was that powerful._

_Her face turned apologetic as she continued, "that's my debate. On whether or not to tell you what it is. You see, I'm still in their…clan"_

_I gasped, "What?!"_

_"Please don't make assumptions. I'm only with them to protect you," she whispered pleadingly. _

_"What do you mean?"_

_"They think my loyalties are to them. But they're not. Every time they came close to finding you, I would find a way to lead them the wrong way. When I found out about the riddle I knew that you had to figure it out because with it you'd be able to defeat them. The problem is I couldn't tell you the answer."_

_"Why couldn't you?" Bella asked confused. _

_She struggled again for a few moments before she tried again to explain, "They are very strong and not so easily fooled. They have a vampire that's very gifted. She's something like a taboo. When she registers the words she desires in her mind and somebody speaks them, she knows exactly where they are. That's why I couldn't tell you that Edward was your…" She trailed off. _

_"They have a taboo on that word?" I asked in shock. _

_She struggled again, "not on all people since it's commonly used. Just on me and some others we know. In case I ever decided to tell you."_

_My poor Rose. She went through a lot for me. I felt touched but I also felt protective. I didn't want her to stay with them anymore. _

_"Is that why you can't tell us what their combined power is? Does it have a taboo too?" Bella inquired. _

_She sighed, "yes. Yes it has. If I tell you now, then they'll find out where you are and they'll hunt you down in less than a day. And if I don't, then we'll stay like that forever. They'll keep searching and you'll keep hiding. See my dilemma?" She dropped on the ground and wrapped her arms around her legs as she stared at me. _

_I stared back blankly. It was too much to take in. I finally knew why they were after me and why they didn't kill me. But who were they to do all that? I did not ask because I was sure that she wasn't allowed to tell. But as I stared at Rosalinda, so near but still so far, I wondered, did I really want this? Did I want to keep hiding? Did I want her away from me? Did I want to spend the rest of my eternity holding her through Bella's dreams and imagining her in my own? _

_No! That was not what I wanted and that was not what she wanted. And I know I promised her that I would fulfill whatever she wished even if it caused me my own life. She wished us back together and so did I. I felt the answer of her long debate come as easily as walking through a park. _

_"Tell me. What is our combined power?"_

_**********_

"Are you sure about what you're saying?" Edward asked after I informed him of everything. Or rather showed him.

"I am. That's our power," I said firmly.

"We should test it," Edward said, meeting my eyes. I was about to answer but the door flew open and Alice appeared.

"You don't have time to test it," she said frantically. "They're on their way."

"Who?" I whispered as I saw Edward's face go paler.

"The Volturi."

A/N: DUN DUN DAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! Lol. So things are clearer now, I think. But I didn't tell you what their power is :P It's a surprise. What did ya think??? Hope you liked it. Sadly this story is almost over. So I hope you guys enjoy the last few chappies. They are a "goodbye Everlasting" chappies. :(

BTW, pics for Rosalinda's dress is on my profile. THANKS TO MY BETA MEGHAN (dragonangeleyes)!!

**Terry: THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU. Lol I'm putting the song on repeat. And I liked that part too :D**

**Velvet: Wow! That was one heck of a review! Thank you so much. I loved it. And I can't believe that you actually thought that. I'm gobsmaked. Midnight sun and New Moon? Wow! Thank you so much. I really have no idea what to say! Thanks!**

**Mish: Thank you! What do you think of this one?**

**Cicas33: Thank you so much!! And welcome aboard.**

**Wishiwasbella36: Thank you!!!!! Welcome aboard!**

**Thanks everyone!**

**Love**

**Mai xx**


	43. Forever Together

.A/N: Thank you very much to everyone who sent me a PM when the review button didn't work. I was really touched that you didn't just forget about it. Thank you. You really made my day. Hope you like this one.

**Important note for "Is": You reviewed as an anonymous so I couldn't reply and you didn't leave an email. Of course I do not mind if you use my poems. It would be an honor. ** **Use it as you wish. And Thank you. Would it be too much to ask you to send me a copy after they sing it? If you can't then no problem. Thanks :)**

**Forever together**

_I loved her and she loved me_

_I wanted to be with her forever_

_And so did she_

**EPOV **

"But I still don't understand. Why us?" Damien asked as he stared at the falling snow outside the window. By now everyone was in the room and had been informed of everything. I put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed a little, I could tell that he couldn't imagine his wife in their hands. I pictured Bella in her place and the thought was unbearable.

"The Volturi seek the powerful. They fear us Damien. Clearly they are no match to us together. We are much more stronger than all of them together. That's what they fear." I explained softly.

"Still. They can't think that we're going to…to…to take over or something."

"That's exactly what they think." I cut in quietly. He did not want to use our power, that much was clear but there was a sadness behind all this that I could not put my finger on. I felt it but I couldn't tell where it came from. "Damien?"

"It's nothing." He breathed once he sensed my anxiousness.

He had his back to us so I couldn't see his face. I turned a little and saw Bella staring at his hands which I now noticed were fisted. I met her concerned gaze and I saw the question in her eyes rather than heard it in her head.

_What's wrong?_

I shook my head to indicate that I didn't know.

"Are you alright Damien?" I heard Esme's voice whisper.

"Yes, _I _am."

I frowned.

_Edward do you sense anything from him? Jasper doesn't._ Carlisle thought.

I concentrated on his emotions trying to decipher what was behind that blanket of sadness. There was something….something brewing underneath it. Anger? No, fury. Fear? Terrifying fear. Panic and …weakness??? I didn't understand.

"Hey! Come here." Bella called lightly from her seat on the small couch patting the spot beside her.

He sighed and went to sit beside her. "Yes?" he said as he stared at his intertwined hands. He was hunched over his knees with his elbows resting on them and his head not facing Bella.

"Do you want a blue book too?" She mumbled with a small smile as she strained around his arm to see his face.

Blue book?

Damien chuckled and shook his head, "no. It won't work."

"Then will you talk to me?"

He sighed and rubbed his face with his hands, leaned back and stared at her. Just stared but that seemed to be enough for Bella. Because recognition lit her eyes and they tightened.

"This is about Rosalinda isn't it?" She whispered as she took his hand in hers.

"Who else could it be about?" He groaned as he let his head fall on her shoulder. That shouldn't have bothered me so much but it did. I kept silent and didn't comment.

She stroked his hair comfortingly, "Tell me."

He pulled away and his face was a mask of disbelief, like he couldn't see why she needed to ask. "She's there. With them. And they _know _she told me. Do you think they'll just accept an apology and move along?" the panic within him started to creep on his voice as he threw out his worries.

I looked at Carlisle immediately. Damien's panic was starting to stir my own. Carlisle frowned. _He's right. His wife is in danger_. He thought. Of course.

"How didn't I think of that before I told her to tell me? How could I put her in danger of getting hurt again? How? What kind of a husband am I?..." He was now pacing, his panic making him agitated.

"Damien!" I called quickly to stop his break down. "From what I've heard about her from both of you I could see that she is smart. She must've thought about that before she even came to Bella. She must've had some kind of plan. Any kind of plan." She must have.

"Of course Damien. Rosalinda might be careless when it comes to you but not stupid." Bella agreed along with me.

Damien shook his head and frowned, "No, no that won't work. Aro would read her mind. What if he did? What if whatever plan she had… fell? What if…"

"Damien! You're.." Bella and I called together to stop his _long_ list.

"What?!" he shouted anxiously.

"Insane." But it was none of us who said that small word. We were all silent as we saw how Damien froze at the sound of the voice. Carlisle and Esme, who were standing in front of the door moved aside and…Rosalinda was there. Leaning against the threshold with her arms folded and her blonde waves falling till her elbows.

"Rosalinda!" Bella squealed cheerfully. Rosalinda smiled at her.

"Hello there." She waved with one hand and smiled at the rest of us till her eyes met Damien's wide ones. He was still stunned to silence, apparently he couldn't move either.

"Thank you Bella and Edward for protecting my intelligence. It would be so inconvenient to have my own husband think I'm that idiotic." Even though she was talking to us she never moved her eyes away from Damien.

We chuckled a little but stopped when we found that Damien was…shaking. He backed a little and sat on the edge of the bed with his wide eyes still on her. She came in slowly, walking or more like gliding in till she was right in front of him that he had to crane his upwards so he could see her face. Slowly she kneeled down tills she was sitting on her knees on the floor in front of him. Her hands on his thighs and her eyes staring into his. They both looked as though they were about to cry.

"Rosalinda…You're…here…really…truly…here." His voice was strangled as he shakily touched her face and stroked her cheek.

"I am, my dearest husband. I am here and I am yours. Will you take me back into your life as your wife?" she croaked as she held his hand to her face.

I think, by now, we were invisible to them because once the word 'wife' was out of her mouth he drew her in for a not so very chaste kiss. Wrapping his arms around her and burying his fingers in her hair and she the same.

I looked at Carlisle and he nodded. Esme who already had tears herself pushed Emmet and Rosalie and Jasper and Alice out of the room. I leaned in and slipped my arms under Bella and carried her. She had a small smile on her face and she was wiping her tears with her sleeve. I walked us out of the door. After all these years apart, they deserved some husband and wife privacy. I smiled as I closed the door behind me on them.

_Be happy brother_. Were my last thoughts to him as I walked down the corridor.

**Damien's POV**

"Oh no, you were first." She laughed touching her index finger to my nose.

I rolled my eyes and laughed, "come on, you had a crush on me from the first time you saw me. Admit it!" I rolled us till she was on top of me so that her hair fell over my face.

"If I remember correctly, I wasn't the one who ogled and stuttered the first time I brought you food."

"That was because you are beautiful." I defended with a chuckle, "that doesn't mean I fell head over heels for you from the first moment. We men don't fall that easily." I lifted my nose high and snorted. It's been hours, no less than five. But we enjoyed each other's company too much that we weren't ready yet to see someone outside our bubble.

"Oh really?" She batted her eyes mesmerizingly and stared intensely into mine. I forgot everything. The only thing I could think of was one word. Beautiful. I pulled her down for a slow, loving kiss.

She smiled against my lips and pulled away. I sighed, "I guess I'm hopeless when it comes to you." I murmured tucking her hair behind her ear.

"You're also defenseless." She breathed, "just like me." And leaned in again.

**EPOV**

"How far away do we need to go?" Bella laughed as I drove the car away from the hotel.

"In this case. Very far. I'm thinking Japan." I said as I concentrated on driving more than I should. I was still in Damien's head, like I had a choice. I tried to block it but it wasn't easy, so I took Bella and made a run for it. She was having fun at my discomfort. "Please distract me." I was ready to beg for it, too.

She laughed, "Ok, ok. Sorry. Um….how did she come here without them?"

"She ran away. And they won't come today because they're still debating. They know we're ready." I answered quickly, "now could you please talk about anything besides Damien and Rosalinda. _please_ Bella. I'm begging you." I cringed.

"Even though I'm having too much fun, I'll save you. We need to talk about something." She sighed.

"Anything." I approved. I was willing to talk about anything in the world right now.

"Pull over." Her voice was serious. My eyebrows pulled together but took a few turns making sure we were in a safe distance, then obeyed. I kept the key in the ignition to keep the heater on for Bella. I pulled the brakes and turned a little in my seat to face her.

"What is it?" I asked.

She reached and took both my hands in hers. "You asked me to be honest with you. Do you still want that?"

"Bella." I whispered.

"hm?" She looked up and met my eyes.

"I don't want you to be afraid to tell me anything. I should be the only one you don't have to think when you talk to. I'm different now, I will listen to what you say and we will discuss it. No more rash decisions." I promised rubbing her hands lightly.

She nodded without breaking our gaze. "Ok." She took a deep breath, "Edward, I want to be a vampire. Please just think about it. We could be like Damien and Rosalinda. Forever together. No matter what."

I touched her face with my fingertips, she sighed and her eyes fell closed as she leaned her head in my hand a little till my hand cupped her face. "Forever together…" I breathed, "I like the sound of that."

Her eyes flew open, shock and hope filling them, "you do?" her voice filled with disbelief.

I smiled, "I do." I liked the sound of those two words too. "I was going to ask you if you still wanted me to change you…"

"Really?" She looked like a child who hoped for something so out of reach and had someone telling him it's in her closet.

I cupped her face with both my hands and leaned in to burn my eyes into hers, "really. I was going to ask you, right after I ask you if you would want to be …wife." And I held my breath.

Bella's gasp was loud and her eyes were wide. This moment of anticipation of her reaction was torturous. I hadn't planned it that way, I just couldn't hold it any longer. I had to get it out of me before I would explode. I loved her and she loved me. I wanted to be with her forever and so did she. That was enough to make me fantasize about a wedding day every minute of the day.

I felt my insides contract as I awaited her response. I almost told her to forget everything I said in fear of her rejection. But then what if she said yes? I did not dare to breathe as I gauged her reaction carefully. Her eyes filled her eyes that very quickly fell down her face and a smile broke through her face that made her look like she was glowing, I'd never seen her look so….joyous!

She threw herself in my arms and cried as she tightened her grip around my neck, I felt my smile tug and then widen. This reaction was simple but it was Bella. Simplicity was one of the many things I loved about her.

"yes." She croaked in a thick voice. "yes for both."

I tightened my arms around her and my smile became toothy, I was about to tell her how much she made me happy but I glanced something that made me freeze.

"Bella!" I pulled away and stared at her.

"What?" She whispered confused, whipping her teas away.

"Your legs…they twitched." I stammered as my eyes dropped to them. She gasped and looked down at them with me. "Try to move them again." I said hopefully.

I felt Bella hesitate and I knew why. She was afraid, it won't be easy if they didn't move after giving her hope. So I wrapped an arm around her waist and breathed in her ear, "Forever together…No matter what."

She met my eyes and nodded, "no matter what." She whispered and looked back at her leg. She took one deep shaky breath and let it out. Then she…lifted her right leg.

Bella covered her mouth with her hands as she moved her left leg and it moved with her. My smile should've hurt my cheeks but even if it did I wouldn't have noticed. In a second I was out of the car and at her door, I opened it and held my hand to her.

She took it shakily and lifted her legs and set them on the snowy ground. Her wet eyes met mine as she pushed herself off the seat and stood up! I heard her low sobbing as she walked to me. I took a few steps back to make her walk more, I couldn't help it I missed this. She her hand fell from her mouth and I could see her beautiful smile, the way it made me feel was indescribable.

I pulled her to me so I could hug her and show her how insanely happy I am but she tripped and I caught her. I laughed and she laughed with me as I drew her in to me.

I chuckled, "Bella's back!"

A/N: soooo???? Please tell me. Nervous is an understatement to what I feel right now.

**Terry:** Yay! I have a song too. I love it! Thank you!!!!!!


	44. Love

.A/N: Not very late. Two words. Health problems. Really irritating. Enjoy!

**Recap:**

I pulled her to me so I could hug her and show her how insanely happy I was, but she tripped and I caught her. I laughed and she laughed with me as I drew her in to me.

I chuckled, "Bella's back!"

**Love**

_Love is nothing_

_To love is something_

_To love and be loved is everything_

**EPOV**

The thrill of being human.

Many of the humans take what they are for granted. Not once do they look and realize what they have. The beauty of what they are. Everything is significant when you're human; time, air, earth, feelings, words, water… everything. You don't understand the significance of all these marvelous things till you lose them. Being a vampire, the only thing that holds any kind of importance is blood. Miracles happen to humans. All the wonderful things in life happen to them.

Having something go outrageously wrong, then by just a few words, everything becomes absolutely right. Miracles, one of the many things that I missed about being human. Bad things happen to everyone, but when you're human, there's always a way to get it fixed.

Bella's melodic laugh pulled me out of my brief reverie. I caught her before she stumbled on her face. I smiled as I secured her ice cap on her head. "Bella, you can hardly walk on flat ground without colliding with every passing molecule of oxygen. Now why do you insist on training in the snow?" I asked as I helped her to stand up right again. Bella's legs weren't a hundred percent healed yet. Her walk was still shaky and she tripped more than her usual stumbling. She needed some practice and I encouraged that but she insisted on leaving safe-easy-flat ground and walk in the snowy woods.

"Because, the more effort I put the faster they heal!" she said, rolling her eyes as she held both my arms to steady herself… trying to stand alone. She looked down at her legs that were placed firmly in the snow then looked back up at me, before saying, "OK, I'm ready." She took a deep breath and loosened her hands. This way, I was the one gripping her elbows and she was holding nothing.

Carefully, I started loosening my hands and taking slow steps backwards away from her. When I wasn't steadying her anymore she shook a little but held out her hands for me; indicating that she was all right and didn't need my interference.

"All right, that's really good Bella. Now… one step." I encouraged with a smile. Her face was a mask of deep concentration. A little frown appeared between her eyebrows that I wanted so desperately to smooth with my finger, but left it because I really wanted her to concentrate on this.

She nodded slowly and brought her arms a little to her sides, trying to maintain some kind of balance. She lifted one foot and quickly set it in front of her before her other leg failed to hold her weight alone.

"That's great, Bella!" I cheered with a wide smile, feeling very proud of her and how she was improving. Her grin showed her teeth as she looked up at me. She tried another step and succeeded. Another step and… I caught her.

She giggled and put her arms around my neck. Anyone from afar would think we were tangoing; with bending over her and the only thing holding her body that was inches away from the ground were my arms that were around her waist. I didn't move as I smiled at her in amusement.

"May I ask the reason behind your lovely laugh every time you fall?" I whispered, amusedly. Her face was so close that her breath caressed my face.

Her grin widened and her eyes lit up, as she said, "Easy. I missed me falling and you catching me. I'm having fun." She shrugged with another giggle.

I kissed her nose and pulled her up on her legs again, keeping my arms around her waist till she said she was ready. A part of me didn't want her to be ready because I didn't want to remove my arms anytime soon. Just for a few years, not too long.

"Do you want to take a break?" _Please say yes. I want to hold _**my wife-to-be**_ for a while._ I almost jumped at that thought.

"Nope. I wanna try something first." She smiled shaking her head.

I sighed. _Maybe later_. "All right. Are you ready?"

She took another deep breath but this time she closed her eyes. "Yes."

I frowned and hesitated at first. She couldn't walk straight with her eyes open. Now with her eyes closed…..

I backed away.

Her breaths were steady as she slowly took the first two steps. I took a few steps backwards to give her some space. A few more… a little shaky, but no falls yet. Her breath started to flow faster and her heart started crashing against her chest. I frowned. I looked her at her face but found nothing but a small smile. Her next steps were successful as well, causing me to take a few new steps backwards again. But her smile grew and her heart thumped louder. I was confused and a little scared.

"Bella? What do you have your eyes closed for?"

More steps forwards.

More steps backwards.

"Imagining." She sighed, her smile widening. That answer was more confusing, so I decided to see for myself. I poked at the shield of her mind, taking a few steps back because she was close. I gasped.

The vision in Bella's head was of me wearing the black tuxedo that I had worn on her prom. I was standing with a smile on my face at the end of a very long… aisle! She was imagining herself walking down the aisle.

More steps forwards.

More steps backward.

Her imagination stirred my own and I started envisioning my side, and what she would look like. Her long white dress was sparkling and simple, like her. Her lovely silky hair pulled up in an elegant style with some of her curls falling out of place. There was no makeup on her face because her natural blush was the best makeup. Her shy smile shone through her transparent glittery veil, which was over her eyes and flowing down her back. And last but not least, my ring shining on her finger. I could almost feel my heart beat again. I just gaped at the picture in my head.

More steps forward.

Frozen!

SLAM!

Bella was on her back on the snow after slamming into me. I was too distracted to notice that I had stopped moving or to even catch her.

"You got me wrong, Cullen. I meant that I missed the part where you catch me, not when I fall!" she joked, but I was too dazed to give her the clever reply I should have come up with. I sat down on both my knees down beside her, pulling her against my chest.

I sighed into her hair as she hugged me back, "Even your thoughts distract me. Like you're not efficient enough to do that job by only smiling." I buried my face in her neck and held her tighter to me.

"Look who's talking." I could almost hear her roll her eyes.

"I love you so much Bella. I feel like I don't say it enough," I admitted, pulling away. I pushed her fallen locks from her face and tucked them behind her ear.

She smiled and cocked her head. "Where did you get that very wrong feeling? But I wouldn't mind if you decided saying it more than before." She chuckled. "I love hearing it."

I smiled, "I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you… I'd sing it all day if that's what you want." I meant that.

She grinned, "Nah, because then I'd have to sing you 'I love you too' all day and my voice is the kind that breaks glass and you're too fragile for that." She elbowed me jokily.

I lifted an eyebrow. "Who's fragile, human?"

"You, vampire. You think you're all that but when it comes to me, you're as fragile as me," she whispered giving me a pointed stare.

I chuckled, "I guess you're right. But I like that."

"Me too."

She leaned in and gave me a chaste kiss on the cheek, "Now I want to try again and please pay attention."

I rolled my eyes as I stood up and pulled her up with me. "The only way I could pay attention is for you to stop being so distracting."

"I'll never stop. I'm having way too much fun to stop." She smiled innocently.

I smirked, "I guess we should sit back down, that's where we'll end up in the end anyway. The ground."

--

_Please Damien. Please. _

_Can't it wait for later?_

_No I have to do it now. Please? I won't take long. Rosalinda will understand. Take her with you. Please?_

_Just a few more minutes. _

_Please?_

_All right. Fine, but you owe me for this. _

_You're the best, Damien. _

_I know._

I ran back to the hospital, leaving the hotel behind me. It was late and Bella was in her bed now, no one had any idea that she could walk again, she wanted to surprise them. Anyway, I needed to go talk to Carlisle and Esme but I didn't want to leave her alone. So I persuaded Damien to look after her just until I was back. I'd interrupted his… quality time with his wife, so he basically hated me right now, but he had a kind heart, he would forgive me soon.

I knocked on Carlisle's door. "Come in, Edward." It was Esme who replied. I had called her and asked for her to wait with Carlisle in his office.

I entered Carlisle's small office and closed the door behind me. It had nothing but a big desk and two chairs in front of it. Then a door that led to another room, which I guessed was where he examined people.

Carlisle was sitting in his seat behind the desk and Esme had pulled a chair beside him. I didn't say a word as I walked inside and took my seat in front of them. After half a second of silence Carlisle spoke.

"I thought you asked to talk to us, Edward. Is there something wrong?" Carlisle asked in concern.

"No, no, not at all. Everything's fine. Great actually…" I mumbled lifting my eyes from my hands to meet their worried gazes. I smiled and whispered, "I proposed to Bella."

Esme was the first to gasp. "Oh my. That's so wonderful. What did she say?" She already knew the answer it was clear on my face. Both their smiles were wide and Carlisle's smile was full of pride that I loved.

"She said yes." Before I could even realize it, I was in Esme's embrace. She squeezed me so tightly that I could've choked but I was too happy so I squeezed her back. "I am so happy for you, Edward. You've been lonely for too long." Her voice was tight with tears that I smiled and felt my own tears sting my eyes. After a few moments she released me.

"Congratulations, my son." Even though Carlisle's words were little, I could hear all his joy in his thoughts, and they almost made me cry as Esme's joy had made me.

"When's the wedding? And do you have a designer in mind for the dress? I'd be happy to help Bella find a dress. And..."

"Mom!" I interrupted, "You sit with Alice too much." We laughed and Carlisle shook his head.

"Let her. She's been worried for too long." He said with a smile.

"I know but there's just one problem that we need to deal with first before we even think of a wedding."

"And you need our help in it?" Carlisle concluded the reason behind our gathering.

"Well, a little. I don't really know what to do to help myself." I frowned and lifted my eyes to look at Esme. "Bella is not ready," I whispered.

Esme furrowed her eyebrows, "Didn't you say she agreed?"

"Yes, she did. But she doesn't realize that she's not ready. She'll never be really happy until we deal with the problem."

Carlisle leaned a little over the desk and frowned, "I'm not following you."

"It's her mother." And I told them what her mother did to her and how it hurt Bella. And how she can't remember what happened without having a very hard seizure. I didn't want her without a mother in her own wedding. I didn't want her mother to be a subject of pain and hurt. I had promised to fix everything I did to her. Her problem with her mother was a consequence to what I did. I was going to erase it.

"Oh my…" Esme breathed. Her eyes were wide and she had a hand on her heart. "Poor thing. How could her mother think of such a hideous thing?" I could see the tears in her eyes and hear the shock in her thoughts. She couldn't believe that a mother could do such a thing. "That's what Damien meant by the fight that made them stop communicating?"

"Yes." I sighed.

"But that's… inhumane." Carlisle whispered, standing up. He walked around the desk and stood behind Esme, putting a hand on her shoulder. "How are you planning to deal with this?"

I scratched the back of my neck and pursed my lips, "Well, that's where you come in. Bella needs to feel like she has a second family. She already does but I wanted it to be more. Like she could consider Esme as her mother and could talk to her about anything. Maybe that'll make her open up to you about her mother. She needs to talk about it but she can't." Esme nodded slowly. "Same applies to you, Carlisle. She already considers you a father to her, just try to get closer. I don't care who she opens up to just as long as she does." He nodded too.

"And that woman?" Esme asked. She couldn't call her a mother anymore.

"Well, I thought about talking to her when we go back to Forks. I think that's the best way to go." I didn't know what to do. That way the only thing I could come up with.

Esme shook her head and shot up beside Carlisle, "No, don't talk to her," She said firmly.

"Esme, love. Someone has to talk to her. She has to understand how big her mistake is," Carlisle argued softly.

"I know that," She said sharply. "That's why I'll talk to her."

--

**DPOV**

"You know if it wasn't Bella, I would've never agreed." I murmured as I pulled Linda against me.

She chuckled, "If it were anyone but Bella, I would've never agreed either," She whispered, burying her face in my neck. She was side-saddling my lap as we sat on the sofa of Bella's room. I had her wrapped in my arms and kept playing with her hair.

I smiled widely, "Do you still get jealous?"

"If you could understand how handsome you look for women, you'd get jealous too." She wrapped her arms tighter around my neck and sighed.

"I only want to be handsome in one woman's eyes." I nuzzled her hair.

"She doesn't see anyone but you. So in her eyes you are the most handsome." She giggled a little, stroking the hair at the nape of my neck.

My smile looked goofy but I didn't mind. She said I looked handsome. Goofy handsome. "I love you, lovely love."

I felt her smile against my neck, "I love you too, my knight in shining armor."

My smile, if it was possible, grew wider. It's been so long since she last called me that. I missed it.

_Ring… Ring… Ring…_

"Why is everyone against us being alone today?" I groaned. She chuckled.

She reached the end of the sofa with her arm and got her cell phone. Without looking at the caller she answered.

"Hello?"

"_Rose!"_

"Lolita!" She stiffened.

"_I don't have time to talk. They're on their way Rose. Take care."_ And the caller hung up.

I didn't need her translation. I wrapped my arms around her again and tucked her head under my chin. It was about time I took revenge for controlling my Rose. The Volturi will regret it.

A/N: SO what do ya think??? **Iole01** I added the bit you wanted. Is it good or did you imagine it better? Be honest please. Hope you guys liked it.

**Hi xx:** Thank you so much. Welcome aboard :)

**Your sister:** Thank you: P

**Alicecullon101: **Thank you :)

**Wolfgirl707:** Thank you so much. I hope so: D

**Terry:** Yay! I love my song! Lol and I'm so happy I made your :( to a :). Lol Thank you (press play on your song lol)


	45. Control

.A/N: I STARTED SCHOOL!!! Lol it's awesome being in IG system lol. For all you British people out there, I take your same course book and same syllabus. :D and I love it!! Lol Ocake, I know it's not my school you wanna hear about lol you want the chappy that I so cruelly took my time with but I was a little hesitant you see. I wrote a lot of versions to this chappy and I didn't know which one was best. Alas! I chose one. Hopefully I chose the right one, You'll tell me, right??!! Enough rambling let's get to business. Enjoy! :D

**Recap:**

"_I don't have time to talk. They're on their way Rose. Take care."_ And the caller hung up.

I didn't need her translation. I wrapped my arms around her again and tucked her head under my chin. It was about time I took revenge for controlling my Rose. The Volturi will regret it.

**Control**

(This chappy is too serious for poems lol.)

**DPOV**

The silence was deafening. Nothing was heard except for the whooshing of the wind and the heartbeats and breaths of Bella. She was in her wheel chair beside Edward and on her other side were all the Cullens. I was on Edward's right and Rosalinda's hand was in my right one. We were one line. One strength. One family.

If you were an outsider you'd think that a world war III was going to start. But if you knew what we knew you'd sit and relax because it's a fight that could be easily won.

A few feet away from us stood a huge crowd. The Volturi's wives and witnesses. All dressed in black and a few sparkles because of the sun. They were no less than twenty five without the leaders. Aro, Marcus, and Caius were the first three. Right by their side stood Alec and Jane. The looks on their faces could be mistaken for anger, but they knew. They knew how strong we were. They knew that no matter how outnumbered we were, we could still win. That look on their faces was fear.

I had to hold back my snarl as I met Jane's blood-red eyes, remembering all the pain she used to put me through when I was kidnapped. She used me as her practice doll. Whenever she wanted to practice she'd barge into my cell and start torturing me until Rosalinda would come in and make up any excuse for her to stop. Sometimes it was that and sometimes it was just utter boredom. She wanted to have fun, why not watch the dummy twitch in pain?

A snarl escaped my lips as I glared at her. She smirked and gave me a quick wink, as if promising me of what will soon to come. If only she knew.

I felt Edward's hand on my arm. _Control yourself_ he whispered in my head. _They're the ones in danger now. _That thought satisfied me. I could not wait to wipe that smirk off Jane's face.

"Friends!" Aro cheered with wide smile on his face.

_Oh boy!_ Edward thought and I saw him roll his eyes. I almost laughed. I've been a bad influence on Edward, his language was starting to get more modern by the minute.

_Yes, I blame you for that_. He thought.

_Hey! Blame your fiancé. She was the one who changed mine in the first place. _

_Let's get something straight. I would never blame Bella for anything, even if she is to be blamed. So you'd better get used to it. You'll always be the wrong one when it comes to her. _

_We'll see Eddie-weddi._ I smirked because I knew he'd flip.

_Don't call me that!_

"We come in peace." Aro's voice cut through our brief conversation.

_Sure you do_ both of us thought.

"We've come to witness the miracle of two brothers being reunited after a century of being apart." Anyone would have thought his voice was full of sincerity but to us it was plain fake.

"We wouldn't have needed to reunite if it wasn't for you separating us," I found myself saying out loud in irritation. I couldn't help it. I was too impatient of pretence. I wanted to get it over with now.

His red eyes shifted to me in what looked like hurt. "Young one, did you think that that was our intention? Separating two brothers? That's so cruel."

"Oh, then please. Enlighten us," Edward said crossing his arms.

_Careful Edward,._ Carlisle thought to Edward.

But Edward shook his head slowly as he glared at Aro and hissed, "no more pretenses."

I almost smirked when I saw Jane, Marcus, and Caius's eyes narrow at Edward. Aro stayed in his friendly façade. His smile only grew wider.

"What pretense, my dear friend? We only took Damien to insure he become a vampire so he could benefit of his power. Isn't that right dearest Rosalinda?" His eyes shifted to her in the most kind way. But I saw Jane smirk and fix her eyes on her.

It all happened too fast, but still as if in slow motion. Rosalinda shied to my side, holding my arm firmly, bracing herself. Edward and I intertwined our hands together quickly and closed our eyes.

_**Jane **_we both thought together. _**You will not harm Rosalinda!**_

I felt a surge of power ring through me, vibrating in my veins until it reached the point where Edward and I were connected. Our hands. We both stiffened as that surge started departing our bodies. I opened my eyes and so did Edward. We fixed our eyes on Jane, ordering the unseen power to wrap around her. I felt and saw it when it hit her. Her face went blank, her smirk gone and an automatic voice she said,

"I will not harm Rosalinda." Her eyes were wide as she stared off into space.

I smiled widely and put my arm around Linda. Pulling her tightly to my side, I kissed the top of her head and whispered, "No one will ever harm you again, lovely love, now that you're back with me," I vowed.

"I love you," she sighed in relief and that's when I realized.

"They did that to you before, didn't they?" I said through gritted teeth.

She nodded slowly, "when they suspected that I came to you."

I fisted my hands and started debating on giving them a taste of their own medicine. But Edward caught my arm.

_Calm down._

I took a deep breath and that was when I noticed, everyone was still staring at Jane in shock.

_Didn't they figure it out yet?_

I saw the ends of Edward's mouth turn upwards. _Bella did._

And she gasped. "Mind control!"

_Always the smart one._ I commented.

Edward rolled his eyes but grinned.

I looked back at the three leaders whose stance had all but changed. Shock and hesitation was written all over their faces. Alec moved his hand in front of Jane's motionless eyes and called her name softly. But she did not answer.

_Edward, I'm dying to give Jane a taste of her own medicine. _

_Patience brother. We'll have that kind of fun if they decide to do it the hard way._

I prayed that they would go the hard way. I wanted to avenge Rose.

"Is it, Edward? Mind control, I mean," Carlisle whispered in awe.

"It is," Edward confirmed, keeping his eyes on Aro's face.

I cleared my throat. "You were saying?" I glared at Aro.

He blinked and glanced at both Caius and Marcus. None of them helped. He coughed a little, "Well it seems that you are more powerful than we expected…" he trailed off.

"So it seems." Both Edward and I said.

His eyes wandered along our strong line and they stopped at someone. He frowned and looked at Edward. "You have a human witness all this? That's against…"

"She is to be my wife soon. For _eternity_." He emphasized the last word meaningfully.

_Don't say, did my words actually get to you? _

_Yes Damien. I learned to listen to her and understand what she wants. And you were right, she knows what she wants. Thank you. You don't understand what kind of a difference it made. _There was something behind his words.

_Difference?_

He smiled. _It's a surprise for later._

"Oh. So she knows everything," he said, his frown deepening. He looked at her, "Are you sure you want to be one of us? You know, if you seek power you could always join our clan and stay human," he offered with a sickeningly sweet smile.

He wanted her to protect himself. As long as they had one of us we would never harm them.

Edward growled and I hissed but Bella smiled back at him and said, "Thank you but I don't like your style."

"I think that you have nothing more to do here. If you have any hopes of a fight you should know that you don't stand a chance," Edward snarled, glaring at the three of them.

Caius laughed and stepped forward, "don't you see? You are outnumbered. You can't control all our minds at once. We're too many for you to control." His grin was small but dangerous.

"It's such a shame that you don't have a Jasper Cullen of your own to show you strategy." I snorted "You're right, we can't control you all at once, but we can always do this."

Edward and I intertwined our hands again and felt the surge of power vibrate through us again.

_**Alec, kill the senses of the guards and witnesses. Leave the leaders only!**_

As we felt the powerful vibe leave our bodies we opened our eyes and directed the unseen force towards Alec by only looking at him. His eyes went wide and we saw the misty black cloud leave his hands and wrap around the crowd behind the three vampires.

"Leave leaders only," he said robotically. When the black mist fell into place, every vampire in the large crowd gasped and fell to the ground silently and motionlessly.

The three of them kept looking around them in shock. They were the only three left standing with their minds in their control.

"Thank you for the advice Jazz!" Edward said with a smirk.

"Yeah! Thanks, General 'J'!" I said.

I heard him laugh at the nickname. "Anytime."

"Aw Come on guys. Don't be that way." Emmett whined, "There won't be any action that way. They'll run away screaming. I wanna fight."

Caius glared at Emmet but said nothing.

"Who's outnumbered again?" I asked Caius politely. The three of them just glared at me.

"So here it is. Either you become the good and loyal leaders that you should be or we could just modify what we want and make you be what we want." Edward set the terms firmly.

Aro grit his teeth and glared at Rosalinda. I knew what was wrong. To them, she was a traitor. I quickly squeezed Edward's hand willing the surge of power to flow again but this time it was stronger with my anger.

_**Jane, torture Aro**_.

"Torture Aro," she repeated and Aro was on the ground twitching and screaming in pain. His pain satisfied my anger and thirst for revenge. I made it last for a few minutes till I ordered her to stop. When Aro opened his eyes and pushed himself up with his hands, I growled.

"Don't you DARE look at my wife that way again!" If it wasn't for Rosalinda and Edward's grip on me I would have gone and showed him the consequences he brought to himself. "DO YOU UNDERSTAND ARO?!" My growl ripped through my chest and I felt Rose hold me tighter.

He nodded quickly with wide eyes as Marcus helped him to stand up.

"NOW GO BEFORE I DECIDE TO RIP YOU INTO PIECES!" I wasn't far from that decision. And I prayed for him to try me. But his eyes were wide with fear and once he was on his feet he fled. Disappeared.

"Damien, calm down. I'm all right," Rosalinda whispered, stroking my hair softly. Of course that gesture instantly relaxed me. I took her in both my arms this time. She patted my heart and murmured, "I'm safe with you." I buried my fingers in her hair and tucked her head under my chin.

"Always." I vowed.

Caius and Marcus stared off behind Aro. I saw Marcus gulp and look back at us. "What if I decide to just leave royalty?"

We both nodded to him. He took the approval gladly and went behind Aro. Caius was the one who stayed. "Cowards!" he shouted behind them.

_**Alec, kill senses**_. And Caius fell on the ground.

"Oh man. You had to kill the fun," Emmett whined, walking away. Jasper and Carlisle came to stand in front of us.

"Any ideas what to do with them?" Edward asked pointing with his chin at the fallen vampires as he crossed his legs on the snow and pulled Bella off of the wheel chair and set her on his lap.

Both Jasper and Carlisle were silent for a while as they thought about it.

"Hey, where are Esme, Alice, and Rosalie?" Bella asked as she leaned her head on Edward's shoulder.

Edward's smile was bigger than… than… than his face. "They have a wedding to prepare for. Don't you want a wedding to remember for eternity?"

Edward's smile was contagious it made us all smile but not as big as his or Bella's. "But shouldn't I have to find a husband first?" she teased.

Edward laughed and I laughed. Rosalinda lifted her head from my chest and smiled at Bella. "We women should stand up for each other. You could borrow mine for the wedding. He'll do," she said casually.

"Uh-Oh. I didn't think about this. Women plotting against us men," I said faking anxiousness.

"Of course! Why do you think we go to the bathroom in groups? That's the one place where we plot and you can't come near," Bella said proudly.

"Aha!" Edward cheered, "So there will come the time when the world of pink take over the world of black. I will fight till my last breath."

"As in you _need _breathing?" Rosalinda lifted an eyebrow.

"I'm improvising. We men don't have a plan yet," he whispered in fake urgency.

We laughed.

After a few minutes of light laughing and going on about the same subject, Edward and I decided to make our own plan for dominance. It was silly but nice after the long tension. When we were done and wanted to go back to the hotel we asked again about what we should do with the others.

Jasper smirked and said, "I have a few ideas."

A/N: To those of you who don't have me on their authors alert I have the prologue of my new story posted since next chappy is the last chappy of Everlasting and then there's the Epilogue. My new story is called "The Golden Locket" bedward of course lol. Please r and r. Thank you everyone!!! Hope you enjoyed this chappy.

**Terry:** THANK YOU SO MUCH LOL, I love you so much (in a completely none-gayish way)lol. Hope you enjoyed this chappy. It's almost over. Two chappies to go. Please check my new story "The Golden Locket" I would really like to have you there too.  Thanks!!

THANK YOU SO MUCH TO MY AMAZING BETA MEGHAN (dragonangeleyes) WHO STUCK WITH ME THROUGHOUT THIS STORY!!! I REALLY SHOWED HER HOW TO WORK HARD LOOOOOOOOL!!! I AM NOOO PIECE OF CAKE LOL. THANK YOU MEG!

Love

Mai xx


	46. Discussions & Decisions

.A/N: LAST CHAPPY ALERT! LAST CHAPPY ALERT!! Yes, everyone, this is the last chappy for Everlasting. Meaning we only have the Epilogue which will be the wedding. I'll really miss this story, I'm so sad to see it go. :( But…Oh well, I knew it had to end sooner or later. Hope you like this chappy, since you've been waiting for this one.

**Discussions & Decisions **

_I'm your wall_

_I won't let you fall_

_You are my life_

_Don't make me hide_

_You and I are everlasting_

_We could be more than just amazing_

**EPOV**

I was packing Bella's luggage for her as she went to say her goodbyes and thanks to her friends. They had decided to stay in Alaska for a while and be back on time for our wedding, time was yet to be decided. She had told me that she was going to inform them about her miracle but away from my brother. She wanted to surprise him with Charlie. I did not overlook the fact that she wanted to surprise her father. _Only her father_. I sighed as I folded her green sweater and tucked it in her bag. She still couldn't think of her mother.

"Come in, Damien," I said quietly as I heard his footsteps approach the door. The door opened then closed.

"It worked!" I heard his cheerful voice from behind my back.

I smiled. Jasper plan worked. We modified Jane's brain and made her ruler rather than Aro. Now, she is the fair ruler that they should have been. And as for Aro, Marcus, and Caius... well, they were her personal guards. The thought was laughable but not in my state.

"Yes," I answered quietly as I zipped her bags.

"What's with you?" Damien asked confused.

I shrugged as I carried them easily and put them by the door. Now, she's ready to go back to Forks. Damien wasn't convinced. I let my eyes search the room again for the last time, making sure that there was nothing forgotten. I spotted something small and blue under her bed. I picked it up and frowned. It was a small blue book.

"It was a gift," I heard Damien breathe. I looked up, finally meet his probing gaze. He sighed.

"Bella and I were close. We talked about everything and anything, except for one subject. You." I winced, "She talked when she could but never long enough to get it all out. So I bought her this book. So she could write down her feelings rather than keep them bottled inside her," He explained. "Whenever she wanted to tell me something about you but couldn't, she'd just write it down knowing that I would check the book later, to see if she was making any progress."

I looked back down at the book and traced the black coil. "Was this the book she meant when she asked you if you needed a blue book?" I asked, remembering when Damien was feeling low and didn't want to talk.

"Yes."

I kept staring at the book, my mind churning madly. In my hand was everything about Bella's feelings ever since I left. In my hand was exactly how much she suffered, how many times she fought with herself to hate me. In my hands was the Bella that I did not know and did not desire to know, even though a part of me was edging me to have a peek at exactly how much wrong I did to learn how to fix it but I ignored that part. If I ever opened this book I would want it to be with Bella's permission. I wanted her to show me herself, not for me to see it without her knowledge.

I set the book on her bed slowly, knowing that these were Bella's private thoughts. As much as I wanted to see every part of her, I would not look in to it.

"Edward? Is all that worry over Bella?" he whispered as he sat down beside me.

I sighed, "She's still broken Damien. I don't know what to do anymore. No matter how hard I try, I fail. Yes, she smiles. Yes, she laughs. Yes, she's happy. All that's great but still, in spite of all that, she's still broken." I folded my hands together and stared at them as I whispered brokenly, "did I give her an _everlasting_ wound? Will it forever be there? A reminder of how much I hurt her? Will this wound be _everlasting_…?"

I felt his hand on my shoulder as he breathed, "No, it's not. And you did not give her an _everlasting_ wound. You gave her your _everlasting_ love and she gave you hers, which is _everlasting_ as well. You will get through this. Every wound takes its time to heal. After it heals it takes it time to be forgotten. You just have to be patient."

I leaned back until I was lying on my back on her bed. I inhaled her scent that filled her blanket as I stared at the empty ceiling. "What if it never heals? What if this one is too deep to seal? Will she hate me?" I did not know why I was so numb. It was like the calm before the storm. I was afraid to feel anything and have it turn against me later.

"Do you know what the word _everlasting_ means?"

I did not answer.

"It means forever; enduring indefinitely; endless; always there; never ending… Take your pick." He twisted his torso to be able to look at my face but I kept my gaze firmly fixed on the ceiling. "There are some bonds Edward that just simply can't be broken... Parent bonds, brother bonds, and… husband and wife bonds. Everlasting is a very long time. But not long enough to satisfy these bonds."

I still did not answer.

I felt him touch my arm, "You and Bella are about to be married, nothing could ever break the bond between you two. The love between you two will conquer all wounds and holes that are left to be sealed. It's easy to say an 'everlasting love or bond' but it's very difficult to actually find one. And once found and cherished, never lost."

I was silently lost in my thoughts for a few minutes. _Everlasting_. Such an unimportant word that held a lot of significant meanings. Yes, our love is Everlasting. And always will be.

Damien sensed it when the sadness in my thoughts started departing. So he lightened the mood by grinning and saying, "Ironically, I always thought you were one of those who had cold feet before weddings. It turned out to be real. You're not as cool and easy as you appear to be." He snorted.

I chuckled, "I don't have cold feet."

"Oh yes you do."

"Do not."

"Do"

And we ended up rolling on the floor in another fight. With a bet, of course. If he wins, he gets to tell Bella that I do have cold feet. If I win… I tell Rosalinda that he obsessed over every blonde girl he saw.

----

"Are you ready?" I whispered in Bella's ear. We were standing in front of her doorstep in Forks. Bella was in her wheel chair almost jumping. Damien and Rosalinda were right behind us and Carlisle and Esme were standing on either Bella's sides. I was behind her, holding her wheel chair, as if to help her in.

"Yes!" she said excitedly, she was dying to see her father. They've grown so impossibly closer to each other ever since I left. They've gotten over their awkwardness and weren't embarrassed to show their feelings to each other again. Which, of course, made Bella more eager to make him happy.

I smiled and was about to reach for the doorbell… when I froze. I caught the thoughts of… Renee. Charlie was so excited about Bella's return that he accidentally told Renee. She was waiting with him too. I gulped. I met Esme's eyes and whispered, "Renee is inside." Esme's eyes flashed and hardened. She gave me a tight nod and shifted her eyes to the door. This all happened in less than a second so Bella couldn't notice. The happy atmosphere turned to that of tension. All of us were worried now except for Bella who was still unaware of what awaited her inside.

_Zzzzzttttttttttt_

The doorbell rang noisily. I gripped Bella's chair and waited impatiently as Charlie ran to the door. The door flew open and Charlie was there, tall and almost on the verge of tears. He had eyes for only his daughter.

"Bella," he whispered as a smile broke through his face. And that was all the encouragement Bella needed.

She pushed herself up from the chair and ran to her father's embrace. Gasps surrounded me as she did that.

"Oh my…" Esme whispered as her hands flew to her mouth.

"Bella!" Both Rosalinda and Damien gasped.

Carlisle's smile was wide. Charlie was in utter shock. He did not respond for a few seconds, in shock of what had just happened. But when it started to sink in he wrapped his arms around her and I saw him smile the widest smile I had ever seen him smile.

"Bella! You're… you're standing! You're standing!" His voice shook. I saw him hug her tighter.

"Yes Dad! I am!" She said thickly. She was crying happy tears. I smiled.

I felt my own eyes sting with tears as Charlie pulled away to look at her. He took a step back and looked at her legs that stood without the help of anyone. He met her eyes again, his smile widening, if possible.

"I guess now we'll throw out the very expensive wheel chair." He grinned. Bella laughed and nodded. I read in Charlie's mind that when he went to buy her a wheel chair he wanted to buy her something expensive to be able to deal with Bella's clumsiness so he could be sure that she's safe. He couldn't afford it at first but with a few loans he was able to buy it for her. He kept it a secret from her but Bella found out, and that was when they started opening up to each other. They both had suffered. I refused to let the pain run free now. This was supposed to be a happy moment. Then happy, I will be.

"Oh, hello everyone. I'm sorry, I didn't notice," Charlie said apologetically as he pulled Bella to his side. I did not miss that he looked at me in a kind way, a strangely kind way. I smiled back feeling confused. "Please come in." He stepped aside to let us in. He shook hands with Esme and Carlisle and the entered.

"Char!" Damien cheered. He pulled Rosalinda and stood in front of him and said with a wide grin, "This is my wife. Rosalinda!"

Charlie smiled and shook her hand, "Finally. You drove him crazy, you know? But I see why now."

If Rosalinda could blush, she would have. They entered and then Charlie turned to me. He extended his had to shake mine, "Hello Edward." He gave me a small smile which I returned tensely.

He met my eyes and thought, _Thank you, Edward, for giving me my daughter back._ I froze. I stared at him for a moment.

_Relax Edward. He knows everything._ Damien thought to me. Everything? As in _everything?_

"Um… hello, sir." I stammered blankly. He smiled and stepped aside to let me in.

_Damien. I don't understand anything._

_He knows that you can read minds. He knows everything._

I frowned at him. I would ask later, now we had other things to deal with. Charlie said something to Bella that made them both laugh as they closed the door and came to join us. I could hear Renee in the kitchen, afraid to reveal herself. They sat themselves on couches in the living room but I kept standing, waiting for the tense moment.

"Bella." A broken whisper called, silencing both the laughs of Charlie and Bella. I'd anticipated this so I had prepared Bella. I had given her her pills before we came, to prevent any seizures from attacking her.

Bella froze and looked at Charlie who was fuming. "She's here?" she mouthed.

"She was supposed to leave," he said loud enough for her to hear.

She stepped out of the kitchen slowly. Her hair was a little untidy and all the smiley features she used to have were gone. Just traces of tears on her cheek and sad eyes. "Bella," she called again but Bella refused to look at her. She met my eyes and I saw how afraid she was, how hurt she was, how hopeless she way. It infuriated me. Who was she to make Bella _that_ hurt. I fought hard to put her together and I wasn't going to let that woman ruin it. Once I noticed her breathing hitch, I decided. I went to her and wrapped her in my arms. She was shaking, and that angered me all the more.

"Come on Bella. Let's unpack. You can come and sit with Charlie later." I struggled to use a light tone with all the anger building up in me. It felt like my anger should burn the house.

She nodded and walked with me to the stairs.

"Bella, please…" Renee came after her and I felt Bella shy more in my arms and heard her whimper. Her whimper turned the switch of my control. Bella was to be protected, that was the only thing on my mind. So I turned my head to glare at Renee.

"Stay away from her. You are not to speak with her till she wishes it. This is a warning," I hissed menacingly. I tightened my arms around her when I felt her hands fist in my shirt. She was in pain. She wanted to break down. Now.

Renee's eyes widened in fear and she fell silent. No human had ever seen me this angry except Bella, so Renee probably feared me. I wanted to stay there and tell her exactly why she should fear me, but Bella's gasping made me struggle for control.

"Edward." Esme's quiet voice was loud in the silence. "Take Bella up to her room. There are things that need to be settled that she shouldn't witness." Esme's voice, even though was quiet and calm, but was filled with confidence and promising fear.

It took every ounce of my control to stop glaring at Renee and help Esme tow Bella gently up to her room. I kissed the top of her head and whispered, "It's all right. Everything will be all right," over and over as I stroked her back and hair.

"T… Thank you," she whimpered shakily to both me and Esme.

"Don't worry, dear," Esme said softly.

I just hugged her tighter and whispered, "you're safe."

"With you," she added as I closed the door behind us. I towed her to her bed and set her on it. She had her face covered by her hands as she struggled to control her sobs.

_Why?_ Was the question that ran through her head.

I pulled her hands away from her face and kissed them softly. "Don't worry, love. Everything will be ok."

---

**Esme's POV**

"I thought you said you'd leave before she came. And if she came early you would leave unnoticed. What happened now?" Charlie shouted in fury.

She glared at him, "She's my daughter too Charlie. I have the right to talk to her," she snapped.

"No, you don't," I said quietly stepping forward.

"Excuse me?" She blinked at me in mock shock.

"No, you don't have the right to talk to her without her will," I answered in a low voice.

Her gaze was cold, "She's my daughter. Of course I have the right."

I folded my arms as I walked slowly to her. "Saying that she's your daughter implies that you are her mother. Please forgive me but you are not a mother, let alone her own." I was fuming. But I kept my voice low and controlled. My dear Bella had suffered so much because of this woman and I would not stand here and watch her do it. She will learn and remember her mistake.

"And who are you to say that I'm not her mother?" she said between clenched teeth.

"I'm Bella's mother. Or at least that's what she considers me." I said each word separately, knowing that that would cut through her anger.

And I was right. Her face froze and I saw the pain slowly touch her eyes. She shifted her gaze and stared ahead as she whispered, "S… she told you that?"

Yes, I was mad at her. But I wasn't one to hurt people just because they irritated me. It did touch me that she was hurt but I did not forget how hurt Bella is. "Who she considers her mother isn't the point. The point is that you need to see what you've done," I said tightly trying to keep hold on my neutral voice.

"What have I done? The big mistake that you're all talking to me about is that I was worried about her," she snapped.

I narrowed my eyes. _Edward_ I thought to him._ If voices start getting too loud, take Bella and leave. She doesn't have to hear this. _

--

**EPOV**

Esme was about to combust. Her warning made me tense. I was humming to Bella while she lay in my arms, half way asleep. The headache and crying had made her tired. I hummed softly as I stroked her hair. Her face was buried in my chest and her arms wrapped around my waist. I hugged her tighter to my chest and kept playing with her hair.

The door opened slowly, carefully. I knew who it was and I didn't know if I should stop or continue. I stopped when he came in.

"No, no. Don't stop. Let her sleep, please," Charlie whispered quickly.

I narrowed my eyes a little, something was _very_ wrong with Charlie. I cautiously continued humming, keeping my eyes fixed on Bella's face. A few seconds later Carlisle entered the room. He smiled at the sight of us and went to sit beside Charlie.

_When she's in deep sleep, and it's ok for you to leave her, please tell me_ Charlie thought to me. I froze again but kept the humming going as not to startle her. This was not normal. I gave him a tight nod, still keeping my eyes fixed on Bella. Her features where getting more peaceful and that made me smile. I stroked her face, pushing her hair out of her face just so I could see it clearly. My humming was the only thing heard in the room. Well, aside from the argument downstairs.

After a few moments Bella's grip on me loosened a little and I felt her breathing steady. I awaited my sign. It didn't take long.

"Edward…" She sighed. I smiled as I leaned in and kissed the top of her head. I turned to look at both men and nodded to them informing them that she was asleep.

_Come with us, please._ Charlie said as he stood up and started walking out of the room, Carlisle right behind him. I tucked her in and made sure she was securely warm before I departed her room. I followed both fathers silently as they walked outside the house, leaving both Bella and the argument behind. Once we were in their small yard Charlie turned to face us. I saw Damien and Rosalinda standing a few feet behind Charlie, their faces neutral.

"So, your son proposed to my daughter," he stated while looking at both of us. He sat down on a plastic white chair and gestured for us to sit too. We did.

"Yes, we would be honored to have Bella join our little family," Carlisle said with a smile.

Charlie stared at us quietly, giving nothing of his emotions away, even his thoughts were guarded. I glanced at Carlisle and he glanced at me. What was going on?

"Meaning, you are changing her into a vampire too?" he asked tensely.

Carlisle face was a reflection of mine. Utter shock.

--

**Esme's POV**

"What have you done?! What have you done?! You wanted to brainwash her! Do you see no wrong in that?" I almost hissed at her.

"I was looking out for her. I was trying to do what's good for her. She was in pain. Her medicine was to make her forget. I don't see the crime!" she exploded, glaring at me. "I can see what you did. You've turned her against me. You're still doing that…"

"Turning Bella against you? Why do you continue to think of her as a toy? She's a person. She has her own mind to think and decide. She had every right to wallow over Edward, you are in no place to take away her memories even if it was what's right for her. And she also has every right to choose who she considers her mother is. And her decision is based on what she sees. You are no mother." My vision was red. How could she be that way? How could she even think that way? It was horrible. The dreadfulness of the fact stirred my own anger and hurt. Yes, hurt. It hurt me to see such an angel like Bella be torn down by her own mother figure. She deserved better. So, either I'll make this woman a mother or I'll be her own.

"I know that Bella is a person. But she's a _young_ person. She's a teenager and she was suffering more than any teenager should because of your son. I had to think of options to free her of her pain," she said all in one breath, as she stomped to the living room, giving her back to me, trying to steady her breathing.

"So your way of protecting her is erasing her," I said evenly.

"No, that's not….." She trailed off. I could see that she was starting to see that what she'd done was wrong, but still… not enough.

"Brainwashing is like killing. You kill a person, you take away his soul and erase him off the face of the earth. Brainwashing is the same. So tell me again. You wanted to protect her so you decided to _kill _her?! What kind of a mother are you?" I whispered almost disgusted.

"Kill her?" her voice broke.

---

**EPOV**

"Well?" Charlie said, "I'm waiting for an answer."

Neither I nor Carlisle had dared to breathe after that question. Charlie was starting to get even tenser so I decided to say something. Anything.

"Um…how did you know about….?" I trailer off, frowning.

He sighed, "Damien told me everything about himself from the first moment he set foot in the house, including the fact that he is a vampire. He did not want to lie to me and I respected that, and also the fact that he didn't feed on humans. Later on, I figured out that you were the same, since you were so much alike. In Alaska he told me everything when he found out why you left and that you are his brother," he explained quickly. "Now, I want an answer to my question."

I just stared at him silently. Carlisle was the one who was still coherent so he answered, "That's her choice, Charlie. It's not a must at all," he answered calmly.

"And what did she choose?" He stared at me, and he already knew the answer. He just wanted confirmation.

"She choose to be changed, Charlie," I whispered.

---

**Esme's POV**

"I… I didn't think of it that way," she stuttered.

"You shouldn't have thought of it in the first place to think of it in any other way," I said as I sat down beside her.

She didn't answer.

"Renee. Mothers should be there for their children when they need them. A mother should be the wall that the child hides behind from the cruel world. The first thing on the mother's mine should be her child. You did not think about Bella when you thought about that…"

"No, I did…" she started but I cut her off.

"No, Renee. You thought about yourself. It pained you to see her like that and you started to think of ways to relieve you from _your _pain, regardless what it would do to her. That was the other mistake you made," I whispered, "you were selfish, Renee. A mother can't be selfish. A mother's life is dedicated to her children. Every thought is for them, every breath, every word. You were selfish."

Renee's shaky hands covered her face as she cried silently. "What have I done to her?"

---

**EPOV**

"Do you love her, Edward?" Charlie whispered

"Yes, sir," I said startled by the question.

"No, I mean do you really, truly love her. I won't be around for as long as you are, I need to make sure that you won't get bored of her. I saw you with her now and I can see that you really love her. But is it enough for forever?"

I met Damien's eyes with a small smile and whispered, "My love for her is… everlasting." Such _an unimportant word with so many significant meanings_.

I heard Charlie sigh, and when I looked back at him he was staring at the house behind us. I noticed that there were tears in his eyes that he was trying so hard to hold back. "I admire you Edward. I admit it. From everything that I heard from Damien that you did, it changed every bad thought I had about you. Especially when I found out why you left, but… she's my first and only daughter Edward, you have to understand. It's not easy…." He trailed off and his eyes closed.

I stared at him, feeling the stinging in my eyes again. When his eyes re-opened they were full of so much pain that it shocked me to see. He pushed a smile on his face as he said, "I guess we have a wedding to plan."

---

**Esme's POV**

"Renee. All she wants from you is to be her mother again," I explained softly.

"How can I do that? I ruined everything!" she sobbed. I patted her back softly and whispered.

"Love her again. Be there for her, show her that you understand that what you did was wrong. She's going to get married, Renee. She will need you with her. Be there."

"She won't let me," she croaked.

"She's not your enemy, Renee. She will let you, just try. Show her that you're really trying." I stood up and pulled her with me, "Go Renee. She's asleep now, stay in her room till she wakes up. I'll let Edward stay with you so she will listen. Be honest with her. She'll respect that."

She nodded slowly as she wiped her tears, "You're right," –_sniff_- "You're right. I should go up there and talk to her. Tell her that I was wrong and that I see that now. And that I was selfish and I should ask her to forgive me," she said quietly.

"You forgot one more thing," I whispered as I walked her to the stairs.

"What?"

I smiled and murmured, "Love her."

A/N: Sooooooooo what did ya think guys??? Just an Epilogue to go! :(

**Terry:** THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! I was so happy when I saw your review on the other story! Yay!! Thank you so much.

**Sister: **Thank you so much for your review :P. did I guess right?

Thanks all

Love

Mai xx


	47. Epilogue

.A/N: Sorry it's late everyone, I just couldn't decide which kind of wedding to write. I had so many ideas for this epilogue that I got confused which was which. Some of you told me that they were disappointed in their original wedding (in breaking Dawn) and where hoping that mine would be better. Let me tell you that made me all the more nervous about writing it. I wrote and erased this Epilogue about 16 times. I finally decided which one to write and could only hope that it isn't a disappointment to those who expect more of me. Let me make something clear,**I am not nor will I ever be the brilliant Stephenie Meyer so clearly I do not own anything in this story other than the plot, Damien and Rosalinda. **

I would also like to emphasize that I am not as brilliant as SM so probably this wedding would be a failure too but I'm doing all I can. Please don't get mad!

Enough of my babbling nerves. Let's do this.

**BIG THANKS TO MY AMAZING, HARD-WORKING, PATIENT, SMART, AND UNIQUE BETA DRAGONANGELEYES!!! THANK YOU!!!!!**

**{{{{{{*}}}}}}**

**Epilogue**

**{{{{{{*}}}}}}**

"I've never heard of a bride that doesn't know where her own wedding is! Or even what's planned, or who's there…" I panicked as Alice struggled with my hair. After days of pleading with Edward all I got was: _I'll be in a tux, and you'll be in a white dress._ No kidding? He refused to tell me anything and that was making me edgy. What if it's something far more expensive than the options I'd refused? The thought alone made my stomach twist. I breathed in deeply just as Renee had advised a few hours before .Yes, Renee. We weren't exactly back but we were ok. Things were on the mend.

"Hold still Bella or I'll burn your hair. You wouldn't want burnt hair on your wedding day now, would you?" She raised an eyebrow as she lifted the curler and I saw in the mirror how she threatened me with it. "Besides, if you just keep your mouth closed and tried to relax a little you won't be all that worried. And trust me, you'll love it." She gave me her smile, the one that said; 'I know because I saw' smile. I sighed and did as she advised. I took deep breaths and let my eyes fall closed. I discarded all thoughts of the whereabouts and fixed Edward's image.

In a few hours Edward and I would be each other's. He would be mine and I would be his. Forever. My heart gave a small squeeze at the thought of forever. I was to be a vampire in sometime during our honeymoon. He insisted that I decide on a time but I was just so happy that I couldn't think _and_ decide. My happiness was so much that it stole my coherency of thought. So we just left it open. We would do it when it felt _right_.

I smoothed the skirt of my silk, white dress with my hands as Alice lowered my head to pin my hair up. I sighed as I felt some of my curls fall from their place but I didn't put them back in place, not knowing if this was intended or not.

My stomach did flips and flops as I glanced at the small digital watch in front of the mirror. I had an hour left. In an hour, I'd be with Edward. I smiled and put a hand on my cheek as Alice smoothed my side bang, backwards.

_Knock, knock._

"Charlie! You're not supposed to see her before the wedding. No one is!" Alice whined as she left my hair to go see Charlie at the door. I looked up and saw him in the mirror. He had his tux on and his hair was smoothed back. He was looking at Alice as he smiled.

"Come on Alice. My baby girl's getting married, I think I deserve some time with her before she leaves me forever." When he said that, there was a slight tone of sadness but not depression. His smile was sincere.

"All right, fine. But not too long, I still have to double-check her make-up," she said and in a second she was outside the room. I stood up from the very tall and uncomfortable chair and turned to him. His eyes took me in, looking me from head to toe, his eyes watering and his smile shaking.

"You look very pretty Bells," he whispered as he opened his arms for me. I smiled and ran into his arms, hugging him as tightly as I possibly could. I felt him kiss my forehead as he tightened his arms around me.

My own eyes filled with tears but I held them back for his sake, seeing my tears would only encourage his own. We were silent for a few minutes. No one knew what to say because we both knew this was a goodbye. But not for forever. Forever is a really long time.

I spoke my thoughts. "I'm not leaving you forever, Dad," I whispered as I looked up to meet his tearful eyes.

He gave me a small sad smile, "That's how every father feels when the time comes for him to give his daughter away. A year is way too much for me, Bella, it really does seem like forever," he croaked as he patted my back. We'd explained for him that once I was changed it would be too dangerous for him to see me. Edward had said that I would take at least a year to be able to control my thirst around Charlie. And he was right, a year did seem like forever.

"I'll call," I said, looking at the bright side.

He chuckled, "It won't be the same, honey. But I appreciate the effort." He pulled away and sat down on Alice's bed and intertwined his fingers. I sat down next to him and put a hand on his shoulder but said nothing. He stared at the wall opposite us as he took a deep breath and said, "my house will always be open for you, Bells. No matter what happens. If you ever happen to have a fight of some sort or any reason to leave your house know that mine is always open for you. Vampire or human. I am your father and you'll always be my daughter, Isabella." Something about the way he said that made me feel like Charlie was accepting both my worlds. He was giving me something far more better than acceptance too. He was letting me keep both worlds. Edward's world, which will soon be mine too, and his world, the human world. I get to keep both. Charlie was offering me that.

I felt my throat tighten with emotion, I tried to swallow the big lump but I was too emotional right now.

He shifted his eyes to meet mine and the intensity in them overwhelmed me, "Isabella Masen Cullen. You have made me nothing but a proud father and I can ask nothing of you more than to keep me in your life. Will you give me that? Will you promise me that, even if you become the vampire you want to be and live with the man of your dreams, I'll always be your father? Will you keep me in your life?" His voice shook but the intensity in his eyes never faltered. I took his hand and swallowed.

"I promise, dad. You'll always stay in my life. Because I'll always be your little Bella. The one who falls down and hurts then waits for her daddy to pick her up again. I promise and…" I leaned my head on his shoulder and felt his hand squeeze mine as I whispered, "I love you so very much, dad. I never would have dreamed to be this close to you, but now that I am, I'm glad I did."

I could almost hear his smile as he said, "I never felt that I was a real father to you. And that bugged me. But in the last few months I felt that I am. Remind me to thank Edward for that… someday." He chuckled and so did I.

"Wrap it up or you'll have horrible make-up on your wedding!" Alice called from outside the door.

We both laughed as we pulled away, and without another word Charlie gave me one more hug and left the room with a smile. Charlie was keeping me forever as I him. Even if the word had a different meaning for each of us, still we are everlasting.

**EPOV**

"Edward, keep still for a few seconds, you can't make molecules spread faster!" Damien said as he put his hands on both my shoulders to stop me. I was almost as perky as Alice, in a manly way. After I'd made sure my hair was tamed I almost ran to the door but Damien stopped me insisting to perfume.

"Really, Damien. Bella said before that she likes my scent. What's the point in perfume?" I swear Damien was a male version of Alice but I would never tell him that.

"I heard that." He warned with a glare, "and any other day I wouldn't have let you get away without a fight but since it's _her_ wedding day, I'll let you live." He chuckled darkly as he sprayed me with some aurora that was neither stunning nor repulsive.

"Nor repulsive?" He picked up the word with surprise then shook his head and mumbled, "Hugo is _not repulsive_? That's it?"

"I'm not smart in these things."

"Obviously."

I rolled my eyes. "Can I go now? Please?" I said impatiently.

He smiled in amusement, "don't you think that we should have a brother moment or something? I see that on TV. I should say _'Oh, my baby brother is going to get married'_ or…" He raised an eyebrow and his smile turned wicked, "we could always sit down and have _the talk_."

I jumped away from him and shook my head, "No, thank you for your services, my dear brother but I think I'm better off without this." I tried to act normal as he laughed and I heard Emmet, Jasper and Carlisle laugh from downstairs. If I could blush, I would have.

"Awh, Damie, don't embarrass him. Let him go to be with his love." I heard Rosalinda say. I think I'm going to very much like this woman.

"Damie?" I asked raising an eyebrow and holding back laughter.

Damien glared at me and crossed his arms, "What was that, Eddie?"

I understood the threat at once and stopped the chuckling. The rest of them on the other hand were having hysterics downstairs. "All right, I'll leave now," I said quickly, escaping.

"One more thing, Edward," Damien said, making me stop again.

"Yes?"

"Be happy, my brother," he whispered, echoing my words to him a few days ago. He had heard.

I smiled and turned a little to see his watery eyes, "As long as I have a protecting older and _wiser_ brother by my side forever."

His smile widened and he blinked as he croaked, "Always, little bro. Always"

----

_Six-million, seven-thousand, eight- hundred and twelve._

_Six-million, seven-thousand, eight-hundred and thirteen._

_Six-million, seven-thousand, eight-hundred and fourteen._

Why oh why did I decide to come early? Now all I had to do was fantasize and count the seconds till she arrives.

I was in our meadow, alone, waiting for my Bella to come. I can only imagine how odd the might seem. Why should we be here when we had a wedding to attend? I smiled as I imagined Bella's confusion.

As I leaned against the tall tree I fantasized about our life together. How I would wake her up every day with a kiss and stare at her smile at the gesture. How I would work hard each and every day just to make her feel proud of her husband. How I would come back from work and run into her warm embrace, seeking the leisure that I lacked the throughout the day. How I would tell her I loved her and hear her tell me she loved me back. How I would do whatever she pleased just to have her tell me that I made her happy. How I would hold her tight all night even if the day comes that sleep would be needless to her. How I would show her every second of the day that I loved her and that I was so damn lucky to have her love me back.

The sound of a car stopping a few yards away from me interrupted my daydream. I smiled as I heard her heartbeat, I really was attuned to it.

"Why are we here?" I heard her soft voice ask in confusion.

"No, _you're_ here. We're leaving," Alice emphasized and I heard a car door open then close. _All yours_ Alice thought to me.

"Thank you," I breathed.

"But.." Bella started but it was too late. Alice had left. I heard her sigh and take a few steps right before she stopped all together.

I heard her gasp and grinned. She must've noticed the candles. I'd lit her pathway to me with small scented candles, though I doubt her human senses could smell them in the open air, but I did it just the same.

"Edward," She whispered but she wasn't calling for me. It was a whisper in….awe? I couldn't be sure.

I heard her footsteps as she walked inside the forest, and I also heard her struggle with the dress and heels. I straightened myself and ran my fingers through my hair, making sure I looked acceptable, because I was sure she was going to be beyond beautiful.

After a few more steps Bella's figure started to appear, and after a few more I was able to identify everything about her. And I was the one who gasped in awe. I felt my heart squeeze and my breath quicken at the sight of her. She looked… no words. Absolutely no words could describe the magnificence of her.

She wore a simple white, one-shoulder dress. The strap that covered one of her shoulders was filled with small but beautiful flowers. The dress wrapped around her body tightly till her hips, after that the dress grew wider and bigger till it reached the ground. Her hair was curled and smoothed. Most of her lovely curls were gathered and tied up in an elegant knot above her head, leaving just a small few tied on the side, falling on her shoulder strap, and some others falling freely around her face. Framing it in the most ladylike way. Her side bang was just above her eyebrow in a perfect way, leaving her eyes free for me to stare into, taking whatever I had left of breath away.

Her eyes met mine and she froze. I stared at her as she took me in, not caring if I looked like a staring fool. She was my wife-to-be and I had the right to stare as much as I wanted. I ordered my frozen muscles to move and they eventually consented. I went to her with a half-dazed mind, not really seeing anything but the beautiful woman who stood in front of me. I did not stop when I was close enough to touch her. And she kept her eyes locked with mine, never moving an inch. I stopped when I could feel her breath brush my face softly, I was so close that I had to look down and she up to see her face. I intertwined my fingers with hers and leaned down to slowly brush my lips against her cheek. I felt more than heard her sigh and lean into my touch as her eyes fluttered closed.

"Beautiful," I murmured against her cheek. I could feel her blush and her cheeks push a little as a small smile drew itself on her lips.

"And you look…" She breathed, opening her eyes and meeting mine, "…dashing." She said it with an accent that belonged to my time. The thought of Bella speaking to me with my old accent was… overwhelming. I loved it. I loved her.

I grinned, "Thank you, milady. I am pleased to see that you accept the likes of myself."

She smiled back and her eyes softened as she whispered, "I accept _only_ you and no one but you." And she lifted our intertwined hands and kissed the back of my mine, never breaking my gaze.

Warmth spread through my dead veins, awakening them. I felt as if my head was swaying and I couldn't stand up straight. It was strange that the forest hadn't set on fire from all the warmth I felt.

I walked backwards and pulled her forwards with me as I took her to the center of the meadow. She trusted me with herself so she did not question, she just obeyed with a smile. When I stopped she was confused but then I leaned down and swept her off her feet, carrying her easily. She laughed and wrapped her arms around my neck.

"Isn't this supposed to be at the threshold?" She questioned.

"I'm breaking a few rules today," I said as I listened to her laugh.

"Aren't you always?" she chuckled.

I just grinned.

I walked up the path easily, having it memorized by heart. Dodging trees and branches without even glancing at them, I was too busy ogling my wife to be.

I stopped when I reached my destination and gave her a not very chaste kiss on the forehead as I set her back on her feet. She broke our gaze to look around in confusion.

"Edward!" She gasped and her hands flew to her mouth.

I smiled and wrapped my arms around her waist from behind her, so that her back was against my chest. We were in front of a clear, blue lake that's beauty had paled beside Bella. I'd spent a few hours here preparing for this. You see, this lake wasn't empty. It was full of hundreds and hundreds of floating candles. I had put each and every candle on a floating plate and placed it gently on the water, unil I filled the whole lake.

"You did this?" Her shaky, thick voice asked as she kept staring at the lake.

I kissed her hair and whispered, "For you." I pulled away and took her hand away from her mouth. "Will you join me?" I breathed as I cocked my head towards the small boat on the edge. It was clear that she couldn't talk so she just nodded as she quickly wiped a tear before it could ruin her make-up.

I climbed inside first to help her in and when she was safely and securely sitting, I started rowing slowly, making sure not to hit any of the candles.

Bella's eyes kept wandering from one candle to the other in awe, when I slowed to a stop she noticed the unlit candle, it was right beside her. It was intended, not a mistake. She looked at me and I just nodded towards the candle. She looked back at it again and noticed what I wanted her to notice: the small blue paper. Her shaky hand slowly reached for the paper and when she opened it. I could remember exactly what I wrote, so I said out loud what was written while she was reading

"My love, you once asked me what I saw in you. And I see that you constantly do not understand why I love you, so tonight I intend on telling you exactly why I love you. Please forgive me if I can't tell you all of the reasons, because they are too much to be written. But I will show you quite a few tonight. We have forever to tell you the rest though I doubt forever is enough." I trailed off. That was the end of the first letter. Bella's tearful eyes met mine and disbelief and love filled them. Her eyes noticed the small lighter that I had used to light up the candles. She shakily took it and…_click_… lit the candle.

I smiled widely, I had left those unlit ones for her to light. We would both light our love.

I rowed a little again before stopping at the next unlit candle. This time Bella did not hesitate to pick up the blue paper.

"Your eyes." I whispered to her what was written in the paper. She picked up the lighter and _clicked _again, lighting the candle as she wiped a tear again.

I rowed again then stopped.

"Your laugh."

I noticed in Bella's thoughts that when she lit the candle she was sending something to me. She was telling me the same thing. By lighting the candle she was giving me the same reason I was giving her. We were both showing our love now, not just me.

"Your smile."

_click_

"Your spirit."

_Click_

"Your uniqueness."

_Click_

"Your kindness."

_Click_

"Your mind."

_Click_

When we reached the last one, Bella was sobbing, and I stopped in front of the last candle and left the rowers. Bella picked up the last paper and stared at it. Only one word was written in that paper. One word but meant the whole world.

"You," I breathed. Bella's eyes met mine and then her arms were around me. Hugging me tightly and crying on my chest. Probably messing all her make-up and my shirt. I couldn't have cared less. I hugged her to me kissing her hair softly and stroking her cheek. This time, when she pulled away _we both_ lit the last candle together. I lifted her palm to my lips and kissed it softly.

"I love you Isabella." I whispered.

"I love you too, Edward. So much," she croaked thickly as I wiped her tears from her wet face.

When she could breathe again and control her sobbing she asked. "When's the wedding?"

I ignored the question for the time being and asked "May I ask you something? Out of curiosity?"

"Of course," she whispered as she pulled me to sit beside her. We had almost reached the shore but I had stopped rowing so we still had time.

"If you could say your own vows, what would they be like?" I asked as I wrap my arms around her waist and pulling her against me.

She thought for a moment before she answered, "I would say: Edward Masen, you have made me the happiest woman alive. You loved me in ways that no one else could and made me feel things that I thought I never could. From this moment forward, I give myself to you. To love you and honor and cherish you forever. I love you."

I smiled and hugged her tighter, anticipating her next question.

"What would yours be like?" She wondered.

I had to control my grin as I answered, "Isabella Swan, soon to be Isabella Masen, I could live my whole eternity trying to please you and never get bored. I am a slave to your love and I would give my whole life away just to see your smile. From the first moment I saw you, I knew that my life's path was well defined. I'd live with you and for you forever if you'd take me. I love you thou my love for you is everlasting, I believe it is not enough for you. You deserve more and more I shall give you. Forever, I shall do whatever I can just so I could keep your love for me. Forever." I trailed off feeling a thrill.

_Now!_ I thought at once.

"Isabella Swan, do you take this man as your lawfully wedded husband?" The priest's voice echoed throughout the place.

Bella froze and pulled away. She met my eyes and I grinned widely at her. I cocked my head to the side and she looked behind her. There standing on the shore was both her family and mine along with her friends. The priest stood in the middle with a mic in hand with a smile on his face as he saw Bella's shocked face.

When Bella's eyes met mine again they were full of joy that surely reflected my own. The smile that broke through her face almost broke my heart at it's magnificence.

"I do," she said excitedly.

"We can't hear you, Bella," Damien said in the microphone with a chuckle.

We laughed and Bella took a deep breath and shouted, "I DO!" laughing in the middle of it. And taking both my hands.

The priest laughed and asked, "And do you Edward Masen, take Isabella Swan as your lawfully wedded wife?"

"I DO!" I shouted as I squeezed her hands. Her excited eyes locked with mine as the priest said the words that we've been all but dying to hear.

"And now I pronounce you husband and wife."

Cheers came from our family but neither of us heard them. I kept staring into Bella's eyes, both of us wearing a goofy grin.

She whispered, "Mrs. Bella Masen."

That was it for my control. I locked my lips with hers. With my wife!

"You may… oh well." Their laughs were almost inaudible as I pulled away and hugged my wife to me.

"Do you like our wedding, Mrs. Masen?" I whispered in her ear.

She laughed excitedly, "I love our wedding Mr. Masen. It's the best ever!"

Minutes passed and we were still laughing and hugging each other. "Do you think they expect you to row us back?" Bella chuckled.

I laughed as I kissed her one more time, "If they do then they'd have to wait a _very_ long time."

**{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}**

**The end**

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***_*_* Goodbye Everlasting*_*_***

***_*_*_*_*_*_*_***

**Thank you! **


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